No Ilusions

Summary: Harry will break up with Draco this time. It's just a matter of no.

By the way, the song beneath is by Ani Difranco. Haven't heard of her? Go, find, and listen.

I Got No illusions About You

I'm sitting here waiting for you. The tree is bent, green over green, to dip it's branches in the water. I'm waiting here, in a patch of barely dry moss at it's feet, for you to come, and taint this too.

The sun doesn't get through here, to this place of green. It's captured by the leaves, and turned into their light, green and soft.

The only non-green thing here is the tree trunk behind me. If I told you that, you'd laugh, and say something about my search for phallic symbolism. Then you're eyes would soften, and you'd lean in close...

And distract me.

That's how it always works, isn't it?

You, distracting me, from, well, everything. I'd list it off, but you've heard it all, and I've heard it all before. I really don't feel like repeating it, lover.

Of course, you still want me to.

But, you're still not here.

I should get up, and walk away.

This is the last time, like I've told myself so many times before. Except this time it's true, and after we pant and push, and stain each other with sweat, and so forth, I'm going to get up and walk away, and not answer your letters, or mirror calls or any other zany communique I can think of. I will look back though, because every person who says they won't is a liar.

I'm not even really sorry.

I can't say no.

Don't laugh, like I know you would be. Yes, if I could, I really would. Don't laugh.

I can't.

I crave touch, any touch, and I can't resist anyone who offers it to me. Why do you think I sat there, cold and unresponsive, when you mocked me, but fairly well sucked your lip off when you kissed me? I can't let go, when you embrace me, I can't fight back, when you throw me down, I can't stop your hands, when you throw my clothes off.

You'll be here soon, and I won't stop you then. I'll sit here, hands trembling, not sure what to do, where to go, how to move. I'll let you push and pull me about, til you have me where you want me, and can take what you please. I'll lie there.

And when you finish, I'll get up.

I won't say anything, won't answer your questions, because if I do, I won't be able to leave. I'll lie there, trapped by your pretty words, and prettier face.

I'll get up, though, and look at you, while I dress. Then I'll walk away.

Because I know, if I do it now, it'll be that much easier next time.

You know, I got

No illusions about you.

Guess what?

I never did.

When I said

When I said "I'll take it"

I meant

I meant as is...