Okay, I was eating popcorn, and I felt like writing a one-shot about popcorn. So, here's a list of characters I might write about:
1 Harry
2 Snape
3 Luna
4 Neville
5 Voldemort
6 Lucius Malfoy
7 Ron
8 Charlie
9 Fleur
10 Ginny
Okay, give me a moment while I go ask my mom to pick a random number.
…
Okay, she said 3, so that's Luna. Now I'll go ask someone else for another number.
…
…Okaaay…5...so, a popcorn-based one-shot about Luna and Voldemort…Huh...
Well, here goes…
*****
Luna grabbed her favorite blanket and the latest Quibbler and sat down on the couch with a nice bowl of popcorn.
She was just reading a very informative article about how Nargles have been known to steal ice-cream on Valentines Day, when there was a loud banging noise from the kitchen.
"Where is Xenophilius Lovegood!?" a loud voice rumbled.
"He's not here at the moment," Luna said, not looking up. "Popcorn?"
"I haven't time for such frivolities!" the voice yelled. "Do you know who I am!?"
"No, but I'm sure you're about to tell me."
"I am Lord Voldemort!" he bellowed.
"That's nice," Luna said, still not looking up from The Quibbler. "And why are you looking for my father?"
"He printed…this!" he said angrily, producing last month's Quibbler. One cover story was a woman who had given birth by apparating, but accidentally splinching her baby out. The other was about how Lord Voldemort was secretly in love with Severus Snape, who was really a woman.
"Oh, yes, the poor woman," Luna said. "Splinching her baby. It was a healthy baby girl though."
"Not that!" Voldemort cried. "The other one!"
"Oh, had you not wanted people to know?"
Voldemort slapped his hand against his forehead. "Where is Xenophilius Lovegood?" he asked warily.
"Not here at the moment," Luna repeated. "Popcorn?"
"I told you, I haven't the time for-"
"It's got butter," Luna said temptingly.
"And salt?" Voldemort asked tentatively. Luna nodded.
"Well, just a bit then," he said, reaching his hand into the bowl. He put a piece in his mouth, chewing slowly. Suddenly, his face lit up.
"It's…amazing," he breathed. "It's made me see light! I feel all warm and fuzzy inside!"
"Doesn't it?" Luna asked, as if nothing were out of the ordinary.
"It makes me want to be good!" Voldemort cried, running out of the house.
*****
And then Voldemort turned himself in and was allowed to spend the rest of his life peacefully running a popcorn factory. The war ended, and Fred Weasely is still alive.
Now that is how the book should have ended.
Please review, but no flames. This isn't meant to make sense. It's not even meant to be good. It was total and complete randomness.