200 years and the same old shit
Summary: Sam and Dean aren't where they belong.
AN: Posting this here to see how many people might read it. Wrote it just for fun, but I'd genuinely like some honest feedback on it so if you read please tell me what works or doesn't. Thanks. I don't own Star Trek or Supernatural or much of anything, really.
Dean Winchester threw back the shot of whatever the hell liquor he was given and looked at the man sitting beside him. "So, you're telling me that, instead of teleporting the Ambassador to Arby's-" Andoria" "-Whatever. Instead of teleporting him onto your SPACE SHIP, you somehow pulled my brother and me 200 years into the future. Right?"
Captain James T. Kirk of the U.S.S. Enterprise gave him a blinding grin. "Yep, that seems to be what happened. Spock is gonna skin Scotty alive for messing with the transporter again, especially after he beamed up the away team and left all our clothing down on the planet. Can't believe he snagged two 21st century serial killers."
Dean glared at Kirk. "You know, you might want to seem a little bit more worried about getting us back- and my brother and I are NOT serial killers. We're hunters, and we were kind of in the middle of the fucking Apocalypse when you kidnapped us. Might be kind of important to get back to that, yeah?" he finished with a bit of a sneer.
Kirk just shrugged. "What's your hurry? Obviously the world is still around, so it got saved just fine without you." That seemed to stump Dean for a minute. He stared at Jim with a blank look until finally, a smile began to stretch across his face.
"You know what? You are absolutely right. In fact, I don't see any reason to go back at all. Things weren't exactly pleasant back there. I don't feel the need for another meet and greet with Lucy. So throw me that bottle, Captain and let's get smashed."
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While his brother was getting to know the captain, Sam Winchester was sitting in the mess hall of the Enterprise and talking to Dr. Leonard "Call me Bones" McCoy, and Commander (ALIEN) Spock, and finding out just what kind of shit he'd gotten into this time. "So, " Sam began again for the tenth time in the past two hours "one second my brother and I are standing on the edge of Ground Zero for Lucifer's rising to create hell on Earth, and the next we're standing on a space ship. I've seen, and done, a lot of things you wouldn't believe, but even this is beyond me."
Spock tilted his head to the left and began to speak softly. "This is indeed a fascinating situation. We have encountered time travel before, but none of the circumstances that surrounded those events are present in this occurrence. It would seem that, given time travel is still not technologically possible, you and your brother may be unable to return to 2009." Sam snorted at that. "Believe me, I wouldn't mind that. I'd just caused what I thought was gonna be the end of the world back then, and I'd rather be here where everything is not completely fucked."
It was Bones' turn to snort. "Not fucked up? You think time traveling 200 years onto a spaceship is not fucked up?"
"Not when you've been infected with demon blood and spent your whole life killing supernatural entities. I just call this Thursday." Sam replied dryly. "Which brings me back to the why. Dean time traveled once, but that was with the help of an angel. The only angel nearby us this time was Lucifer, but it's likely this was still a supernatural occurrence and can't be blamed entirely on Engineer Scott. Unfortunately, we don't have the power to reverse something like that."
Again, Spock responded with "Fascinating. That seems to reinforce the notion that we will be unable to send you back to your time, as the supernatural is not generally acknowledged as being a real phenomenon. In fact, I must insist that Dr. McCoy perform a psychological evaluation upon you. It would do no good to the Enterprise to have a mentally ill man on board."
With that Spock got up and left, leaving Sam alone with the doctor. "Well," Bones drawled with a raised eyebrow "I hate psych but it looks like I've got no choice but to pick your brain so let's get it the hell over with." Sam chuckled and followed the man down to the sickbay.
The evaluation was shorter than either expected. Sam figured out pretty quickly that Ruby hadn't been lying about his powers being his own when he accidently levitated the doctor three feet in the air. Bones gave a strangled yelp and cried out "Dammit, Sam I'm a doctor not a butterfly! Put me down!"
With an apologetic cringe Sam obliged and set the doctor back down onto solid floor. The look on Bones' face was priceless; a complicated mix of shock, fear, and a little bit of glee. Sam couldn't stop the full-bellied laugh that burst out of him. After a minute Bones chuckled along as well, before schooling his features back into what Sam was quickly realizing was his trademark scowly face. "I guess we can believe your story. Come on, we're going to Captain's quarters. If I don't get a glass of bourbon in my hand in the next 5 minutes I'm gonna have to declare myself medically unfit by reason of insanity."
Sam smiled again at the doctor. "Believe me then when I tell you you'll want to be careful around Dean. He could convince Spock to swear like a sailor and probably get half the females onboard to hand him their underwear with just a look."
Bones groaned. "That's all we need, another Jim Kirk. Bet they're getting along just great." Sam followed him down the spotless white corridors and tried not to think too hard about the idea of someone just as crazy as his older brother was.
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BOOM BOOM BOOM! Dean jerked as the sound of pounding on the door penetrated his alcohol-drenched brain. Beside him, Kirk reacted just as strongly, shouting "Loud noises!" at the bang. After three hours of shot taking and shit talking both men were just about ready to pass out. They'd both discovered they had an extraordinary amount of things in common, from a messed up childhood and a supposed destiny to a more than healthy appreciation of the female body and a six-pack of beer.
The captain recovered from his outburst enough to let whoever it was inside. "Bones! Sam!" he called- or, slurred rather- merrily. "Welcome to the party. Need a drink? We've got, uh, well, nothing…"
Bones gave him a look. "Jim, if you found where I hide my bourbon in here I am going to make Sam levitate your ass and not put you down."
Dean perked up at that. "Sammy you using your powers without gnawing on dead bitches? That's awesome, dude!"
It was Sam's turn to give his brother a look, causing Dean and Jim to both stare in awe when they saw the same expression sent their way two different times. Jim leaned over to Dean and whispered, "OK, I know I'm a bit drunk, but I can't tell which one of them is mine anymore."
Dean whispered back "Sam is the freakishly tall one. I think… Yeah, he's the tall one. Bastard's always the tall one. I'm not actually short, you know. Everybody just assumes I am because my little brother can slam dunk Mt. Everest." Dean pouted a bit as he replied to Jim. Being drunk, the whisper was more of a yell, and Bones snickered at Dean's face.
"Good lord, they've even got that same petulant, poor me look." he told Sam. "I thought Jim was gonna be the death of me already, with your brother here I know I'm a goner."
Sam nodded his head in agreement, a look a little like fear on his face. "Yeah we probably don't want to be here right now. Let's leave them to talk about how awesome they are in peace."
Jim smirked at the other two men. "We weren't even gonna stick around much longer anyways, Sam." He looked over at Bones and gave him a lazy grin that countered the slightly evil look in his clear blue eyes. "I'm gonna go introduce Dean here to Lieutenant Uhura."
That general feeling of danger crept into Sam's gut, and was only reinforced when the doctor smacked his hand to his own face and grimaced. "Jim, why on earth would you do that? If you weren't the captain that woman would castrate you in a second and you want to send your new best friend here into the line of fire?"
The elder Winchester just gave Bones a cocky grin. "Don't worry, doc, I can handle myself. Jimmy here made me a bet I couldn't get with the lieutenant in a week, and I'm not about to lose that one." He got up at that and walked out the door, quickly followed by a now gleefully smiling Jim, leaving Sam and Bones in the room.
Sam looked over at the doctor and could tell the man was thinking the same thing. Which one of those assholes are we gonna have to patch up tonight? They both let out a weary sigh and Bones dug up his still hidden bottle of bourbon. It was going to be a long night.
AN2: If you catch the Pinto joke in there then pat yourself on the back.