Okay, this is just a short and quick oneshot that I made tonight while i was bored, so here it is.
-Mari
Dan sat down on the sofa and stared out of the window. He was thinking. Thinking how things would be if Phil would still be with him in their flat that was too big for Dan to live there by himself. He never wanted Phil to leave, he never thought Phil could leave. After all he had done, he just left. And he didn't even tell the reason why he left. Not exactly. And after he left, Dan cried himself to sleep every night, he stared at the door every morning hoping Phil would come back, he always placed another plate for Phil, like he didn't remember he was gone. But he was, and Dan could never get him back.
It was fall, and Dan didn't like it. He hated it, because it was cold and that was the time when Phil left. He left at fall. He left like the leafs on the trees, slowly drifting away untill they were gone. And leafs left together, and so did Phil. He left together with someone else, someone that wasn't Dan. And Dan hated himself for that. He hated that there could be someone more perfect to Phil than Dan himself. Dan was so in love with Phil and he thought Phil loved him too. And he did. And Dan couldn't understand how Phil could leave him when he loved him.
Phil never called Dan, or Dan never called Phil. Dan was angry to Phil, but more angry to himself. Anger towards Phil was soon gone and he missed his lovely ex-boyfriend, but the anger towards himself never left. Dan started to drift away by himself, and this time he knew there was no one to save him. Now that Phil was gone, he had no one.
"What are you doing?" Phil asked from the door. Dan freaked out and dropped the razor blade he was holding. He didn't hear Phil entering the flat. Dan kicked the blade under his bed and pulled his sleeve down. "Are you okay?" Phil asked and sat down next to Dan on the bed. He was always asking questions and making sure everything was fine. Dan nodded and stared down at his sleeves, hoping that the new red blood wouldn't soak the light gray sleeves. "You don't look like you're okay. Have you been crying?"
"No, I'm okay, why do you always have to ask those stupid questions?" Dan almost yelled at Phil. Phil was a bit scared on the inside, but on the outside he looked calm. He was sure that everything was definitely not fine. "Could you leave now, I'm busy?" Dan asked and Phil saw he was frustrated and tired and lonely. He didn't want his best friend to be lonely.
"Dan, calm down, I'm here for you, okay?" Phil said and wrapped his other arm around Dan's shoulder pulling him closer. "Just tell me what's wrong and I'll help you. And don't say nothing's wrong cause I know something's wrong, I'm not that stupid", Phil continued and laughed a bit, but Dan wasn't laughing. He was about to cry and he tried so hard not to brake down in front of Phil. That was the last thing he wanted to do. Dan just shook his head and rested it on Phil's shoulder, hoping Phil could comfort him. They never did anything like this, talked about feelings and hugged each others looking for comfort. But they both didn't care, cause they both really were comfortable like that. Hugging each others and talking. It wasn't bad, not at all.
Dan covered his face with his hands and cried. He was miserable and he didn't think he could handle anything anymore. He never thought he was strong enough to keep it together by himself. When Phil was with him, he thought he had hope and future. Youtube and the radio. But when Phil left, Dan quit the radio, quit the youtube and many times he thought quitting himself.
He had no one. Or that's what he thought. PJ and Chris tried so many times to get Dan out of his house, trying to convince that that's what Phil would've wanted. That Dan would move on. And that's excactly what Phil wanted. Phil never wanted Dan to be lonely. Phil loved Dan, so much, but he couldn't stay. 'Cause he loved someone more.
It was like Phil died. No one actually heard anything from him. He did a goodbye video in youtube, but after that, nothing. Nothing on twitter, nothing on tumblr, nothing on instagram, nothing on facebook. Just simply nothing. At first, Dan hoped Phil would come back or even text him how he was, where he was and how he was doing, but in the end, Dan's hope was totally gone and he had only the memories. He didn't like thinking of Phil as a memory, but that was what Phil was now to him. Just a memory.
"What do you wanna do today?" Phil asked smiling from Dan, who was still almost asleep. Phil played with Dan's hair as Dan tried to open his eyes and wake up proberly. Dan shook his head and Phil kissed Dan's nose softly, trying to tease him and wake him up. "C'mon Dan, wake up, it's already past ten", Phil said and sat up.
"No, no, I don't wanna leave this bed", Dan mumbled and pulled Phil back to lie down next to him. Dan kept his arm around Phil's waist and Phil laughed.
"Dan, calm down, we can stay in bed for a while, but then I wanna make you some breakfast", Phil said and pulled Dan even closer to him. "But what do you wanna do today? We can go to the park, or we can go to visit PJ, or we can stay at home, eat pizza and play video games?" Phil said staring at the ceiling. "Or, if you don't want-", Dan cut Phil off putting his finger on Phil's lips.
"No, just shut up", Dan mumbled, still almost asleep. "Just shut up and never leave me, okay?" Dan said and rested his head on Phil's chest. Phil stared at the ceiling, quietly. "Okay?" dan asked and listened Phil's steady heart beats.
"Okay."
Dan stood up and turned off the light in the living room. He walked up the stairs, past Phil's room, that was still the same - some of the stuff were gone with Phil, some of them were still in there -, to his own room. He lay down on the bed and cried again.
"He promised", Dan mumbled between his cries. "He said okay, he said he'd never leave me and now he's gone", Dan fell asleep slowly, crying and thinkig of Phil. Thinking that maybe Phil was there somewhere, thinking of Dan, thinking how things would be, if he would have stayed. If he would have stayed with the love of his life, if he would have stayed and saved Dan from himself again. If he would have just stayed.