yey! okay...yeah...well, this is a GaaNaru...my first one wipes tear from eye, because yeah, I needed something to vent my mind on...Pretty Rave Boy is still being written (if you know what i'm talking about and are interested...probably not) but please give this a chance bows and so...onto the story.
Disclaimer: I don not own Naruto or anything mentioned in this like vans (oooh i love vans) BUT I own the rain...blates...I'm like a rain god XD
He was going to do it. He was going...to...do it. There was no doubt. He needed to do it. He...needed to...
Naruto Uzumaki stood, one foot against the railing. And he was about to commit suicide. Yup. Kill himself. Fling himself off the side of the bridge and land with a satisfactory 'crunch' as his body slammed into the concrete...well...when he thought about it like that it didn't seem so appealing...he was rather...escaping...his last moments being filled with the feeling of flying as his life filled a single purpose...to end. There...see? When he thought about it like that it cast the whole 'suicide' thing in an entirely new light...so he was going to do it...
He tested the railing...just to see if it wasn't slippy. Why? Well, he wanted to die gracefully, not falling of a bridge like a random maniac...no...it had to be done right...he couldn't get his life right, so he might as well get his death right. Right? Yeah...Naruto nodded to himself and took a deep breath before standing on the railing. He wobbled slightly, feeling the fear cascade through him, but he calmed himself. He didn't want to fall...he wanted to jump...to fly. True, he'd fall after, but he'd have flown...
He felt the cool breeze hit his bangs, brushing them out of his eyes, then felt the wind push him forward slightly. Figures...even the wind wanted him dead. He looked beneath him, seeing the shadow of the bridge twenty two and a half feet below him...yeah...he knew the exact height of the bridge...he'd planned this...he'd spent hours planning it...his death.
Slitting his wrists was too...well...messy. Sure, it would probably feel the best, the knife sliding upwards, slicing through his wrists like butter but...well...what if someone found him? Lying there...wrists split open, knife lying near, eyes wide open staring into nothing...no...no mater how much he hated his housemates, he couldn't do that to them...he wasn't that cruel.
Shooting himself would require a gun...sleeping pills would require sleeping pills...that and thet fact that yet again, they may not work and yet again his idiot housemates would find him...so he needed somewhere far away from those bullying bastards. So he thought...what about jumping off something tall? that usually equaled death right? So he thought...where could he go? then he remembered...the small bridge that hung above the rarely used road that he'd past on the bus one time...the more he thought about it the more the idea grew on him...falling...jumping...flying...
He'd always wanted to fly...it was like a dream of his...when he was little and he'd talk to his aunt he'd be constantly nagging her to let him fly...she's just laugh and call him a brat and say it was impossible...Naruto soon learnt it really was impossible after he'd broken his ankle 'falling' from a climbing frame...yeah...little boys can't fly, no matter how many times they watch Peter Pan.
But...maybe suicidal teenagers could? He'd close his eyes as he fell...and then...oblivion. It was all planned. Naruto opened his eyes and lifted his right foot, causing it to hover over the edge. Then he heard footsteps...shit...there was someone coming...great...it was all ruined, his careful planning. The person would stop him and he'd...fuck! He felt like tearing his hair out, and turned his head to see a boy approaching...wait...
The boy had blood red hair and a pale thin face, cascaded in shadows, mainly from the dimming light...he was wearing tight black trousers and vans with a loose hoodie on with 'Slipknot' scrawled across it. He had a...tattoo was it? Some random squiggle as far as Naruto could see, but he could see he was walking straight towards him...the boys stopped.
Naruto stared straight into his black rimmed eyes, waiting for the whole 'please don't jump! You have your whole life ahead of you!' shit that was sure to come...only...it didn't...the boy just, looked at him strangely then carried on walking.
Naruto felt his jaw drop...what? He was just going to walk off while some one was obviously going to commit suicide? Talk about heartless...wait...shouldn't he be thanking him? He was allowing him to jump...to fly...to die...wait...that didn't sound right. How could someone just let another person die? True, he wanted to die, but...but that was besides the point. He was...waling away. Naruto watched his retreating back...he didn't even turn around...bastard...he should jump now, just to spite him...wait...Naruto sighed.
He'd lost it again. The feeling of wanting to die. The adrenaline was gone. He...couldn't do it anymore. Raw anger filled him as he stepped off the railing, stumbling just a bit, his hands shaking violently. He was going to have to go back...to them...he felt sick. Physically sick. It could have been over. All of it. But that...that...freak just had to ruin it. Fucking twat. But...why? Why had he just walked on...was he just another person who didn't care if another died? Was he...some random phsyco. Fuck...had he just met a serial killer?
Naruto found his head filling with random thoughts as to who the stranger was...he shivered involuntary. It was getting dark...and kind of cold. He felt a splash of water on his nose and felt it slide down across his face...great...rain as well. That...that bastard. He wanted to know now...why hadn't he stopped him? Why had he walked on? Well...Naruto wanted to know...he'd die unhappy if he didn't know...true he'd die unhappy even if he did know, but he didn't care. He'd kill himself after he figured out who the random scary red-head was.
Until then...he sighed...he had to get home. Home...he almost laughed. Is that what they called it? The other boys sharing the dorms. The ones who made everything worse. They didn't know how much they made it all worse. They didn't know how paranoid he was...how starting rumours about him made him want to slice open his arms. How teasing him on his scars made him want to drown himself in the sink. They didn't know...and that made it somewhat sweeter. His death...it would make them see how much they hurt him. Well...the not would anyway...he spent ages thinking it though...writing it in his best most legible handwriting...all for nothing. He wondered if they'd read it yet, or not...either way they'd probably laugh...he couldn't even kill himself right.
He half hoped they hadn't, so he would have to explain why he was in fact alive. The note explained why he was dead so he'd never really thought about how to explain his alive-ness...
He walked as the rain started to increase. It flowed over and through his hair, flattening it to his head and coursing down his shoulders into his T-shirt which was now plastered to his back. As he shook his head, rain cascaded off, water droplets flicking in random directions and running into his eyes. He blinked it out,his vision slightly blurred as he headed to the bus-stop. Finally...a shelter. He sat on the broken bench dejectedly waiting for the bus to arrive, which it should in about...he checked his watch...ten minutes. He'd never thought this far. What to do after he'd killed himself...never really occured to him.
Lightning cracked above him casuing him to jump about three feet off the bench...he cursed. Why did it have to rain now? It was meant to rain when he died! Not when he was waiting for a bus...that stupid red-head. If he'd stopped and told him not to jump, he'd have jumped...if that idiot had showed some consideration to another human being he'd be dead by now and free...free or in hell, but either way he wouldn't be soaking wet waiting for a manky bus with some random old man driving and slags slitting at the back chatting about the best place they'd been fingered...the glorious sight that befell Naruto as he stepped onto the bus, flashing his bus card and sitting as far away from everybody else as he could.
"And yeah, it was like, at the back of the cinema and he'd just came onto me and I was like yeah whatever, so I let him..." Naruto blanked out the conversation behind him, his ears blocking out all sound...that was until his ears picked up on their new whispered topic...fuck his amazing sense of hearing...
"...yeah...the one at the front...oh my god...look at his clothes...do you think he's a faggot?"
"What...at the front...? Oh my god...he'd so gay...look at him...he's like a freak or somethin',"
"I know...he looks like a right nerd..."
"...He might hear you..."
"...so?..."
Naruto wished that he could close his ears...wished so bad. If he could do that maybe he wouldn't be in such a suicidal state of mind...but no...he could hear everything people said about him...everything... he leaned his face against the window, ignoring the giggle behind him as he did so, and watched the rain pour down the side of the window.
He rang the bell, signaling it was his stop and waited for the bus to screech to a halt, jerking him forward...more giggles...he straighted and walked out the bus muttering a 'cheers' at the elderly driver. He heard a 'see ya later darling' followed by a 'Sarah...shut the fuck up...he might set his boyfriend on you!' but the door slid shut just in time to hide the hideous grating laughter emmited from the two sluts.
It was still raining...not that it made much difference, but he was soon wet in stead of the damp he'd become as the bus seat had soaked up most of the rainwater. And so he reached it...the house where him and the other boys lived. He'd been put into a house with six other boys, each sharing a rent...some random thing the school had arranged...it would have been fine if most the boys hadn't been complete pricks...some were alright...Shikamaru was okay when he could be bothered, and Kiba was alright if you got him on his own...but together they were kind of...evil? Sadistic? Right behind the door? He opened it and tiptoed inside, hoping they wouldn't notice him, but before he even reached the stairs he was grabbed by an incredibly drunk Kiba.
"Where you bin?" Kiba slurred, dragging him into the kitchen. Naruto flinched at his touch, but allowed himself to be manouvered. Kiba sluggishliy removed his arm.
"Ya'll wet..." Kiba said, glaring at him.
"It's raining," Naruto deadpanned. Kiba laughed, leaing against a bench...covered in empty bottles of vodka and WKD...great.
"Idiot...y'when in rain?" Kiba asked. Naruto sighed.
"Yeah..." he said miserably...he couldn't be bothered with this.
"Oi Kiba...gettin here!" the voice of one tipsy Lee drifted from the living room. Kiba shoved Naruto though laughing and stumbled in afterwards.
"Huh...look who it is," the smug voice of one very sober Sasuke reached his ears. How could the bastard drink so much and remain so sober?
"Who?" Kiba asked, staring round. Sasuke rolled his eyes and Naruto watched as he shoved Kiba into a seat.
"You're smashed," he said to him deadpan. Kiba just giggled. Sasuke rolled his eyes then turned back to Naruto.
"Where...were you?" Sasuke asked him, like he was the scum of the Earth. Naruto considered saying..'yeah, I was about to kill myself by jumping from a bridge when a random red-head stopped me by not stopping me'...just to see Sasuke's face. Instead he said.
"Out," and made to leave, but Sasuke grabbed his arm.
"Wait up whiskers," he resisted the urge to punch him.
"No," he said, trying to unattatch his arm, but Sasuke's grip was vice-like.
"Where'd you go? Finally get laid? Find the perfect man...?"
"I'm not fucking gay," Naruto said, looking at the ground. Sasuke, Lee and Kiba's laughing (although Kiba probably didn't know what hell were talking about) pierced him. Sasuke shoved him roughly snorting.
"Yeah...right...if you're not gay then I'll date Sakura," Sasuke said, referring to one of his exes...it didn't end well...possessive relationships never do, and she wouldn't give him any space from what Naruto heard...
"Well, I'd buy some protection if I were you because I...AM...NOT...GAY," Naruto said, stumbling out of the room and making his way to the stairs. He felt Neji barge past him muttering 'watch it' and Naruto trudged upstairs, each step making him wish more and more that he had just had the balls to jump...had the balls to fucking END IT ALL...he walked into his darkened room, flicking on the lights, his eyes drifting over the large note left on his bed for when one of them was about to wake him up (by chucking icy water over him) and found him gone, a note in his place.
Hey...if your reading this your probably...just maybe wondering where I am...you wont care, but I thought I ought to tell you that I've had enough...you don't know what it was like before coming here, but I really thought it's be different here...guess I was wrong huh? So yeah...I'm dead...sounds weird when I write it like that but yeah...it's the truth...
You don't understand what you did...how you made it worse...I bet you didn't know I wanted to die. Bet you thought everything was alright...guess what...it wasn't...it never was...your insults...I took them seriously because underneath the joking fascade, I knew deep down that you were right...I was an idiot. I was stupid, a freak and yeah...I admit it...I was gay. Funny that...I didn't even have the guts to tell you to your faces...
If you bother coming to my funeral then...no...you won't bother.
Naruto (deaceased)
He'd thought so hard about how to phrase it all, but in the end it just came out as a random rant about his life...it got the points across though...he was dead...well...supposed to be dead. If it wasn't for that...that...Naruto couldn't even think about him...no...scratch that...he couldn't stop thinking about him. His eyes...they were so cold...but the way something flickered across his face before he walked away...he had to find out who it was...he had to...he looked about sixteen or seventeen...he supposedly lived near there...there was a town square there where teenagers hung out...
Right. He'd start by going there on Saturday just to see if he hung out there...if he lived in Suna...there was practically only one place he could go right?
Yeah...he had a plan now...maybe he'd make a list? Make it all official. Naruto liked making lists, planning...true it was slightly obsessive-compulsive behaviour, but he didn't care...so what if he had a slight case of OCD?
He walked past the bed, picking up the note and scrunching it up as tight as he could make it...then decided to unscrew it and rip it up into tiny pieces letting each piece float gently into his bin...there. No one would read it and use it against him. Smiling he wormed his way out of his wet clothing and threw them gracefully into a heap by his wash biin which was overflowing with various articles of random clothing. He grabbed his towel that was hanging on his bed post and dried himself best as he could before walking over to his wardrobe and grabbing a random pair of pyjamas.
There...now he could plan. He flung himself onto his bed, flicking on the reading light and grabbing his suicide notebook. He flicked open to the 'to-do-list' and re-added 'commit suicide' adding 'find out who random red-head bastard was'. There...organised.
Gripping his note book to his chest he closed his eyes. He reached over and pulled his ipod out from under his bed, turning it on and clicking on Papa Roach, Last Resort...letting the guitar pierce his ears...
Cut my life into pieces
this is my last resort...
Gaara Sabaku was pissed...no...beyond pissed...he was fucking furious. Underneath his calm exterior he had the urge to rip out the throats of his brother and sister and spill there blood slowly into the fountain so the small cherub would soon be pissing their blood...but no. He kept his calm cool facial expression, while still posing in a 'I'm so hot I cause global warming' kind of way. A few years back he would have punched his brother and ran out fuming...but now he knew better. It was much more productive to argue his points across in a calm, albeit intensely scary way.
"Why-am-I-going-to-a-highschool?" he asked, face calm but venom dripping from each word. His brother seemed to gulp whilst his sister, Temari just rolled her eyes frustratedly.
"For gods sake Gaara...you can't be home schooled any more...the only reason we did it in the first place was because you were deemed...well...unstable..." Temari said looking uncomfortable.
"Just say it...I was deemed a fucking phsyco," Gaara said, daring her to object. Temari just sighed and sunk into the kitchen chair, her head in her hands.
"You had problems," she said, almost as if to tell her self. Gaara was getting slowly more pissed off...they were veering sharply away from the subject that he would soon be in a house with random people...which meant he would be needing to actually 'interact' with them...maybe even...Gaara would have shuddered...'get to know them'. Gaara hated it...hated it. Hated people, especially teenagers. They talked down to him...he wasn't intimidated as such, but the fact that he had the urge to beat the shit out of them each time they called him things and shouted at him for being a 'goth'...which was probably why he did in fact go up to the boy who had spoken and smash his nose in. But in his defense he had been provoked. Entirely not his fault. Yeah...
"Gaara...the principle has arranged it all...the students there stay in dorms almost...just houses that are situated on campus...so you'll have your own room and plenty of space..." Temari continued desperately.
"Space can, and will be invaded," Gaara said monotone. It was true...
"Have you never heard of lock?" his brother Kankuro asked him from where had had scuttled off to in the corner of the kitchen and Gaara saw him wince as he glared at him...if only looks could kill...
"Gaara please...please...we can't afford to keep doing this...we can't afford a home tutor...the rates for the school are much less expensive then private schooling...Gaara.." shit...her eyes were all watery...that meant that she was about to cry...Gaara hated it when people cried...their faces scrunched up and became all red and blotchy...their noses ran and they made the most terrible noise. Not only that but they made Gaara feel...weird inside...it gave him the strangest urge to actually touch them in some way to comfort them...so Gaara did the most sensible thing...he left the room and walked out the front door...when in doubt, leave the room. Always worked, without fail.
Problem being, Gaara was now incredibly angry, and had nowhere to go. Well fuck...he'd just have to go some where else then...he began walking up a path that led somewhere pretty familiar...he couldn't place it because he didn't leave the house that often but it gave him an odd de-ja-vu experience so he carried on walking...
Fuck them. No..seriously...fuck them. So they'd rather send him off to some random school instead of forking a few extra dollars...they'd put his mentality at risk? Well fuck them...if he went on a crazed killing spree then maybe it would serve them right for sending into a moshpit of teenage boys, probably popular jocks who wouldn't hesitate to hate him...he didn't mind, but he found it so...annoying so...wait...Gaara strained his eyes ahead of him, the light dimming slightly...
In front of him was a boy...a boy...who was...Gaara had to admit it...pretty hot. He was wearing an orange T-shirt in his torso, nothing more, nothing less, but it seemed to hang around him, the breeze giving it an eerie movement...his blonde hair hung around his small face, giving it angles and causing him to look strangely elven...and he was standing on a railing. Ah...there could only be five reasons as to why he was standing on the railing of a bridge.
1. He wanted to kill himself.
2. The boy had a fetish for bridges.
3. He was short and needed to see far away...?
4. He had weird urges?
5. He was...a...ghost?
Only one of them seemed even half likely and that was option 1 (ding ding ding we have a winner)...Gaara sighed mentally...what should he do...ah fuck it...if the weird blonde kid wanted to kill himself he should have the right...right? Gaara certainly knew that he wouldn't want his suicide attempt fucked up...and he didn't want another problem...he had enough to think about...right?...So he carried on walking, stopping only momentarily to look straight into the eyes of the boy...it was kind of creepy...staring into the eyes of a dead boy...and as Gaara walked past he felt a weird feeling...strange...it was something a bit like 'guilt'. Funny...he hadn't felt it for years. But hey...it was none of his business what other people did...they could fuck themselves for all he cared...just something about his eyes...they looked so...
Gaara resisted the urge to shake his head, to clear all thoughts of the boy away. Instead, he picked up speed, trying to remove all images of the boy from his head...the boy falling...landing...breaking...
No...he dug his nails into his hands...he didn't care what happened to some suicidal blonde...he didn't...so he carried on walking even after it started raining...he found himself walking towards his home, but for some reason didn't really care about the defeat he would suffer in giving his sibling the satisfaction of him going home. No. He was cold and tired, and needed to music loud enough to make his ears bleed. It wasn't that he needed a distraction from the boy...no...maybe?
Gaara thought about it logically...he was obviously for some reason bothered as to whether the boy had killed himself or not. Solution? Find out if he was dead or not. So Gaara turned on his heel and began walking back to the spot where the blonde boy was, ignoring the rain plastering his hair to his head. Nope...no blonde...he leaned over the railing...no dead blonde either...but for some reason...it still bothered him...but he was more bothered as to why he was bothered...
tbc?
okay...there it was...my way of venting my brain...I'm going to continue it I think...I don't know...do you want me to?
Please review to say what you thought and all that XD
If enough people want it coninued then shrugs yeah, why not...I've always wanted to write a GaaNaru...and yeah, my chapter are usually longer, round 6000 words scratches head...oh well XD
thanks for reading...i love you but will love you more if you review hint hint and yeah...chapter aren't usually as boring as this...you now, blocks of description and all that..bear with me people I'm setting the scene for luurrvvee lol XD