Once, twice, or a few thousand, give or take, upon a time, there was a
thing called anime. An unearthly paradise of gundams, evas, magic girls, pocket
monsters, and heroic boys. or more. I'm not too sure.
The stories were called fanfiction, and a few people called authors who
wrote it.
So, without further ado, it's the usual story with the usual cast, about a boy, his fiancee, his other
fiancee, his other other fiancee, and a bunch of crazy martial artists.
Oh, and a few little extras that throws the whole formula out of whack. Once one thing changes, a whole bunch do. Like
throwing a boulder in a pond, or blowing up a star, the shockwaves will cause
unexpected changes. So, without any further ado, and I seriously mean it this
time, IT's:
The Re-education of the horse
By Aaron the 2nd Trickster Priest
Lesson 1: First impressions! How to deal with Uncute tomboys!
A storm is coming down in the district of Nerima. A cloaked figure and
a whistling figure in a trench coat and duster are walking.
"Old man, you better not be up to something again. Why the hell
couldn't we just stay in china to find a cure?" The whistler
stops.
"Because, kid, I promised an old friend I'd say hi. Plus,
China wasn't exactly the best place to be at that time."
The cloaked figure snorts. "That was your fault all over,
oyaji."
The whistler smiles. "Yours too, bakama." (A/n: Stupid
horse.) The cloaked figure leaps into the air.
"I'm giving you what's coming old man!"
The trench coated guy pulls out a sash from his waist.
"You still have so very much to learn..." He leaps
into the air.
"Tohou Fuhai no ryu, golden rope binder!" He spins the
cloth in a circle. The cloaked figure dodges it.
"Not this time old man!" The cloaked figure darts
inside the trench coated man's defense.
"Got ya." The cloth suddenly contracts and binds him in
a circle expaning up and down to hold his legs and arms. The cloak's hood
comes off revealing a young red headed girl.
"Cheating bastard oyaji!" The other man bonks her on
the back of the head and she droops to unconsciousness.
"Getting better, but still no cigar." He looks at a
map. "Tendo Dojo..., ah, that way." He hefts her over his
shoulder.
Tendo dojo, 10 minutes later
A man with long black hair and a mustache sits at a table smiling and
crying while looking at a letter.
"Soun, bringing the punk from china. Have a warm reception for
Ranma and me. Aaron Saotome."
(At long last, the schools and families shall be joined!) "Kasumi!" A brown haired girl with an apron and a ponytail steps out
from the kitchen.
"Yes father?"
"Tell your sisters to come down, I have an important announcement
to make." She nods and walks upstairs.
"Nabiki, Akane!" A girl with a helmet cut steps out
from a room.
"Yes Kasumi?"
"Oh my, where's Akane?" Nabiki points
downstairs,
"In the dojo, as usual. What's going on?"
"Father is asking all of us to come down for an important
announcement."
Nabiki lifts an eyebrow. "About?" Kasumi blinks.
"He never said." Nabiki shrugs.
"I'll change and be down in a minute." Kasumi
walks down and opens a sliding door, stepping into a dojo.
"Hiyaaaa!" A girl with bluish-black hair in a gi is
breaking bricks.
"Akane!" The girl turns around.
"Yes Kasumi?"
"Father wants all 3 of us to come to the dining room. He says he
has an important announcement to make."
The girl nods. "Ok, just 2 more bricks."
The girls sit down at the table. "My daughters, 16 years ago, I
met a good friend of mine while training in the martial arts. His name was
Aaron. He and
I trained together and became close friends. Upon the completion of our
training, we made a promise that if we had children of the opposite gender, that
they would marry and unite the schools of anything-goes."
"What!"
"Oh my."
"Daddy, please tell you are kidding." Soun shakes his
head.
"It is a matter of honor that one of you fulfill this
pledge." Nabiki shrugs.
"So daddy, where is this friend of yours and his son?"
Soun pulls out the postcard.
"He's been mailing me for a few years telling me about his
training his son Ranma. Recently they went over to China."
"So what's he like?" Soun shrugs. "I
wouldn't know, I've never met him." All 3 girls
facefault.
"You can't make me marry some 'I've never met before! All boys are perverts!" screams Akane. Soun
frowns and a twitch develops on his forehead.
"Now, Akane, there's more to this than mere girlish
whimsy, this is matter of family honor, and I won't have you being rude
to Aaron and his son when they arrive." Nabiki blinks.
"I just realized, a name like Aaron is western, is he a
gaijin?" (A/n; foreigner) Akane stops ranting for a moment.
"I was never able to tell exactly what nationality he is, though
he says he's from America and I know he settled in japan after our
training. So yes, he is a foreigner, and his son would be half Japanese.
Why?"
Nabiki waves him off.
"Oh, no reason."
"Nabiki, you shouldn't judge someone because they
aren't Japanese. He may be a foreigner but we were as close as brothers
and he was a powerful martial artist." He frowns.
"I don't want any of you 3 being rude to them because they
are half Japanese. It would be disgraceful to the family if you acted that
way." Ding dong Kasumi gets up and answers the door.
"Oh my, who might you be?" The trench-coated man bows.
"Aaron Saotome, is Soun Tendo in?" Kasumi nods and
beckons him inside.
"My father is right inside." Aaron bows and steps into
the awning. He doffs his duster.
"I heard that he had 3 daughters, which might you be?"
"Kasumi, Mr. Saotome." Aaron's face is that of a
young man, about early to mid twenties.
"I hate being called that, it makes me feel old before my time.
Anyway, where's Soun? I wanted to surprise the old bugger."
Kasumi frowns.
"It's not nice to say something like that about my father."
"Now now, Kasumi, you don't know him like I do. He's very casual and sometimes rude to friends." Soun says, standing up. Aaron
walks in and drops a bundle on the floor.
"Long time no see Soun. Still fat and out of shape?"
Soun chuckles.
"Not all of us have your energy and dedication to training. I had
3 daughters to look after." Aaron smiles and grabs him in a bear hug.
"Good to see you again, old friend."
"Indeed Aaron." Aaron doffs his jacket and hands it to
Kasumi.
"Sorry for the remark, just wanted to get a rise out of him. We
haven't seen each other in at least 9 or 10 years." He turns to
face Akane and Nabiki.
"Your other 2 daughters, Nabiki and Akane." Nabiki and
Akane bow.
"Nabiki Tendo."
"Akane Tendo"
"Aaron Saotome" He smiles wistfully.
"Strange, they seem so much like Kimiko. Good to see that at
least part of her made it to the next generation, eh Soun?" He blinks
and does a double take at Soun, who is crying and wailing.
"Wahhhhhhh!" He grits his teeth.
"10 years, and he still does this?" He gets up and
slaps him across the face. Akane gets angry and stomps toward him.
"Stay back, this is between us!" Aaron yells.
"I'm disgusted, 10 years and you still haven't
gotten a pair of balls? I know you loved her deeply, but I'm sick of this
whiney ac
t. 10 years ago, I left you alone for a long time, thinking you needed space, now
I see I should have smashed you into the ground. Why even 'HE'
could beat you with a flick of his wrist." He helps him up
"Sorry about that, but you'll thank me later. Way too
annoying for one day." Soun sighs.
"I might have needed that. Anyway, where is your son?"
Aaron snaps his fingers and the cloth unwinds from the bundle and rewinds onto
his hand. He ties the sash around his waist.
"Allow me to introduce my son, Ranma Saotome, heir to my personal
style, the hero slayer style." Akane raises an eyebrow.
"Hero Slayer, that sounds weird." Aaron shrugs.
"I stopped using pure anything goes a long time ago. I used other
techniques, methods and training, and through Ranma, have created a new style.
Ranma is not finished learning it, but he's already quite
formidable."
The red head stirs.
"Get up kid, we're here." She shakes her head
and grumbles abit.
"Damn oyaji, you know that you wouldn't have beat me if
you didn't get me from behind." Aaron chuckles.
"True, you are a lot harder to surprise when you aren't
being stupid and angry." Ranma jumps to her feet.
"You had a lot of nerve bringing me here from China when you and
I both could have stayed there and gotten this taken care of!" Aaron
closes his eyes and sighs.
"Seeing as how you're not going to be angry until you
fight someone, why don't you spar against the heir to the tendo
school?" Akane stands up.
"Hi, I'm Akane, want to be friends?" Ranma
shrugs.
"Ok" They walk into the dojo.
"Aaron, what do think of my daughter?" Aaron purses
his lip.
"Truthfully, I need to see her fight. But I don't hold
much hope of her beating Ranma."
Ranma is standing non-chalantly.
"I'll be the referee for this match, ok?" They
both nod. Aaron lowers his hand.
"Begin." Akane tries a jab at Ranma, who ducks and
throws her. Ranma brushes off his shirt. He makes a come-on gesture. Akane grits
her teeth.
"Hiyaaaa!" She tries a jump kick. Ranma raises an
eyebrow and meets her in mid-air. He jab at her stomach and knocks her down. He
lands lightly on his feet.
"You're not gonna do much if ya don't try
harder." Akane screams in rage.
"This time for real!" She rushes Ranma punching
quickly. Ranma dodges out of the way. He then flips over her.
"Crack shoot!" He jumps and brings down an ax kick on
her shoulder.
"Ahhhhh!" Akane screams and falls to her knees.
"Damn, is that all? I thought you'd be better."
he turns to Aaron.
"Oyaji, what do you think?" Aaron straightens his suit.
"This is a waste of time. Soun, I'm disappointed. If this
is all that your heir can do, then you are either a failure as a teacher or you
deliberately failed to advance her skill." He makes a thumbs down.
"Match Ranma." Ranma stretches out.
"I'm gonna go wash up. Which to the bath?"
Kasumi smiles.
"This way please." She leads her out. Soun explodes in
anger and manifests his demon head.
"What did he do to my baby girl!" Aaron smirks.
"Something you should have done a long time ago. He gave her a good
lesson in humility." He flicks the demon head and deflates it.
"Come on, we'll talk once my son comes down
again." Soun blinks and does a double take.
"Your son? But that was a girl, don't you mean your
daughter?"
"Things are not always what they seem."
Akane walks upstairs. "Cheap shot, that's all it
was. Still... At least it was only to a girl, even if it was to an arrogant
one."
She undresses and grabs a towel. She opens the door, only to see a black haired
youth in the bath. They stare at each other for a moment, then she shuts the
door.
"AHHHHHHHHH!" Akane runs downstairs.
"Help! There's a pervert in the bathroom!" Soun
pales.
"It can't be..." He grabs Aaron by the hem of
his vest. "He can't have gotten out!" Aaron slaps his
arms down.
"It's not him, I think I know who it is."
"So, why didn't you smash him?" Akane shakes her
head.
"I got scared!" The black haired youth walks down with
slightly damp hair. Akane turns around.
"You! What did you do to Ranma!" The boy sighs.
"I'm Ranma Saotome, sorry about this." Aaron
stands up.
"I can see that you're all wondering what the hell is
going on. Well, it all started about a month ago..."
Jusenkyo, last month
Aaron is wearing a gi with a bird on the back and wearing shades.
Ranma is also clad in a gi and following him.
"Hey old man, is this the place?" Aaron shakes his
head.
"You ask me that one more time, I'm going to hurt you. I
don't know where the hell we are. The map said that this place finds you,
so we should be there soon." Ranma raises an eyebrow.
"It finds us? Where the hell are you taking us?"
"A legendary training ground, it's called Jusenkyo, the
pools of sorrow." Aaron looks up.
"Ahah! Found it. You see, your old man does know a thing or two
about finding places." Ranma snorts.
"You said it finds us, so what did this have to do with
you?" Aaron grumbles.
"Arrogant pup." A fat chinese man in a maoist uniform
walks out of a hut.
"Hmm, who's there?" he says in chinese.
"We are seeking the cursed springs, are you the guide?"
Aaron yells back in chinese. The guide blinks.
"You are seeking the springs? Most people try to avoid this
place. What is your purpose here?" Aaron waves him off.
"I can understand you, but please use Japanese if you can, my son
doesn't speak Mandarin." The guide nods.
"Honoured custormer is here to train?" Aaron nods.
"Yes, where is the Nyannichuan?" The guide points to a
spring with a sign in Chinese.
"That one, honoured sir." Aaron sets his pack down.
"Come on, kid. Time to warm up and start a new phase of
training." Ranma dumps his pack down.
"Alright, let's go Oyaji." Aaron hops onto one
of the poles, landing lightly. Ranma leaps onto a nearby pole and lands just as
neatly.
"So what's this training about?" Aaron takes a
crane stance.
"Balance, reactions, and unexpected circumstances."
Aaron jumps kicks at Ranma. Ranma flips out of the way, bouncing off a pole and
countering.
"You're not that good anymore old man!" Aaron
exchanges blows with Ranma. He lands on a pole. He snaps his fingers.
"Hero slayer style special technique, mood setter!"
'Burning' starts playing from somewhere.
"Pops, why do you do that?" Aaron shrugs.
"I like good music when I fight. En garde!" He launches
a knife hand at Ranma. Ranma blocks and jumps off the breaking pole.
"God damn it, I'm not done yet!" Ranma ax kicks
Aaron knocking him down. Aaron hits the water.
"Ha! I'm the best!" A figure leaps on the pole.
"You still haven't beaten me, gaki." (A/n: Brat)
Ranma's jaw drops.
"Pops!" Aaron pulls his arm back.
"Evil slash!" He makes a wide side slash with his hand
in a claw shape. The pole suddenly is cut in segments. Ranma falls into the same
spring.
"The road to glory and heroism is paved with suffering.
You're not there yet kiddo." Ranma resurfaces from the water.
"You never teach me those techniques! Of course I can't
beat you!" Aaron snorts.
"You're supposed to make your own up. Besides, some of
these are for my custom style, and I do teach you some. You can name and make up
your own moves too." Aaron nods solemnly.
"My master taught me that. The best moves are
self-created." He looks down and sees Ranma. He starts grinning and
covers his mouth. He starts snickering.
"Tell me Ranma, notice anything different? Feeling your sense of
balance off?" He falls off the pole and lands laughing. Ranma looks in
the water.
"So? I'm a red-head. Who cares?" Aaron rolls on
the floor. He loosens his gi.
"Ranma, look in your shirt." Ranma opens his shirt,
only to see breasts.
"What the fuck? I'm a girl!" Aaron nods.
"Same here. I fell in as well." Ranma twitches.
"Pops!" Aaron waves.
"Biyee" He speeds off, Ranma in pursuit.
Tendo Dojo, back where we started
Akane is growling and clenching and unclenching her hands. Soun rubs
his chin. "So, you both are cursed to transform into women?"
Aaron splashes Ranma with a cup of water and uses one on himself.
"Got it in one, old pal. I'm still a lady killer even like
this." He poses in a masculine manner which looks incongruous to a
b-cup maroon-haired red-head. Everyone present sweatdrops. Soun taps Ranma on
the shoulder.
"Is your father always like this?" Ranma nods.
"He's actually mellowed out abit, thought the curse makes
him even weirder sometimes." Aaron throws ranma out into the koi pond.
"If you're gonna insult me, at least do it to my
face." Ranma spits out the water.
"What did you do that for!"
"Comedic timing, and personal satisfaction." Ranma
whacks Aaron on the head.
"I'm not your straight man!" Aaron punches her
back.
"I'm funnier than you, therefore you are a fall guy and
straight-man!" They start moving faster in midair.
"Still don't have what it takes, punk!"
"Getting better all the time Oyaji!" They break and
bow.
"Not bad." Aaron turns to the stunned Tendos.
"What? This is how we usually settle an arguement. We spar for a
few minutes and let some steam off." Soun nods.
"A wise decision." He claps Aaron on the back.
"Back to what I was saying, your son is engaged to my
daughters." He claps Ranma on the back.
"So son, take your pick. Kasumi, my eldest, is 19, Nabiki, my
middle is, 17, Akane, my youngest, is 16. Choose one to be your
fianc'e9." Ranma blinks.
"Well..." Kasumi and Nabiki shove Akane forward.
"Oh he wants Akane."
"Definetly Akane." Akane blanches.
"Hey!" Kasumi smiles.
"You always say you hate boys."
Nabiki grins. "Well, you're in luck. He's
half-girl." Akane backs away from her sisters.
"Wait a minute! I'm not marrying this pervert!"
Ranma snorts.
"I turned away. You're the one who oggled me."
"It's different when a girl sees a boy!" Ranma
falls over laughing.
"Hahahahah! Yeah right! Pops told me that girls are just as, if
not more perverted than guys!" Akane's jaw drops.
"That's a lie! Boys are the perverts!" Ranma
smirks and wrings out his shirt. She tosses a cup of tea over her head.
"Really? Then explain why you're the one
blushing." Akane turns her blushing face around. Nabiki blushes, but
continues to look. Kasumi licks her lips and blushes.
"Oh my..." Ranma throws his shirt over his back.
"Not only am I better built as a girl, I'm not a sexless
uncute tomboy." Akane screams and throws a table at Ranma flattening
him.
"Stupid pervert!"
"Ow..." Ranma gets up, with a bump on his head.
"You call that an attack? Maybe I shoulda said weakling martial
artist too?" Akane glowers in rage. Aaron taps Soun on the shoulder.
"Is she always like this?" Soun waves him off.
"It's just the energy of youth. They'll grow to
love each other." Aaron sweatdrops.
"Not unless my kid has a closet s&m fetish. Sorry Soun, but
I'm gonna step in." Aaron walks over to Akane, after pouring a
cup of tea over his head.
"Exactly why did you just bash Ranma with a table?"
Akane snarls.
"He's a pervert and he peeped on me!" Aaron
raises an eyebrow.
"He peeped on you, and he took his shirt off to prove a point?
And for that you smashed him?" Akane shakes her head.
"He just said that I was a weak martial artist!" Ranma
snorts.
"You ain't got no control, no ability to gauge your own
strength, and no skill. Of course you're a weakling, compared to
me."
Akane growls and leans to pick up a blunt object to hit ranma with, when Aaron
taps her on the shoulder.
"Hold it. He's got a point. You are a weakling compared to
him." Aaron chuckles.
"If you were my student, I'd have put you through hell to
get rid of that stupid temper tantrum. You are one of the worst excuses for a
martial artist I've ever seen." Akane pulls out a mallet.
"Saotome no baka!" she yells. She attempts to mallet
Aaron.
"Hero Slayer technique, head crusher!" He leaps over
the mallet and lands on Akane's head, knocking her to the ground. He
steps off her.
"Pathedic. You were much too kind, kid." He turns
towards Soun.
"And she's your heir?" Soun glowers in rage and
manifests his demon head.
"HOW DARE YOU HURT MY BABY GIRL?" Aaron
manifests a counter demon head.
"HOW DARE 'YOU' TRAIN THIS GIRL TO TAKE OUT HER
AGGRESSIONS ON PEOPLE! SHE'S NOT ONLY A LOUSY MARTIAL ARTIST, SHE HAS
NO SELF CONTROL! IF THIS IS WHAT THE TENDO BRANCH HAS COME TO, THEN THE
ENGAGEMENT IS OVER!"
Soun's demon head deflates.
"You can't do that! This was an honourable agreement
between sworn brothers!" Aaron sighs.
"I'm sorry my brother, but I will not let my son be
trapped in a love less marriage." Soun thinks for a moment.
"I know! Why don't you train her and make her a better
martial artist?" Aaron's jaw drops.
"Are you nuts! She not only won't listen to me, she has
no respect for anyone!" Soun claps Akane on the shoulder.
"Think about it, you'll give the teaching and guidance
that I wasn't able to. She'll be a better martial artist and wife
when your son picks her!" Aaron narrows his eyes.
"I do hate leaving a challenge undone, so I'll make a
counter deal." He points to Ranma and Akane.
"I'm highly against these two being engaged, so
here's the deal. All 3 get a shot at him, he picks which he wants after
say, a year or so. If none, then the agreement is canceled.
However..."
He points to Akane and makes a cutting gesture over his throat.
"I'm not letting her marry Ranma unless she agrees to be
trained by me, and learn what a real fighter can do. I'll release her
when I think she has enough self-control and discipline. Deal?" Soun
clasps his hand.
"Thank you for this service! I'll never forget
this."
(Soun old pal, you'll be regretting it the moment I start, but too
late now.) f7fs24cgrid0 "f7fs24cgrid0 Kasumi, could you
bring out some sake?" Kasumi nods and walks to the kitchen followed by
Nabiki.
"Mr. Saotome is quite an odd fellow, isn't he?"
Nabiki sighs and nods.
"He's a lot different than I thought he would be. I
expected a martial artist like daddy, not... whatever he is. Scary thing is, I
think he planned at least part of this. Either that or he is really good at
adapting to social situations.
" She shivers.
"Either way, I don't like it."
Next morning,
An alarm clock goes off. An arm reaches out and hits it. Akane
groggily gets up. A loud battle cry is heard.
"Too slow!"
"Get back here and fight, Oyaji!" Akane grumbles.
"What the hell is that?" She opens her window, only to
see Aaron launching a diving kick at Ranma, who blocks and causes Aaron to flip
backwards.
"Here's a new one, gaki. Tatsumaki senpuu Kyaku!"
(A/n: Spinning Hurricane Kick.) Aaron dashes towards Ranma doing a spinning kick
reminiscent of a tornado. Ranma takes 2 hits, then ducks. Aaron floats down.
"You figured out the weakness, good job. That attack can be
ducked, and if you miss, you are vulnerable for a moment." Ranma sweep
kicks him. Aaron falls back, but flips out of the way of Ranma's grab.
"Scissor kick!" Aaron does a scissor kick at Ranma, who
is knocked back.
"Breakfast is ready!" Kasumi calls out. Ranma pauses in
the middle of his throw. Aaron falls onto him.
"Time out, and call it a draw?" Ranma nods. Aaron walks
inside, and whispers something to Kasumi. She nods. Ranma sighs. (Please kami,
don'
t let it be another one of his weird ideas, I just got here...) He trudges in
and sits down. Aaron has a smirk on his face.
"Ok, spill it, what did you do, and what am I stuck doing
now?" Aaron waves him off.
"Hey, most of my ideas are damn good, and they usually work out.
This is something that was unavoidable." Soun clears his throat.
"Son, you're going to school." Ranma sighs in
relief.
"That's all?" Soun blinks.
"What?"
"Usually when he smiles like that, it means another crazy idea,
like that martial arts j-pop dance contest, or one of those ghost exterminating
jobs." The Tendos sweatdrop. Nabiki blinks.
"J-pop? You listen to j-pop?" Ranma shrugs.
"Sorta, I like faster stuff, music you can fight to.
He.." He points to Aaron who is sipping tea.
"Has some very weird tastes in music. I kinda like the merican
Arock stuff, some of it ain't that great though." Aaron shrugs.
"The boy has no taste, not my fault." Ranma shakes his
head.
"That Elvis guy was alright, but that symbol chick..."
"His name is Prince." Ranma blows some air out his
lips.
"Whatever. That chick was weird. I didn't understand even
half of it." Nabiki covers her mouth. Aaron chuckles. Kasumi blinks.
"Nabiki, what is the matter, you look like you're having
trouble breathing." Nabiki explodes into laughter.
"Prince? A girl? Oh god, that's funny!
Hahahahahaha!" She rolls on the ground laughing. Aaron pats Ranma on
the back.
"Prince is a guy, despite the odd dressing style. You'd do
well to learn from his example as far as music goes, not to mention his ability
to attract women like moths to a flame..." Ranma blanches.
"You want me to act like her!"
"Him." Ranma shakes his head.
"No way old man! I am not dressing up like a girl! I'm a
guy dammit!" Nabiki tosses a cup of water on his head.
"You were saying?" Ranma grumbles.
"I'm still a guy dammit." Nabiki grabs
Ranma-chan's breast and squeezes.
"Oh my, that's not proper, Nabiki." says Kasumi.
"You sure you're a guy, you seem to be better built than I
am." Aaron slaps her hand away.
"Hey, no groping my daughter unless she says it's
ok." Ranma nods.
"Yeah, thanks pops..., Wait, daughter? POPS!"
"And if she says ok, then have fun, but try to get a room
first." Ranma tackles her father.
"I'm gonna kill you!" Aaron waves.
"Time for school, kid. Biyeee..." He dodges and pushes
Ranma out the door. Ranma falls and rolls. A pack hits him in the back of the
head. Nabiki runs past him.
"Sorry, can't stay and chat." Kasumi walks out.
"Oh my, you don't know where Furinkan is." She
goes in and come out pulling Akane.
"Akane, why don't you show him where it is?"
Akane blanches.
"Me? Why do I have to show him where it is!" Kasumi
frowns.
"Now Akane-chan, he's a guest here, and he's never
been here before. It wouldn't be polite not to help him." Akane
gulps and nods.
"Alright, Kasumi, I'll do it." Aaron blinks.
"Tendo, are you sure you only taught Akane?" Soun nods.
"Just wondering. I'd hate to see her mad, might be worse
than HIM..." Soun shivers. "Don't mention
that..."
Ranma is walking on the fence.
"Sheesh, the old man never lets up..." Akane frowns.
"What, something on my face?"
"We don't know each other, there is no engagement,
ok?" Ranma shrugs.
"No prob, this whole thing stinks like another one of
Oyaji's plans." Akane blinks.
"What?" Ranma sighs.
"The old man has a knack for screwing around with things and
making me fix them. He usually makes things tougher for me, but on the plus
side, he never does anything dangerous for the most part, just annoying and
aggravating."
Akane grumbles. (Daddy never gave me any training, and I turned out better than
this BOY.) splash Ranma blows air out his lips.
"Luck just ain't with me today. I'm going back to
bed before this day gets worse." Akane grabs his arm.
"Come on, you only need hot water, I know where some
is." She drags him to a place marked "Tofu Clinic."
Ranma sits down in a chair as Akane rummages in the back. (Not much of
a place. Well kept, very little ki signs here.) Ranma suddenly sits up and
throws a punch to the side. His fist connects with a skull and sends it flying.
He pales.
"Oh no... Not skellies again!" A man with glasses and a
friendly disposition steps out from behind the skeleton.
"Oh sorry. I didn't think you'd react that badly to
Betty." Ranma blinks.
"So, it's not an undead skeleton?" Now the man
blinks.
"No it's not. I'm quite certain the undead do not
exist." Ranma shivers.
"You wish. The worst thing about them is they never stay down for
long."
"Dr. Tofu!" Ranma is clonked on the head by a kettle
swung by Akane.
"I was looking for you and didn't see you in the
back." Ranma rubs his head.
"Stupid uncute tomboy..." he grumbles.
"Ranma no baka!" Ranma is clonked out by the kettle.
The man blinks and taps a point on Ranma's back.
"Ouch, what hit me?" The man smiles.
"I'm Dr. Tofu, and I believe Akane here hit you."
"Hey doc? Can you answer a medical question for me?"
Dr. Tofu nods.
"Of course." Ranma takes a thinker pose, and then
stands up.
"Is she showing symptoms of roid rage? Is she really a guy? Does
she have a spell on her that makes her this angry? Is she insane?" He
chuckles.
"Or is she just a raging psycho bitch?" Akane is
putting out enough heat to cause a nuclear reaction. Dr. Tofu thinks for a
moment.
"No to the first one, but it has been some time since her last
exam, I'll take a look then. Hah, definetly no to the second. I'm
also a gynecologist. Hmm, I don't think so, but I don't know much
about magic, I'll need a 2nd opinion to check it. I really hope not, she seems like a normal
teenager." Ranma's jaw drops.
"This is normal?" Tofu nods.
"For Nerima, yes. And last I heard, she is not a raging psycho
bitch, her actions just now notwithstanding. Please apologize for that
remark." Ranma shrugs.
"Ok, so that one was below the belt. Sorry Akane."
Akane grumbles.
"Alright, pervert..." Ranma looks quizzically at her.
"Pervert? What did I do? You walked in on me in the
bath." Akane screams at him.
"You're a boy and you looked!"
"What the fuck kind of logic is that? You were looking a lot
longer than I was!" Akane hits him.
"You're a pervert, don't try to deny it."
"Like you have anything worth seei..." clang! Ranma
goes down again. Dr Tofu coughs. "That may have been
excessive."
Furinkan High, 5 minutes later
"So, what did I do to you that makes you so mad?"
Akane grumbles and looks up.
"It's because..." She breaks into a charge
headlong into a group of guys chanting and getting ready to attack.
"I HATE BOYS!" She kicks one down, pausing to punch
out another. Ranma stands in stupification.
"Well, at least she had a reason." He winces seeing a
guy get hit in the nads. He starts walking in, watching the fight from the
sidelines. Nabiki is talking with someone, then turns and spots him.
"Hey Saotome." She walks over with a smile on her face,
pocketing something.
"You seem surprised. I know I am, I was expecting you to jump
in." Ranma shakes his head and points his thumb at Akane.
"No need, she's got it covered. Plus, she fights dirty,
and I'd rather not get hit there." Nabiki blinks, then makes an
o sign with her mouth and nods.
"I can understand that. Seems like your fight with her
didn't slow her down much." Ranma shrugs.
"Doesn't matter. Hey, are there any tough guys here? I can
feel at least one fighter." Nabiki blinks and looks around.
"Toughest guy in the school would probably be that guy in the
hakama. Tatewaki Kuno, head of the kendo team." Ranma puts a hand over
his eyes to block out the sunlight.
"Why is he throwing a rose to your sister?"
"Stupidity, and I think a masochism fetish."
"Maso what?" Nabiki snickers.
"It means he likes being hit and in pain." Ranma
shudders.
"Sounds like oyaji." Nabiki's jaw drops.
"He's a masochist?" Ranma nods.
"Yeah, he always likes fighting really strong fighters,
especially ones who can knock him down." Nabiki coughs.
"Um, that describes almost every high level martial artist out
there." Ranma scratches his chin.
"So martial artists are masochists?" Nabiki raises a
finger, but then stops.
"Actually, maybe they are. Or maybe just the ones around
here." Ranma waves and walks off.
"I'm gonna be late, so talk to ya later." He
walks by Kuno and Akane.
"He overextends a lot, try and hit him when's he's
vulnerable." Akane throws a bookbag at Ranma.
"I don't need your advice!" Ranma turns and
catches it.
"How many of these do you have?" He gently throws it
back.
"Halt foul knave!" Ranma stops.
"Me?" Kuno draws his bokken.
"Yes you. You are being overly familiar with Akane Tendo. Who are
you?"
"Well, I'm.." Kuno puts a hand forward.
"Ah, but it is customary to give one's own name
first." He raises his bokken to the sky.
"The great hero of the people, the captain of the kendo team, the
rising star of the martial arts world, I am Tatewaki Kuno, the Blue Thunder of
Furinkan High!" Thunder clashes. Ranma looks up.
"Nice trick." The sky is mostly clear.
"Blue thunder?" One student says to another.
"I thought he was the shooting star." Kuno points his
bokken at Ranma.
"Now who are you?" Ranma scratches the back of his
neck.
"Flashy entrance. Gonna be hard to top that." He
whispers to himself.
"The heir to the hero slayer school of anything goes, Ranma
Saotome." He says out loud flashing a lady killer grin.
"Oh he's dreamy!"
"What a hunk!"
"Too bad He's fighting Kuno." Kuno snorts.
"A mere peasent like you could never compare to the scion of
House Kuno." Ranma takes a stance.
"I'd rather not be late, so can we fight
already?" Kuno thrusts towards Ranma.
"Silence knave! I have not finished describing my
greatness!" Kuno pulls out a rose and tosses it to Akane.
"A token of my eternal devotion to thee, my fiercesome
tigress." Akane crunches it.
"Not interested, Kuno sempai. (A/n: upperclassman)"
Kuno haughtlly turns back, only to see Ranma has already walked in.
"Foul coward! You dare to leave while my back is
turned!" He sees a note on the ground.
"If you want a challenge, I'm free at lunch. If not today,
then I'm staying at the Tendo dojo. By the way, look at the back of your
shirt."
Kuno moves his head to try and see the back of his shirt, but fails. He spins
trying to see the back of his shirt, and falls down dizzy.
"Foul sorcerer..." The back of the hakama reads:
"boring"
Class, 5 minutes later
Ranma is standing at the front of the class.
"Well, introduce yourself." says the teacher in a bored
tone.
"I'm Ranma Saotome, heir to the Hero Slayer school.
I'm a martial artist and I've been training for most of my life. I
also like to play vid
eo games, sports with other people, and fight good opponents. The name of my
style was chosen by my dad, the master of it, don't ask me why."
Tendo Dojo
Aaron's ear twitches. (Hmm. Mental note. Extra long sparring
tomorrow for Ranma.)
Soun taps him on the shoulder.
"Old friend, what's wrong?" Aaron shrugs.
"Parental senses going off. I'm fairly sure the boy was
saying I was crazy again. Your move." Soun moves his go piece.
"I think you are trapped."
"Wise man say, man who think he win, but then fuck up and lose,
eat much crow in the end." Aaron makes a move.
"Your turn." Soun makes another move.
"Got ya." Aaron makes a third move.
"Oh, good. But what can you do about this?" Soun makes
a counter move.
"Oh crap." The go board is nearly filled with pieces,
and there seems to be a tie.
"Re-match?" Soun nods.
"Very well." (Next time, something I'm
moderately good at. I never fucking win at games like this!)
Furinkan High
Ranma sits bored in his seat. (Boring... Someone do something.) He
yawns.
"Since you seem so bored Mr. Saotome, can you answer the question
posed by the english phrase on the board?" Ranma looks.
"There are 50 stars on the US flag." he says in lightly
accented english. The class stares at him.
"What? Dad's from the US, of course I'd learn
english. I know decent Chinese too." The teacher says something in
Chinese.
"Oh yeah? Well fuck you and your mother. Just because I'm
half gaijin doesn't mean that you can look down on me."
"Get in the hall!" Ranma walks out. Akane snickers.
"Since you seem to be enjoying yourself Ms. Tendo, you may join
him." Akane stares openmouthed. Out in the hall, Akane glares at
him.
"This is all your fault." Ranma shrugs.
"He asked for it." Akane glares again.
"What did he call you anyway?"
"half-breed bastard." Akane blinks.
"Oh..." Ranma nods solemnly.
"Most people are nice in this country, but a few are pretty nasty
sometimes. Not a lot, but some of the older people are extremely vicious towards
those of us considered 'impure'." Akane nods glumly.
"So, why was the crazy sword guy attacking you?" Akane
glowers.
"That idiot Kuno made a proclamtion that anyone who wanted to
date me had to defeat me in combat." Ranma sweatdrops. (That sounds
scarily familiar...)
"I WILL NOT PERMIT IT!" a voice roars out. Students
crowd out into the hallway, and see Kuno pointing his bokken at Ranma. Ranma
stares at him.
"What did I do?"
"Silence Foul sorcerer! I will not permit your engagement to
Akane!" Kuno bellows.
"Engagement!"
"Akane's not a dyke?"
"Lucky bitch!"
"Ohhhh... why does she have all the good-looking guys after
her?" Ranma puts down the buckets gingerly.
"It was my crazy old man's idea, I don't want to
marry an uncute tomboy." An empty bucket whizzes by his head.
"Hey watch it! You want me to get wet here!" Kuno
slashes at Ranma.
"I will avenge your insults against the fierce tigress by
dispatching you!" Ranma ducks and slides back.
"Can we fight elsewhere? We don't have any room
here."
"Lead on, knave." Ranma hops out the window.
"I follow!" Akane yells at them.
"This is the third floor, you dolts!"
"I know, I could survive a fall from there anyway." a
voice rings out. Akane looks out and sees Ranma hanging on the ledge.
"Yeah, but could Kuno? You could have seriously hurt him and
yourself!" Ranma shakes his head.
"I saw that guy, he's tough enough to be ok from one more
floor up." A student looks out.
"He fell in the pool." Ranma shivers. (Close call...)
"Thanks for worrying about me," Akane stammers.
"Well, I..."
"Of course, not like a crazy chick like you would have thought of
that." Akane shrieks and punches him out the window.
"Then why don't you join him, jerk!" Ranma falls
towards the water. (Looking back, that was stupid.) He hits with a loud splash.
He, now she, sees Kuno floating face down in the pool. She grabs him and drags
him to the edge.
"I hope you appreciate this, you lousy punk." Kuno
coughs up some water, and stares at Ranma chan. Ranma-chan blinks. Kuno glomps
onto her.
"Oh my fiery pigtailed water angel, you have saved me from the
foul sorcerer. I shall reward you by allowing you to date me!" He
squeezes Ranma-chan's breasts. Ranma-chan's face turns apple red.
"You... PERVERT!" She winds back a fist.
"Oni Yaki!" She uppercuts him with a spinning uppercut.
He flies into the air. Ranma-chan shudders. She then runs off into a nearby area
with trees. Akane runs down the stairs after her.
"Did you see that?"
"Saotome decked Kuno!"
"Did he look shorter to you?" Ranma grumbles.
"Stupid curse... Where's hot water when I need
it?" Nabiki pops out and waves a kettle around. Ranma relaxes and
smiles. (Maybe she's not so bad.)
"Can I borrow that?" Nabiki hands him the kettle. Ranma
turns the kettle upside down over his head with an elated smile, only to feel
nothing.
"Hey, it's empty. What the hell?" Nabiki looks
and holds up a tea cup. "Oops, forgot that I used it for tea
already." Ranma-chan hits a hand to her fist.
"Damn it. Bite me Nabiki." She stalks off and flips her
the bird. The student body stares in shock, and then starts laughing.
"Hey people! I just talked to her, and she's single and
horny! Guys, this is your big chance!" Ranma freezes and turns around.
"You wouldn't do that to me, would you?" She
does a puppy eyes trick. Nabiki smirks and flips her off. Ranma facefaults.
"You really suck." The hentai horde looks around, and
sees that every other member is back on their feet.
"Hey!"
"She's mine!"
"Fat chance!"
"I'm taking those gorgeous tits for myself!"
"Screw you!"
"That piece of ass is mine!" The guys start dog piling
each other.
Ranma chan sweatdrops. (I think I better run...) She starts tiptoeing away.
"Hey, she's running!"
"Don't girls like it when guys chase them?"
"Yeah!" Ranma chan's jaw drops.
"This is the worst day of my life..." Akane pipes up.
"What about the curse?"
"Ok, 2nd worse day." Ranma pauses.
"No, third. Oyaji's training and skellies are
2nd." Ranma-chan starts running.
"HELP!" The horde and a revived kuno pursue her.
"Fear not my fair pig tailed goddess! I shall save you from these
lesser ruffians!" Nabiki walks over to the nearby shade of a tree, and
immediately falls down laughing.
"Hahahahahahaha! God that was funny!" Akane looks
skeptically at her sister before chuckling.
"Alright, I admit he asked for it. But don't you think
that's going too far?" Nabiki dries her eyes and stop laughing.
"Maybe, but it was worth it. Though, I could swear she was
smiling at part of it." Nabiki smirks.
"If I didn't know better, I'd say that you were
falling for the pig tailed moron." Akane blanches and blushes.
"I am not! And besides, he's had a tough time in places
like here. He's a half breed you know." Nabiki stops and
thinks.
"I had guessed he was. Oh well, he'll probably forgive me
for it." Ranma-chan runs by.
"I'm not mad at you for this, but next time give me some
warning!" She kicks off the head of one student and jumps over the
wall.
"Screw this! I'm out for the day!" Nabiki
shrugs.
"See? No harm done." The student body swarms Nabiki.
"Foul mercenary! I demand pictures and measurements of the pig
tailed goddess!"
"I want her number!"
"Give an autographed 8x10 glossy!"
"What's her shoe size!" The group pauses and
looks at the one guy who said that.
"I have a foot fetish..." he says while looking down.
The bidding resumes. Nabiki gets yen signs in her eyes. (This could be the
beginning of a beaauuuutiful friendship.)
"One at a time! Now, I'll have information and photos by
the end of the week! Wait until then, alright?" She grabs Akane by the
shoulder.
"Let's go sis." They start walking home.
"Nabiki, is it just me or are things getting weirder around
here?" Nabiki shrugs.
"I don't know, it seems just a little bit off from normal to me.
Besides, what's the worse that could happen?" An ominous storm
is heard.
Tendo Dojo
Aaron shivers. "Tendo."
"Yes saotome?"
"I got the feeling I get when someone is tempting fate. Things
are gonna change around here." Aaron lies back. "On the plus
side, Ranma will get a lot of training. On the minus..., Actually there is no
minus, since I'
ll probably have some fun too." Kasumi walks in.
"Dinner is ready, Uncle Saotome, Father." Aaron kips
up.
"Enough philosophy, time to eat. As a great man once said,
'shit happens, so why worry too much about it?' right
Soun?" Soun laughs and looks over at the dojo.
"Isn't that your son on the floor passed out?"
Aaron looks.
"Yep, I better give him some ki and heal him abit." He
sits next to ranma and an energy field surrounds him. Ranma glows in unison. The
glow fades and Aaron sags back. Ranma yawns and sits up.
"Thanks pops, didn't need too much of it, I was just tired
from running all over Nerima today." Aaron raises an eyebrow.
"Endurance training?" Ranma shrugs.
"Sorta. Nabiki got a bunch of idiots from school to chase me in
my girl form cause I flipped her off." Aaron covers his mouth and
steps outside. Ranma stands up and listens.
"Ahahahahahaha!" Ranma glowers.
"Pops! Get back here and taste my foot up your ass!"
"Not a chance in hell." Ranma and Aaron start fighting.
A dust cloud springs up.
"Dinner time!" They pause, and Ranma is biting
Aaron's leg and Aaron is bending Ranma's leg.
"What say we cut this till tomorrow?"
"Sure." they stop and walk back in.
End Chapter 1.
A/n: Well, here's my 2nd fic. A Self insert. Flame away. I'm not omnipotent, overpowered, "OMG it's a mary sue god author
fic" kind of guy. I'm more skilled than ranma right now, but
he's not too far back. We have different styles and I'm better than Ranma in some areas, as he is better than me in some things. Thanks for
reading. Leave a nice review, or blast me with a flame. But leave something.
Thanks to my editor, Lord Aries Greymon, and my pre-readers Buds, Mike and
others. So long till next c
hapter. Next time: Lesson 2: Directions for Dummies! How to make friends and
influence people! See ya soon. Kudos to anyone who spots where I stole the opening line for this from.