When The Light Fades, Life Finds A Way.
A/n: I love MassKink, it helps get the creative juices flowing! This one will be a semi-long to long fic, depending on how sentimental I get. Prompt: Looking for a touching, sad, with maybe a little sexiness fic about Thane and femShep if a cure wasn't found for Thane. How would they spend the last few days together?
Seeing as I paired my Lizza Shepard with Thane, I've decided to start putting together a timeline, for reader reference, "The Way You Move" occurs just whilst on the Citadel, "Such Love" takes place directly before this fic.
Also I am going to touch on the major emotional moments before/after Thane's death. If I skip out of order its on purpose, I feel it will make all the events, and the storyline that much stronger.
Enjoy and keep the tissues handy!
Disclaimer: I don't own Mass Effect Characters, I just play with um.
"Momma, momma!" cried a sweet little girl with black eyes and blonde hair, her skin shone in the sunlight.
"What is it Edi?" Lizza answered, wrestling a shirt onto a wriggling little boy in her arms, laughing softly as he protested loudly.
"Its Uncle Kolyat! He's come to visit, just like Poppa said he would! He's so tall Momma! A big green giant just like Poppa!" Edi rambled in the way five year olds tend to, her dress fluttering in the warm arid breeze.
***********TK*******LS***********
"Commander Shepard, Dr. Chakwas and Solus require your and Sere Krios' presence in the Medical Bay." Groaning the blonde woman huddled under the covers, pressing closer to the body behind her, hand falling to caress its slightly scaled counterpart.
"Tell them we'll be down in 30, EDI" Thane rumbled in lieu of Shepard, squeezing his wife in all but legality closer to him for a moment. Said woman grumbled more, turning into the warm and safe embrace, causing the drell to laugh deep in his chest - the laugh ending in a pained cough.
Looking slightly panicked, sleep filled eyes took on a sharp and searching quality as they shot up and scanned his face. There was pain evident, but it wasn't an attack - those had been occurring just a few to many times in the past months for comfort in Shepard's opinion.
"Lets get cleaned up, sonic shower or water?" She queried, slowly digging out of their cocoon of warmth.
"Sonic Siha, I must keep water in the air to a minimum…the attacks-"
"Sonic it is!" Lizza said with a bubbly happiness that didn't reflect in her eyes, Thane sighed, ever since the attacks had started after the mission was completed, his lover had valiantly avoided the topic of his death. It made sense, they'd just found each other and would inevitably be torn asunder far sooner than either would like.
The rest of the ritual morning preparations were done in silence amid stolen kisses and hopeful thoughts. Since the missions beginning the Commander had enlisted the good Doctors to find a way to help or cure the drell's Kepral Syndrome. So far they had managed with heavy does of immune system boosters and anti-biotic usually used for pneumonia and bronchitis. It was hit-and-miss most weeks, having to change dosages and study different effects of drugs that weren't yet passed by the Council or local Drug Administrations.
Thane knew his time to rejoin the ocean was coming; he cherished each private moment the couple could steal, and most days he spent just watching Shepard work having been banned by his lover from doing any repairs on the Normandy. As they rode the elevator down to the Mess and Med Bay, he hoped the Doctors had found something - anything to give him a few more moments with the vibrant woman beside him. A year with her was too little, and so much more than he ever expected.
The Mess was deserted except for the Mess Sergeant who had thrown together fruit and pancakes for breakfast - something that immediately put Lizza on guard. The Sergeant only made her favorite on two occasions - her birthday and after the collector mission had been successful. What's more - the man didn't even say good morning, just nodded to the couple and said enjoy.
"I don't like this" She muttered, sitting across from Thane and pushing her blueberries around into a frown on the top cake.
"Nothing is wrong, Siha;" assured the assassin after a bite of the food, dark eyes looking up at her face, free hand grasping hers. "Don't make a lake out of a stream…"
Nodding silently, Lizza picked at her food, managing to eat a cake and a half by the time Thane had finished his. Pushing her chair back, Lizza collected the plates, depositing them to be washed ; returning to Thane she held out her hand, worry and fear shining in the depths of her artic eyes. In a show of comfort and deep affection the assassin gathered the usually stoic Commander in is arms and led her to the Med Bay. Mordin and Chakwas greeted them with deceptive calm, slightly remorse-filled faces.
"Shepard, Krios! Have bad news. No nanites can be repurposed, no drugs will have desired effect for cure. All have risks. Big risks. deadly side effects. Sad couldn't fix your Mate Commander."
There it was…The verdict. Lizza Shepard felt the world drop from under her feet, vision swimming in sudden and unending pain. It ripped through her chest and left her breathless. Leaning against Thane's side, desperate now to commit every inch of him to memory she spoke quietly.
"Thank you, Professor…Doctor."
They had tried, so hard, but failed. It was too much for Lizza, she couldn't stand strong, the crush of pain was too much - turning with brisk movements the Commander retreated silently, all but running to the elevator.
'This can't be happening…I just found a sliver of silver lining and now its being torn from me!' Her mind was awash with sudden and completely illogical thoughts and emotions - something that had happened only once before- the slaver raid on Mindor.
Thane had not been surprised by the final verdict on an cure for Keprals. Deep in his heart he had known an time with Lizza was borrowed, blessed by the Gods. It did throw the assassin when shock and immense pain clouded his blonde wife's eyes before her abrupt and quiet departure.
"Siha!" He called after her, watching her hide away in the elevator, presumeably going back to their living quarters. As he moved to go after the woman, Dr. Chakwas laid a hand on his shoulder.
"Let her be, this won't be easy for her. Loosing men under her command has always torn her apart but to lose someone she loves as clearly as you…Well, I can't even imagine what its doing to her mentally."
Listening to the words of the older woman, the drell swallowed the lump in his throat, heart breaking for his love - for the second family he would inevitably leave behind. Kolyat came to mind suddenly, along with a list of things Thane had to do before he left this life. Nodding to the doctors, the assassin took off for his old room in the Life Support, intending to give Lizza some copeing time and get some plans laid down.
Punching in his son's number, a small sad smile came to light Thane's face as the lighter green complexion of Kolyat came into view.
"Kolyat…There are some things we need to to talk about"
*********************TK*LS************************
It's been nine months since Professor Solus and Dr. Chakwas gave Thane the news they couldn't cure him. It felt like years with all the efforts the crew and especially Lizza had put into them. So many memories, pictures taken, foods eaten, places visited, loving moments in the arms of his wife. The man was happy he'd made the plans with Kolyat, visited again and praised him one last time when there should have been many in the past.
The ocean called to his soul - a lifetime coming to a close just as his little ones were about to make their appearance. Fate was a cruel bitch, and destiny an even harder Mistress but, the assassin had made his peace with the world once again.
Shifting closer to his very pregnant wife, Thane kissed her brow one last time, hugged tight to her bared skin and closed his eyes. Sleep claimed him quicker than it ever had that night, curled with his wife and soon to be born babes.
"Blue eyes blaze in the setting sun of Illium, her stance is predatory. She speaks in a deep resonating tone that commands respect. Her name is Lizza Shepard and she has come to recruit me for a suicide mission. The human woman is …beautiful."
Lizza woke in the early morning, stretching as the hot Arizona sun peaked into her window. Silently she thanked whatever gods were listening her parents had left the ranch to her and for the blessings they'd given her love. Tranquility was not to be however as she turned in her husband's embrace.
Scaled skin sat cool and unyielding to her fingers, as panic bubbled in her breast, horror rose as she felt for the small puff of breath that would betray Thane as being asleep. A howl of despair and anguish that could curdle blood sounded throughout the ranch, waking Garrus, Tali, Mordin and the others when Lizza found her husband of eight months - soul mate, her beautiful and loving drell - was dead.
********************TK***LS************************
Lizza knew she was a coward for running away - but Thane dieing, the one man who'd accepted her death, rebirth, humanity and judgment at every turn leaving her - it was too much. Sitting with her space hamster, Lt. Kissbutt, tears streaming down her face, the Commander began thinking of everything she'd wanted to experience with Thane. She wanted to take him to see Arizona, where her parents had lived before volunteering to go do Mindoir, she wanted babies, a wedding, a family of her own amidst all this Reaper craziness.
The team was a family to her, but it wasn't the same. Up until Lizza had met the drell assassin family by her definition had been filled. Now the man had set off instincts and fantasies lost long before the Marines had gotten a hold of Shepard. Sighing and cuddling Lt. Kissbutt one more time, Lizza stood and deposited the rambunctious rodent in his aquarium. Watching as he ran frantically around, she made a choice.
"I want a family…Thane is only here with me so long so I have to talk to him about this now."
Walking out of the room where she held so many memories of time with Thane, the Commander put on her game face and punched the third level call button. By the time she stepped from the elevator the halls were full of people going about their business, oblivious to the woman who strode down the halls with them. Gulping as her blue eyes settled upon the door to the Med Bay, Shepard pep talked herself again.
"Come on Shep, its only a matter of biology and then keeping yourself out of dodge for nine or so months…Chakwas can help, Mordin can help….Get in there and talk to them damn it!"
Steeling herself, the woman strode through the door, not surprised to see the Salarian had yet to make his way back to the tech lab. Taking a deep breath she strung together her words quickly and began speaking.
"I now its neither of your fault that Thane can't be cured, its just hard for me to let go after having him such a short time. I want so many things with him but there is one that I need your help with. Thane doesn't know I'm speaking to you about this but…I want to carry his children, and I need to know its possible. Can you -"
"Children, yes. Makes sense. Want to carry on the memory of mate in physical manner. Can help with that. Dr. Chakwas will have to do fertility tests on both parents. I can merge DNA. Prevents abnormalities. Both levo-DNA, not problem. Best talk to Mate before start."
"Thank you Mordin" Lizza said in a relieved breath, eyes darting to look and see if Chakwas would be on board or not. The silver haired woman wore a small smile, nodding as she spoke.
"Think about this hard Commander, children on this frigate pose threats to your mission. What if the ship were to be damaged with them onboard? What if you die. There's a nine month window at least for this to all go terribly wrong."
"I know Doc, but this is something I need - crave to have with Thane. I'll take every precaution, vitamin, give up meat until the baby is born. I'll ask Anderson or my grandparents in Arizona to keep them safe until the Reapers are taken care of. After that I'm a stay at home mom…If Thane agrees. I just…I can't explain it Dr. Chakwas."
"And you don't have to my dear. You are in love, you want a family so the universe will finally see the depth of it. I fully understand that, I just needed to make sure this wasn't your way of keeping Thane around once he was gone, like a replacement."
Lizza chuckled hollowly as tears pricked her vision again, "No one will ever replace Thane. Any children he grants me will be a gift beyond comparison, a lasting memory of time and love well given."
Looking up with blurry eyes, the Commander favored each doctor with a small smile before going to Life Support and speak with her dying lover. The door opening with its customary sound as Lizza step towards it, shutting behind her in a quiet way, as if the ship were aware of the need for silence. Leaning on the wall next to Thane's cot, she listens and let a smile - genuine in nature- tug at her lips watching Father and son speak for one of the last times.
"Are you going to come to the citadel and wait out the last days?"
"Not unless Siha- Lizza wishes to be rid of me."
"I understand Father, I must go, Captain Bailey is calling. Please remember I support your decisions and love you, Father."
"Thank you Kolyat, I love you too."
The transmission clicked off without any further sentiment from either man, Thane not turning before he spoke
"Siha."
"I didn't mean to run away like that."
"Do not be sorry, it is a reaction and natural."
Lizza cringed, there was no malice in Thane's voice, but she still felt as if for a few hours like her back had been turned to him. Fidgeting where she stood, wondering how one man could throw all her military bearing out the window, she waited for him to speak, her thoughts whirling to fast to make anything sound sensible.
"I do not know what human customs dictate, and I am aware our affair has been short lived, Siha, but it would bring me great joy to be joined with you." It was then Thane did turn, black eyes earnest and loving, while Lizza was stock still in shock.
"Did…Did you just propose to me?" She whispered, eyes wide and focused on his emerald face, searching for a sign of sincerity.
"Yes, Siha…Marry me?"
Shepard didn't give a vocal answer as she threw herself into the assassin's arms, happy tears flooding her eyes. Chuckling the drell held her, fingers combing through her hair, pulling it gently from its severe bun.
"So I guess you wouldn't be adverse to babies then?" The Commander quipped giggling against the red pigmented flair of Thane's neck. Her response comes as a tight hug that lifts her from her feet and a soft loving kiss to her shoulder.
********************TK****LS********************
"Are you alright, Mother?" Kolyat murmured, holding the silent woman in his arms as she stared emptily out at the sea, hanar dancing below the water's surface with grace neither had ever credited the species with before.
"He's gone…" Shepard whispered brokenly, and rubbing her disdended belly to sooth the kicks of the twins. From a few yards away, Miranda and Garrus looked on, the tension and pain in the Commander's shoulders causing worry to mount by the moment.
"Mother…Siha, he will never truly be gone from you. His mortal shell is gone, but his heart lives on in you, me and my little siblings" The words of her stepson did little to mend the gaping hole in Lizza's heart but the sentiment's calmed the flow of her tears for the moment as she leaned into his embrace.
"Its not fair. We didn't have enough time with Thane, they took him back to quickly."
"I know they did."
"I miss him, it hurts so bad."
"You loved him Siha, I miss him too."
********************TK*****LS******************
"Siha!" Thane growled, wrapping a hand in Liza's blonde locks, absently noting its gotten longer in the last couple of weeks - much much longer. The look in her eyes sears him as her lips stretch around his phallus, little tongue swirling patterns that make the assassin see stars behind his eyelids. Panting the emerald-toned drell looks down at his pretty little wife, so soft and womanly its hard to equate her with the iron clad Commander that had swept him off his feet.
A pinch on his thigh brings Thane back from his thoughs as she mumbles around her mouthfull of his cock, working him furiously for reasons known only to her. Its making him shake, taking his breath away faster than his lungs can gather it.
"Lizza. Please. To much!" The older man croakes, hands fisted in her hair as his hips buck against her face, before pulling her up by it, taking satisfaction in the wanton light that fills the golden hued woman's face.
"Loosing your touch," She teases breathlessly, delicate hands running over her heaving breasts to taunt him, making him growl and move his hands from her hair.
"Never going to lose my touch, Siha."
"Prove it."
Those were the last words either spoke as the drell tossed his human lover on her bed, following close behind. The only sounds that could be made out were pleasured cries and strangled moans amid the thud of a headboard against the ship's hull. The desperate song of a doomed love.
**************TKLS***************
' "Thane!" Shepard comes running from the women's rest room, skidding around a corner her eyes bright with excitement. The blonde woman believes her quarry hasn't heard her exuberant yell and speaks on with Garrus just beyond the Main Battery's door. The young woman runs up the stairs blue eye dancing with sheer unadulterated joy.
"THANE!" Lizza yells again coming to a halt just short of barreling into both males, a wide beautiful smile pulling her soft pink lips.
"Yes, Siha?" I smile, sure the news is good or at least better than the repeated shut downs from the council of late and news of my impending death.
"Its positive! You're going to be a father again!" Claims my wife, thrusting her hand forward, fingers uncurling to reveal a pregnancy test. It flashes the words
"Pregnant", "Five days" at us with little emotion.
Joy sweeps through my body and I take the small pregnant human woman into my arms, swinging her around in absolute bliss. Garrus slaps me on the back in congratulations; hugging Lizza before she runs off to report to Dr. Chakwas.
"You've made Shepard the happiest woman in the galaxy you know." The turian sniper comments, staring at me with his version of a smile.
"It is only right, Shepard has given me the greatest gifts since Irakah." I reply before going to call Kolyat and tell him the blessings that arrived this hour.'
"Poppa loved us a lot huh Momma?"comes a small, sad whisper from Shepard's right as she shuts the holovid of Thane reciting his memories. Looking up Lizza leans over, smiling, smoothing the covers under her son's chin.
"Kole, he loved us all more than he could ever tell us."
The answer seems to sooth her small but shockingly intelligent son, his button eyes smiling with his mouth before he makes a blanket cocoon to sleep. Standing the nearly 36 year old makes to leave, thinking of crawling into bed and joining Thane in her memories. Her departure is halted by her daughter.
"Mommy, don't close the door…The monsters will come if you do." Edith -Edi- whimpered, as she watched her mother, fear clear on the five year old's face.
"Oh pumpkin," Lizza coo's sitting down at the foot of Edi's bed. "Daddy and Mommy will always protect you from the monsters. No one is going to take you from me darling."
Kissing the girl's forehead, Shepard taps at her omni-tool, nodding satisfaction when the emergency lights glow soft orange around her children's room and the door that joins her quarters with theirs slides open for the night. Locking the door that leads to the elevator hall, Lizza slips from the room, the holo-vid journal placed safely on her desk as she climbs into her lonely cold bed.
*********************TK*LS**********************
"Come on you two! Cut the cakes already! We're getting hungry for sweets over here!" Tali called out in jest, as the newly wed couple posed for the customary cake-cutting picture.
Both laughed at their quarian friend, plotting their revenge when the time came for the bouquet and garter toss. Grasping the pearl handled cake knife - bought for this one day- with the hands still bound with eternity ropes, Mr. and Mrs. Thane Krios-Shepard cut their wedding cake.
The reception was small, just as their wedding had been. Lizza's grandparents had been found just in time to get invitations and sat smiling proudly at the couple. Kolyat sat by his father and Tali by the Commander, both having stood with the couple as witnesses during the ceremony. Lizza couldn't really wrap her head around it, even now that the papers were signed, and all their records no doubt being changed at this very moment - she was married.
Turning slightly dazed eyes to Thane - her husband- his smile infectious as he leaned in, pressing his lips softly against her own and coming away red stained from her lipstick. Shifting to look out over their guest - their family, Shepard as startled when Tali signaled it was time for speeches.
"We all know Shepard, the great savior of the Citadel, the woman who refused to die and defeated the collectors. She sacrificed the respect of her peers to do what many chose to deny and now here she is! 29 and married! Can you believe it guys? Our little Shepard all grown up and happy!"
Lizza and Thane smiled at Tali's impassioned and slightly silly words, sobering when she went on.
"This woman beside me has saved the galaxy twice and is just now allowed love. It is painful to think of someone more deserving being denied so long; but I tell you all from the bottom of my heart, I've never been so glad Lizza was sent Thane's dossier than I am today. If anyone is allowed a decimal of their love, I am envious, because it is a star that will never burn out in this lifetime or the next." Raising her glass of dextro-engineered champagne the engineer turned to the couple.
"Congratulations Thane and Lizza, may your memories live longer than any of us here today and keep your hearts warm when the cold threatens to still them."
More of their friends and crew stand to speak after Tali, each resonating with the couple in different ways. It makes Lizza proud to serve with such kind and caring people in the fight against the Reapers, and helps her keep her mind on cherishing the moments the powers that be have deemed hers with Thane. As the party really starts to swing, the couple sneaks off.
Standing together in a random closet they come together, mouths soft and yielding as hands fumbled with buttons - so many buttons- and stubborn, annoying zippers. Soon enough they are rocking together - Shepard's dress up around her hips while Thane only opened his pants enough to be able to sink inside her channel. Moving in a dance as old as time, they steal this moment, hidden from well-wishers and presents neither care about. This is all about feeling, re-connecting making sure both are still there.
Lizza is everywhere, clinging to the drell's skin, murmuring and sighing sweetly so only he can hear the pleasure inflicted upon her. The thrusts of their hips are firm and loving, slow but quick. Moments drag and fade into one another as they take their fill, twin cries filling the abandoned closet, not rising above the din of the reception party.
Sometime later they make it back to dance and watch as Tali squirms when Kal'Reegar slides a garter up her leg. This night is one that will stay with them forever and they wouldn't have it any other way.
*************LSTK*************
She ate -but food had no taste. Every vitamin she swallowed felt like sand in her esophagus. The words of reports held no meaning. Shepard didn't laugh or cry, she just - went through the motions.
Garrus and Tali were beside themselves. It had been two weeks and the babies were due any minute. Lizza's depression was so deep that Mordin had taken to following her around with a scanner and the woman never noticed! How was she going to take care of infants or fight the Reapers?
In the end it was the labor pains that snapped Lizza from her stupor.
************TK****LS***************
"In the eyes of the Goddess, I devote myself to you, Elizabeth Vida Shepard until my soul is wrested from this word. My body will shelter your body, my hands will work for your greater good, my heart will heal your wounds for all of time." The soft rumble of Thanes voice was hypnotizing, and soothing as Lizza stood shaking like a leaf in front of the alter and asari priestess conducting their marriage. A few deep breaths later it was Lizza's turn.
"In the eyes of the Goddess, I devote myself to you, Thane Krios until my soul no longer exists. My body will comfort your body, my hands will work for your greater good, my heart will tend your wounds for all of eternity."
The words came like water, flowing with sincerity and love, different and yet the same. As the priestess wrapped the binding cord of eternity around their joined left hands, she spoke in a soothing warm and light tone. It was the ceremony's closing and most important part.
"By the will of the Goddess, I bind you to each other. Go forth and show the world your love, for you are blessed with a love like no other to pass between these walls."
A trill of anticipation dance up Shepard's spine as her Mate came close, his rough hands cupping her cheeks with a gentleness unmatched by the universe. Their kiss was short and sweet amid the hoots and hollers of their friends.
*****************TK********LS***************
"Is all this really necessary Lizza?" Intoned Thane, worry lacing his voice as she doubled over the toilet, breakfast and the remnants of last nights meal being evicted violently from her small body.
"Part of human pregnancy" His wife answers between bouts of illness, her long hair threatening to move into projectile line, Thane darting forward to hold it back for her.
"That seems…excessive"
"Most things involving children and humans do husband-mine"'
**************TK*LS**************
"Thane! Thane wake up! Please don't leave me!" Lizza wailed, her hands shaking her husbands immobile body, tears blurring her vision.
Jack is the first up the stairs, bursting into the Krios' bedroom, eyes wide as she watches Lizza wail and beat at Thane's chest in an attempt to make his heart beat again. The young biotic can do nothing but stare at the heartbreaking scene, barely acknowledging when Tali and Garrus charge past her, circling the mates cautiously.
The three can not talk Shepard away from the drell's cold body, scales once brightly colored dull and utterly lifeless. In the end it is Miranda who comes through, called from the orbiting Normandy in desperation that pries the mourning pregnant woman from her marital bed.
Seated with Lizza, cooing as one would comfort a child, Miranda calms her. Tali and Garrus take Thane from the bed, leaving the sheets at the Commander's pained request and move him to the Normandy. There the preparations for burial will start once Kolyat can get on board, the funeral taking place back on the hanar home world.
"Thane…Come back…" Is all anyone hears from Lizza until her step-son sets foot on the SR 2.
***************TK***LS************
Soft, he never realized how soft his Siha was mused the assassin as he smoothed a hand over the flesh of her ribs making her mewl in pleasure. Rocking inside her with measured, paced thrust, Thane wonders at the woman in his arms.
'Commander, female, soft, unrelenting, Alpha and yet my pretty fragile mate.'
Thoughts are consumed as her lips connect with his, tongues tangling, her hips lifting, muscles flexing around him as if to keep him inside forever. This coupling is different than any prior for the couple - tonight they make their children deities willing.
Lizza's hair is wrapped around his hands, arms and hands slipping and teasing his sides, tracing each dip in his skin. Thane is undone and revived each time he buries inside of Lizza's pliant, willing body. There are no words between the two, only the gentle pushes and pulls - like crests of water- against each other. Hope is bright in their eyes and souls tonight as they make love beneath the ever watchful stars.
****************TK***********LS*************
"Need DNA same Shepard, Krios. Must run analysis on what traits to keep what to discard for health of potential children" Mordin is rambling again large rust colored eyes darting from the computer screen to read outs to his two newest patients.
"Can't the gods just decided what to keep and what to toss?" Grumbled Thane, his cooler than normal tone betraying his nervousness.
"No no no. Would be dangerous to mother and offspring. Could potentially die due to differences in development. Mother's body could reject pregnancy. Children could poison mother if have too many drell characteristics. All very risky. But worth it in end."
Thane looked at Lizza, her face one of set determination and sighed. She wanted to give them this gift of life, made it clear during their marriage negotiations. After Thane returned to the sea, Kolyat had the choice of joining the crew or staying with the babies. The Commander had been express in her wish they all grow up together - at least a little. Now however, as he sat and listened to the salarian speak at light speed of what ifs and consequences for a bad DNA sequence the assassin felt a cold dread in his stomach. His Siha risked all in the name of bringing life into the world.
'I will voice my concerns in private.' was his ultimate decision, focusing once more on the Professor's preliminary pregnancy briefing.
********************TKLS*******************
"I love you, Siha, I am simply sorry I could not have more time with you."
"We have each other right here and right now….Be alive with me tonight."
-Fin-