"It's only me here right now."
Sharon smiled softly and allowed her hand to rest on the top of his head. She knew she was supposed to be concerned, especially since Break's unstable situation was visible more than ever, but for some unidentified reason she felt surprisingly calm and relieved. Nothing mattered, and nothing hurt, at least for a while. She could afford not to worry, and let her thoughts wander with no destination. She felt his warm breath on her neck and the soothing closeness of his body leaning against her own, and all that made her smile even more.
It was as though their roles had been reversed, and now he was the vulnerable child, while she looked after him as his protector.
She realised the situation was still quite painful, but at the same time she couldn't help being overwhelmed by strange, bittersweet happiness. For a split second she wondered whether she was going to cry, but she clenched her teeth and blinked with determination, reminded of the vow that she would shed no more tears.
She had finally become his equal, his partner, his friend. A warm blanket that would hide his weaknesses from the world outside, even from himself. Or at least she desperately hoped that he found her useful. That he allowed himself to seek validation and comfort in her presence.
Sharon wondered if she reminded Break of her mother. She felt her heart sink at the memory of her bright, clear smile, the ghostly touch of her fingers on her cheek, and her warm embrace… She smiled softly, recalling the day when she bruised her knee and Shelly was there by her side, patting her head and whispering words of comfort. "There, there, don't cry, Sharon."
From time to time this kind of memories caught her off-guard, making her really miss her mother. Still, even though the shadow of Shelly was precious to her, for some reason she couldn't stand the thought of being merely her replacement. Nothing but a substitute for her touch, reflection of her proximity, kind words and understanding eyes.
She wanted to be Sharon, that's all. She wanted him to long for her presence, not her mother's.
Some part of her knew, though.
The thought hurt, but she wouldn't let it get to her, even if it was true. She had promised that to herself, so there was no going back on her word. She would be a strong Rainsworth heiress, as expected from Cheryl's granddaughter.
That's right. It wasn't about her, it was about Break. It had always been about Break, she reminded herself.
So, for his sake, she would always be there for him. She would keep doing what her mother had started, no matter how it might affect her feelings in the future.
After all… She only wanted to preserve her current happiness. Nothing more.
She absent-mindedly tangled her fingers in his soft hair.
Nothing more.
She let out a long sigh, and closed her eyes, focusing on the feeling of Break's slender body against her own. He was strong and perfect, yet so awkward and vulnerable at times. She wanted nothing but to protect him. He was her servant, brother, knight and partner. He was everything she'd ever long for. Was is selfish to wish she could make him happy as well?
He had finally admitted to having a weakness, and the mere fact made her heart flutter from the bittersweet combination of endearment, relief and sorrow. She wanted to cry from joy, laughs mingling in with sobs, because she swore she could feel his body withering in her arms, slowly wasting away until nothing was left of the existence she came to treasure so much.
Would there be anything left for her when he's gone?
She blinked repeatedly again.
There, there, don't cry, Sharon. Everything will be alright.
She bit her lip, fighting a sob. He couldn't know she was on the verge of tears.
Mother…
No. She wouldn't allow herself to cry.
Not yet.
Not anymore.