Anotehr one-shot I thought up. WARNING! Spoilers and Shounen-ai in this fic. You've been warned. But then again, if you're into UraBoku, you're probably used to shounen-ai. Either way, just a little one-shot about Shusei's feelings. Also, maybe this is why he starves himself. Starvation is a way to control a little of when you're going to die, right? If you don't eat, you will die, but if you get too close to death and want to live, you eat. Maybe that's why he doesn't eat, because he knows his role will be ended soon. Its really sad. Either way, Read and review please!
-Saph
The rain falls hard. Each droplet is like a dagger of ice as it falls onto a young teen. Usui Shusei stands in the rain, letting the freezing shower fall over him.
If anyone were to see him now, they wouldn't be able to tell it is him. The perfect, model student wouldn't be caught dead standing here, soaking wet. But that's exactly what he is doing.
Shusei is a seer, so he sees things that others cannot. He sees the future. His visions of the future never used to bother him. They never directly involved him or the people he cared about.
Seeing the future is a little different than everyone seems to think. The future isn't set in stone. Shusei just sees all the different possibilities. He sees what will happen if a person chooses to do something instead of another. That's what the future is. There are really multiple futures and he sees them all. He is given this power and then he can determine which path he should take.
Nothing ever involved him directly and there was always a second or third path. Today, he gets a new vision and it shakes him to the core. This one is unlike any other. It involves him and the one he cares most about. It also doesn't have a fork in it. There is only one path. This future is going to happen whether he likes it or not.
Shusei is seen as a proper child. Females squeal over him and men are jealous of him. Adults always tell him how he is such a 'good child' and how he will make a girl very happy one day. He can't tell them that they are all wrong.
Shusei isn't as straight and proper as everyone thinks he is. He has never gone for a girl because he doesn't see them that way. The guys tell him that it's a waste but he doesn't care. He'd rather give it all up as long as he could have just one person.
Renjou Hotsuma.
That's the only person Shusei really loves. They've been together since childhood. They have a bond that goes far deeper than anyone else.
Shusei doesn't know when it happened or even why. He doesn't know why he loves Hotsuma. Maybe it's because they've always been together. Or maybe it's because they are partners as Zweilt Guardians. He doesn't know the answer. The only thing he knows is that he really does love Hotsuma.
It is because of that love that he is standing in the freezing rain right now. He throws back his head and lets out a silent cry. Tears scream down his face and mix with rain water until the mixture flows off his face. He curses at the sky. He curses the fact that they were born like this. Why couldn't he have been born a girl? If he were, then he could be with Hotsuma. He'd love it if it were just the gender problem that made it impossible.
The vision he saw just now finalizes it. Hotsuma can never be his.
Since they were young, Hotsuma always clung to him. Shusei doesn't mind, he never has. He loves it. Hotsuma always acts strong and uncaring, but Shusei knows the truth. He's the only one that knows. Hotsuma is fragile, probably more than anyone else. He is happy that he is the only one that knows this. He is the only person in the world that has ever seen Hotsuma cry. And he is the only one that Hotsuma cries on.
That's all going to change.
A new Zweilt Guardian is coming. This one will have the power to heal people. This one will heal Hotsuma.
That is supposed to be a good thing and Shusei thinks it is. He wants Hotsuma to be healed, but he also wants to be the one to do it. He can't. All he can do is be there when he cries, and that doesn't help anything. Hotsuma will be healed and his heart will drift further and further from Shusei.
Shusei clutches at the scar that spreads across his chest and over his shoulder. He won't let any healer touch this scar. Hotsuma gave it to him. It's because Hotsuma gave it to him that he will never get rid of it. But it is also the reason he is so pained.
He wants to keep this scar for eternity, but Hotsuma is hurt every time he sees it. Hotsuma has said that he will spend an eternity atoning for the scar. Shusei knows that this will hurt Hotsuma and he doesn't want that, but he wants to keep the scar.
After today's vision, he knows that he will keep this scar because Hotsuma will never be his. Hotsuma will be healed, that's why Shusei won't let himself be healed. If he can't have Hotsuma, he will keep what Hotsuma gave him.
Maybe this is his punishment. His punishment for loving another man. Still, he can't stay mad at it forever. It's better this way. That's what he tells himself. This way, Hotsuma will be healed and he won't feel so guilty about the scar anymore. He won't have to spend eternity trying to atone for it.
Shusei collects himself and begins to walk home. His mind is made up. He won't be needed anymore. When the new Guardian comes, he won't be needed. But until then, Hotsuma needs him. He intends to stay alive until then.
The End.
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