I told myself I would never post this. So... yeah. I felt that you guys deserve deserve something during those sad in-between chapter times. Even if it's... this.

Didn't you know? Next to love the sweetest thing is hate.

I love you, I hate you.

What the fuck do you want from me?

What the fuck do I want? I don't know. You. Don't know me. Anything about me.

Except that's a lie. You know exactly how to push all the right buttons. How to touch and tease and hurt and heal and I fucking hate you okay? Leave me. Don't let me go.

Like a see saw. Tug of war. Back and forth, my head and my heart fighting against you, for you.

I fucking hate you.

You ruined my life. I was almost able to convince myself I was happy before you showed me this. This. What the hell is this? Pain and laughter and love and hate.

Loveandhateandloveandhate until it all it blends into a single plea.

Please.

I lied. You do know me.

Tell me what I want. Take what you can because I'm cracking and falling and breaking and I love you. I hate you. Hatenadloveandhate in endless circles until I forget which one is which and all that's left is the truth.

Bare and painful and terrifying. The truth is I need you. I need you to push back, I need you to hit back, to kiss back with teeth and tongue and anger.

Baby, I'm in love with your anger. It's so beautiful.

You're so cold, so goddamn perfect but your anger is hot and explosive and god, it's fucking beautiful when you just let go.

You can let go when I'm here, really, you can.

I'm not breakable, I'm not. Only… only early the next morning when I wake up hoping I'll catch you in time, this time, please but no. No, never, and yes, okay, you break me a little, too much but that's okay, it's all okay.

Just come back because… Because.

I fucking need you.

I hate you, I love you but more then anything I need this.

Just the angry words and tears that burn the skin because they're filled with hate and lust and denial. I hate you. I fucking hate you and that's all I can feel.

Hatred and hurt and love because I love you as much as I hate you and it's tearing me apart. And you won't be around to pick up the pieces, will you? Of course not.

Back and forth like swing sets. We pass each other by. We collide.

And it's beautiful.

We're beautiful together, all teeth and tongue and words that don't mean anything.

Everything.

You are, but I can't admit it. But the truth escapes in a shudder, a trembling breath against your lips and you know, you've always known me too well. You can see through me, inside me.

You fit there so perfectly. Can you do this to anyone else? Break them down so slowly it feels like agony and perfection. You are perfection but inside you're raw and broken and when I kiss you it hurts.

Your sharp broken edges dig into my skin unto I bleed. Cut me into pieces, again, just once more, please.

You hurt me so deliciously. You know how I like it when you do.

What makes us do this? Spin in endless circles, closerclosercloser until we fall down together and let go. I make you slip, lose control, let go and just take. Don't you know you already have everything?

Body, soul, mind.

You're all I can think about. Everything goes back to you.

Everything reminds me of you and I need to run, to forget and leave this beautiful disaster behind that we've become.

Like a hurricane, dark and brooding but at the center it's calm and peaceful when you hold me. Just hold me and don't let me leave. Don't let me lose you because I can't keep you here any longer.

Break into me, just one more time, please.

Just break.

Cracks in your pale skin, so hard and impenetrable, because it's not your body you have to worry about. It's your soul, such a frail little thing.

Let me touch you.

Let me trail my fingertips along your heavy wings. Let me burn them off.

They're holding you down, dipped in wax, stolen feathers and proper etiquette, all those rules of yours. Together we could fly, could run, if you gave it a chance. But you're so afraid of falling.

You disgust me.

Weak and cold and bittersweet like a dying sugar cube. Goodbye, goodbye as you melt away beneath me with my heat. Hot, so hot I could melt the wax but baby, you know I would catch you, right?

I wouldn't let you fall. I'll free you. You kill yourself, trapped in your marble cage, little ice castle, what will you do when the summer comes? But it won't, not for you.

You won't let it.

Can I touch you? Can I make you mine?

Mark you, like the bruises on my neck make me yours. I'm always yours, even when they fade. Because that's how this goes.

You leave and I wait for you to come back.

We're a little past broken.

Salty tears mixed into the slow kisses. Familiar. I'm sorry. For wanting to hurt you all the time. For loving the taste of your tears more the sound of your laughter. But when you walk away I want to break you enough that you carry my scars with you.

I want to burn my name into your mouth. I want to make you bleed and cry and need me the way I need you.

It's kind of messed up, baby, and it's all your fault.

I swear to God that I hate you. But I don't believe in him anymore.

I didn't mean to.

I've tried so hard to stop but I don't know how. I'm tired of pretending and when you're this close I can count my teardrops on your eyelashes.

Could you grant me one wish?

Just one?

…let's be more than broken.

Le sigh. I dislike the first person perspective and avoid writing it when I can but I wrote this for a prompt that required it, which I can't remember exactly anymore. The prompt, that is. The gist of it was to create a feeling of a desperate downward spiral involving the Edward/Jacob pairing.

Hope I succeeded.