Renji's hair was a bit longer every time Sanada saw him. Short in the front, layered and slanting to one side at the back, it was not the same sort of "long" as his hair used to be when they first met many years ago, but "his hair's getting even longer" seemed to be the first thing Sanada thought of every time they met. Apparently Niou cut his hair. Why anyone would trust Niou to wield a pair of scissors near his head was beyond Sanada.
Apart from that, very little about Renji had changed. His words may have an even sharper edge now, but for his old friends, he was still soft-spoken, with a barely-there smile.
Yukimura, on the other hand, had not changed his haircut, only how he styled it - he tied it back more often these days, revealing the nape of his neck, which always stayed pale no matter how much time he spent on the tennis court, under the sun. He always drew a lot of attention, both because of his looks and because he was who he was - the man bringing Japan to the world tennis stage once again.
Sanada wasn't quite there yet, but he was following closely. One day, he believed, he would surpass Yukimura. They were only twenty-five; there was still time.
"The crowd seems to get larger every year." Renji flicked a bit of imaginary dust off his shoulder.
"Perhaps we should go to a more remote shrine for next year's hatsumode," said Yukimura. "So, what did you pray for?"
"Good health. You?"
"Hmmm, luck in the love department... what's that look for?" Yukimura glared at Sanada. "At least I don't pray for better tennis."
His face turning red, Sanada frowned back at his friend. "It's more useful than what you prayed for."
"You don't get better at tennis by praying for it."
"I don't see you working very hard on getting a girlfriend."
"Like you've got anyone to introduce us to, Mr. Stick-up-the-ass."
Now bright red to the tips of his ears, Sanada shot Renji a deadly glare when Renji covered his lips to hide a chuckle. "You-"
"Let's call that a draw," Renji said before a fresh round of insults could start. He raised his glass of plum wine, smiling when his friends abandoned the argument and joined him in the gesture.
"To a good year - may all your wishes come true."
"Yours too, Renji."
"Thank you."
If Sanada paid enough attention, he could still walk in a straight line, but driving was out of the question. The walk from Renji's pad to his wasn't that long anyway; he would come back to pick up his car tomorrow. Yukimura, on the other hand, was more than tipsy. Sanada wondered if he should walk him home first.
Moments ago, just before they left Renji's, Renji confessed that he actually did not pray for good health, but for whatever Yukimura wished for to come true. Sanada had prayed for the same thing. In all these years, no matter what life offered Yukimura, he never seemed truly happy, as if something was always missing. Maybe that was what Yukimura needed - someone special in his life. But Sanada wasn't going to say that because it meant admitting loss to the discussion earlier.
"It's not really that useless."
Sanada lifted his gaze from the pavement to Yukimura in front of him, who was walking along the concrete kerb, putting one foot in front of the other purposefully and trying not to wobble.
"What?"
"Rabbits die when they get lonely, you know."
It took Sanada's alcohol-clouded mind a moment to realise Yukimura was continuing the conversation earlier.
"You're not a rabbit," said Sanada, "and you have-"
"Lots of friends. Yes, I know." Looking at Sanada, the rest of Yukimura's words seemed to have gotten stuck. He rolled his eyes instead. "Never mind. I've given up already."
"Don't think that way." Yukimura giving up on something? Sanada could hardly believe his ears. "It will happen when it's meant to happen."
"It's not meant to happen."
Not knowing what to say to that, Sanada kept his mouth shut. He wasn't Renji, he didn't know what the right thing to say was for every situation.
The sound of footsteps stopped. Sanada paused, his eyes on Yukimura's as Yukimura studied him. Even Sanada could understand the look of disappointment. So he did want him to say something, then, despite knowing fully well that sympathy and consolation were not Sanada's strong points. Especially regarding this - he had never felt the need to look for someone. It may be strange, but Sanada felt satisfied with his family and friends. Or perhaps he just hadn't reached that stage in his life yet.
Yukimura smiled briefly, turned back around and continued on, stopping at the junction where they were meant to go separate ways home. Rain was starting to fall, and the wind picked up, making Sanada narrow his eyes. Suddenly he gasped and rushed to Yukimura when the man slipped and fell onto the ground with as much grace as a drunk man could have.
Sanada sighed and helped Yukimura up. "I'm walking you home." And they had to be quick before the weather got any worse.
Yukimura stared for a while, but didn't argue. By the time they reached the apartment, he had to lean on Sanada in order to stand up.
Prince Gilbert and Prince Louis looked up from where they sprawled on the couch when the pair stumbled through the door. One of the cats hopped down and circled Sanada's feet, only to be nudged aside gently by a shoe.
It took some careful manoeuvring to put Yukimura in bed without being tripped over by the cats or knocking body parts on furniture.
"I'm not drunk," Yukimura slurred as he kicked off his shoes and Sanada pulled a blanket over him.
"Not very drunk," Sanada replied, "but enough for Renji to kill me if I left you alone."
"Because only Renji cares about me."
Sanada pulled a face. "I take that back. You are definitely drunk." He didn't wait for a response before leaving the room. By the time he returned with a glass of water, Yukimura was fast asleep. He left the glass on the nightstand, then joined the cats on the couch. The storm had already begun and rain was coming down in sheets, and he would rather be covered by cat hair than drenched in the freezing rain.
He fell asleep wondering whether rabbits could really die of loneliness.
"...or not?"
Sanada jerked awake.
"I don't think he was listening."
He looked around him. He was in the Rikkai Junior High Tennis Club club room. Standing at his locker at the far end, Niou was stuffing his tennis uniform into his bag and rummaging around for something else. A few feet away, Marui was talking to Renji whilst chewing on gum at the same time. And beside Sanada was Yukimura, changed and ready to leave school, his bag of tennis uniform and books hanging from a shoulder.
"I guess he wasn't." Yukimura sighed. He adjusted the weight on his shoulder. "See you all tomorrow."
Everyone replied, and Marui waved at the captain. Sanada just stood there, unmoving.
What in the world was happening?
"Are you still daydreaming?" Renji walked over, frowning. "Genichirou?"
"Uh, hmm? What's going on?"
"Yukimura just asked you out," said Niou, smiling slyly. "He's pissed off coz you ignored him."
That did not answer Sanada's question.
Why was he in the club room? He had just been out drinking with Yukimura and Renji. He'd walked Yukimura home, put him to bed and lay down on the sofa...
He was dreaming. That was it. This was one of those conscious dreams, when he actually knew it wasn't real. It wasn't something that happened often, but he had experienced it before. There was nothing to worry about.
Shrugging on his jacket, Sanada picked up his bag and left the club room, catching up with Yukimura at the main school gate.
"Seiichi," he said, "sorry, I wasn't paying attention. You were saying?"
Yukimura rolled his eyes briefly. "I'm going to take the cat home today. You said you'd come with me."
Not sure what to do, Sanada nodded and followed. This all felt too familiar. The cat was probably Prince Gilbert, unless he wasn't dreaming of the past. But everything seemed so real, from the bright orange of the sunset to the fine details of Yukimura's hair, from the feeling of his shoes on the tarmac road to the chilly air in his lungs - none of this felt like a dream at all.
They were there to pick up Prince Gilbert, Sanada knew the moment they stepped into the cat shelter. The lady already had the cat ready in a carrier, and it perked up when Yukimura and Sanada drew near. After Yukimura signed a document, he was free to take it home.
Sanada carried Yukimura's bag as his friend cradled the carrier in his arms. He explained the cat was probably two years old. A celebrity started a craze for grey tabbies, but people didn't want them anymore now that they were no longer in fashion. Sanada let Yukimura ramble on. He knew the story already. He also knew the cat would grow quite fat some years later.
Yukimura's home was already set up for the cat's arrival. His younger sister enthusiastically showed Sanada where the food bowl was, how the small door on the litter tray worked, and the scratch post that had a toy mouse dangling from the top, whilst Yukimura took the animal to his room, opened the door of the carrier and let it take its time to explore.
Finally, Sanada made it back to Yukimura's room. The cat was just peeking out of the carrier, seeing if it was safe to step out, but it meowed and walked out as soon as it saw Sanada, and rubbed its cheek against Sanada's uniform trousers.
"He likes you," said Yukimura, smiling, "I already knew when we went to the shelter for the first time."
Sanada shrugged.
"He needs a new name. Prince something, maybe."
"Why 'prince'?"
"I just like the sound of it. What should I call him?"
What would happen if he didn't suggest the name he knew would be chosen, Sanada wondered. "Prince Arthur?"
"There's a show on TV with a cat called Arthur. He needs something different." Yukimura carefully petted the cat when it went to him. "Prince Phillip? Prince Richard? Prince Gilbert?"
"Gilbert sounds nice."
"Prince Gilbert." Yukimura picked up the cat and put it on his lap. It looked up at him, puzzled. "Prince Gilbert."
The cat meowed.
This was a good dream, Sanada thought. He could dream of a different time, when Yukimura was still sick in hospital. But this was after the surgery and the painful rehabilitation. Yukimura was happy. They were young and ambitious. They often talked about leaving school to play professional tennis. And Sanada knew that was what they would do one day. This was a good time to remember.
He left before dinner time, promising that he would come and visit Prince Gilbert again soon, although he knew the next visit would not be from him. It should be time for him to wake up; he was starting to feel hungry, it must be time for breakfast. If he didn't wake up from that, then he would wake up from having two cats walking all over him or licking his toes.
And yet, twenty minutes later, he was inside his old home, seeing his family as they were years ago: his parents, with more black than grey in their hair. His grandfather, still strong, with a great voice that could rock the house. His elder brother, talking to his girlfriend - the girl who would eventually become his wife - on the phone. They told the children to sit down and have dinner. Afterwards, Sanada easily finished the English homework that now seemed like child's play to him. He listened to the voices around the house, looked through his wardrobe, and flipped through magazines that were dated December 1997, until his mother poked her head around the door and told him to go to bed.
The bed felt real. The sheets were cotton, the pillow feather-filled. It was his old bed, this was his old room. For a moment Sanada wished he could stay here a bit longer, because he knew the moment he closed his eyes, he would wake up in 2008 once more, not a teenage student but a professional tennis player.
He said goodnight to his mother and turned the light off.
"What's the date today?" Sanada asked, although he already knew the answer.
Renji took his time to swallow his food before replying. "20th December."
"I mean the full date."
"Wednesday, December 20th, 1997. Today's the last day of school before winter break."
Sanada mulled over his food.
"What's wrong?"
"Do you believe in time travel?"
"I don't think it's possible." Renji put his chopsticks down. "Why?"
"Nothing," said Sanada, looking at the bento his mother had prepared for him. He hadn't eaten a bento like this for years. "I just... had a weird dream last night."
This morning when he woke up, he was still in his old bed, in his old home. He was a little bit shorter than he should be, his hands not as calloused, his arms not as strong. He checked the calendar: it said year 1997, not 2008.
He was still in the dream.
Or perhaps 2008 was the dream. He didn't really go out two days ago to drink with his best friends, he wasn't a professional tennis player, he didn't have the world at his feet. But how could he explain why everything felt like it had already happened before, or the fact that he knew the name of Yukimura's new cat?
"What sort of a dream, Genichirou?"
Sanada shook his head. How could he explain? "It's not important."
"Some people say that dreams can have significant meanings, usually relating to the subconscious," Renji chuckled, "although, my sister once said she heard me committing mass murder in my dream. So the truth of that saying is questionable."
There was probably some truth in it, then, Sanada thought. Renji must be fully aware that he was capable of massacre as long as he had a reason for it.
"Enjoying lunch?"
Renji and Sanada moved over a bit to let Yukimura sit down.
"What did you say to her?" Renji asked.
"You know about it?" Yukimura didn't sound surprised.
"I heard her talk about it with a friend."
Yukimura opened his lunch box, looking a little guilty. "I see. I told her I don't have the time."
"As expected."
Sanada had no idea which girl they were talking about (perhaps he once knew, but could not remember anymore), but he could guess what his friends were referring to. "You don't have the time?"
"It's a polite way to say 'thanks but no thanks'."
"Oh." Remember the conversation two days ago in 2008, Sanada decided to ask about it. "You don't like her?"
"Not my type."
"What is your type, then?"
Renji glanced at Sanada curiously. Yukimura picked up his lunch box and began to eat. No one said anything, and then Yukimura smiled and shrugged, and proceeded to steal food from Sanada's bento, so Sanada sighed and offered him the rest of the grilled fish. It seemed like being wiser by ten years changed nothing about him in this respect.
Classes induced a feeling of nostalgia in Sanada; he had occasionally wondered what it would be like to go back to school again, or to go to university.
Tennis practice was a strange combination of having a lot more skills and experience than he really should have, but lacking the power to execute the shots. But, to his delight, he still knew when and how to yell at slackers for maximum effect.
Time at home was by far the strangest. His family was surprised by how much he wanted to talk to them, to the extent that his brother suggested sending him to the doctor's. On his own initiative, he tidied the dojo's cupboard, did the chores, and finished his English and Japanese holiday assignments in no time, but could not remember how to differentiate x2. When his brother commented on it, Sanada decided not to reveal that he could speak business-level French and basic German.
It was almost midnight when his phone rang.
"Prince Gilbert's acting weird."
"He's in a new place. Give him some time to settle down."
"Could you come over? I'm worried about him."
"I don't know anything about cats. And it's late."
"But he likes you. Just come."
Sanada sighed and got dressed, trying to remember if this event did take place ten years ago. On his way downstairs, his father caught him and made him swear in front of the family shrine that he was only going to a male classmate's house and not to impregnate a girl, before letting him go.
Prince Gilbert was curled up in a ball, asleep on Yukimura's pillow, when Sanada arrived.
"He was running around like his tail caught fire a moment ago."
Sanada had a feeling he had been lied to, but chose not to push. He wasn't tired, he felt totally confused about what had happened to him, and Yukimura provided some distraction.
"I was thinking maybe I should get another cat, so that Prince Gilbert wouldn't get lonely." Sitting on the bed, Yukimura reached over to stroke the cat. "But perhaps only after I've started my tennis and moved out."
"That's a good idea." Sanada helped himself to a chair. He could remember this conversation now. It was the first time Yukimura started saying that strange thing about rabbits:
"I read from a book that rabbits die if they're lonely. Do you think it's true?"
"It could be? But Prince Gilbert isn't a rabbit..." Sanada feigned ignorance.
Yukimura laughed. What he said next was of a completely different topic, or so the younger Sanada would have thought. But this one was older and wiser.
"Shall we go somewhere this winter break? I think I'm going to be bored."
"'We' as in?"
Yukimura's eyes stayed on the cat. "Us."
"How about the cat? He's only just settling in-"
"But would you go?"
"Well..." It had been so long since he was the kid of the family, looked after, told to do things, and had little responsibilities to worry about. He wasn't keen on idea of being away from home.
"Never mind. I'm only joking."
Back when he was fifteen, Sanada didn't pick up the change in Yukimura's tone. But this time he did, because he understood the meaning of the lonely rabbit.
"We could go on a day trip somewhere."
What would happen if he handled things differently from the way he did in the past?
"Could we?" Surprise replace disappointment in Yukimura's voice.
Sanada nodded. This was what friends were for, after all.
"The tuojiangosaurus was a plated dinosaur around 30 feet long. It walked on all fours, known as 'quadrupedal', and it was a herbivore."
Yukimura had a superb memory. It seemed like he had the entire encyclopaedia of dinosaurs memorised, although he had only read it once when he was in hospital a year ago.
Sanada had no particular interest in dinosaurs, but it was a special exhibition that would only stay for a month in Japan and he had to admit it was fascinating. But not as fascinating as how Yukimura could recite fact after fact as they looked at the exhibits. Of course, Yukimura could be making it up as he went along, but that wasn't really the point, just as the point of this trip wasn't really the dinosaur bones.
"You know," On their way out, Yukimura picked up a leaflet and left a donation to the museum. "I didn't think you'd come."
"Why?"
"Because I've annoyed you a lot already."
"You never annoy me." Sanada screwed his eyebrows together.
"Do you feel sorry for me, Genichirou?"
They walked in a random direction, Yukimura's hands in the pockets of his jacket and Sanada's hanging freely by his side. It was cold. Sanada adjusted his scarf, thinking that Yukimura should have worn one, too.
"Sorry?"
Yukimura smiled briefly. "I order you around. I'm passive aggressive. And yet here you are. There's no reason for you to be here except - "
"Don't be stupid - "
"I'm happy. Yet I hate it when it's all based on sympathy. Do you know what I mean?"
"Sort of. But there's no sympathy involved."
"Next time, just ignore me when I act like an attention-seeking child again. I don't like that side of myself and you shouldn't encourage it."
Would telling Yukimura to shut up raise suspicions that he was not the person Yukimura thought he was, Sanada wondered.
"After falling ill and nearly dying, I've decided to always be honest to myself. If I've made my mind up to do something, I will do it. If I've chosen to let it go, I'll leave it. I keep reminding myself to stick to this. So, Genichirou," Yukimura turned to face his friend, "I won't do it again. I won't act like a child again. If I do, ignore me. I don't want to be an annoyance to you."
Sanada looked down at the hands Yukimura had hidden in his pockets, the material being twisted and pulled by nervous fingers. It all suddenly made sense.
"You know what I'm talking about, right?"
Sanada knew.
But he blanked out his face the best he could and shook his head.
If he was the clueless fifteen-years-old who only thought about tennis, he wouldn't have understood. But now there was a man inside the teenager and the man knew, finally, what Yukimura wanted and already decided to give up on.
Renji's mother offered tea. Sanada gladly accepted, using the cup to warm his frozen hands. He chatted with her for a while out of politeness before going upstairs with Renji.
"You've been acting strangely lately," Renji remarked as they sat down. "Is everything all right?"
"What would you say if I tell you I'm not the Sanada Genichirou you know, that I come from 10 years in the future and I don't know how it happened?"
"I'd say you've hit your head," said Renji, "but I admit at various points in the last two days I had wanted to ask you 'who are you and what have you done to Genichirou'?"
"Is it obvious?"
"Some of your behavioural patterns have changed."
"So you do believe me."
"I would not say you're lying. But there could be other reasons. You could be suffering a personality disorder, abusing drugs, or you've simply hit your head. But let's assume you're telling the truth."
Sanada wasn't sure if he should be glad that Yanagi Renji was the person he was, or not. For a second just now he wanted to punch Renji hard. "Believe me."
It took half a minute of Renji scrutinising the situation and the person in front of him before he made a decision. "I believe you."
A smile of relief spread across Sanada's lips. Why he chose to tell Renji, he did not know, but having this one best friend believing in his impossible tale meant more to him than almost anything.
"Well?"
"I thought you might ask me questions about the future."
"Those are things I'm not meant to know. I am curious but would rather not be told."
Sanada laughed. "You're weird."
"So I've been told many times by you," said Renji, "I think you are the one who has questions."
"I want to know your view on my situation." Sanada was seeking advice from someone ten years his junior, but this someone was Yanagi Renji and he always trusted Renji. It made him miss the school years, when they saw each other practically everyday and talked about anything and everything. When he got back to 2008 he must try to re-establish this bond.
"I don't have anything on the 'how'. But if I'm to make some fairy-tale guesses on the 'why'... you could be here to change the past, to make right something done wrong, or to understand something, or to come to terms with something."
A face came to Sanada's mind. Yukimura, a much-loved friend - and rival - he never realised had loved him, and would continue to love him for a long time to come. Was this it? Because at the temple, they all wished for Yukimura's prayer to come true, he had come back to actually understand Yukimura's prayer and the depth of his feelings?
And what would be his choice? To accept Yukimura would be to become the missing piece to Yukimura's life. To reject him would mean closing that door, not giving him any illusion of hope, and helping him move on. Whichever Sanada chose, it was his responsibility. It was also his responsibility to make the honest choice, not one based on sympathy or guilt.
"It looks like you're on to something."
"...Seiichi."
"Ah..."
"What do you think about him?"
"Apart from the obvious," Renji shifted a little, pausing to sort his thoughts, "he frightens me, sometimes. His dedication, his love and loyalty does not change once he has his mind made up. If you told him playing tennis would kill him, he would not stop playing. It's not that he doesn't understand the consequences, but that he cannot stop himself. That's my observation."
There was nothing for Sanada to add; he agreed with every word Renji said.
"And?"
"And?" Renji smiled, looking unusually embarrassed. "He... probably likes you. Not as much as he likes tennis, but very close."
So it was, then.
Sanada rubbed his forehead, as if he could feel the weight of the matter physically. "You know this, but you don't breathe a word of it to me for ten years."
"Don't I?" Renji chuckled. "Have you ever asked? I think if you asked, I would have told you."
"I'd have asked if I'd realised there was something I should've known."
Renji sat back a little, more comfortable now in front of this half-stranger in his room. "Whether you should know or not is an arguable point. Now the important thing is what you do with the knowledge."
"It's my responsibility to give him an answer. I just need some time to think."
Renji rest his hands on his lap and cocked his head, studying Sanada. His voice was vaguely amused. "The Genichirou I know would not have said that."
"Really?"
"He would have... I think 'freaked out' is the terminology."
"Tarundoru." Sanada dead panned, making Renji laugh. "There has been a lot of growing up in the last ten years."
"But the 'tarundoru' hasn't changed." Renji sat forward, as if to share a secret. "Think about it. You do need to think, Genichirou. But at the same time, don't ignore your impulse. Nothing is worth anything anymore if it is analysed to the death."
"Did you just say 'impulse'?"
Renji smiled again. "If I really do calculate as much as you think I do, my head would have imploded a long time ago."
Suddenly Sanada felt as though he had been cheated on for most of his life.
"Everything is a journey and an experience. If you have it all planned out to the finest detail, all the possible circumstances simulated, then you will never learn anything," said Renji. "Pick your route from point A to B, find out the places you want to visit and where you can rest. But if something else catches your attention along the way, instead of ignoring it and moving on, it may be worth replanning your route."
Food for thought. But Sanada's only visible reaction was an arched eyebrow. "Are you sure you're fifteen?"
"I'm only paraphrasing some of the things I've read."
"I still can't believe you said 'impulse'."
"Sometimes it's better to ride the tide."
Christmas Day in Japan was special because it was not special. People still went to work and the shops were open. The only indications of Christmas were the sudden overflow of plastic tree, Disney-esque decorations and English songs sung by Japanese pop stars, curling their tongues to imitate sounds they could not understand and the audience never cared about. Christmas in Japan was just a day for lovers and the merchants they give their money to.
Sanada had debated hard on asking Yukimura out today, before deciding to go ahead with it. It was a case of having nothing to do at home otherwise. It wasn't a date - he still had no idea what he wanted to do about that - but he spent some time picking out something wearable from his wardrobe anyway. His fashion sense ten years ago was almost hideous.
"Genichirou."
He jumped. Yukimura had managed to sneak right up to him, and he felt mildly annoyed and embarrassed that he had been startled by a teenager, even if the teenager was Yukimura. But for the teenager Sanada Genichirou, it would have been a normal thing to happen. He stepped back a bit when Yukimura looked him over.
"What?"
"You look different."
"Do I?" Sometimes playing dumb was the best strategy.
"Yes, in a good way." Yukimura gestured for them to head out of the station. "You seem different recently. Has something happened?"
Strategy no.2 - plain denial. "No." Sanada tried to shift the focus from himself to his friend. "You don't look bad either."
Dark eyes widened reflexively before looking down. "Thanks." It seemed like Yukimura was trying to hide a blush. "That's definitely strange. You've never said things like that before."
The day was not a particularly pleasant one. It started to rain after a while, forcing them to take refuge at a nearby building. It was the same sort of rain that made Sanada stay over at Yukimura's on New Year's Day, the kind that drowned everything in sight and threatened to wash away anyone who dared to brave it.
They turned around. A light box on the wall outside the building was a directory that showed that there were several restaurants, a games centre and a snooker hall on various floors. It seemed like a good way to kill time.
Neither of them could play snooker - it was a contest of who made the less embarrassing mistakes. Whilst Sanada pocketed the white ball all the time and sent the rest flying away from the table, Yukimura often missed the white one altogether, his cue going 'twang' whenever it connected with the clothed surface or the wooden sides of the table.
"It's a bad table."
Yukimura bent down, screwed his eyebrows together and squinted. "It's tilted. And the cues are crap."
"I agree. And don't get me started on the balls."
"They're too round."
"Exactly."
"I'm hungry."
"Want to go eat?"
"The places here are too expensive."
Sanada almost forgot. He didn't have much pocket money to spend either - a downside of being a student. Without a word he went out to the snack bar and carried back to the room with him two cup noodles.
Yukimura was sitting down on the massive windowsill. The windows, almost the full height of the floor, separated him from the waterlogged world outside. He smiled gratefully at the offered noodles, saying that he'd pay Sanada back in school.
Sanada sat down as well. "It's not going to stop any time soon," he remarked, looking out, wondering if Yukimura was trying to see anything in particular, before realising his friend was studying his reflection in the glass.
Perhaps it was the atmosphere - the way everything blurred slightly in the reflection, how the rain made it feel like they were alone in the world - Sanada felt his heart beat a bit faster.
"What if the rain doesn't stop?"
Sanada checked his wallet. "I have enough money for about ten more noodles."
After a slight pause, Yukimura laughed. "I knew there was a reason why I like you so much."
Sanada finished his noodles and didn't reply. Yukimura did the same, eating with the speediness of a teenage boy, then washed it all down with some water.
He curled up against the glass again when he was done. It may be rude to stare, but Sanada gave up on trying to pretend that he wasn't looking. Yukimura was attractive. Good-looking, charismatic, masculine and yet sometimes, alluring like a woman. Sanada had always been aware of this, but he never gave it any thought until now. In his mind's eye he saw not the teenager, but the one ten years older, who was a little taller, his face sharper, but still had the same disarming smile.
Perhaps... maybe he could...
He stopped himself before he could begin.
"Genichirou?"
He must be having a funny look on his face. Sanada pretended something outside the window was very interesting.
Dear all things sacred and holy, he was not thinking about kissing a fifteen-year-old boy just now.
Several days later, Yukimura invited Sanada to his house and for reasons Sanada could not explain, he agreed. Well, there was no reason for him to refuse, especially since on the day they saw the dinosaur bones he had pretended not to have understood what Yukimura meant by it being perfectly okay to just ignore him.
That, and Sanada had spent the past few days wondering if he could ever go back to 2008 and if not, what he should do. He wouldn't have a choice except to accept being a teenager again, of course, but there were choices he could make differently. But he couldn't tell if he really was feeling something for Yukimura or if this was just the confusion of the moment.
Apparently Yukimura invited Renji too, but Renji said he had things to do at home and would join them for hatsumode tomorrow instead. Chances were Renji was being a lying bastard, but Sanada couldn't say that he minded too much. Or at all.
There wasn't much for them to do. Yukimura decided the garden needed some TLC and got Sanada to kneel on the ground with him to help sort out some problems with some roots of some plants. It mostly involved Sanada staring at Yukimura staring at the roots.
"I went to the pet shop yesterday to get cat food, and asked the guy there if rabbits really would die of loneliness. He laughed at me," said Yukimura suddenly whilst finishing repotting a plant, "said that it'd just get a bit depressed. Easily solved by finding it a companion."
Sanada made a sound in his throat to show that he was listening.
"But because I'm not a rabbit," Yukimura put the plant back where it was, brushing one hand with another to get rid of some of the soil, "I can't rely on someone to find me a companion. And since you still haven't run away and I can't do this any more wrongly or make it any worse than I already have," he turned towards Sanada, his hands still muddy, and his face too, where he scratched an itch with a dirty finger earlier, "I suppose I'll just ask you now and be done with it: would you go out with me?"
Sanada gaped for a full ten seconds.
"To watch the exhibition matches in Tokyo next week." Yukimura suddenly blurted out, his face unreadable. "I mean, let's go watch them?"
Sanada put down the pair of secateurs he was holding for Yukimura. "Seiichi... I..."
"Pretend I just invited you to watch tennis with me."
"I can't do that."
"Why not? You're supposed to be slow and just agree with me on stuff!" Yukimura stood. "What's with you? Why are you suddenly so thoughtful and clever? I..." Losing his words, he let out a frustrated growl and stalked back into the house.
Sanada followed, finding Yukimura in the ground floor bathroom washing his hands. He stood in the doorway. What was he supposed to say? That he came from ten years in the future and therefore it wouldn't be right for them to be together, even though he was starting to see the possibilities? Would that be seen as a new way of saying "I don't have the time"?
"I'm okay," Yukimura said, checking his fingernails for soil and getting a brush to clean under them, "sorry. Some things have happened lately and I'm just not myself."
Sanada took a moment to try to gather his thoughts, but it wasn't working. "I don't know how to explain this to you."
"You don't need to. I just wondered if I'd have had a chance if I did it this way. But it's not meant to happen after all." Soap and rinse. Soap and rinse. "Could you leave me alone for a little?"
Sanada found somewhere else to clean his hands, and sat down, wondering why he had to do this to Yukimura this time around, too. If this was supposed to be his second chance, an opportunity to understand, then it had achieved its purpose and Sanada just wanted to be back in his reality now and tell the older Yukimura that he'd like to try to be the rabbit's companion, or the equivalent but using less cheesy wording.
This Yukimura, however, was off-limits. What if Sanada started going out with him, then went back one day and the real teenage Sanada came back without knowing what had happened? What if his decision changed their past so that he could never go back to the future? So many things could go wrong in so many places.
But Sanada wondered if he had already done it wrong anyway. Again.
Kimono wasn't actually a sensible thing to wear at this time of the year, but it was tradition and Sanada rather liked the feel of layers of soft cotton on his skin.
He met up with Renji and Yukimura at the station before departing for the shrine. Renji was right. Ten years ago there were fewer people at this shrine.
They clapped their hands, bowed their heads and made their wishes. Sanada peeked at Yukimura, who stood on the other side of Renji, and wondered what Yukimura wished for. It couldn't be the same thing he wished for ten years later, seeing what had happened yesterday.
Afterwards, Renji said he wanted to buy health charms for his family and left his friends at a secluded spot behind a row of food stalls and in front of some trees. He got away before Sanada could catch and drag him back.
"I know you're worried about me," suddenly Yukimura said, "but I'm fine. Really."
Sanada said nothing.
"I just thought I'd give it a go, I wasn't hoping for anything," Yukimura said even as he shifted closer, warm breath brushing over Sanada's skin, "I know you're a good friend and always will be my good friend and I think that's better, actually."
"I'll always be your friend."
"Then why aren't you moving away?" Yukimura leaned even closer, his voice shaking.
This Yukimura was a teenager, but he was still the same person as the one Sanada knew ten years in the future. Still the same Yukimura Seiichi.
Sanada didn't answer the question. He kissed him instead.
There were four little feet on his chest and whiskers poking at his face. Sanada woke and stared into feline eyes.
Prince Gilbert meowed at him.
Oh.
Oh.
He was back.
The cat jumped off when Sanada sat up. He looked around, checked the time and the calendar on the wall, which said January 2008.
Just a very long dream.
He stood when he heard a crash. The bedroom door opened and Yukimura stumbled out after a while, looking a little worse for wear, his curly hair a nest on his head and his shirt not much better. He disappeared into the bathroom to brush his teeth before stalking into the kitchen, jumping when he realised Sanada was following behind. But one look out the window and Yukimura could see why Sanada stayed over. He opened the fridge and peered inside.
"Juice?"
"Um, yes please."
Yukimura poured a glass for Sanada and drank the rest straight from the carton. He leaned back against the counter, not hiding the fact that he was staring at his best friend. Being the focus of attention wasn't something Sanada often had a problem with, except he could still feel Yukimura's lips from his dream and that made him want to squirm. Yukimura's lips felt quite dry in the dream and looking at them now, they weren't different from the dream at all. Funny, that. Sanada couldn't remember ever having picked up such a detail.
Finished with the paper carton, Yukimura put it behind him. "I feel all messed up."
"It's called a hangover."
"I know what a hangover feels like better than you think." Yukimura tried to detangle his hair with his fingers, screwing his face up in annoyance. "I had this really messed-up dream last night. It's like going back to the past. I thought it might be a second chance so I tried to do things differently. It was really long and convoluted."
"A second chance regarding what?"
Yukimura's gaze flickered and settled on the windows. "Stupid things."
Possibilities bounced in Sanada's mind. But could it really be? "I dreamt about ten years ago, last night. We went to a dinosaur exhibition, played snooker..."
Yukimura gradually turned towards Sanada. "Cup noodles?"
"Two seafood-flavoured ones."
"And?" Yukimura moved away a little, his eyes widening.
"...a rabbit in your back garden..."
"Going to hatsumode..."
Sanada slowly nodded. Yukimura took another step back, his face more flushed than it had ever been.
"Shit."
Despite having known Yukimura for so many years, Sanada still didn't expect Yukimura to do what he did next: bolt out of the kitchen and into the bathroom, locking the door. Sanada weighed up his options, then went to knock on the door. "Seiichi, it's okay. Come out."
"Well it looks like I already have!" came Yukimura's half-panicked voice through the door, followed by a nervous laugh. "And it's not okay!"
"Why not?"
"Try liking someone for a decade and then that someone finding out through some weird, shared dream that defies all reason! Leave me alone while I try to wrap my mind around it, okay?"
"Fine."
Sanada found himself unbelievably calm, for some reason. He left Yukimura alone for the time being, sat down in the front room and waited. Ten years. That was right. He really was slow on the uptake. But now that he did know, the way forward was simple and made sense. It would take a while for it to sink in for Yukimura, so in the meantime, Sanada would supply the calm for them both.
He heard the click of the bathroom door about half an hour later.
His hair still a growth on his head and his shirt totally creased, Yukimura padded over, plastic slippers flapping as he walked. He sat down beside Sanada, narrowly missing squashing a cat in the process.
"Are you okay now?" Sanada asked.
"No," Yukimura replied. "Why are you so zen about this?"
Sanada once again chose not to answer the question.
Instead, he picked up where they left off in the dream.
-end-