Chapter One

Erasing The Line

"Isabelle?" I turned my head, my face blank. "Dr. Leri is ready to speak to you now." I nodded briefly towards the woman with the clipboard, before turning back to the window. How had it all come to this? At what point in my life has it all spiraled downwards and ended up as this?

"Isabelle, we need to go now." I couldn't even think of why I was there. Of course I knew why. But...Why? How had it gotten to that point in time where I was waiting in my 'dorm' room and waiting for my appointment with a qualified psychiatrist? It wasn't as if I had planned it. It wasn't as if it had been my ambition. It just sort of...Happened.

"Isabelle!" The woman with the clipboard shook at my shoulders and I jolted backwards. I wasn't used to the touch anymore.

No one had come close to me in over a week. I was that freaky girl from some unknown town. That one who no one knew anything about. No one had wanted anything to do with me. And that was fine. I didn't want anything to do with them either. I didn't want anything to do with anyone anymore. But I had to. I had to just keep it going because I was not allowed to end it myself.

"Come along, Isabelle." She was very stern, very bossy. She hadn't even spoken a proper conversation with me, yet I knew I wouldn't have liked her very much if she had. She was just one of those people. A lot of people were one of those people to me. I just didn't like them.

I was led from my secluded room, down the empty corridor. And then down another. And then down another. I was lost. I had never been allowed down this part of the 'hospital' before. I had seen people walk down here, or at least in this general direction, but I had never been there myself.

I guessed this was where all of the psychiatrist's offices were. Most doors had gold plaques with Dr. This and Dr. That printed on them. Maybe that was why I had never been down there. I hadn't had anything to do with any sort of doctor yet. In my first week I was not allowed. But now I was. I was finally going to talk to someone.

That someone was probably the same who had been monitoring me all week. I knew that was the real reason behind my very late appointment. I was being watched. I was being monitored out. They wanted to know more about me. I never showed them anything. At least, anything they could have used against me. But it wasn't like I was trying not to. There was nothing for them to use against me in the long run.

My escort stopped, her sour face not having moved. I thought it was botox, making me face stiff as a twig. She looked like she had some. Or maybe she was born with that face. The face that made you want to punch it. Either way, I still didn't like her.

She knocked the door, no answer. She knocked again and then turned to me, "Stay here until you are called in." I felt a strong urge to roll my eyes, but I forced myself not to. I was good at forcing myself not to do things, maybe that was a reason why I was here. I had momentarily lost that ability.

As the clip-clop of Miss Sour face's heels echoed down the hallway, I was starting to feel alone again. I was always left to feel alone in my life, you'd have thought I was used to it by now. And I was. Probably because I preferred it. Being alone with my thoughts was what I liked. No one could tell me what to do then.

"Enter." A voice called within a few moments later. It was as if she could see through walls, now that Sour Face had gone, I was free to enter.

I did as I was told. I pushed open the door and stepped into the room. I don't know what I had been expecting, but it wasn't this. This wasn't an office, this was a home.

The walls were a deep mahogany wood, from the floor to the high ceiling. The floor was also wooden, a slightly darker color. There was a desk at the far side of the room, matching the rest of the wood, but it looked pretty unused. Against the opposite wall was a fireplace, also of the same wood, a flame flicking under a golden plate gateway.

In the middle of the room was a deep green armchair, a stereotypical (You know, the one's you see people lying all dramatic-like on in movies) matching sofa across from it. In between the two was a coffee table- also matching the wood-and a cream shag rug underneath it. The rest of the large room was pretty much bare.

On the green chair was a middle-aged woman, slightly hinting towards OAP in her years. She wore a black suit, made of some expensive material I had never come across before. Her legs were folded and she was reading a few sheets of paper she had in her hands.

"Oh." She smiled up towards me as the door slammed expectantly shut. It would have made me jump, but it didn't. I was used to loud noises and unexpected things. I think the Dr. noticed it too.

Her face was kind-at least kinder than Sour Face's. But I never smiled back at her. I was not a smiler anymore. It was something I never liked doing for some reason. I guess I never felt that I had a reason to smile. At least not anymore.

"You didn't make a special effort for me, did you, Isabelle?" I had no idea what she was talking about personally. I was only wearing a black skirt and light pink t-shirt. I wasn't even wearing shoes! And my hair was nothing special. Bright orange locks that fell down to my waist, perfectly straight with my bangs clipped back to the side with a bobby pin. Nothing special there.

I guessed she was being sarcastic or something, but maybe she wasn't. Maybe I was one of her better dressed patients. After all, I had seen the others dress sense. Not a pretty sight, I can tell you that.

"Come sit, Isabelle." I did as I was told; just feeling compelled to do so. "Isabelle...That is a pretty name, isn't it?" I had no idea it was. "It's my niece's name, you know." Nope. I didn't know that either. "Do you have a nickname?" That I did.

"Izzy." I replied, pushing myself to sound confident. It was difficult. "My family calls me Izzy."

"Izzy..." She spoke my name like a whisper as she studied my face for-I wasn't even sure what for. But she was definitely studying my face, or staring. Either one works.

"Well, Izzy, I am Dr. Leri." Duh, that was what Sour Face had told me. "I just want to ask you a few questions, is that alright?" Would you not ask if I replied with no? "Good." She smiled once more, turning down to her papers. It was clear they contained the questions she was going to ask. Or so I had thought. She quickly gathered them together and placed them face down on the coffee table before going back to looking at me.

"You are such a bright girl, Izzy." Her voice sounded worried for me, but we had only just met. That was insane. Insane. What a word to describe-"You have an IQ of 125!" That was true. I had been made to take an IQ test on my way in. Though, at that point, I had, had no idea why, "What went wrong?"

Went wrong? Was she the one who needed the help?

"Nothing went wrong, Dr. Leri." I replied.

Silence. I liked silence; it gave me time to think. Think about anything I wanted to think about. But all I had been thinking about recently was how I had ended up in this place. That was a good thing to think about when you had nothing else.

"Izzy, you had a suicide attempt." Dr. Leri spoke to me softly, probably thinking the subject would send me off into one of my fits. It didn't. It never did, but everyone acted as if it did. "Something must have gone wrong somewhere."

I sat up straight on the green couch, staring Dr. Leri straight in her deep brown eyes, "It wasn't a suicide attempt, it was an escape from everything awful." I explained, turning my wrists over on my alp so she could see. "When we cut, we're in control - we make our own pain and we can stop it whenever we want." The scars were ugly to look at, I knew they were. I looked at them every day. "Physical pain relieves mental anguish. For a brief moment, the pain of cutting is the only thing in the cutter's mind, and when that stops and the other comes back, it is weaker." I knew exactly what I was talking about; I went through it on a daily basis. "Drugs do that too, and sex, but not like cutting. Nothing is like cutting."

Dr. Leri seemed to be stunned into place. Had I really just said that? Had those words really just come from my mouth? Yes. Yes they had. Maybe I did have an IQ of 125 after all. Maybe all those years I had been pushed down by everyone else, maybe I was really bright. Or maybe not.

I just knew what it felt like to be in all of those situations. The suicide. The drugs. The sex. But, most importantly, I knew what it was like to cut. That one I had been doing the longest out of all four elements that I guess had wound me up in the insanity ward at wherever I was. I hadn't even been told the name of the place, but I was definitely there because of what I had tried to do.

"You're doing it to yourself." I continued with my talking, hoping to get my point-the reason I had done what I had-across to Dr. Leri, who was listening rather contently. "And that's why it truly hurts. It was just one of those moments where I said to myself 'If I kill myself today, who would remember me tomorrow?'" It may have seemed like a stupid thing to do to me as I sat there in Dr. Leri's office, but it had been what I had wanted to do back when I had tried it.

"When I cut myself, I feel so much better. All the little things that might have been annoying me suddenly seem trivial because I'm concentrating on the pain." Every word seemed to be chocked from my mouth, but it was easy for me to talk about. I had never had someone to talk to before, but I felt as though I could trust Dr. Leri, which I could. "In that one moment I hated everyone in my life, everyone and everything, and most of all, I hated myself."

Dr. Leri seemed to be caught up with what I had to say. Even I was quite amazed at how easy I found the words to flow. I couldn't stop there; I needed to explain myself to someone. Even if this was a spur of the moment thing. Even if I would regret opening up to her later. I needed to get it all off my chest then and there.

"Insanity is knowing that what you're doing is completely idiotic." And what I had done was completely idiotic when I looked back, "But still, somehow, you just can't stop it." Because it wasn't like I had wanted to go through with it once I had started. I just had.

And, in reference to my IQ score, just to make sure she knew I had been paying my attention to her just as much as she was to me, "There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line."

A/N: Shit...

HOW COULD I START A NEW STORY LIKE THIS? HUH? HUH?

Okay...I'm good...I'm calm...NO I'M NOT!

I'm pretty mad at myself for starting this...But I couldn't pass up the opportunity to start a new story. Especially when it is one I haven't even stumbled upon in past work. I mean, how many stories of mine I have written the main character to be a secret genius, but everyone thinks she is mentally insane because of her depression? NONE! Well, I have this one...

Okay...Yeah...When I mentioned the key word there 'Depression'...Maybe a few of you know why...I have depression. I'm open about it, I don't mind people knowing. What I don't like is people trying to relate to me when they can't. You don't know what it is like unless you have been there yourself. Don't act as if you do.

No! I do not cut. I do not try and kill myself. Yes! I have hurt myself in the past. I have thought about killing myself. Don't try and talk me outta trying to kill myself, you're wasting your time. I'm not going to!

Back to the story...

I was looking up sex quotes earlier because I wanted to write an M rated oneshot. And, don't worry; I'm still in the mood to write one...THAT'S NOT HOW IT SOUNDS! Unless you found it to sound innocent, then it is!

hehehe...

Well, after I had gone through all the sex quotes, I saw a link to quotes about depression, suicide and self-injury. I followed it. Instantly I found this quote;

Maybe I am crazy but laughing makes the pain pass by.

Now, who does that remind you of? Because it reminded me of Izzy...And I have never written an Izzy fic before! Perfect opportunity for me to try! :D

And then I continued to read the rest of the quotes and found sooo many good ones! And I related them all together into a story in my head...Well, a few random scenes in my head. But I am planning on turning it into a story...THIS STORY!

hehe!

Quotes for this chapter;

In that one instance I hated everyone in my life, everyone and everything, and me most of all.

When I cut myself, I feel so much better. All the little things that might have been annoying me suddenly seem trivial because I'm concentrating on the pain.

You do it to yourself... and that's why it really hurts.

If I would kill myself tonight, who would remember me tomorrow?

It wasn't a suicide attempt; it was an escape from everything awful. When we cut, we're in control - we make our own pain and we can stop it whenever we want. Physical pain relieves mental anguish. For a brief moment, the pain of cutting is the only thing in the cutter's mind, and when that stops and the other comes back, it is weaker. Drugs do that too, and sex, but not like cutting. Nothing is like cutting.

Insanity is knowing that what you're doing is completely idiotic, but still, somehow, you just can't stop it.

There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

Come on, you didn't honestly think I thought up ALL of what Izzy said by myself ;) ahahaha! Though, I did throw my own things in there and I did reword a few...I think it went well! hehe!

...I have decided I'm pairing this story with Truth or Dare.

I don't think I've ever told ya'll that I like to piar up certain stories with each other...It could be for any reason! Like, I used to pair up Why High School Sucks and Daisy's Daydreams together because Daisy and Bex were...Similar in my mind.

I'm pairing Maybe I Am Crazy and Truth or Dare together because they are real. They are true. There really are teenager sin the world who are going through the same things Izzy and Courtney are going through. They're real.

And, if you have been affected by any of the things mentioned in today's chapter do feel free to conatct ChloeRhiannonX via a PM.

hehehe...Sorry! That ALWAYS comes on at the end Soap Opera's. have you noticed? And I thought I should ask ya'll! hehe!

I was serious though...If you wanna talk, I'm here! I'm a good listener...And some people even say I give good advice! =O! I know! I was shocked at that too...

ahaha!

Thanks for reading, please review :)

Love, ChloeRhiannonX