Title: Babylon 5- Cheaper By The Nearly 3 Dozen.
Fandom: Babylon 5 crossover Cheaper By The Dozen.
Characters: Sheridan, Ivanova, Shed loads of OC's, Lennier, Draal, Corwin.
Rating: PG.
Disclaimer: I do not think that I can do a better, equal or even passable imitation of The Great Maker Stracysnski, nor the Gilbreths. This is just for fun. I don't own it. I don't get money from it. Sue me and I'll laugh. And hide.
Warnings: AU. Sheer ridiculousness.
Spoilers: Well, I don't think this qualifies as a spoiler thing with B5, and it's not a direct x-over with CBTD so I'll take a risk and say none, but don't quote me on that.
Summary: What if Sheridan was descended from Tom Baker and his clan? If I get enough reviews I may develop this into a miniseries- the Babysitter Chronicles of Silliness. Just say who you wanna see being put through the horror of babysitting the doom hoard! Will accept any canon characters!
Author's Note: Nothing to do with the Amateur Redux Universe. I just had to get it out of my mind! I couldn't get this plot bunny to go wag its tail somewhere else!
***
"OK, well now that the Trigati's been dealt with, what's your plans?" Ivanova arched her back to try and relieve the stress pain.
"Well, I have to go down to customs, my kids are coming on board-"
"Kids!!! Your kids are coming here!?! You're bringing those horrors to the station!?! How can you do this to us?!" Ivanova looked aghast and began praying in her mind to God that she'd misheard him.
"Susan! My kids are not horrors! They are very well behaved!"
"..."
"They are! Since I'm now on a station as opposed to a ship I can have them living with me again- This'll be great!" He walks off, smiling.
"High priority alert!" Said Ivanova, turning to Corwin. "The station is doomed!"
***
"Ah, Captain." Sheridan looked to his left.
"Mr Lennier." The Minbari aide bowed to the Human. He still remembered his aunt and mother on the Black Star, but that was almost 10 cycles ago. He had to move on.
"What brings you to the customs hall?" Lennier asked out of curiosity. On Minbar he wouldn't have asked but Humans seemed to think that personal questions were a way to show respect. He thought.
"My kids are coming aboard." Lennier looked confused.
"You keep young goats?"
Laughing, Sheridan said "Ha! No, my sons and daughters, my offspring. 'Kids' is a slang term for children."
"Ah. You're a father?" Lennier was surprised. Warriors didn't have children when they were as young as Sheridan, and Religious and worker caste wouldn't be separated from their children in space.
"Yep." He looked so happy, Lennier realized he was truly just as emotional as any Minbari father with their children.
"If I may ask, how many children do you have?"
"32."
Lennier looked blank. "I'm sorry, I believe I misheard you..."
"No, you didn't. It's not usual among humans, but I have 32 children. My family have always had large numbers of children, except my parents, because my mother had health problems when she was pregnant with me and my sister. Everyone else in my family who are old enough to have started their own families have more than 10 children."
"Ah. I see. And your children are... all... coming to live with you?"
"Yep. It's going to be great!" Suddenly the floor vibrated slightly. Lennier looked to the side... Just in time to jump out of the way as a large wall of arms, legs and backpacks came out of nowhere headed for the Captain.
"DAD!"
"WE MISSED YOU!"
"GIMME A HUG!"
"ME FIRST!"
Lennier stared in horror at the huge mass of bodies, under which the Captain had disappeared.
"Hey! Come on kids!" He stood up, three small infants swinging from his neck. Four larger children continued to hug him around his middle as a group of over a dozen adolescents arrived, carting large baggage holders. They all called to their father, smiling.
Lennier looked at the huge crowd of Sheridans and said to himself, "In Valen's Name!" He sighed, realizing the inevitable truth. "The station is doomed."
***
John laughed as he served up dinner for his kids. He'd missed them so much on the Rim. He ducked as Heidi threw a spoon past his head. He'd almost cried himself to sleep he missed them so much. He jumped back as Bradley rode his tricycle past his knees.
He put the dish on the table as his kids crowded around. He was so happy he'd insisted on getting one of the redundant storage rooms for renovation into a home for him and his kids. Lily jumped on his back and started cheering in his ear. He just needed some more pieces of furniture and someone to care for the younger kids when he was working somewhere they couldn't stay with him. Samantha pushed a high graded essay in front of her face. He wondered who he could ask to babysit.
Justine grabbed him by the collar and kissed him on the cheek as she snagged a dinner roll. As they sat down, he knew he could look forward to a life of waking up at 5 o'clock with a bed full of arms and legs, dinners that would end with food all over the floor and near-constant hugging. He could hardly wait.
"Hey Dad," said Brett, "can I work on the maintenance crew?"
"I don't see why not." Said John as he began passing plates around.
"Oh my god!" Said Katherine, laughing. "The station is doomed!"
***
Four hours later, everyone was in bed. John sighed happily as he felt the heat from some of his children surrounding him. Jade and Rayne both spoke in their sleep. Herman, Harry and Edger all kicked. And Samuel was in his special night pants.
His four youngest, the quadruplets Amy, Forrest, Daniel and Damien were in their collective crib, slightly enlarged. At two and a half years old they were too young to share a bed with larger siblings. The older kids, the ones over 14 years old, were mostly in their own beds except for those who didn't mind sharing with a sibling or four. They were all asleep.
Draal looked at them from the Great Machine, smiling. He'd witnessed them coming aboard and had found out a lot about them using the resources of the Great Machine. He thought that, with things imminent to get as dangerous as he knew they would, Sheridan deserved whatever happiness he could find.
"They are so cute." He said. "The station is still doomed though."
***
A/N So, give me feedback and requests. This is a parody so don't be afraid to give me ridiculous babysitter requests! Single people or groups, I don't mind. Make them as silly and AU as you want! This isn't supposed to be a serious AU- obviously there is OOCness and continuity errors- this is just stupidity.