Crosspost from AO3, written to Do It Again - Stroke 9.
Thor was absolutely horrified when Tony gleefully showed him his extensive collection of DVDs, all of which featured busty, naked women prominently on the covers. Clint came back into the room with a bowl of popcorn, a frighteningly large bottle of lotion, and a box of tissues piled into his arms. Bruce stopped for a moment in the living room doorway, eyed the items in Clint's arms suspiciously, and decided that tonight was not actually the night they would be watching Bill Nye before walking quickly away. Natasha entered the room, picked up a DVD at random, and told Tony that her best friend from high school starred in it; Tony looked wildly pleased and asked if she'd be willing to do a reenactment reunion with her. The smile was quickly slapped off his face and Natasha stalked away, tossing a glare at Clint, who just smiled innocently at her and told her something about how it was her own fault for refusing to indulge him in blowjob week.
Steve picked up a case, read the title out loud: "War Heroes," and promptly fell over in a dead faint. Thor retrieved the case from underneath him and scrutinized the cover, which did not actually depict any glorious men in the camouflage Midgardians are so fond of marching home victoriously with the spoils of their enemies. Rather, the cover displayed a rather large-chested blonde woman and some rather well-endowed man that looked ready to mate in a bed whose covers resembled an American flag, which Tony eagerly explained to him was a blatant defilement of the symbol but that only added to the excitement.
Thor pitied Steven, and silently agreed that he would have a similar reaction. The Asgardian flag was something sacred and most definitely not something to be having relations on.
Pepper walked into the living room for a moment, eyed Steve speculatively, and told Tony that perhaps he should try to ease the captain into modern American life a little more gently. Tony vehemently disagreed, and claimed that mutual masturbation has always been a popular American pastime. Clint nodded vigorously beside him.
Thor endured approximately 7.5 minutes of this thing Tony so eloquently called "porn" before he claimed that he forgot to do some Asgardian thing; Tony and Clint, eyes glued to the awe-inspiring gymnastic ability of the woman on screen, barely spared him a glance and waved him away. Thor stepped over Steve, who had woken up during the fifth minute of the movie and had promptly passed out again upon seeing the woman doing something rather adventurous featuring a red, white, and blue phallic device.
When Thor arrived in Asgard with a soft whoosh, Heimdall looked at him and shook his head disapprovingly. Thor barely had the good graces to just nod awkwardly at him before running off to find his brother.
Thor found Loki in the gardens, trimming some bushes.
"Brother!" he boomed loudly upon arrival. Loki jumped in surprise and snipped off a perfectly good purple blossom, which he picked up and forlornly examined before turning to face Thor with a glare.
"Must you always come rampaging in like a bull through a china shop?" he snapped as he turned back to his flowers and desperately tried to reconnect the stem and the blossom. It wasn't working, and Loki scrubbed a hand over his face in exasperation.
"I am not a bull, nor am I in a china shop. We are outside, and I was not aware that one was able to purchase a country," Thor corrected him, plopping heavily down beside Loki. Loki rolled his eyes in response and continued pruning.
"I assume you came to find me for a reason?" he asked, looking out the corner of his eye at Thor.
Thor paused for a moment, looking at the flower in Loki's hand. "Those are the flowers I like," he said after a while. "You grew them for me?"
Loki sniffed. "Well I certainly wouldn't have grown them for myself. They serve no practical purpose other than looking beautiful and being troublesome to grow."
Thor grappled him in a hug. "Oh, Brother, you are truly quite adorable," he said with a grin, nuzzling kisses into Loki's pale neck. Loki tried to shove him off to no avail; the pruning shears also clearly had no effect against Thor's skin, which seemed to be elephantine in its roughness.
"Get off me, you lump of meat," Loki snarled. The purple flower was completely, irreparably crushed, and Loki silently mourned the loss of eight months and a perfectly good patch of soil in which he could have planted something else. Like hideously large Venus fly traps big enough to swallow small children.
"Brother," Thor said when he pulled back. "The man of iron showed me some of his video material today, and I was rather horrified by it."
"Is that right?" Loki asked, rummaging through the bushes some more. "Did it involve giant rabid squirrels? I know you were terrified by those the last time I went with you to see a Midgardian feature."
"No, no, no," Thor said, shaking his head. "It was different. It had a lot of naked women in it, and the one that Anthony picked was one that had a woman rolling around licentiously with a man on top of an American flag. Steven, of course, couldn't muster the courage to watch the defilement of his country's symbol; I only wish I was as lucky, it was rather offending material."
Loki stopped picking off dead leaves and turned to look at Thor. "...You mean porn?" he asked, arching a thin brow at his brother.
"Yes!" Thor replied, looking innocently back at him. "That is what Anthony called it also. You have seen this porn before?"
Loki snorted. "Midgard has many porns. I do not think it is possible to have seen all of them unless one was truly dedicated to the task. I have not seen that particular video, but yes, I have seen three whole porns."
"And your eyes were not screaming for exit from your skull?" Thor asked, looking at him in amazement.
Loki shrugged. "It is not quite so different from what we do, is it?" he said. "It just usually features women."
"It seems like such a private thing, though," Thor said, picking out a few sprouts of grass by his knees. "To be brought such extensive pleasure like that for many people to view."
After Thor had picked quite a large patch of grass from the ground, he stood up and said, "I wish to feast. Please join us in the banquet hall soon, brother, it is getting dark."
As Thor walked away, Loki discovered a new patch of violet blooms in the back of the bush and smiled.
Thor puttered around Asgard for a week, feasting heartily, training with Sif, and wondering where Loki had got off to.
As he retired to his quarters one night, he found a television that had spontaneously appeared opposite his bed, balanced delicately on the dresser. Loki was nowhere in sight, and Heimdall hadn't informed him that any of his Midgardian companions were coming to visit. Thor looked around and shrugged off his armor and robes before going over to turn the TV on.
Loki's face fizzled into view on the screen, and Thor reached out to touch him before remembering that Loki was not actually behind the screen. Instead he settled back onto his bed and waited.
The image on the screen zoomed out a bit to show Loki's naked body on an Asgardian flag, and Thor was half-horrified, half curious. He decided to keep watching.
"Well, Thor," Loki's voice came out crisply over the television. "You may as well undress if you haven't already. We're in for a wild ride."
Thor's eyes were wide as he watched Loki's pale fingers gently dance over his body, caressing, pinching, stroking, massaging. He couldn't drag his eyes away from the pale digits pinching Loki's nipples into rosy red peaks, couldn't find air to breathe as he watched the slim fingers of the other hand dip into a small bowl of oil besides Loki's head before disappearing between his legs. He wanted to lick long, burning stripes on the underside of Loki's cock, which was jutting flushed from his brother's thighs. And Loki's moans of his name were beyond obscene. Thor freed his erection from his undergarments and began to stroke.
"Thor." Loki's voice was breathy as he rolled onto his stomach, his rear end aimed to face the camera and Thor had a perfect view of where Loki's fingers disappeared into himself. He ached to be there, to press his fingers into Loki's tight heat, because Loki's fingers weren't big enough to be satisfying, how could they be when Thor was always there to stretch him open?
He swallowed his own groan as Loki cried out, his fingers curling inside him. Loki repeated this a few more times, his breaths turning gradually into sobs before he stopped. Silvery fluid was dripping slowly from Loki's flushed cock onto the flag; Thor stopped his fast pace on his erection, breathing hard, as he continued to watch the screen.
"I wish you were here," Loki murmured, smiling teasingly back at him, and it was as though he was watching Thor instead of the other way around. "I bet you love this. Hard for me, aren't you? You like this. Watching. It would be so much better with you here. You could stuff me up right now; I'm so wet you probably wouldn't even need anything, you could just press up into me and make me come from just that."
Thor swore his heart skipped a beat or ten.
"You want that too, don't you?" Loki asked breathily. "To watch me come undone? You'd love that, wouldn't you, brother?"
Thor nodded vigorously, before remembering that Loki couldn't see him.
Loki smiled. "I suppose you'll have to content yourself with just this, though. At least you can always pretend, right?"
And then Loki was rolling his fingers around inside himself again, and doing something particularly flexible with his hips that Thor hadn't known he could do. Thor resumed his quick strokes, rubbing the flat of his palm over the head and trying to stifle the groans as he watched, entranced.
Loki's fingers curled into himself roughly, and then Thor watched as Loki's other hand came down to tug at his flushed cock, bobbing red and rosy between his thighs. Loki's breaths turned into sobs that Thor could barely hear his name in, and then suddenly, his body a long, tense, perfectly erotic line, Loki cried out and his body shook as he spilled himself all over the flag.
Thor bit the inside of his cheek to stop the shout of Loki's name that rose in his throat as he came all over his hand.
A few moments later, Loki appeared with a little pop on the other side of Thor's bed, looking perfectly, immaculately put together. He grinned mischievously at the semen streaking Thor's fingers.
"Enjoyed yourself, then?" he asked, smirking.
"I did," Thor admitted, looking at him and smiling. "It was a rather lovely porn."
Loki smiled, gentler this time. "I am glad you enjoyed it. It took a while to figure out how Midgardian devices called video cameras work."
"You are indeed a brilliant man, Loki," Thor said.
As Loki shrugged off his green coat and outer garments to get ready for bed, Thor added, "Although there is one problem."
"And that is?" Loki asked, turning to face him as his hands fumbled with the buttons of his pants.
Thor dragged him down onto the bed, pinning him underneath him with a grin. "You aren't nearly messy enough yet."