A/N: I don't own any of the characters, copyright to Cartoon Network and Pendleton Ward
Fair warning, this first chapter is essentially a rewrite of the episode entitled 'Adventure Time With Fionna and Cake' from the perspective of Ice Queen. I wasn't going to do it, but when I tried to just go from after the episode finished I couldn't get the characters, I don't know if I did, but I live in hope. I hope that even if the rewrite doesn't grab you, you can persevere, I think it gets better.
She was always angry, it seemed, so often that she didn't always notice. As she pulled the clouds around her she was angry, as she flew she was angry. It wasn't something that could be helped she thought and so she didn't ever try to help it.
Fionna came out onto the balcony, shortly followed by the cat and her prince. Ice Queen was angry again, she couldn't help it, she never could. Seeing them together, that tomboy with her Gumball, it just made her so angry.
She came out of the clouds laughing, the spikes forming in her hands.
"It's Ice Queen," Fionna announced as if it weren't obvious.
"The prince shall be mine," Ice Queen cackled, the spikes leading before her.
"Back inside," Fionna called.
They all hurried back inside a moment before the massive spike of ice crashed through the wall. Ice Queen slid down, hands already crackling with energy.
"Out of my way, tomboy," she told Fionna.
The girl stayed put. "Ice Queen, why are you always predatoring on dudes?" she asked.
Ice Queen scoffed, "You should talk," she said. "Keeping all the babes to yourself, totally ice-blocking my game."
"What?" was the best the girl could do.
"Not this time," Ice Queen screeched, calling up an icy slush around her.
"Slush beast," Prince Gumball cried. Ice Queen wondered that he needed to point it out.
She hit Gumball and pressed him, within the slush, against the far wall. Ice Queen heard Fionna tell the cat to turn into a morning-star and heard the spinning as a plan formed in her head. She quickly froze the prince a moment before the cat hit and her slush went everywhere.
Ice Queen quickly shoved the frozen block of prince through the nearby door and transformed herself. She didn't much like the notion of being male, but it would have to do for now, she had an plan to carry out.
She stepped through the snow until she could see Fionna. How did that boy speak again?
"You saved me from the Ice Queen," she pointed out, despite it being false. He pointed out the obvious, didn't he?
"Oh, ah," Fionna blushed a little. "Yeah I guess, is she gone?" The girl looked around.
"She must have fled," Ice Queen told her. "Fionna" – might as well start sooner rather than later, Ice Queen figured – "you're so strong, and… you look so beautiful in the snow."
Fionna blushed and Ice Queen couldn't help thinking the girl was cute when she blushed.
Ice Queen didn't want to be stuck like this for long. "What are you doing later?" she asked the girl.
"I was just…" the girl looked flustered. "Going to go home."
"Come with me," Ice Queen said. "Let's go out."
"Go… out?" Fionna asked. It bothered Ice Queen to see the girl so hung up on her prince.
"Yeah," Ice Queen said. "Let's go somewhere."
"What?" was again all Fionna could manage.
Cake appeared, Ice Queen had all but forgotten about the cat. "We'd love to," she said.
"Great," Ice Queen forced, less happy that the cat would be there. "Meet me in the Castle gardens, in an hour."
Fionna seemed almost frozen, which was ironic, considering Ice Queen hadn't touched her, yet. Cake dragged the mute girl away. "Yes," the cat said. "We'll be there."
Ice Queen had to restrain herself until she was sure that the cat wouldn't hear before she burst out laughing. The one she hadn't frozen couldn't seem to move or talk. It was funny, she thought, that the girl was so hung up on another woman's man.
She sighed a little and smiled to herself as she lugged the block of ice containing her prince into the bedroom. It seemed fitting. She froze him to the ceiling for later and went off to look for something to give the girl that would impress her. For the plan of course.
A little less than an hour later, Ice Queen was hiding in the garden, waiting for Fionna when the girl turned up. "Let's just bail, I changed my mind," she heard the girl say and for a moment she was worried.
"No," she heard the cat say, forcefully. "No retreat girl."
Ice Queen rounded the corner to find that Cake had pulled Fionna down to her level. "Hello, Fionna," she said, stretching the greeting a little. "And I see you brought Cake." She tried to keep the disappointment out of her voice.
"That's cool, right?" the girl asked.
"Only if it's cool that I brought" – the horse, thing, made a loud noise as it hit the ground – "Lord Monochromicorn," Ice Queen said.
"Hiya gorgeous," Cake said.
Lord Monochromicorn stamped a few times and raked the dirt, Cake's tail frizzed out and Ice Queen decided she was better off not knowing what had been said.
Moving on, she thought. "Accept these tokens of our esteem," she said.
"Eh, you didn't have to, guy," Fionna told her. Ice Queen almost protested at being called so.
"Nonsense," Ice Queen said. "For you, Cake" – she offered the cat the bag she held – "a satchel of nepetalactone, Locro picked it himself."
"Catnip," the cat, of course, exclaimed. "Sweet babies."
Ice Queen had to resist the urge to laugh as Cake started to tap the bag against her head.
"And for you, milady," Ice Queen turned to Fionna. "A bouquet of posies," she knew the girl would be flattered, but not impressed.
"Oh," Fionna blushed, "ah, they're…"
Ice Queen decided not to leave the girl hanging. "There's a surprise at the centre," she said.
Fionna pulled the little crystal from the centre, tossing the flowers aside as expected. Ice Queen made the thing turn into a sword, still looking awfully like crystal instead of the ice it was.
"Ha ha, a crystal sword," Fionna said, giving it a swing. Ice Queen liked the touch of awe in the girl's voice. "I'm all about swords, how did you know?"
"I pay attention to things I see you being, all about," Ice Queen managed, sure she'd just made a fool of herself.
"Thanks dude," Fionna said, punching Ice Queen lightly on the shoulder. "It's just," she looked at the sword, "wow."
The girl was practically drooling but for some reason Ice Queen didn't want to just laugh at that silly expression, it was cute, she thought. Why did she keep thinking Fionna was cute?
"Come," she told Fionna, getting up onto Lord Monochromicorn. "For the wowiness has only just begun." Somehow she didn't make a fool out of herself with that.
They were walking along shortly, or riding along would be more accurate and the cat started whispering. Ice Queen couldn't make it out, but she heard Fionna tell her to keep her voice down.
"Oh, Fionna," she said.
"Hey," Fionna said, looking back up. "What's up?"
"I thought we might have a little race," Ice Queen said. "A playful race, to marshmallowy mweadows."
"Ok," Fionna said. "But I'm gonna kick your butt," she blushed, "not that I'm thinking of butts."
"Excellent," Ice Queen said. "Hiya." This to Lord Monochromeicorn, who sped off and she missed whatever it was Cake said to the girl.
Cake almost caught them until they started up the cliff side and Ice Queen just beat them to the top, jumping off Lord Monochromicorn once they were into the field. Fionna jumped off the cat nearby. Riding was a lot more effort than Ice Queen had thought it would be, she was panting and it took a moment to recover herself.
"Good race, Fionna," she said. Undoubtedly she would have thought different had she lost.
Fionna didn't reply and Ice Queen couldn't think of anything to say. She hummed something almost tuneless to herself and looked around the place. Something sparkled in the flowers and she felt compelled to grab it for the girl.
She dived in and heard the girl shout behind her: "Gumball!"
It irked her again to be called such but she found she didn't mind when Fionna jumped in after her and grabbed her, picking her up. Ice Queen felt herself smile, which wasn't something she'd done much outside of practicing in front of the mirror and concocting her plans.
"Sorry," she said, not something she often said. "I saw a pear pigmy skull in there" – she held up the offending article – "it reminded me of you, the way your eyes sparkle." That was incredibly cheesy, but Ice Queen didn't even worry she'd embarrassed herself.
Fionna's eyes widened and did indeed sparkle as she stared at Ice Queen. She tried to keep in mind that it was her prince that Fionna thought she was staring at but couldn't help that the gaze she returned wasn't completely fake. The girl was just so cute.
It was some time later that they were flying on Lord Monochromicorn's back and Ice Queen felt the need to come clean. They were enemies, weren't they? Why did she want to just sit there and tell the girl how she was feeling? Why was she feeling things at all? This was not part of the plan.
"Fionna, there's something I want to tell you," she said. "I feel, like nothing was real, until I met you. I feel like we connect, and I really get you." The cat started playing that thing she'd been carrying around. "If I said you're a beautiful girl, would it upset you?" Ice Queen was almost surprised to find that she meant what she said.
Fionna was blushing, and it was adorable.
"'Cause the way you look tonight, silhouetted, I'll never forget it," Ice Queen found, almost to her surprise, that she was singing. These weird things were coming and she had to restrain herself avoid destroying them. How dare then interrupt.
Fionna got out her 'crystal' and Ice Queen turned it into a sword.
"Oh, oh Fionna, you fist has touched my heart," Ice Queen continued as the girl slashed at the first thing to come too close. It exploded like fireworks. "Oh, oh Fionna," – the girl continued to slash as Ice Queen sang – "I won't anything in this world keep us apart."
Finally: "I won't let anything in this world keep us apart," they sang in unison. Ice Queen couldn't help but think that the girl before her was beautiful.
Lord Monochromicorn made a low pass and Ice Queen and Fionna dropped off, laughing, the moment gone.
"Oh my gosh dude," Fionna said, Ice Queen again felt a pang that Fionna thought it was all Gumball, she didn't know. "That was like, the stupidest thing ever."
Ice Queen covered her reaction to that well, laughing instead. Of course Fionna thought it was Gumball, that was the whole point, wasn't it? Why would the Ice Queen give away her plan before it was finished? It was a good plan.
"See you back at the tree house," Cake called down, winking at the girl. Fionna blushed again and Ice Queen was again struck by how cute the girl was.
They lay in the grass a while, talking about nothing until an incredibly stupid question appeared in the Ice Queen's head. "Do you think I could wear my pants as a shirt," she asked the girl.
They both laughed at that.
"Gee I don't know I've thought about it," Fionna said. "But I think you could wear your pants as a shirt, if you really needed to."
Ice Queen laughed, wondering where such a silly thing had come from. She wasn't silly, was she? She was angry, wasn't she angry, angry and crazy were what she had. So what was she doing here? It wasn't just the plan. She couldn't have done this before she had spent time with Fionna.
"Ok, ok," she said, calming herself. "Now you ask me something."
"Oh, um…" Fionna had come with a serious question. "Is this a… date?"
Ice Queen smiled and stood, Fionna followed suit. "Fionna," Ice Queen said. "Come to the ball with me."
"As your chum?" Fionna asked. Ice Queen was almost outraged that Gumball had given the girl that notion. She had trouble for a moment, remembering that she was being Gumball and not herself.
"No," Ice Queen said. "As my," she paused, not sure she should say it, "girlfriend."
Fionna practically flipped out. "I'd better… go," she said, barely concealing her elation. Ice Queen forced herself to remember that it was part of the plan, Fionna thought it was Gumball who asked this. "Get… ready." The girl stammered, practically running off.
Ice Queen stood there a while, watching the girl's retreating back. She dropped down into the grass again and stared up at the stars, knowing she should get back to Gumball's castle, but she wanted to stay there longer.
What was going on? She couldn't work it out, barely a few hours ago she had hated the girl, hadn't she? She'd wanted to keep her away from Gumball and now she wanted to take the girl to a ball, as herself. It wasn't part of the plan anymore, not really.
But she couldn't just abandon the façade and tell the girl outright, could she? She couldn't drop her act and turn up at the girl's house, so what could she do? Why did she want to do anything at all? It was frustrating to not know why she wanted something. It wasn't new, she knew it wasn't new, but it was different this time, it wasn't the crown this time, it was her.
How had she changed so fast when she hadn't changed in all the years she'd known the girl? She couldn't bring herself to care about Gumball anymore, except in anger, how could he do that to the girl Ice Queen had seen that day? How could he keep her out like that?
It made her angry, but it made her happy too. Gumball didn't want her even though she wanted him, it was something she'd thought the girl and she shared. But it wasn't, Ice Queen wanted to keep Fionna away from Gumball, but it didn't have to have anything to do with Gumball.
She shook her head. Stick to the plan, the crown insisted, get the prince.
The ball was boring without Fionna, Marshal was interesting sure, vampires always interested the Ice Queen, but the ball was still boring. Ice Queen was talking to that crazy bun for almost ten minutes before she spied Fionna through the curtain over the door. She didn't even bother to excuse herself.
"I've been looking for you," she told the girl, pushing the curtains open.
"Well," Fionna looked a little uncomfortable in the dress, but it looked good on her. "Here I am."
Ice Queen forced a laugh. "Hey," she took the girl's hand. "I want to show you something."
Leading the girl away Ice Queen head Cake call after them: "Ooh, okay girl, I'll see you later."
She led the girl into the castle and up the stairs to Gumball's bedroom, they wouldn't be disturbed there. Easier to finish the plan, her crown told her. That wasn't quite what she had in mind but she knew better than to argue with the thing.
"What?" Fionna asked on entry, seeing the rose petals. "Hey, is this your bedroom?"
Ice Queen locked the door. "Fionna," she undid the button on the top of Gumball's clothes.
"Whoa," Fionna stepped back and the damn ice dripped. Fionna looked up to find the frozen Gumball. "What?"
Finish the plan, the crown insisted. No, Ice Queen told it, she was going to explain. But it was too late for that now, she'd argued with the thing. It didn't like to be argued with.
She could hear herself laughing as she peeled of the Gumball disguise. "This was so much easier than I thought it would be," the crown spoke through her. It wasn't what she wanted. If this was why she was Ice Queen then she didn't want to be Ice Queen.
But it was too late now.
She zapped at Fionna but the girl dodged, dropping her purse.
"This is really messed up, Ice Queen," the girl said and for once the woman couldn't disagree with her. "What is your problem with me?"
Hands on the ground, Ice Queen brought the ice up under the girl. "You're what stands between me and my gumball," she screeched. Was that what she sounded like? No wonder people thought she was mad.
Spikes erupted from the block of ice on which Fionna now stood and thankfully none of them touched the girl, tearing only her pretty dress. Fionna tore herself free, not sparing a single thought for the clothing.
"I can't believe I fell for this trash," Fionna said. Ice Queen was cut, it was trash, was it? She felt the anger coming back. "You got me to show up with a dress," Fionna continued, "and a pur… my purse, my sword."
Ice Queen had hoped the crown had forgotten the sword, but now it was back. Ice Queen felt herself throw spikes at the girl, who ducked and went for the purse, grabbing the sword from it. It extended, a final piece of false hope. Fionna's hands were trapped.
"You like my Ice Sword?" Ice Queen asked.
"Get it off me," Fionna shouted.
Ice Queen laughed, she deserved it, didn't she? She does, the crown assured her.
Fionna charged, jumping onto the taller woman's shoulders and hitting her, over and over with the ice that had formed on her hands from the sword. Ice Queen blasted her off with a stream of snow and the girl flew up to the roof, where Gumball was frozen.
She smashed the ice and dropped to the ground with Gumball. Ice Queen was buried under the falling ice, unable, for the moment, to get up and continue the fight.
"Oh my goodness," this from Gumball.
Cake burst in. "What's going on in here?" she demanded, and then spied Gumball and Fionna and charged. "Don't you touch her."
Fionna grabbed the cat. "Shh, it's okay, it's okay," Fionna calmed her friend. "It was the Ice Queen."
"Paws off my prince," Ice Queen was back up, blasting Cake from Fionna's hands and cackling.
Fionna leapt at her and knocked the crown off her head. But that wasn't enough, it never was, the thing was still there with her. Fionna kicked her back and the ice stopped. Ice Queen tried to use her magic but nothing happened.
"My magic tiara," she exclaimed. "My powers."
Fionna grabbed her. "And this," the girl said. "Is for yanking my heart-gut." Fionna punched the taller woman to the ground where she was immediately drenched with her own magic.
"Ha ha," Cake fairly cackled. "I'm a queen."
Fionna knocked the crown off. "No, you might catch her crazy," she said. Ice Queen wondered how she could know that. Cake looked a little angry and stormed off as Prince Gumball started talking.
"Wow, Fionna, you're just, really incredible," the prince said. Ice Queen was angry again, but it was her now, not the crown. How dare he take this long. "Maybe we should meet up," the prince said. "For a date."
The Queen's heart was in her throat for a moment before the girl pushed Gumball away. "No way man," she said. "Not interested."
Fionna sighed. "I think the reason I have all these guy friends, and now boyfriend," she looked like this was a revelation to her. "Is that I don't really want to date any of them. I don't need to feel like I'm waiting to be noticed, I know who I am and I'll know what I want when, and if, it ever comes along."
For some reason Ice Queen was happy to hear it. It didn't mean anything, not really, all it meant was that Gumball wouldn't be taking Fionna away and, even though that was almost the opposite of what she had feared at the start of the day, she found that comforting to know.