Ok, this is my entry into Elobelia's Arm's Race - Fic-a-thon/Challenge on the KKM livejournal community. Basically it's about creating a story that has to do with Conrad loosing his arm and growing it back, (as she stated, preferably a crack story). I'm not all that experienced with writing crack fics, but I just had to write this one. It's kind of short, (and a little off topic), but I think it's amusing.

Oh, and since I wanted to rate this teen rather than mature I censored some of the more hard-core cuss words, but don't worry, you'll be able to tell what they are. :)

Time for me to shut up and let you guys read my fic.

This is the story of the arm that rocked the world.

Hello, I'm Armando, Conrad Weller's current arm, and I'd like to tell you all my story.

Well, my life started out just about the same as any other limb's. I was born attached to a baby and I grew along with that baby until he became a man. The exception with me was that my man just wasn't any man, he was a WELLER. Now, if you're not accustomed to the family history of the Wellers, well then you probably shouldn't be alive because they are F***ING AWESOME!

You have no freaking idea. My life with Lawrence was like the best thing ever! Most arms have boring regular lives, they lift up stuff and hold stuff down and open stuff an all. Yeah, it pretty much sucks. But not me, oh no, not me. My entire life with Lawrence was spent kicking other arm's asses, (you know, if they had them).

All day long we traveled the country sword fighting all these losers and taking them down. They'd be all "Lawrence Weller! We're here to kick your ass and show the world how totally awesome we are!" and their arms would be all like "yeah bitch, watch me swing this sword and bring you down."

Then me and Lawrence would be all, "bitch, please" and kick there asses. He'd move me back and forth like a pro and we'd cut those sorry sons of bi***es to pieces. Then they'd be laying on the ground dead and their arms would be all "Oh sh**! Why the hell couldn't we be attached to a awesome guy like that?" And then I'd be all "hahahahahaaa! You just suck too much!"

Yes, life was good.

Then the war came. I was young back then and didn't care much about the details, but apparently some crazy dark magic spirits or some sh** like that wanted to take over the world and this blonde guy was like "hells no!" Anyway, long story short he requested the assistance of Lawrence and I in helping him save the world, (of course he did, he'd be a dumbass if he didn't).

OMG that was such an awesome time! We spent like all day just running and swinging around and cutting the hell out of sh**! These creepy mummy people or whatever would just come up to us and be like "urg! We are totally sucky and you are so awesome we must destroy you! Urg!" And then me and Lawrence would be like "hahahahaha bitch please" and slice the sh** out of them.

Ahh….good times, good times. But anyway, eventually me and Lawrence, (and some other people who all looked like either models or hookers), won the war and that blonde guy came up to us and was like "hey, we need to make sure this black sh** doesn't like try to take over the world again" and so me and Lawrence were like "leave it to us man, we totally got it."

So the blonde guy cut up the black stuff, (I totally could have done that a hundred times better), and put it in these boxes and them made Lawrence and I and some other models/hookers keys to the boxes and was like "don't let this sh** get out or it's gonna be like really, really bad."

And I thought that was that, but I was wrong, oh so wrong.

Turns out the dumb blonde got himself infected with some of that black sh** when he was cutting it up, (what a looser, Lawrence and I never would have let that happen), so he had to go commit suicide or whatever and have his dumbass soul put in this temple with the boxes. Of course, being the dumbass that he was he couldn't even pick out proper guards for his stupid temple and some of the boxes got stolen.

And, as you can imagine, some idiot out there had to think that they could use them to make themselves more awesome than Lawrence and I so they had to go all crazy-psycho bitch on us.

Now, by this time me and Lawrence were a little bit older than we were when we'd first started out cutting up sh**, and he'd ended up knocking some chick up and had a son and all and was trying to act more mature like, (really, Lawrence, giving up being awesome to be a dad? Thank goodness Dan Hiri didn't make a stupid mistake like that), so he'd become the king of Big Shimaron and was like "hells yeah, I'm the f***ing king!"

It was kind of cool, until these dumbasses decided to screw it all up. They set fire to our city and then broke into the castle and were all like "hey, Weller, we wanna rock like you so we're taking your super cool arm and using it to unlock all of your awesomeness from this box!" So of course Lawrence was like "hell no! Like any of you could ever be as super cool as I am!"

Now, Lawrence may have been totally awesome, but he wasn't always the brightest bulb in the bunch. Rather than just use me to take all those suckers down he decided to cut me off and throw me out the window to ensure that those jerks could never unlock his awesomeness.

Then he got killed. Damn it Lawrence!

And you know what happened to me? That blonde guy showed up again and was all like "OMG! It's Weller's arm! I'm gonna keep it and make myself more awesome!" It totally sucked. Seriously, I was just like floating around doing nothing for like 4,000 years until the blonde guy got fed up because he couldn't abstract the awesome from me and decided to give me to someone else.

Even though my life had sucked while I was with him I wasn't to excited about going with anyone else because seriously, who could be more awesome than Lawrence Weller?

You wouldn't f***ing believe it. The guy that I was given to was Conrad Weller! WELLER! Another freaking Weller! I was like "hells yeah!"

OMG, life with Conrad is so freaking awesome. It's just like when I was with Lawrence, only Conrad is half demon so he ages a lot slower and I don't have to worry about all that "I'm getting older I need to be more mature" crap for a long time. All day we run around kicking people, (and their arms), asses, leaning against walls looking hot, and sometimes playing this baseball game which is fun because if I want I can angle the ball so it hit's the maou in the head and he's such a pushover he's like "oh no, that was my bad!"

Sweet.

And guess what Conrad said when I told him my name was Armando? You wouldn't believe it, he was like "that's freaking hilarious!" No one ever gets that! YES! CONRAD YOU ROCK ASS!

So, all in all, my life has been pretty awesome. I got to chop up a lot of people and hang out with like the two most awesome people in history, (if only Dan Hiri hadn't been such a dumbass and died then maybe I could have hung out with him too. Seriously? Conrad never dies! Even when he should! What was up with those previous Wellers?).

Anyway, that's my story. I hope you've all enjoyed it, but I gotta go because Conrad just let someone kidnap the maou so we could go chase after him and kick some more ass, (you don't really think he's that incompetent, do you? He's just one hell of a sneaky bastard).

Peace out ya'll. HEY YOU! GET THE F*** OVER HERE SO CONRAD AND I CAN CUT YOU TO SH**!

Meanwhile, at the bottom of the ocean….

Conrad's First Arm: "F***ing A'."