This is my first FF fanfic, and as such it is bit the best fic ever. But it
is the first chapter, so there's still room for improvement. Anyway, I need
"constructive criticism" to fix it.
Disclaimer: I don't own any Final Fantasy, but I do own a character or two
A single pale blue feather floated down onto the surface of the water. A blue-eyed girl looked on as the angel flew away, his silvery colored hair streaking like a steel rainbow behind his head. She looked down, picked up the little feather, and ran after him until her little legs could carry her no farther. "Was that an angel?" she wondered to herself
Far away in the city of Alexandria, a king wondered the same thing. Zidane Tribal sighed, seeing the hundredth report from Alexandria's scholars. It was not possible. This "angel" didn't exist. At least the scholars said so. But with all the reports, even if they were from children, it had to be true. And with all the things that Zidane had seen, he'd believe anything. "Zidane, are you in here?" Came his wife's small voice.
"Yeah, Dagger, I am." Zidane replied. His wife giggled at the alias-turned- pet-name he had called her as she walked in. Garnet had grown so much since their travels together. She had transformed from a young, innocent girl into a self-assured, powerful queen. Her presence was no longer minute; when she walked into a room, she radiated calm and serenity, but at the same time people felt the strength and street smarts she had gained through her travels, which were now known as the Genome War. It had been named for the species of the protagonist and the antagonist of the war, Zidane and Kuja. Zidane and his band of adventurers were now known as the Army of Eight, and were permanent members of the Gaian Silver Guard. Dr. Tot had formed the Guard, despite Zidane's insistence that Gaia would never face anything like the War in their lifetimes. But, they couldn't possibly know what the Guard would face in the years to come.
"Hello, Zidane." She said, smiling, then when he didn't answer she added, "Are you still worrying about the so-called angel?"
"Well, yes." He admitted, as there was no use in hiding anything from his wife; she would pry the truth out of him one way or the other.
"I've tried to tell you this before but I am telling you, once again, that the angel is not real. You are wasting your time, time that you could be spending with your wife." She said, glaring at him.
"Sorry! My love, my darling, please forgive me." He said, feigning sorrow
"Zidane, be serious."
"When was I ever serious?"
"Zidane! I am trying to deal with a problem in our marriage and you are making light of it. AGAIN."
"Okay, okay, but really, you were there when we saw the crystal, where we were. After seeing that."
"Anything is possible, I know. I've heard it a million times, and dammit, I don't care. "
"Really, such horrible language for a queen! Who taught you that?" He joked
"Ha, ha, very funny." She shouted, very not amused, "Look, you are going to give this up, now. You have spent more time, and more of Alexandria's money, might I add, on this stupid project! You are so, so, stupid!"
" I'm telling you, anything is possible. If some weirdo born to blow up the world can figure that out, surely the world's kindest, prettiest, most wonderful queen in the world can." He said, smiling and trying to placate her, but he did want to prove himself, "So, I insist that the angel is real. Besides, I even talked to Tot, he agrees with me."
"Whatever." She said, ignoring the part about Dr. Tot, "You don't know what's going on. I am the queen of Alexandria, and you are the king, not the head of pointless research. "
"But I..." He said, trying to get a word in
"You know, sometimes, I think you love the idea of an angel more than the idea of a wife." She complained, "And besides, I know you. You could care less if there's an angel or not! You just want to busy your time, because you can't deal with Kuja being dead. You don't want to think about anything, and you shut everything out for no reason. Or maybe you think that will bring him back?"
"He's not dead!" He shouted, her having found the one thing that would make him angry with the woman he loved, "How could he die? You saw him! He was so...so..."
"He is dead. Deal with it." She declared flatly
"I am telling you, princess, that he is alive." He shouted, calling her princess, as he did when he was angry with her.
I refuse to have this argument. He is dead. You are so... ugh!" She said, turning to leave the room, with tiny tears welling up in her eyes.
"I love you." He offered
"I, well, I guess I love you too. You're too cute to hate." She conceded "I can't ever seem to stay mad at you. But surely you can take a break for your wife, right?"
"Ah, I guess." He said, taking his queen by the hand and leading her outside, "Come on, let's go do something."
"But we're the king and queen!" She protested
"And I am an ex-thief." He reminded her, smiling
"Then take me away." She said
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"If I weren't an angel I'd kill you." He said, staring the other man's eyes, trying to probe his mind for any hint of information
"But you can't kill, can you?" The man replied
"Desperate cases call for desperate measures." He retorted, "Besides, I know you've heard it. You've heard what happens when this angel isn't..."
"Oh, I know."
"And it'll be over soon, you know."
"No it won't."
The angel glared angrily at the idiot sitting across the table from him. His silver hair started to lose color and brilliance. His soft hands started to glow scarlet. His wings looked as if there was a small fire spreading through the feathers at the bottom. His eyes held a faint glow, then it quickly faded and he reverted to normal.
"Don't test me." The angel said, restraining his fury
"That's my job." The man stated simply, sounding completely calm and superior. It was incredible aggravating
"Shut up." The angel demanded
"That's not my job." The man stated in the same voice The angel stormed out of the room, before his tormenting compatriot could further infuriate him.
A FEW MINUTES LATER.
The angel looked at himself in the mirror. He had changed so much since the day he was born. Or reborn, as Illian would say. His eyes were a delicate blue; his shirt was all too bright and shiny. His coat was a black, for contrast to his hair and dress. His pants, made of a long, flowing cloth, slid down his leg. Of course, they looked more like robes than pants, but he didn't care. Angels weren't supposed to be concerned with fashion. He wondered, for about the fiftieth time that day, why he had been chosen. He had been the worst of villains in his previous life. And he had been so hated back then. Oh well, the past no longer mattered... Suddenly an alarm sounded in his brain. His wings spread, by themselves. The angel quickly allowed his soft, pale blue wings to spread fully and flew out of the small sky base, and allowed his wings to carry him to wherever he was needed. As he flew through the air, feeling the cool wind blow through his hair and his breathy outfit, he smiled, enjoying himself. This was one of the few good points of being an angel. But it was so wonderful. As he approached his destination, he suddenly did not want to go anywhere anymore. He willed the wings to stop their descent, to fly back to the base. But they refused, driven by their inherent attraction to trouble, and their need to help people. He barely stopped himself from groaning aloud as he landed in the place he least wanted to be in. Alexandria.
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So how was it? Please read and review! I don't even know whether or not to continue the 'fic! So if no one reviews...
Disclaimer: I don't own any Final Fantasy, but I do own a character or two
A single pale blue feather floated down onto the surface of the water. A blue-eyed girl looked on as the angel flew away, his silvery colored hair streaking like a steel rainbow behind his head. She looked down, picked up the little feather, and ran after him until her little legs could carry her no farther. "Was that an angel?" she wondered to herself
Far away in the city of Alexandria, a king wondered the same thing. Zidane Tribal sighed, seeing the hundredth report from Alexandria's scholars. It was not possible. This "angel" didn't exist. At least the scholars said so. But with all the reports, even if they were from children, it had to be true. And with all the things that Zidane had seen, he'd believe anything. "Zidane, are you in here?" Came his wife's small voice.
"Yeah, Dagger, I am." Zidane replied. His wife giggled at the alias-turned- pet-name he had called her as she walked in. Garnet had grown so much since their travels together. She had transformed from a young, innocent girl into a self-assured, powerful queen. Her presence was no longer minute; when she walked into a room, she radiated calm and serenity, but at the same time people felt the strength and street smarts she had gained through her travels, which were now known as the Genome War. It had been named for the species of the protagonist and the antagonist of the war, Zidane and Kuja. Zidane and his band of adventurers were now known as the Army of Eight, and were permanent members of the Gaian Silver Guard. Dr. Tot had formed the Guard, despite Zidane's insistence that Gaia would never face anything like the War in their lifetimes. But, they couldn't possibly know what the Guard would face in the years to come.
"Hello, Zidane." She said, smiling, then when he didn't answer she added, "Are you still worrying about the so-called angel?"
"Well, yes." He admitted, as there was no use in hiding anything from his wife; she would pry the truth out of him one way or the other.
"I've tried to tell you this before but I am telling you, once again, that the angel is not real. You are wasting your time, time that you could be spending with your wife." She said, glaring at him.
"Sorry! My love, my darling, please forgive me." He said, feigning sorrow
"Zidane, be serious."
"When was I ever serious?"
"Zidane! I am trying to deal with a problem in our marriage and you are making light of it. AGAIN."
"Okay, okay, but really, you were there when we saw the crystal, where we were. After seeing that."
"Anything is possible, I know. I've heard it a million times, and dammit, I don't care. "
"Really, such horrible language for a queen! Who taught you that?" He joked
"Ha, ha, very funny." She shouted, very not amused, "Look, you are going to give this up, now. You have spent more time, and more of Alexandria's money, might I add, on this stupid project! You are so, so, stupid!"
" I'm telling you, anything is possible. If some weirdo born to blow up the world can figure that out, surely the world's kindest, prettiest, most wonderful queen in the world can." He said, smiling and trying to placate her, but he did want to prove himself, "So, I insist that the angel is real. Besides, I even talked to Tot, he agrees with me."
"Whatever." She said, ignoring the part about Dr. Tot, "You don't know what's going on. I am the queen of Alexandria, and you are the king, not the head of pointless research. "
"But I..." He said, trying to get a word in
"You know, sometimes, I think you love the idea of an angel more than the idea of a wife." She complained, "And besides, I know you. You could care less if there's an angel or not! You just want to busy your time, because you can't deal with Kuja being dead. You don't want to think about anything, and you shut everything out for no reason. Or maybe you think that will bring him back?"
"He's not dead!" He shouted, her having found the one thing that would make him angry with the woman he loved, "How could he die? You saw him! He was so...so..."
"He is dead. Deal with it." She declared flatly
"I am telling you, princess, that he is alive." He shouted, calling her princess, as he did when he was angry with her.
I refuse to have this argument. He is dead. You are so... ugh!" She said, turning to leave the room, with tiny tears welling up in her eyes.
"I love you." He offered
"I, well, I guess I love you too. You're too cute to hate." She conceded "I can't ever seem to stay mad at you. But surely you can take a break for your wife, right?"
"Ah, I guess." He said, taking his queen by the hand and leading her outside, "Come on, let's go do something."
"But we're the king and queen!" She protested
"And I am an ex-thief." He reminded her, smiling
"Then take me away." She said
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------
"If I weren't an angel I'd kill you." He said, staring the other man's eyes, trying to probe his mind for any hint of information
"But you can't kill, can you?" The man replied
"Desperate cases call for desperate measures." He retorted, "Besides, I know you've heard it. You've heard what happens when this angel isn't..."
"Oh, I know."
"And it'll be over soon, you know."
"No it won't."
The angel glared angrily at the idiot sitting across the table from him. His silver hair started to lose color and brilliance. His soft hands started to glow scarlet. His wings looked as if there was a small fire spreading through the feathers at the bottom. His eyes held a faint glow, then it quickly faded and he reverted to normal.
"Don't test me." The angel said, restraining his fury
"That's my job." The man stated simply, sounding completely calm and superior. It was incredible aggravating
"Shut up." The angel demanded
"That's not my job." The man stated in the same voice The angel stormed out of the room, before his tormenting compatriot could further infuriate him.
A FEW MINUTES LATER.
The angel looked at himself in the mirror. He had changed so much since the day he was born. Or reborn, as Illian would say. His eyes were a delicate blue; his shirt was all too bright and shiny. His coat was a black, for contrast to his hair and dress. His pants, made of a long, flowing cloth, slid down his leg. Of course, they looked more like robes than pants, but he didn't care. Angels weren't supposed to be concerned with fashion. He wondered, for about the fiftieth time that day, why he had been chosen. He had been the worst of villains in his previous life. And he had been so hated back then. Oh well, the past no longer mattered... Suddenly an alarm sounded in his brain. His wings spread, by themselves. The angel quickly allowed his soft, pale blue wings to spread fully and flew out of the small sky base, and allowed his wings to carry him to wherever he was needed. As he flew through the air, feeling the cool wind blow through his hair and his breathy outfit, he smiled, enjoying himself. This was one of the few good points of being an angel. But it was so wonderful. As he approached his destination, he suddenly did not want to go anywhere anymore. He willed the wings to stop their descent, to fly back to the base. But they refused, driven by their inherent attraction to trouble, and their need to help people. He barely stopped himself from groaning aloud as he landed in the place he least wanted to be in. Alexandria.
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So how was it? Please read and review! I don't even know whether or not to continue the 'fic! So if no one reviews...