Disclaimer: I do not own Yuyu Hakusho

Sighing sadly, Botan walked through the small woods to a pond. Botan wasn't feeling that great lately and she knew why. She had a certain someone on her mind but she knew that she wasn't on his. She can remember what he had said when he read her mind and found out what she was thinking.

Flashback

Botan was sitting on a rock sighing happily at the thoughts that filled her mind. Finally after much internal conflict she admitted to being in love with Hiei. She just accepted it and the thoughts that came with it. Right now she was thinking of Hiei hugging her around the waist while they watched their children of the ages 4 run around and play with each other.

Botan didn't notice Hiei near by nor did she notice him reading her thoughts. Why was he reading her thoughts? Well he had called her over 20 times and not once did she respond. He could tell she was in deep thoughts and so he was going to scare her while she was thinking. But when he entered her mind the vision that came surprised him to say the least.

Hiei after watching her mind for a couple minutes walked over to Botan and shook her. She snapped out of her thoughts to see an angry Fire demon looking at her. She was scared and showed it too. Hiei let go of her and glared his death glare at her. His jagan eye was glowing and Botan knew he read her mind. She felt her whole world crumble and she felt as if she were shrinking under his intense glare.

"What makes you think that I would ever fall for a baka Onna like you?" Hiei asked with disgust. Botan sighed sadly and Hiei was surprised she wasn't crying. Botan slowly lifted her self from the rock and stared at Hiei with a sad smile.

"Nothing makes me think you ever would fall for me Hiei. I don't know how or when I fell in love with you but the instance I knew I was in love with you I prepared my heart to be shattered. I've managed to hide my pain so you wouldn't ever know but I knew that this day would come sometime. Well goodbye Hiei, and thank you." Botan said.

"Why the hell are you thanking me Onna?" Hiei asked.

"Because now I don't have to keep guessing about your feelings." Botan said. She sniffled a little and walked away. Hiei stared at her in confusion and anger. Why wasn't she crying? That confused and angered him.

End Flashback

Botan sniffled a little and wiped a tear from her eye. She walked over to the pond and sat on a rock and dipped her feet into the cool soft water. She could feel the little fish nip at her toes. They tickled yet hurt at the same time. Just like love did.

Botan sighed shakily trying to keep from crying. She knew that it was coming so why did it hurt so much? Botan could answer that. Hope didn't want it to come and her mind knew it was coming. Hope always wins…always.

"Well I'll move on someday. I'll be okay again. When I go to the meeting tomorrow for our mission that I know we will have I'll just put on a smiling face and act as if nothing happened. I'll put on the mask that I put on every damn day of my life." Botan whispered with anger.

"Why me, Lord Enma? What did I do? Is it because I'm a ferry girl? If so then I don't want to be anymore. I want to just go to the heavens now. I want to see mom and dad and my little twin siblings Kyo and Neko. Why do I have to be tortured?" Botan cried out to the sky, knowing not a soul was listening…or so she thought.

"Botan-Chan what is wrong?" Yukina asked walking towards her. Botan gasped and wiped the tears from her face. She smiled at Yukina and Yukina didn't smile back. Yukina sat down beside Botan and looked at her with worry.

"Why are you crying Botan?" Yukina asked. Botan sniffled.

"Nothing you should take your time to worry about Yukina. It can be fixed with time." Botan said looking away from Yukina. Yukina put a hand on Botan's shoulder.

"I need to worry. You're my friend and are like a sister to me and you're out her crying. I need to know why." Yukina said pleadingly. Botan looked at Yukina and sighed looking down at her knees that were now pulled to her chest with her toes dripping with water.

"Yukina, you love Kazuma right?" Botan asked. Yukina nodded her head.

"Yes I do love him Botan." Yukina said. Botan sighed.

"If he didn't love you back, and this is if because we all know he does, how would you feel?" Botan asked.

"I would feel alone a lot even though I had my friends and I would probably be very depressed." Yukina said. Botan nodded her head.

"Right now that's how I feel." Botan said as a tear slipped down her cheek.

"What happened, Botan?" Yukina said with so much worry.

"Well yesterday my heart got broke into little tiny pieces." Botan said as another tear slipped down her face.

"By whom, Botan?" Yukina asked softly.

"By your brother Yukina." Botan said shakily. Yukina didn't gasp or show any signs of surprise. She only sighed.

"It hurt so much Yukina…how cold his voice was towards me. I had been thinking about him and he found out and…and gave me the worst rejection I could possibly get." Botan said and started crying softly. Yukina hugged Botan close to her. Yukina knew Botan was a fragile girl and she shouldn't be hurt. She did nothing wrong.

"It'll be okay Botan. Like you said yourself time can only heal it." Yukina said. Botan cried more.

"But I've loved him for so long Yukina and I've loved him so much. I don't know how much time I want to give. I can't bear to see his face again. It will only bring sad thoughts." Botan sobbed into Yukina's shirt.

"Let the sad thoughts come Botan. Let your love for him hurt you. That's the only way you can heal yourself." Yukina said softly. After a while Botan's tears subsided. Botan pulled herself out of Yukina's hug. She smiled sadly at Yukina.

"Thank you, Yukina. I wish life were much easier. Why does love have to be so great yet hurt so much?" Botan asked sadly.

"So that we can show our loved ones how much we care." Yukina said. Botan smiled at her.

"You're the best Yukina." Botan said. Both Yukina and Botan stood up and started towards Yukina's home. Hiei had heard the whole entire thing. He felt bad and guilty.

He knew Botan didn't deserve the pain or the rudeness she was given. Hiei wanted to fix it but how? He was going to ask Kurama while Yukina took care of Botan.

Well that's the end of the first chapter. Review please and thank you!