Presenting James
by Heaven's Flying Fish.
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Summary: (one shot/MWPP/seventh year) It's three days until Christmas, and James is at a loss as he tries to figure out what he should do for his dearest Lilylove. Panic! Pregnant? Perfect! Present… A Christmas Story.
A/N: Christmas in three days! I wanted to write a Marauder Christmas fic that ISN'T entirely fluff for once. Happy Christmas! Sorry for the double post! Forgive me!!
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Panic
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"Sirius!" James panted, galloping towards his friend as he exited the Hospital Wing. "Just the man I wanted to see!"
"What's the rush, James?" Sirius asked, loping gracefully to meet his best friend.
James held up a hand as he breathed heavily in and out.
"Did you come all the way from Gryffindor Tower?" Sirius queried incredulously.
James nodded, and then stood up straight, staring Sirius in the eye. "Mr Prongs has a question to ask of Mr Padfoot. A question that may detract from Mr Prongs' limited dignity, which causes Mr Prongs to feel apprehensive about asking Mr Padfoot this particular question."
Sirius looked at James for a moment as he considered… whatever it was that James had said. "Well," began the taller boy. "Mr Padfoot supposes that if Mr Prongs deems it respectable enough to discuss in open corridors, Mr Padfoot would be quite open to hearing this question of Mr Prongs', and assisting him in whatever way Mr Padfoot is able, to find Mr Prongs the answer he is looking for."
"Oh, thank Merlin," James sighed in relief. "I asked Remus, but he was all for 'sorting it out yourself' and the fact he suddenly 'has a life' and… come on, then, I don't think an open corridor is the best place to discuss this, especially if sh- uh, yeah, let's get a move on, then."
Sirius suddenly found himself being dragged into an empty classroom. "I see what Mr Prongs means by 'limited dignity', then," Sirius mumbled as he brushed off his robe sleeve.
James sat down on a desk and ran a hand through his hair. He stopped, and looked around nervously, as if he was expecting to be hit by something.
"What's your problem, Prongs?" Sirius asked, throwing himself onto the floor and relaxing up against a table leg.
"Well, er, you know how it's Christmas in a few days, right?" James waited for Sirius to nod before he continued. "And, uh, you know how I'm, well, dating Lily now–"
"James, you didn't!" Sirius groaned, burying his face in his hands.
"Uh, I, er, might have?" James answered, feeling confused and guilty. Confused because he was guilty, and guilty because he had a feeling that Sirius was going to tell him the exact same things which he had just heard from Remus upstairs.
"You left getting Lily's present until three days before Christmas, James!" Sirius was staring at James as if he were crazy.
"I know!" wailed James, running his hand erratically backwards and forwards through his hair. "It started about a month ago. I couldn't think of what to get her, so I thought, well, I've got a month–"
"And you've said that to yourself so often that you now have three days to get Lily the perfect gift?"
"Exactly, and I–" James tried to excuse his behaviour, but Sirius wasn't really waiting for an answer.
"You mean to say, you've been chasing this girl for how long? Two years? You snag her this one, and you turn out to be every bit as bad a boyfriend as she ever suspected?" James opened his mouth indignantly, but Sirius cut across him again. "Well, I suppose you could see it as a kind of test for her. Tell her you don't have a present for her on your first Christmas together, and, if she really does love you, she won't care."
James slipped sideways off his desk and tumbled to the floor. "Brilliance…" he muttered. "Pure brilliance! And," he added, he eyes bright with excitement, "if it all goes belly-up, I can blame you for suggesting it! Perfect!"
"You are not blaming me for your incompetence," replied Sirius. "Now, if you don't mind, that fever had me cooped up in the Hospital Wing over-night, and I'd quite like to get outside for a bit."
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Pregnancy
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"Hello, Potter," Lily said with a smile as she snuggled in next to her boyfriend on one of the comfy Gryffindor couches.
"Hello, Potter," James replied, before turning bright red and stammering, "Er, I, uh, meant Evans. Really, really meant Evans." He groaned and hid his head behind his Charms textbook. Lily laughed, and ruffled his hair before smoothing it flat to his skull again.
"What are you, James Potter, doing studying two days before Christmas? It's unheard of, let alone unnatural. I thought it was Marauder tradition to cause as much havoc as possible in the Festive Seasons," Lily cocked her head, letting her read hair fall over her shoulder.
"You're really pretty," James murmured as he became hypnotised, watching the light patterns from the fire spiral on Lily's hair.
"Thank you, James," Lily laughed, surveying her messy boyfriend with a critical eye. "You'll pass, I suppose."
"You'll have to pay for that, I suppose," James said, tossing his Charms text back onto the table and launching himself at Lily, tickling her where he could reach.
"Stop! Stop!" shrieked Lily as she thrashed away from James' twitching fingers. She turned and gave him a look of absolute seriousness. "Stop, or I won't give you your Christmas present," she demanded.
At the mention of the words 'present' and 'Christmas' and the phrase 'won't give you', James' brain ground to a halt, and he froze completely. The colour slowly dripped out of his face and his mouth was suddenly very dry.
"Oh, excellent," Lily said, looking at her stone-solid boyfriend. "Now I know what to say whenever you annoy me."
Sirius and Remus walked past and felt it necessary to add their own comments.
"What did you do?" asked Sirius, coming around to poke James in his ticklish spot, his eyebrows shooting up to his hairline when the shorter boy didn't even flinch.
"Ah," said Remus. "Finally tell him you're pregnant, then, Lily?" Lily blushed and turned away from James to beat up his lupine friend.
Sirius smirked as James shook himself out of his stupor. "Mention presents did she?" he deduced.
James nodded dumbly, sinking down into a nearby couch, nearly sitting on an unfortunate third-year, who glared as he shuffled down further.
"She's expecting something, Padfoot," James said as Lily returned, pulling a cowed Remus Lupin by the hand.
"Definitely not a child," his girlfriend said, punching Remus one more time in the arm for good measure.
"See you later, Potter; I'm going back to study," Lily said, walking away.
"Yep, bye, Potter," James mumbled. When he registered what he said, his face flared up and he shouted, "Evans! Bye, Evans!"
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Perfect
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It was the night before Christmas, and all through the tower, not a person was stirring, except James. He was sitting up in bed, biting the nails of one hand and tearing his hair out in clumps with the other.
He fell out of bed with all the caffeinated elegance of a coffee-driven insomniac. "Remus," he wheezed, dragging his sleep-deprived body over to the corner of Remus' bed. He opened the curtains a little and pulled himself up onto the bed of his werewolf friend.
James soon discovered two things. One, climbing onto the bed of the tallest boy in the dormitory almost guaranteed that he was going to clamber up onto his friend's legs, which he did. The second thing James discovered, was that Remus "Moony" Lupin, werewolf extraordinaire, was quite protective in his sleep, and violent at it. So, when James landed heavily upon Remus' legs, he suddenly found himself sprawled on the floor of the Seventh Year boys' dormitory, with a growling, six-foot-three-and-a-half boy glaring menacingly at him through a gap in his bed hangings.
"Hello, Remus," James attempted. Remus tiredly rolled his eyes and sighed, falling back on his bed with a cushiony thump.
"What do you want, James?" Remus asked, his usually rough voice hoarse with sleep.
"It's Christmas tomorrow," James glanced at his clock. "Well, today–" Remus groaned, and pulled his pillow over his face. "– and I haven't got a present for Lily–"
"You still haven't got something!? James! When I told you to work out what to do yourself, I didn't mean don't get her anything!"
"I, I asked Sirius–"
"Yourself, James! Do you ever listen to me? Taking advice from him was probably even worse – no, it was obviously worse than listening to yourself and making a decision on your own for once!" By now, Remus had his head sticking out between the curtains, and was glaring at James.
"I know!" howled James, distraught and riddled with guilt and regret. "But I can't go back, now; you know what they say, 'hindsight is 20/20'…" James sighed and reclined on the floor, his six-foot frame stretched leisurely over the dormitory floor.
Remus stared silently at his friend: there was nothing more he could possibly say.
"I know Lily is expecting something, and something big, too. We're in love, Remus, it's not just some stupid crush or anything, I mean she's it, she's the–" James stopped, and looked as though he had just had a great idea, a goofy grin spread across his face.
Remus, all too familiar with James' 'great ideas' and goofy grins, leaned forwards concernedly. "What are you planning, James?"
James laughed manically, which did nothing to calm Remus' steadily fraying nerves. "Thanks, Moony, you really helped! I have the perfect gift. It's perfect, she's perfect! Ahaha…perfect…"
Remus was almost completely out of bed as he leaned forwards to hear James' mutterings. With a start, Remus hauled himself back behind his hangings before he toppled embarrassingly out of bed.
"I'll see you later," said James, pulling on some clothing and grabbing his wand.
"No – James! Where're you–" James slammed the door as Remus fell out of bed, scrabbling out of his covers to throw open the door, just in time to see James disappear underneath his Invisibility Cloak "– going?" Remus trailed off, reentering the dormitory, where Sirius was sitting up in bed, blinking blearily about.
"Wasgonon?" he whispered, rubbing his eyes.
Remus walked over to the bed. After staring at a tousled Sirius blinking up at him in confusion, Remus drew back his hand and slapped Sirius soundly around the back of the head. Content, Remus staggered to the floor and threw his covers back on to his bed.
"Ow!" whined Sirius, rubbing his usually well-groomed hair. "Wha's that for?"
"For being a moron," Remus said, snuggling down under his still warm sheets. "And for encouraging James," he added.
Sirius nodded, baffled. Five minutes passed and he looked around the room. "Mehunng," he mumbled, before slipping down further under his covers and going back to sleep.
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Present
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"Good morning!" said Lily brightly as Peter, Remus and Sirius trooped slowly into the common room. "My, Remus, what on earth happened to you?"
Remus glared at Lily as he rubbed his face. "Your stupid boyfriend woke me up at two o'clock this morning," he snarled, as if it was her fault.
"Oh, come here, Remus," Lily said, holding her arms out to the tired lycanthrope. Remus collapsed onto the couch beside her and sighed in the friendly embrace.
The portrait hole opened and closed and revealed James as he pulled off the Invisibility Cloak. He stared at Remus and Lily, before walking to the couch and shoving Remus harshly out of his place.
"Wasn't exactly the welcome I expected come Christmas morning," muttered James, smiling as Remus picked himself off the floor.
"I agree," growled Remus, referring to much earlier in the morning.
James had the decency to blush.
"Presents, presents," cried Peter as he pulled out his stash and threw them to his friends. "One for James, one for Sirius, one for Remus, one for Lily!"
"Thanks, Wormtail," yawned Remus, pushing his pile of gifts forwards with one socked foot.
Soon, everyone was sitting in a circle, unwrapping their presents. "So, James, what'd you get for Lily?" asked Remus as lay on the floor and flipped through the first couple of pages in the new DADA text he had received from James' girlfriend.
Sirius stepped on Remus, heavily between the shoulder-blades, as he moved his rubbish to the fire.
Over Remus' indignant howls of pain, Lily answered, "Nothing, but what more do I need?" she said, giving James a peck on the cheek. James flushed and barred himself for Remus' reply.
It took a moment or two to sink in, but when it did, Remus turned his head to look at James. "Nothing?" he hissed acidly.
"No," answered Lily tentatively. "What's the matter Remus? What should it matter if James–"
"What happened to, 'It's perfect! Perfect!' and so forth, James? Two o'clock you woke me! And still nothing!?" Remus was rather hysterical. Peter pushed his new book towards the tallest boy before detracting his limbs hurriedly. With a haughty sniff, Remus snatched up his book and folded himself into a near-by chair, burying his nose in the book.
"I, er, haven't, uh, given it to her yet, Moony," James said, whispering it loudly enough for Remus (and Lily, and Peter and the Returned Sirius) to hear.
"Hold up, now," Sirius said. "I thought we'd agreed this was some test thing. You don't give her anything, and she still likes you, she's a keeper? I thought that was it!"
Lily slowly turned to raise an eyebrow at the last of the Potter line. "Really, James?"
"Uh, well, the thing is," began James. He cleared his throat, and, before long, he had detailed the entire endeavour – beginning with shopping for a present a month ago, to the decision made with Sirius in attendance, to the late-night/ early-morning discussion with Remus. "I, uh, got your present last night. Well, I made it, really – Transfiguration, you know it's my best subject, and, well, here." James drew a tiny bag out of his pocket. "I can get you a real one," he added hurriedly, "but, I mean, I just made it last night and all–"
The rest of James' nervous babble was cut off by Lily's loud gasp. On her palm, having tumbled out of the upturned bag, was a shining silver ring with an 'L & J P' magically engraved into one side. "Are – are you?" stammered Lily, looking at James with wide eyes.
"Yes," said James. He paused. "Oh, Merlin, give it back, give it back! You don't want – I mean, I want, but – the pressure and, mine! Give it! It's mine!"
Lily smiled and James stopped, his face flooding red again. "Uh…" he squeaked, his voice cracking numerous times.
"Yes, you silly goose," said Lily, her eyes brimming with tears. "Yes!"
"Happy Christmas, Potter," said James, and this time, he didn't bother to correct himself.
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Happy Christmas!
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