I'm probably not in the best state to be posting fanfiction right now, but I wrote this in the wake of watching Eo4, and I cried. It moved me so much that I immediatley started hammering away at my poor laptop and this is what came out.
I might sound a litte harsh right now (since I've still got tears) but don't, please don't ask for a sequel. It's finished, no more chapters, complete. I'm not writing any more for this story because Korra's mental state is too fragile for me to handle without more canon and I won't try to do justice to the beauty of the characters and their inner turmoil. I'm afraid I can't. Never fear, I WILL write for other LoK stuff, and absolutely other fanons. But this is FINSIHED, and no amount of begging will make me continue it. I won't wallow in this angst (yeah, yeah, I caught the wordplay - which is why I decided to spell the word CORRECTLY) and I won't write more of it for YOU to, also.
On THAT decidedly happy note, I hope you like it. Or it moves you. Cry. Show me you have feelings, too. And while you're at it, review so I know if I'm actually good at this nonsense.
With her heartbeat, flashes of falsely colored images went through her head, in the second she passed out.
Sokka, scared, horrified -
Toph, dressed like her daughter, standing proud –
Avatar Aang, shocked –
Sitting in a council –
Running toward her, rending the earth apart in desperation –
Shadows rose and fell as someone just as tall and broad and looking extraordinarily like Aang appeared, dashing as fast as he could.
Delirious with fear she didn't understand and pressure and memories; tonight had proven she could lose –
Korra mumbled, helpless, "Aang?" For some reason, she wished he was there to make her feel safe.
She couldn't sleep. She wasn't all right. She'd never manage to overcome her fears.
She cried into her pillow, Naga settled next to her. She couldn't be strong anymore.
Tenzin was great, wonderful, but he would never be his father. And Aang was who she truly craved. She wanted to feel safe, and he was the most powerful person in the world.
Except he was dead now, and his spirit was in her.
She didn't understand.
She didn't want it. She didn't want to be the Avatar, for the first time in her life. She was resentful, and sulky, and all she did was cry in her bedroom.
She didn't want to be a martyr, she didn't want to lose her bending, she didn't want to die.
She didn't want to talk to people, she didn't want to eat, she didn't want to have to explain her misery to Naga.
She didn't want to be saved till last. She didn't want to live under fear. She wanted someone else to take care of it, she was just a kid.
She didn't want to be compared to Avatar Aang all the time. She wanted him to help her, relieve her of her position, her life. If this was what the 'Avatar' was like, she didn't want to live it.
Of course, she would never kill herself. She loved, she loved her teammates, her family, and her other family, that technically-she-wasn't-related-to-them-but-if-you-thought-about-it-that-way-then-yeah-they-were-her-descendants, (but she lived with them anyway).
But she didn't like feeling scared, and it was all she could do to stop herself from just falling apart. She wanted to be a child again. She wanted to be let go. She didn't want to exist.
"Aang," she sobbed, face down, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Help me."