Just One
(Author note: Yay, my first fanfic posted! I don't write very often. This fanfic is based off of real feelings and events to an extent. Some things are a bit exaggerated though, but not that much. Also out of character. I have a problem keeping characters in character. Bluh. I will be using the character's typing quirk for the most part. Makes it easier for me to read and write sorta.)
John's POV
I don't know why I can't do this. It seems to be so easy in my head. But I can't seem to bring myself to do it. It's not a secret. I'm not worried about anyone finding out. Everyone knows. They know I lied about not being a homosexual, and they know that Karkat is my boyfriend or whatever that word the trolls use is. It hasn't been long, maybe a few months since he and I started dating, but nothing is really all that different. I mean, he will get closer than before, cuddling and such. He will lay his head on my shoulder when we watch movies, and he will put his arm around me. There is also the exchanges of I love you here and there. That's about it, the only differences. I've never had a relationship before, and I don't know what to do. All I know is what I want to do…
"John Is There Something Troubling You? You Seem Upset About Something." I turn around and see Kanaya standing in the doorway.
"Oh, hey Kanaya. No, I'm fine…" I reply.
"Are You Sure?" she asks. She sits next to me.
"Yeah, just… I'm fine."
"I Honestly Do Not Believe You."
"Yeah, didn't think you would…"
"What Is Bothering You John? Maybe I Can Help."
"Well, it's just… that… I don't know. It's stupid…" I reply and then bury my face into the pillow on my bed.
"I Will Listen No Mater How Stupid It Is. I Also Will Not Laugh Or Make Fun Of You Or Anything, If That Is The Reason Why You Are Not Telling Me."
I sit up and look over at her. My face turns red and I bury my face in my pillow once more. I mumble into the pillow just loud enough for Kanaya to hear.
"I'm so lost. I've never had these feelings for anyone before. I don't know what to do!..." I mumble something else, quietly though, embarrassed about the problem I am having.
"What Was That? I Couldn't Quite Hear You." she replies. I sit up and look at the door, I didn't want anyone else to hear.
"Well, it's just, I really love Karkat. And, like, I don't know. I've never done this before. I've never had a boyfriend or a girlfriend or any sort of relationship like this. And I don't know. I just want to..." My face was as red as it could be at this point. "... Kiss him..." I lie on my back and don't look at Kanaya. I can't believe I just told her that.
"That Isn't A Stupid Problem John." she says to me.
"I think it is..." I mumble I'm response.
"Well It Isn't. And I Must Be Leaving Now. I Have Things To Do. And Dinner Should Be Ready By Now." she says, standing up.
"Yeah, ok." I reply sitting up.
"I'll See You Later John." she says as she leaves and closes the door. I wait just a little bit before getting up and heading toward the dinning area. I walk down the hallways until I reach the large door to the room. I walk in and sit where I always do. Across from Karkat, Gamzee, and Jade and next to Rose and Kanaya.
"Hi John." Jade says.
"Hi." I reply. We all continue to talk for a while, not eating all that much. We talk more than we eat. After a while, Gamzee rests his head on Karkat's shoulder. That always really bothers me. I understand the Trolls have the whole quadrants thing, but it still bothers me. Makes me a little jealous. When they hug, or have conversations they won't let me in on. It really bothers me more than it should. I mean I know they are friends. Like best friends. It still really bothers me.
I sigh really loudly, not meaning to do so, I'm just so caught up in my thoughts to notice.
"ARE YOU OK JOHN?" Karkat asks me.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?" I say, knowing it's the biggest lie I've told all day. I stand up. "I'm going to finish eating in my room." I head toward the door and walk out of the room.
"WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM?" Karkat asks. Kanaya doesn't say anything.
"I dOn'T kNoW wHaT's WrOnG wItH tHaT mOtHeRfUcKeR. hE sEeMs PrEtTy UpSeT." Gamzee says as he finishes his dinner.
"You Should Go Talk To Him Karkat. He Is Your Matesprit After All." Kanaya suggests.
"YEAH. I'LL GO SEE WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM. HE'S USUALLY NOT LIKE THIS." Karkat says as he stands up. He navigates the extensive halls until he reaches my bedroom door. He knocks. "JOHN, CAN I COME IN?" I open the door and then go back to eating at my desk. He sits on the bed.
"WHAT'S WRONG?" he asks.
"I'm fine." I reply and take a drink of water. He stands up.
"JOHN, TELL ME WHAT'S WRONG." he says as he grabs my shoulders and looks me in the eyes. Right now. This moment. His face is so close to mine. I could just lean forward and do it. But I can't. I just can't. I stand up.
"I'm fine. Don't worry about me..." I reply and look down.
"PLEASE JOHN? I NEED TO KNOW WHAT IS BOTHERING YOU."
"Shit. I just, I don't know how to say this..." I start. Trying to gather my thoughts. "I just want... Shit, why can't I do this?" I sit down on the floor. Karkat sits next to me. He hugs me.
"NOW I KNOW THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG. YOU CAN TELL ME." he replies.
"I know we've only been together for a few months now, but I really love you a lot..." My face was bright red. I could feel it. "I just... It's just... I've never..." The words just wouldn't come out. "Kissed anyone..." I finally say quietly.
"OH... THAT'S WHAT THIS WAS ALL ABOUT? HEH, WELL THAT'S NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL..." His face was also red.
"It was to me..." I reply. After that, we just sat there, on the floor, in awkward silence. Karkat grabs hold of my hand and scoots closer. He looks at me and I look back at him. He brings his face closer and closer to mine until our lips meet. We sat there for a moment. Our eyes closed, fingers intertwined, and our lips pressed together. Karkat pulls away after a little bit.
"SO, UH, HOW WAS THAT?..." He asks.
"Oh, um... Good... Yeah..." I reply.
"WELL, IT IS GETTING LATE. I SHOULD PROBABLY GET BACK TO MY ROOM AND GET READY FOR BED." He says while standing up.
"You could also sleep in here tonight... If you want to that is... I wouldn't mind. In fact I'd actually like it if you stayed." I say, also standing up.
"YEAH, I'LL DO THAT." He says with a smile. I also smile and then go to the dresser and pull out two pairs of pajamas and toss one at him. He goes into the bathroom and changes into the pajamas and I change while he is in there. I lay down on the bed. He walks out of the bathroom and lies next to me. I pulled the blanket over the two of us and snuggle up against him.
"I love you Karkat." I wrap my arms around him and he does the same.
"I LOVE YOU TOO JOHN." He says. He kisses my forehead. I smile and close my eyes. After a while, we are both sound asleep in each other's arms.