Disclaimer: If you recognise it it's not mine.

Spoilers: Allusions to halfway through season 4.

Summary: Five years on and the ravings of a man suffering from dementia cause a trip down memory lane for Jack Malone.

Authors Notes: First of all I'd like to thank my French teacher for confusing me so much I couldn't do the timed paper today and thus it gave me the opportunity to write this. Its unbeta'd and probably makes no sense whatsoever but for the first time in months I felt inspired. I am still trying to write my casefile but it doesn't want to be written, it's been about eight months now and I haven't even finished the first chapter. Anyway this is my contribution to the sudden burst of JS fanfic which has filled the air. Keep the love flowing guys, Maple Street does appreciate it!

The weather outside provides a constant contradiction in terms. Whether it was bitterly cold with brilliant sunshine or stiflingly hot with swirling mists of dense fog. Whatever the weather it continually echoes the deepest of human emotions, love being one of these, so sweet and yet so painful to behold. Cynics claim that love is a state of mind confused by differing inputs from the world, creating an emotion that is almost tangible but completely nonexistent. Basically nobody is capable of true love because true love means giving all you have to somebody you know you're going to lose. Mankind if not that selfless. Furthermore scientific studies probe that no-one can distinguish truth from lies so if we don't know the truth how do we hope to interpret the lies which is love? - Ian Michaels (Former Professor of Sociology, Harvard)

Jack Malone knew.

For hours he'd been sitting in his office reading the various thesis dissertations their missing person had written in his desperate attempt to complete his PHD before he died. Some read like the ravings of a lunatic and other held more than a grain of truth, amongst the jumbled tired words of an old brilliant man succumbing to the final stages of alzheimer's. The case reminded him of his own fathers' demise and caused him to reflect on the mess his life had been at that time. Enduring a vicious divorce which had dragged on for months, beginning a relationship with his best friends widow, leading a team which was fractured at best and losing hope in all that was as missing person after missing person were found dead or not at all.

That had been five years ago.

How he had pulled himself from the abyss he either didn't know or couldn't remember. The days had become weeks, the weeks had become months and the months had blurred together. The final outcome of the breakdown had been a sharp shock dosing him with reality and the simplicity of truth when spoken out of the mouth of an innocent. However, he'd got here he thanked god everyday he had. He now knew where the light was and he knew he would never lose sight of it again. He just had to live with the consequences of his choice, which in actual fact was easier on his conscience than the state of limbo he'd been in before.

Hearing the ping of the elevator a smile involuntarily stretched across his face and pushing the files aside he watched as his light walked into the bullpen. She was still withdrawn into her cream coat, her face flushed with the cold outside and the victory of finding their missing person alive. Their missing person, Martin Deed, had been found holed up in a motel room with his girlfriend blissfully unaware of the trouble he'd caused.

True even when he had admitted what his heart had been telling him for years it hadn't all been plain sailing. The inter-office politics had nearly finished him, and they would have except he knew something they all didn't. That he didn't care. Perhaps just like when Farrell came calling all those years ago all it had needed was a united front, which by then they'd had. His team had been a team once more, all the stronger for their shared experiences and the trials which they'd been through together.

Jack Malone walked out into the bullpen and silently approached Sam tapping her on the shoulder. She turned, and wrapped her arms around his neck kissing him gently, before turning back to finish clearing her desk.

"I hope you don't greet Danny like that," Jack joked pleased that it was 1 AM and they could be together like this, comfortable and without scrutiny.

"Only if Danny is my handsome boss who's going to take me home and cook dinner," Sam smiled turning back to Jack. He draped his arm round her shoulders and they started to walk out of the bullpen together.

"I think I can manage that," Jack replied.

Before Sam he's never even switched on an oven, instead relying on takeout, but as they say and he believes 'Love changes everything'.