Note: This is in Armin's POV. And no, Annie didn't trap herself in the crystal; not yet in this kind of timeline, I suppose. She did join the MP, but she didn't appear as the Female Titan.
It has been three years. Three years since my first encounter. Three years since I first heard the name. Three years since my heart had reacted the attention she would provide. Three years it has been for so long.
So have I finally changed, have I finally grasped the courage?
Or am I still scared, afraid, shivering that I might have to accept defeat? For that long since, have I grown nearer, or have I grown further? Have I been happier, or have I been sadder?
I can't decide.
For these three years, I've started by watch from afar, and slowly would we have grown nearer; should I be joyous of this fact, or am I still too fearful to the situation? Is my heart showing me the way, or is it giving more questions to the mystery I have still unsolved?
Why must questions throw themselves at me; why trap me in such a bewildering situation? How can I escape if my heart is on their side? Am I even supposed to have thoughts on such a topic while my world is collapsing in the hands of an enemy whose power is far too great for even all of us combined?
That's right… I'm a soldier, one who should not have thoughts as such; but why, why does my own heart fight my soul, my will? I myself am not sure if I could survive day after day in a battlefield, yet I am here thinking… of this.
I sighed, my eyes fixed on the ceilings. The room was quite quiet; filled with my comrades sleeping soundlessly, having tramped through a rough day on a death field. I touched my head - bandaged. I knew I was just a drag out there, but I wanted to help, I vowed to do so.
I continued sighting the ceiling, not getting a wink of sleep. Little tears would escape my eyes occasionally, no matter how hard I try to stop it from doing so. I let out a heavy sigh, before slowly getting up from my so-called bed. My left hand gripped my right - it was shaking. Shaking so unbearably.
Slowly, I formed a knuckle with it, calming it down. The frown that was glued on my face turned deeper. Gently, I stood up, removing my covers and walked towards the door as soundless as I could be. Waking any one of them up would cause suspicion, I know that. They are my friends, they are who I trust the most; but the uncertainty in my heart right now… I'm just so unsure of my own actions now. The door slowly creaked open, and I had to close my eyes and pray that none of them were sensitive enough to hear that. Opening a hole that's enough for me to fit through, I jumped out carefully and closed the door behind me.
Once outside, I looked at the sky above me; as dark as ever - but tonight, filled with billions of shining stars, the shining sea of the sky. I sighed, resting both of my hands in my side pockets, as the weather chills. I took baby steps towards the north, before actually taking larger ones; nobody else was around, or that's what I see and hope.
I stopped at a distance, not too far from the cabin. The grass there were short, and it seems like the wind was dancing around there rather than other places. Shrugging, I sat down on that spot, right palm gripping the grass. I looked up; then down again, my left hand pulled a strip of green grass from the ground and I smelled it - wonderful. I've always loved the smell of grass. I smiled at that thought.
I looked at that small piece I held in my hand, and memories crawled back into me. Three years ago. It's not the same place; but the smell is indifferent. The feeling never went off, did it?
My eyes focused on her; the target, as I charged in. Just a split second later, I found myself on the grassy ground, as if I just failed a somersault. But no, I didn't; she literally just thrown me backwards, my face landed straight on the ground. And I didn't mind that one bit.
"Had enough?" she said, gazing down at me while I rested on the ground. I shook my head, giggling. "I don't mind, really. I like the smell of the grass a lot." I shrugged. She looked at me, expression unchanged.
"Me too." she whispered; a whisper loud enough for me to hear.
I sighed. Was the fact that I was tossed onto the ground so memorable? A hard landing on the cold ground? Was that it? No… it couldn't have been that, right?
I scratched my head, letting out a yawn. I did some arm-stretching while still sitting down, then laid flat on my back; now I can focus on the stars, bright, shimmering stars.
"Eh…?" I stood there, confused.
"I would like to see the stars one day." she mumbled. "Don't you see the stars almost everyday-" I tried to reply, but I was cut off during mid-sentence.
"Not that kind of stars." she turned and walked away, a dull expression on her face. I was utterly bewildered - what did she mean by that?
I bit my lip as that scene came back. Three years have it been. Three years it has went, and finally I understand. I finally know what she meant when she said not that normal kind of stars; or at least, I think I understand what she said.
Could it be that she wanted to do what I am doing right now, to lay below the sea of stars that bathe the night, quietly observing them with thoughts in mind with nobody around to bother, nobody around judge? I… I don't know. I might never know now.
So why is everything coming back now, when there is no longer anything to change?
I closed my eyes, trying to chase those thoughts away; and by doing so, I opened the door for even more to arrive. 'Go away…' I would whisper, but my brain never stopped, the river kept flowing on and on.
Just then, I heard footsteps. They were soft, and they were approaching… me. At that very moment, I begun to panic. I scrambled off the floor, in mind hoping to run back to the cabin before whoever it was finds me. But as expected, I failed in doing so; and I was… caught?
It was her. It couldn't be her. She couldn't be here. I'm… I'm dreaming.
Annie. Annie Leonhardt.
"What." she shot me a cold look when I subconsciously stared at her. "Sorry." I squeaked, lowering my head. She sighed and claimed the spot I once was a moment ago. She sat down and hugged her knees.
"What are you doing here, Annie? Aren't you supposed to be Sina?" I shakily asked her from behind, my breathing abnormal. She nodded.
"I am supposed to, but I'm not there." she stated, without moving an inch. She then looked at me eyes the place beside her. Getting the message, the sat down at the place where her eyes gazing on.
"Don't you feel like you've wasted time in not doing something that you wanted?" she suddenly asked, causing me to jump slightly. A second of thoughts later, I nodded, quivering my lips. She looked at me briefly, before looking up at the sky once more. "Then we're not that different, then."
She laid down on the floor, both hands supporting her head. From the corner of my eye, I saw her. I saw her smiling; the smile itself wasn't wide, but it meant something. And I never thought I'd ever see her smile in my life. Never.
"If you're wondering why I'm here… let's just say I'm looking for an answer to something… important. Don't… don't tell anyone, or I'll kill you." she warned. I gulped, head nodding in every direction. The smile on her face grew a little larger. Seeing that, I giggled softly.
"What's so funny, Arlert?" the tone was cold, though the smile never left her face. It was strange, but I didn't dislike it. I just shook my head calmly, nothing coming out of my mouth. My right hand reached out to pluck another blade of grass of the ground.
"You still like the smell of grass, huh?" Annie said, out of the blue. I grinned and nodded. "Yea, somethings are likable to the bitter end, you know." I ensures, eyes locking on the strand of grass I held in my hand. "What about you?"
She simply nodded in return, not saying anything.
"It's amazing how you were able to sneak until here, Annie. I never thought I'd make it out here, even." I remarked. Her head turned towards me, her eyes wide open. "Eh." she responded. "I needed to find the answer." she continued, sitting upright.
"Um… what answer? Can I be of any help?" I inched myself a little further from her and spoke. She put her left hand on my shoulder, nodding, and her eyes gazed into mine. Wait, I could be of help? How?
"Stay put, close your eyes." she demanded, and I did as told. I remained stoned as she had wanted me to, because… I don't know; I was afraid? Scared? I'm really confused - it's as if my own body is betraying my mind, like I have two separate beings fighting inside of me.
'Do you trust her?'
'I don't know…'
'Eh, is that so? Didn't you say the chance no longer exist? Now it does; why are you wasting it again?'
'S-shut it…'
And the battle went on and on.
Suddenly, I felt something warm on my lips. My eyes sprung open, revealing the face of Annie Leonhardt. She was kissing me.
'SHE'S LITERALLY KISSING ME.' my mind screamed. In reality, I couldn't move; not an inch. I was frozen, right there, viewing only the beautiful face of the girl in front of me.
An eternity later, she broke away. At that time, I still had the puzzled look on my face. Is that what I have to do to help out? That? What was the question she wanted an answer for in the first place? This… this couldn't be it right?
Could she have wanted the same answer I've been craving for?
"I've found my answer now, I'll be going now." she stood up and turned to walk. Without thinking, I grabbed her arm, pulled her backwards and landed a kiss on her perfectly; I don't know how I supposing did that, but it worked, anyways.
"Don't… don't go. I've just only found mine." I held her arm tight, feeling as if I would burst into tears this time. She stared blankly at me, before loosening up. She held her breathe, then let go, heaving a heavy sigh. She then threw herself onto me and closed her eyes. Her arms wrapped around me; I can't lie, they were the warmth I've always wanted to find.
And she was the answer that was supposed to never be answered, but miracles just happened.
"I've… I've finally found my answer. Please, please don't go."
I hugged her back, I hugged her tight. More importantly, I was suddenly crying. Tears swiftly run down my cheeks, an unidentified race to win.
"Three years, Annie. Three years, I was scared, no, I'm still scared."
I could feel her crying along me now.
"I wanted the answer, but I was too afraid to get it."
She gripped my sides tight.
"And just when I thought it was an answer I would never find…"
I caressed her hair, the back of her head.
"You suddenly came and gave it to me."
The river of tears couldn't stop, no matter how hard I try to.
"So… so…" I stuttered, gritting my teeth.
"I don't want to let you go this time." I shut my eyes tight, one last resort to stop my tears. But that didn't work, either. I give up on, I seriously give up. I opened my eyes once more, allowing the river to continue it's flow. At least, for that moment, have no care in the world. A miracle just happened, for crying out loud.
"Annie…
… I love you."