Today is not the day
Disclaimer: Neither WAT nor M7 (although there are only hints of that here) are mine. And isn't it a surprise. Poem at the end is by me.
Author's comment:
A warning first: This won't make much sense if you don't know my other story, "The ties that bind". It is (kind of ) a Crossover with M7, but not really. It's hard to explain.
This is a oneshot and a Thank you to all the reviewers of TTTB! So here's to mistX, AJ (yes, I did not tell you about this. SURPRISE! hugs), aewnaur, TheNaggingCube, Just a litte Faded Edges, Ginevra, Slea and... did I forget somebody? Of corse! Kristina!
This could take place sometime during WAT season one and is a part of the TTTB universe.
On a side note: I know that Danny did not tell Martin about being a former alcoholic until season two, but let's just pretend Martin is smart enough to notice anyway.)
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Damn, it was cold. Not only outside, but inside the apartment building too. Martin closed the door behind him and sighed. Finally, after hours and hours of work, the day was over. He checked his watch. Correction. Most of the night was over too. It was way past four in the morning and he again realised that the cold had slowly been seeping into his bones throughout the day. So he turned up the heating and waited for the room to get warm. He did not even realise that up until now, he had not switched the light on. It was not really necessary. Not only was the room it iluminated by the street lights below, he could also see the first traces of dawn outside.
So he stood by the huge windows and looked at the skyline of the city, trying to let the events of the day go. That was not easy. It had started out as a search for a little girl named Sarah who had disappeared after a christmas play at her school. It had not been pretty - at this time of the year, many people - end parents expecially - panicked easily and made it difficult to investigate. Interviewing the other kids, the teachers, parents and friends had taken a lot of time and they had had to follow countless leads. Most of them had been useless. Of corse they had tried to hurry things along - it was cold outside, the streets were crowded with people (even moreso then on other days) and the girl's parents had been close to a nervous breakdown.
To top it all off, another girl who had bullied the missing girl for a long time had obviously suddenly felt guilty and decided to search for Sarah on her own. With two girls missing, things had slowly gotten out of hand. The parents had also started searching on their own, ignoring the FBI agents orders to stay at home. The temperature had dropped below freezing during the night, but nobody had really noticed that. Instead, they had kept on searching the streets close to the school and a few other places Sarah had visited before.
Finally, about three in the morning, NYPD officers had found a body.
Receiving that news, they all had felt the cold around them for the first time and exhaustion had finally set in. So even when the parents stated that the dead girl was not their daughter and the team found out that they still had a case, Jack had sent them home for a few hours, asking another team to take over until morning.
So they still did not know. The case was not closed.
Let it go for now, Martin thought. You have to be back at work in about three hours. Try to get some sleep.
But no. That was so out of question.
He still was not used to it.
Fraud, he could deal with. "Math crimes" like he liked to call them, were much easier. You concentrate on numbers on a piece of paper, try to find the flaw, the one number that gives it all away. Most of the time you stay in your office. No lives are at stake. You do not meet parents. Friends. Loved ones. You do not have to deal with their fear and worries. And you sure as hell do not have to tell them that a body had been found.
You take all the data you can get, make your calculation and if you are lucky, you can prove that the bastard tried to evade taxes. Big deal.
As much as he had hated White Collar... on days like these he missed that job. Danny had more than once warned him not to hold on to the cases to long but to let them go instead. But it was not that easy. At least not to him. And it got even worse when kids were involved. It reminded him too much of another place and time he had... left behind not long ago. But he did not want to go there.
And then there was another thing.
Sure, the team he was a part of now was great, they worked well together and he finally felt that what he did was the right thing. Because someone had to do it.
But when it came down to it... he was alone. Sometimes they went out for a drink (well, at least Sam, Vivian and Martin did the drinking, Danny usually ordered water and Jack rarely joined them) and talked about their recent case, but after that, they all went their their seperate ways. It was not... the same.
Not how it could be.
Of corse it isn't, he chided himself. How could it ever be? That's not possible and you know it. Look where you are.
Martin snorted. Yes, look where you are.
It was not that he hated New York. The city was special in it's own way, but it was not... HIS city. He was not like Danny who loved this place. To Martin, it was not "home". It was the place he worked.
He did not like the cold weather, missed the sun so much.
He did not like the fact that he could rarely see the sky through all the fog.
And the people were different. Many of them lived in their own little worlds, not really noticing what was going on around them.
He checked his watch again. And this time, he noticed the date.
"Well," he whispered to himself, "I''ll be dammed. Merry Christmas."
He had totally forgotten about that. For the first time ever. And he was sure that the rest of the team had too.
During the last two years he had avoided celebrating christmas as best as he could. Simply because it could not be like it used to be back then. Sure, his father had asked him to come home and celebrate this them, but he had refused, telling them that he had work to do. And this year, it had been true. The year before he had even called Maddie and compared their schedules to make sure that they would tell the same story when Victor Fitzgerald called. And of corse he had.
He missed them. He missed the christmases they had spent together back in Denver. When they had started preparing the party on his first year on the team, he had not really understood what was going on. But in spite of the chaos that had ensued, it that had been the best christmas ever.
He remembered the god awful decorations JD had bought and how he had started to decorate Chris' ranch like crazy. And how these decorations had burned to a crisp when Buck had "accidentally" set the christmas tree on fire. Of corse Ezra's expensive coat had caught fire too - and the fight had been on. Soon after that little Billy had flooded the place, trying to put out the fire with water from the tub in the bathroom and forgetting to turn the water off.
He remembered Josiah arriving at the place with so much of his famous chilli that they had had to eat it for days afterwards. How Nathan had warned them what this amount of unhealthy food could do to them. And how they had not cared to listen.
To his surprise back then, the best part had not been the gifts they had exchanged that evening. Or the - how had Ezra called it? Ah! The carousal afterwards. No, the best part had been the next morning, when they had tried to clean up the place. Which had been pretty much hopeless. But still, they had tried. Had joked around and then worked in silence. And to Martin, that had made it special.
Yes, he missed them. Now more than ever. And he caught himself staring at the phone, craving to dial a number he knew by heart. He kept staring at it, waiting for the pain in his heart to go away. He turned away from it, looking at the city's skyline again.
No. He had made his choice. More for them than for himself, but still. This was the place he worked now and he would make the best of it. But at the same time he made another decision.
He would make that call someday. Whatever the cost, he would do it. And if it was not a phonecall, something else would happen. For some reason he was sure of that. Someday he would see them again, one way or another. For now, he would stay here. Because it was for the best.
Because today was not the day. Yet.
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In the blink of an eye
something has changed
I can't really grasp it,
but out of the blue
it seems that the world
has been rearranged
and what's missing now
is you.
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I wrote this in about half an hour, so if there are too many typos in this, I apologize. But I was not really happy with chapter 5 of TTTB and I wanted to write something like this. My life has been loaded with worries and problems for a long time and a few things happened so that I can breathe a lot easier now. So finally, two one day before Christmas, "the spirit" has finally found me too.
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL!!
Love,
shun