New stories come from all sorts of places. In this case it's Christmas! So I always thought Stan was rather like scrooge in some ways and hopped to find a Christmas carol crossover, but there aren't any that are finished. You know the drill, you find a good story but it's been abandoned! SO I decided to make my own. And hopefully have it done by Christmas. Cookies to anyone who can guess what version of a Christmas Carrol I used.
The scene opens on a small snow covered town commonly known as Gravity Falls Oregon. It was the midst of Christmas Eve and the whole town was a bustling with shopping, dressing in 19th century fashion, and enjoying general merriment. Carolers were singing and street vendors were out and selling various items on the blistery street. One of whom was known as Robbie Valentino sitting at an apple stand attempting to sell family apples.
"Apples. Apples. Home grown apples," he called halfheartedly.
"APPLES APPLES APPLES! Come and get e'm," yelled Mabel in between bites, she was his enthusiastically self-appointed, sweater over a dress wearing, assistant.
"Were not going to sell any if you don't stop eating them."
"I'm making Scarcity; Dipper says it drives up the consumerism, plus they're delicious!"
"Well yah that's because there from our apple tree, Like whadiya expect fake ones." He grumpily straightened his top hat and slouched, already bored from the conversation. Then he perked up and as noticed the reader. "Oh hey! Welcome to the Gravity Falls Christmas Carol. I am here to tell the story. My name is Charles Dickens.
"And my name is Mabel and I'm here for the food!" Mabel grabbed another apple and back track. "Wait a second you're not Charles Dickens Robbie."
"I am in this story. I like wear a ridiculous top hat, dark eyeliner, sell apples, and carry around this sweet guitar."
"But I thought Charles Dickens was a famous novelist?"
"Whoa settle down kid, I know I'm awesome."
"Give me one good reason why I should believe you? And don't lie to me. Mabel always finds out!"
"Well…" Robbie hesitated, "Because… Because I know the story of A Christmas Carol like the back of my hand!
"Prove it!" Mabel exclaimed excitedly.
"All right!" Robbie hid his hand behind his back. "There's a freckle on my thumb and, uh, a scar on my wrist, from when I fell off my bicycle.
"No. No. No. No. Don't tell us your hand. Tell us the story, the greatest Christmas story ever."
"Alright, to prove it to all those lame people who doubt who I am. Ahem, A Christmas Carol. Filbrick Pines was dead to begin with."
"Wait What! Are you trying to make the story all emo," Mabel asked suspiciously.
"No I'm serious, that's how the story begins, Mabel. Why do you think I like A Christmas Carol so much?" Robbie composed himself, "Kids these days don't understand true art." Robbie cleared his throat and began again. "Filbrick Pines was dead to begin with, as dead as a doornail."
"Oh okay, it's a good beginning. It's creepy and kind of spooky."
"Yeah well… thanks kid."
"You're welcome Robbie Dickens!"
"In life, Filbrick had been a hard father with a shrewd business man for a son named Stanley Pines. You will meet him as he comes around that corner.
"Where?"
"Right there."
"But when?"
Robbie waited a second, "about… now." Stan stepped briskly out from behind the corner and with his stone cold gaze observed his surroundings. "There he is, Mr. Stanley Pines."
"Say," Mabel pondered as Mr. Pines walked by, "Is it getting colder out here?"
"What's the matter with you people, why is everybody dressed like 19th century England!" Stan yelled at the apple sellers.
"Uh it's the weeklong Dickens Christmas festival Duh," Robbie snarked back with a not much better attitude.
"Urg every day I go out there's another festival to worry about! Why don't you yaps ever shut up!"
Toby Determined skipped up to them and wished, "Merry Christmas friends!"
"I will break you little man!" Stan threatened with his fist. As Toby scurried away frightened, Stan trudged off in his apparent misery. Oddly enough he was the most normal looking person in town with his fez and suit. Robbie shrugged off the insult and started to strum his guitar, "He's always like that, especially around Christmas."
"Ah poor old man," Mabel kindly said, "I'll bet he really isn't all that bad deep down inside… right?"
"Well the towns' people certainly didn't think so."
Like Robbie said, when Stan walked by people shivered, children ran and hid, and women turned in fear and disgust. As he passed, Toby Determined started to sing:
When a cold wind blows it chills you
Chills you to the bone
Lazy Susan added:
But there's nothing in nature that freezes your heart
Like years of being alone
Tate McGucket joined them: It paints you with indifference
Like Lazy Susan paints with rouge
Little Gideon sitting in his jail cell sang:
And the worst of the worst
The most hated and cursed
Is the one that we call Stan
Unkind as any
And the wrath of many
This is that Stan Pines
Various town people joined in:
Oh, there goes Mr. Humbug
There goes Mr. Grim
If they gave a prize for being' mean the winner would be him
Lee and Nate hid behind a trash can:
Oh, Stanford loves his money cause he thinks it gives him power
If he became a flavor you can bet he would be sour
Mabel still was optimistic, "Aw come on, how bad could he be?"
People replied back:
He charges folks a fortune for conning all our money
Us small folk live in misery
Groney sang with a smile:
It's even worse for Goreny
"Hi my names Gorney, and I've been twamatized."
Mabel looked around once more to see the universal disgust and decided to say something about it. She jumped up on a barrel in the street and yelled, "Hey everyone wait!:
He must be so lonely
He must be so sad
He goes to extremes to convince us he's bad
He's really a victim of fear and of pride
Look close and there must be a sweet man inside
The town slowed and pondered what Mabel said, and replied with a chorus of:
"Naaaah. Uh Uh."
There goes Mr. Outrage
There goes Mr. Sneer
He has no time for friends or fun
His anger makes that clear
Don't ask him for a favor 'cause his nastiness increases
Tad sat with his measly piece of bread:
No crust of bread for Tad Strange
Candy joined in:
No cheeses for us Candies
Grenda sat beside her in the cold:
If bein' mean's a way of life
He'll practice and rehearse
And all that work is paying off
'Cause Mr. Pines is getting worse
Everyone: Every day, in every way, Stan is getting worse
Stan turned around giving a glare so threatening that everyone immediately went back about their own business. He watched until they all were gone and then he continued his walk back to the shack. Robbie being all emo strumming his guitar and Mabel eating a sparkly pretzel watched from a distance. "I still don't think he's that bad," Mabel cheerily said, "but where's he going now?"
"To his place of business," Robbie remarked, "a place of cheap pay and long hours."
"That sounds bad, what is it?"
"The Mystery Shack."
Next Time On Gravity Falls A Christmas Carrol:
"Merry Christmas Grunkle Stan!"
"Mr. Pines my dad wanted me to ask if I could have… Christmas… off."
" I'm here to warn you of your fate!"