Picking up after Denny...

Alan and Denny Slash

When Denny finally passed, Alan had more work before him than he could remember ever having in his life. In addition to the grief and sorrow which weighed on him like a thundercloud. Since Denny had died after a supreme effort to return to golfing. And the little that he did, including pulling around a cart with his clubs. And the weaker he got the more difficult it was even to pull that cart around, and one warm day he became particularly weak, he sat down on a bench, and his golf buddies called 911, as he became so pale and feeble that the EMT's had to lift him to get him into the ambulance. Alan was called to the hospital, where he found Denny feeble and barely able to talk. He tried to speak to Alan but he was unable. Alan asked him if the cart had been too heavy for him, but Denny objected that it had not been. But Alan had the feeling that it was an attempt to project the old Denny, hoping to project that the Dimebolin had restored him completely. But Alan had a sinking feeling that he had seen the limits of the Dimebolin. For Denny's life, and that night, his fears were confirmed. As Denny passed during the night. Alan was crushed the next day when he went to the hospital, expecting to see Denny sitting up and hassling the nurses, as so often before, when the doctor directed him to the I.C.U. His heart fell to his feet, and he trembled even before he confronted the cold and motionless corpse of Denny. Cold and lifeless. When the option was offered the to get him a cardiac bypass that afternoon, he jumped at the offer, hoping hope against hope that Denny would spring back to life as so often he had before, instead he was offered to maintain Denny on life support as long as Alan wished, and he stared at his love so non-responsive and stiff. He thought of all the time that Denny had suffered from the foggy brain and lost in his own head and suffering from the rude comments of others, and how often Alan had suffered emotionally for Denny. Maybe it was time to take his pain seriously and allow him to depart in peace! So Alan did and immediately burned down to his feet. He felt defeated and alone. He couldn't go home, immediately, he puttered around on the Boston Common. But he couldn't stop the tears from coming as he thought back on when he and Denny came there together on sunny afternoons and smelled the flowers and the grass. Which usually made Denny have allergic attacks. "Well, no more, my love,"Alan sniffed to himself. And going home and drinking made it no better, that evening! "Well, it's just part of life," he chided himself. And he could hear Denny chiding him, "Don't be such a girl!" and he thought back on the time when he had contemplated whether he and Denny were sexists, like when they accused people they felt were weak of being a girl. Well, wasn't that part of it, that females were seen as weak, so others could be referred to as girls, if they were seen as weak. And, Alan had to admit that both he and Denny and had used the term, without remorse. Alan's face grew warm with the thought that they had been so thoughtless at times. Still, his tears fell, as he thought that how Denny really been the kindest and most thought filled person he had ever known, and even when he was seemingly unkind, his heart was still the most generous person he (Alan) had ever known. And he thought of the unrelenting conservative nature of Denny's life. And he thought of his own liberality, although he had not always been so! His heart lunged at the thought that when he got home tonight, he would be without Denny. Still, he did not think of all the pain that was still to come! He knew that widowers and widows are not kindly treated even with the pain they had already suffered. Of course, the IRS was the first to insist for their own due. Of course, the Government would not want to give one cent extra to the bereaved, so the first stop he would have to make was the social security office. Then next he would have to decide which of Denny's personal items were to go to others, and if so, which things were to go to whom. Of course, Donny was first and foremost on his mind! Then the woman who seemed to be Denny's daughter, then the people from Crane, & Poole and Schmidt. That gave him a lot to think about. When he finally headed for his and Denny's condo, he had still a lot of which to think. He was sure everyone would want a piece of "Denny Crane", legend that he was! First he needed to think what there was of Denny that was available, he knew that Denny had planned to leave every thing to Alan's name. And right now, Alan certainly did not want to think anything about what that entailed at this confused and mindless time. He was a good enough lawyer to understand what he legally needed to get done, such as getting the property transferred into his name and himself onto the tax roll for the property. His head ached as he thought of the many of his clients who had only recently become eligible to be married, that is the gay couples they must have been questioning was this the sacred thing they had really been pursuing? As was he! Surely each person who faced the beauracracy of marriage sagged under the weight of all the requirements and hurdles they faced. He remembered having some sticker shock when he and Denny first married and were stunned by the enormity of the happily ever after part of marriage and it's legal requirements. He had of course been familiar with the enormity of marriage. And the meaningfulness of each vow, but the romance and beauty of a ceremony that at once seemed so meaningful and then immediately seemed to become so profoundly onerous. At first, it just seemed like "Oh, well, we love each other and what seems so difficult will soon seem ordinary and shared!" For them it had actually begun to seem that way, but he was sure that for many not so blessed with wealth and the closeness of a shared responsibility and closeness, they felt lucky to have so much! And soon it soon it seemed that each person who greeted him wanted to know what he planned to do with this and that, now that Denny no longer needed this or that. The time he just wanted to be alone and silently share what he had left of Denny with him, now while his spirit seemed so close still. Of course, the first thing he thought he wanted to do was to go to Nimmo Lodge, and try to retrieve some of the magic again. while Denny seemed to be so close still. But then when he thought of the joy they had shared there, he didn't see how it could ever be the same again! And his excitement and anticipation faded immediately. Even that they used to spend looking out at the wonder of vibrant Boston, faded as Alan realized that no longer could they rejoice at Denny's ownership of the city! Alan realized that he no longer felt that he owned anything any more, not even Denny's love! In fact, he felt nothing about anything except grateful that Denny had insisted the the words 'cherish be added to the vows! That made him feel that Denny had meant for their words to last forever. The funeral manager tried to get him excited about the pending funeral, about which Alan wondered more and more what Denny really wanted, certainly he was no longer certain that Denny would want to be cremated and sprinkled over the balcony of Crane, Poole, and Schmidt any more. Especially since Chang had become the first name of the firm. Alan made a somber tour of the offices and the people who remained there. Each in turn greeted him, with a little less than joy. Karl and Shirley smiled warmly, but obviously they had their own lives now, trying to cope with management of the Chinese! Alan offered to return Shirley's cheerleader outfit voluntarily as well as the photos for which she had sued. She smiled good naturedly and assured him that she felt the time coming when she would be proud and gratified that two such desireable, extraordinary men had desired her, and she asked Alan to keep the pictures as well. He agreed gratefully, and asked if she were sure. He asked if the demise of Denny had occasioned her the grief that it had caused him, and she replied affirmedly. Although, she admitted that she was sure that she could never imagine the depths of his own loss, she agreed that she found herself deeply distressed. She admitted that without Karl, she could never have made it. And she asked Alan how he was holding up? Unbidden, the tears began to roll out of Alan's eyes and down his cheeks. Shortly, his shoulders began to heave with giant sobs and the heat of his sorrow. He told her, you know, "Shirley I never have missed any one with whom I never had sex before! So you never made it, huh"? Alan began to shake his head slowly and heavily. I would have done anything in the world for him, even leave him alone! "It sounds like you have done some growing up, Alan", Karl put his arms around Alan tenderly. Now that sounds like real love!"

Alan sniffled briefly, and said sadly, "Oh, yes, it was!"

Next Jerry heard Alan down the hall and he appeared at his front with a huge embrace.

"Jerry!" Alan exclaimed. "They kept you on!That's pretty amazing, isn't it?"

"It's amazing that you even decided to stay!"

"Yes it is!" Jerry responded. "They have been actually pretty understanding!"

"Yes, I would have expected that! Even when I acted most harshly to them, I could expect and accept the wisdom of their insight!

And how is Katie?" "Amazingly happy to be my wife. I half expect that she has been inspired by the love of you and Denny!"

"Yes, I feel that seeing that you two could so gladly successful, made her think that the two of us could make it as well!"

"I don't think that knowing what I have of Katie that I can imagine that she needed any inspiration from us to know how to love you. I could see that she loved you so deeply already, that your union with each other could never be anything but joyous"

It was hilariously ironic that when DEK was having Denny talking Alan out of his word soup problems with Lorraine, the old song (Sweet Lorraine), that Denny paraded around the balcony (almost singing ) I can't wait until that happy happy day when I marry sweet Lorraine, it looked almost like he was thinking about marrying someone else, in a joyful presentiment of his soon to come wedding to Alan! And what better wedding could there be for either of them?

As the days crept by, Denny's death became more and more stressful for Alan. As each person he met reminded him of another dear memory of Denny. He began to wonder how he had managed to escape marriage to any of the dear women he had ever fancied, partially with the help of Denny. Alan began to wonder...Was that really help escaping marriage or was Denny saving him for something special? Alan had to think that it was the latter! Not that he minded, it just seemed like Kismet more than anything else!

Each person he met came up with some dear memory of Denny, so that he began to think maybe the times he found Denny so presumptuous and with holding, was a time he just hadn't understood Denny as well as he should have, And that made him hurt even more! Just as he stood again on their balcony he heard Denny's voice in his ear. Don't be such a girl, soldier! And the tears bubbled up unbidden. How could I have had anything better, came to his mind. Denny often told him that he shouldn't wish for a woman he thought he did, ignoring the fact that Denny was his true love.