The Things Only I Know
I look at Jack as he lays beside me. He's such a beautiful man. I know he seems tough and sometimes a bit distant maybe but there's a lot people don't know about Captain Jack Harkness. Do they know he's scared of clowns?
"Jack, I want to watch something scary tonight." I say as I plop down on my couch beside Jack.
"Sure, whatever you want." He says with a smile.
"Oh what about 'It'?" I smile back at him.
"What about what?" Jack says looking at me in confusion.
" 'It' it's a movie from the 90's." I say smiling at Jack.
"Oh... yeah, no we're not watching that." He says determinately.
"Why not?" I frown, not following.
"It's a movie about a clown, right?" Jack asks.
"Uh... yeah." I say, still looking at Jack with a quizzical look on my face.
"Then we're not watching it." Jack says with the cutest pout I've ever seen.
"Are you scared of clowns, Captain Jack Harkness." I ask, a involuntary grin on my face.
"Uh no, I just don't like 'em." Jack says his eyes not meeting mine.
"You are, you're scared of clowns." I exclaim.
"Ianto, please leave it alone." Jack asks, his eyes finally meeting mine.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to tease you. Clowns, it just never occurred to me that you could be scared of such regular things."
"Of course, I'm scared of regular things. I'm only human you know. I'm not scared of many things but clowns give me the creeps." Jack says, his eyes honest.
I look at him, I slowly run my hand through his hair. He leans into my touch as my hand runs across his jaw.
"I'm scared to lose you, you know." Jack says with sad eyes.
"I can take care of myself and you're always there to protect me." I say reassuringly.
"I know you can but what if something happens to you when I'm not there to save you? What if someone better comes along and you don't want me anymore? What if..." Jack babbles.
"Are you serious?" I say as Jack babbles, he stops. "You're seriously thinking there's anyone better than you? You're doubting yourself now too?" I say incredulously.
"Only when it comes to you. I know I can satisfy you sexually but what about the rest? I'm not good at the lovey-dovey stuff." Jack says and looks at me, he looks so vulnerable now. He's never been this open with me.
"You're doing great at the lovey-dovey stuff, sir." I smile.
Jack carefully places a kiss on my forehead and lightly pecks my lips.
Jack slowly opens his eyes, he looks at me. A big smile spreads across his face when he notices I'm looking at him. He rolls on his back and opens his arms, an invitation. I lay my head on his chest as his arms close around me. We lay here in silence as Jack hugs me to him and I trace little hearts on his chest. Many people see Captain Jack Harkness as a tough and distant man but I just see him as Jack and with every secret I love him more and more.