Disclaimer: Don't own Gintama. I'm not clever enough.
A/N: I honestly can't think of how to continue my other fic "when you're gay-IT'S BISEXUAL YOU IDIOT!". I honestly have a plot, but I don't know how to get there without making it feel like I just leaped into that plot, or put some bullshit events to get there. But considering that it's Gintama, it should be okay...I don't know. I just need to take a moment to try and continue that.
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Title: Since it's almost Valentine's day, I guess I should make a one shot that actually came on time for the holiday. This is the Gintama Class 3-Z au. I never read the novels so expect no accuracies.
"There will be no trading chocolates for Valentine's day in my class." Ginpachi sensei told his class once February hit. "Do I make myself clear?"
Kondo was immediately against it! "But sensei! This year might be the year that I receive my chocolates from Otae-chan!"
"Go die, gorilla." Otae said with a kind smile.
Sougo informed everyone, "Ginpachi sensei is only mad that he didn't get any chocolates last year, so he's taking it out on his students. Waah, Principal come save us!" He mocked.
"SHUT UP! I'm the teacher, and what I say goes! Unless every girl in this class gives me a chocolate, none of you guys will!"
"Even if you say that, the girls will just give them to the boys during recess or after school." Yamazaki pointed out.
"Yamazaki, go commit seppuku in the hallway." Gintoki ordered.
"Naniiiii (Whaaat)?!"
Shinpachi pointed out, "You know that valentines is a day to confess one's affections. If you accept chocolates from the female students, there's a reasonable claim to arrest you."
"Shinpachi, follow Yamazaki to the hall and commit seppuku."
"I'M TELLING YOU WHY THAT WOULD BE A BAD IDEA! ANYWAY, ISN'T HIJIKATA-SAN THE ONE WHO GIVES AROUND THE ORDERS OF WHO COMMITS SEPPUKU! DON'T GO STEALING SOMEONE ELSE'S CHARACTER FOR YOUR OWN CONVENIENCE!"
"Fine, Yamazaki, Shinpachi, go out in the hall and make me chocolate."
"Hell no!" Both the plain guys denied.
"Then you two have detention in the cooking class after school."
"WE'RE NOT MAKING YOU CHOCOLATE!"
Kagura spoke, "It's pointless sensei! If you rely on Yamazaki, his chocolates will definitely taste like anpan, and Shinpachi already used up all his ingredients to-"
"AAAAAH!" The megane covered her mouth. "To make chocolate cake for anue-e! Right anue-e?!"
His older sister sweetly simpered. "It was definitely delicious."
The bell rang leaving the teens to have learned not much at all like usual. Everyone filed out of the room and headed for their home. Shinpachi put on his shoes before heading to the front where he saw Hijikata waiting for him there. The megane felt his cheeks warm up. Him and Hijikata were friends. They're not as close compared to their other friends, but they liked each other's companies. The older male began walking Shinpachi home when they figured out that they lived close by last year. Since then, they've been hanging out whenever their other friends were to busy with their own stuff.
Shinpachi eagerly approached the smoking teen. "Hijikata-san," He happily called out, and pleasantly suggested when he got his attention, "Do you want to come over to my place? Anue-e and I rented the sequel to Yakuza vs aliens. I heard that this one definitely beats the first movie."
"Really?!" Hijikata yelled like a fanboy, but then regained his cool like a dork. "I mean, yeah. I'll come over. I'll bring over some popcorn, then."
"Okay, but we'll share separate bowls remember." Shinpachi may like him, but he's not going to share eating habits.
"Yeah, yeah." Hijikata dismissed as the two began walking on home.
Shinpachi openly complained about their teacher and the man's other weird, perverted habits, and also about Kagura and his sister with a much nicer tone. Hijikata mostly listened, and commented here and there in their conversation. He didn't feel comfortable talking much about himself or Kondo and Sougo unless they've done something to really piss him off. Shinpachi didn't mind since he could talk enough for the both of them, and the megane basked in his attention.
While they talked, a girl passed them by with a bag filled with chocolates. Hijikata winced and grunted at the sight. Shinpachi worriedly asked, "What's wrong Hijikata-san?"
"Nothing." He replied. He didn't feel like complaining about the one day he hated the most.
Shinpachi was curious, but he let it go since it sounded like the older teen rather not talk about it at all. Instead he told him, "I wonder if Kagura-chan will be giving any chocolates this year. Haaah, I'm hoping I'll get one this year. If a cute girl gave me one, I'd definitely buy her something twice or even three times better on White day! What about you, Hijikata-san?"
The older teen somewhat flinched at the question. He really wanted to avoid the subject without being rude. He quickly muttered, "Ah, I don't plan on accepting any this year. Shinpachi! How about we speed up to your house! I just remembered that I also have a good movie we can watch together! And we can finish our homework before our curfew!"
"Eh? Sure?" Shinpachi was surprised by the sudden energized, and suspiciously desperate Hijikata. He decided to comply to ease his secret crush.
The two made it to Shinpachi's house. Otae wasn't around since she had a job. It was currently three-thirty in the afternoon, and the two spent the first two hours making popcorn and watching the new Yakuza vs aliens movie. Unsurprisingly, Hijikata cried halfway through the movie when the yakuza and the alien reached the emotional rising action of their battle while the Yakuza's thoughts were being said out loud among the loud explosions and fighting sound effects. Shinpachi found it touching to say the least.
After the movie was done, they quickly switched to the movie that Hijikata bought over, so the blue-eyed male could shove away his saddened feelings for the yakuza.
"What kind of movie did you bring over, Hijikata-san?" Shinpachi asked as it began to play.
Hijikata wiped his tear streaked face and cleared his throat. "I don't know. I just grabbed one from the living room."
"Oh, you picked a scary movie."
"WHAT?!"
"And it looks like its based on two guys being locked up in a room together..." Shinpachi watched as the movie started with two men coming out of lockers. They are confused about what happened and seemed to be talking to each other to figure out what happened. Something was strange. "Eh? Doesn't that man with the silvery, wavy hair look a lot like Ginpachi-sensei? He's even wearing the clothes he wore today. And that other guy looks a lot like Hattori-sensei..." The scene played on until the scene was squeeze to one side to fit another scene where a man wearing a mask was talking to them. Now they had audio.*
'Oi! You bastard! What the hell are we doing here?!'
"Huh? He also sounds like Ginpachi-sensei, too." Shinpachi was really intrigued by this. Did both his sensei star in a scary movie together? "Isn't that weird, Hijikata-san?" He looked at his friend to see him breaking out into a cold sweat. "HIJIKATA-SAN! Is it too hot in here?! Let me go get a fan for you!" Shinpachi exited out of the room for a minute since the fan wasn't far, and came back to Hijikata destroying the DVD with a metal bat that came out of nowhere. None of them played baseball.
The panting older teen looked up to see a blank expression, but deep down Shinpachi was well aware of the truth since it was one of his lame powers as the straight-man. He put the fan down on the coffee table, went into the kitchen, came out with a plastic bag, put the pieces of the CD inside, and safely burned it at his backyard.
He went back in the house, and said, "We'll never speak of this again."
Hijikata guiltily agreed, "Yes."
The two threw their new knowledge into the deep darkness of their souls, and chose to change the atmosphere by going out to do something. They were able to lighten up their hearts by playing at the arcade, going to a bookstore, getting dinner at a family restaurant, and then the two walked home together.
"Waaah, I had a lot of fun today with you. It's such a shame that it has to end." Shinpachi commented happily.
Hijikata smiled down at him. His cold gun blue eyes melting by a warmth in them. "Yeah. Tomorrow I have work. Are you doing anything the day after?"
"The day after tomorrow is Valentine's day, Hijikata-san!" Shinpachi reminded him. "You should spend it with a special someone. Maybe Kuriko-chan from Freshmen year, or perhaps that girl from the Junior class. There's a rumor that she likes you, too. You're really popular with girls that it's a shame that you try to at least go on one date with them for some fun experience."
"Oi! What fun experiences are you talking about?!"
"I was thinking about singing karaoke with them, or eating lunch together! What were you thinking?" Shinpachi innocently inquired.
Hijikata blushed, feeling ashamed for assuming such things from the young male. But then Shinpachi laughed and lightly smacked his arm. Hijikata looked at him to see that mischievous grin. It just made the future policeman blush hotter! "You were thinking about those things!"
"Not at first until you interrogated me. The first one to think it is the dirty man." Shinpachi teased, and then playfully mocked, "Oh no! Hijikata-san is exposing me to dirty thoughts! I wonder what I should tell anue-e about you!"
"I'm not dirty! You're the one who's dirty! Spending time with that perverted sensei of ours, and that berserk of a foreign exchange student!"
"And you spend time with a perverted, stalking gorilla, and a super sadist! When you compare the people we spend with, it's easy to see who is dirtier!"
"Shit!" Hijikata silently cursed since he knew he lost. He still tried. "Don't think lightly of me! As if I'd ever be easily influenced by those two while you're obviously showing signs of having adapted that retarded bastard's attitude."
"Ah, but if that's true, then are you saying you wouldn't mind spending time with sensei because you seem to still enjoy my company even if that may be true." Shinpachi gave him a cheeky smile.
Hijikata glared heatedly at him. "That's not what I meant!"
"It is!" Shinpachi cried out like a very proud child.
"No it's not!"
"How?"
Hijikata was about to answer, but he couldn't think as fast as his reactions. "Dammit! This bastard is smooth! He definitely got it from those two! But still...I can't tell whether that's a bad thing. Shinpachi may be becoming more of a clever asshole, but he's still Shinpachi." He thought as he was currently imagining Shinpachi in a dramatic evil pose like many evil megane characters.
Then he looked at the real Shinpachi to see the good-natured, plain teenager with a kind, joyful smile on his lips. His brown eyes still so wide and somewhat naive to the world around him. Or more like an unyielding respectful attitude. Wait, why was he mad?
Shinpachi saw that Hijikata had forgotten their conversation since it was just fun, idle chatter. "Good night, Hijikata-san."
"Ah, goo-goodnight." He said as Shinpachi went for his home.
He watched the megane disappear behind that closed door. Hijikata couldn't move his feet because they yearned to be where the megane was. He knew he was ridiculous because Shinpachi was obviously going to bed. Then he imagined himself on Shinpachi's bed. The two of them sleeping while sprawled in each others warmth and snoring.
He growled at himself while harshly rubbing his eyes and the rest of his face with the front of his wrist.
"What the fuck am I thinking?"
The next day, Ginpachi-sensei was currently missing, and due to the school having little staff members, two classes were taught at a gym by Tsukuyo-sensei.
After that, Hijikata went to his job while Shinpachi spent time with Kagura who wanted to go find their missing sensei with his sister, Sarutobi and many others who had nothing else better to do.
After a ridiculous adventure of finding their sensei, they ended up finding him and Hattori-sensei at a nut house after they were found knocked out at an abandoned construction site, and then woke up at the hospital in a state of uncontrollable panic.
The group left their poor teachers at the nut house and disbanded. Shinpachi made sure to call Hijikata later that afternoon to tell him all about it. The smoking teen was both disturbed, laughing and relieved that they weren't made into guilty witnesses.
After they talked, Shinpachi realized that it was time to finish making his honmei-chocolates. He knew that Valentine's day was for girls in Japan, but White's day may be for guys, but that was for reciprocating feelings. Shinpachi was planning on confessing. He knew that Hijikata was going to be popular, but maybe he wouldn't mind his chocolates. After all, he worked really hard since December to get the money to buy the chocolate mix, and the wrapping.
He went through many trials and errors to try to get the chocolates to be good enough. He made sure to investigate on Hijikata's tastebuds. Checking on what types of pastries or candies he was into; what type of sweetness he was into; his favorite colors, shapes and words he could take to heart. HE WAS NOT STALKING! Only investigating whenever they could hang out together.
Now he knew that the best way to go is to bake three chocolate mayo cupcakes with mayonnaise filling and mayonnaise frosting.
He put those cupcakes in a cupcake container before placing them in a somewhat small, modest valentines bag.
The next morning, he hesitated on adding his own homemade valentines card. He honestly felt embarrassed for making such a cheap looking card, and thought that it was best that he didn't add it, but then he smacked himself and put it in.
"Are you going to give him today?" Otae inquired with mild excitement.
"Anue-e!" Shinpachi hid the bag from her.
"Mmmu! Shin-chan, there's nothing to be ashamed about! Your gift was made with more care and consideration than any girl in that school. And Hijikata-san will definitely accept it."
"Are you sure?"
"Definitely. But if you can't give it, then I'll give it for you."
Shinpachi felt a rock fell off his chest, and he was being elevated by the goddess of good luck herself! "Really?! Thank you, anue-e!" He hugged her.
And so, the siblings went to school. Shinpachi told his sister to give it during recess since he knew that Hijikata would try to escape from the girls by heading to the boy's restroom at the farthest section of the school away from their class.
When recess came, Otae dutifully caught Hijikata who had raced/sped walked to the restroom. The male teen had been caught by girls who confessed, and their friends shoved the chocolates onto him. After two-thirds of recess time wasted on being forced to hold bags of chocolates, he finally reached the restroom.
But at this point it was pointless. He decided to just stand there and accept anything else that came his way. He pressed his back against the wall and slid down to the floor.
Otae finally took the opportunity to give him. "Hijikata-san,"
"Hm?" He looked up to see Shinpachi's older sister, and a valentine's bag. It's obvious that it's not from her, otherwise there should've been something evil pouring out of it. "Being someone's messenger of so-called love?" He tiredly inquired. This was more tiresome than his job.
"You can say that I am a certain someone's dearest messenger, and I reassure you Hijikata-san, that you won't be disappointed by this gift."
Hijikata didn't understand what nonsense she was spouting. All chocolates were the same to him. He wondered which of her friends she was delivering this to.
"Otae-chan! There you are!" A girl who Hijikata didn't know approached the other female teen. He saw how she saw him and timidly look away.
"Aaah, this must be the person." Hijikata figured that it would be nice of him to just accept the bag for show. He took it from Otae with a thanks.
Otae gave him an encouraging smile, and added, "Shinpachi is looking forward to after school. Now you two better be good boys, or else." She threatened, and then left with her friend.
Hijikata didn't understand at all what she meant by that, but he did look forward to doing something with Shinpachi after school. Maybe go to that new cafe that opened up. He threw the gift from Otae with the other gifts in one of his own bags.
Shinpachi avoided making eye contact Hijikata because he thought his face looked funny. How could he not! He didn't want to show such a weird expression because he couldn't keep his emotions inside this small body of his!
He just hoped that Hijikata wasn't weirded out by it. The best choice scenario is that it turns out he likes him, too, or is at least open to dating. The worst case scenario is that Hijikata thinks its too weird that their friendship will crumble. He really hoped for the most realistic scenario, and that Hijikata will let him down easy, and they can remain friends.
He really hoped for that at the very least.
After P.E. when it was about time for school to end, Shinpachi had gotten kicked into a mud puddle by Kagura during soccer practice. Since their school didn't have showers in the locker room, he had to stick with using a sink and cloth to at least get the dirt off before taking a shower at home later.
Shinpachi hurriedly wiped himself off, so that he could go see Hijikata and get his answer. He arrived just in time to see Hijikata throwing his given valentine's cards into a garbage bag, and putting the chocolates in a separate bag to give it to his friends.
He entered the class with a timid, excited smile. "Hijikata-san."
The taller teen looked away from the bags to see the megane. Shinpachi took his smile as a good sign, so approached closer. He was about to ask about his answer, but then he glanced at the inside of the garbage bag. He saw a familiar card with the designs and colors he made. "Yo...you're throwing all the..." He couldn't finish his sentence. It became too hard to breathe to speak.
Hijikata didn't note the faltering in his sentence as anything bad. Just thought Shinpachi didn't need to finish his sentence for him to understand. He gave a frustrated sighed at the sight of the cards, and tiredly replied, "Yeah. They mean nothing to me."
Shinpachi's face fell farther than it had.
"My feelings mean nothing to you? Did you think that I pulled a TRICK on you?! Why?! Did I...Did I not clearly interpret my love to you?"
Hijikata had faced his back to him in order to find for something. Shinpachi took this chance to escape quietly. The taller teen founded what he needed, and then asked while he turned around, "Anyway, Shinpachi. Your sister told me..." Hijikata was completely baffled of why he was alone. "Shinpachi?" He called out. No answer. He called out, "Shinpachi! Where did you go?" He walked out, and looked around the vicinity, and could not find the teen.
He decided to try calling his cell, but no answer. He tried a few more times, and texted him, but no reply for over an hour. He had spent that hour just chilling with Kondo and Sougo at one of the classrooms. Kondo was currently drowning himself in chocolate. Sougo was enjoying his pathetic suffering, but when it got boring, he decided to watch his pathetic suffering with a change of scenery.
"Aren't you coming, Hijikata-san?" Sougo inquired.
"I'll be with you guys. I just need to make one more call."
"Fine then. C'mon Kondou-san." He ordered his gorilla.
"Just one more!" He cried. He took Shinpachi's gift bag. "Isn't this nice, Toshi!" he wailed. "This bag obviously had a lot of thought put into it! It's not so cutesy like the other gifts, and it totally looks like the type of simplistic style you're into! And look at this! They're chocolate cupcakes covered in your favorite type of mayonnaise!" He wasn't a fan of mayonnaise, but he was so miserable that he took a bite anyway. "And look! They even put mayonnaise filling! They look and taste so fresh and good as if a lot of cherished feelings were put into this person's fingers while they made these pastry delights!"
Sougo retorted, "We should probably let you see a professional, Kondou-san. If you're starting to call Hijikata's pig food delights than you must be losing it. C'mon." He pulled his gorilla out of the classroom.
Hijikata was about to finally make his final call (or so he likes to think for the tenth time), but then Otae came into the room. It had been her turn to clean the other classrooms.
She smiled at the sight of one of her precious little brother's pastries were eaten. She couldn't help asking, "I see that you had a taste of Shinpachi's cupcakes. Did it taste delicious?"
"What? What are you talking about?" Hijikata just couldn't understand this girl today.
Otae was also confused. "You ate Shinpachi's cupcakes." She pointed at the set of cupcakes on the table that Hijikata had been sitting next to. "That's the bag he prepared and the cupcakes he spent months making for you!"
Hijikata stared at her incredulously. He glanced at the cupcakes and back to her. "Shinpachi made these?"
"YES! You read his card didn't you?!" She almost practically screeched!
Hijikata felt his heart drop to the pit of his stomach. He quickly ripped the trash bag open and searched among the cards for one that had Shinpachi's name on it.
When he found it, he came upon a horrible realization. He now understood everything, and was completely dumbfounded. His whole world was at a stand still as he tried to process the truth. He got a few of it, but he couldn't process all of it, so he looked to the card to help him.
It stated with so many eraser marks behind the characters, 'I know that this is weird, but I couldn't deny how I truly feel about you the moment we were at the park and it was raining. We had to stay under a tree so we wouldn't get wet because we forgot our umbrellas. You obviously wouldn't have noticed, but even if it was terrible weather, I was really happy to be stuck under that tree with you until the sun came back out, only to hide again, and we got drenched on the way home'
'If you don't feel the same way about me, then can we please remain friends. Happy Valentines, Shinpachi.'
Otae called out to him, "Hi-" Before she could finish, the older teen was already out the door and down the hallway with both the card and the bag of cupcakes. The older sister was pissed at him, but she just noted to herself to threaten and beat the shit out of him a little after those two idiots patched things up. No one dares make her precious Shin-chan cry!
Hijikata raced to Shinpachi's home as if he was trying to beat Sonic's record that Kagura called him Shadow and cheered him on to find the emeralds for Maria.
When he reached there, he banged on the door so hard that it scared Shinpachi who had been crying in his room. He hurriedly ran down the stares wondering if it was some sort of gangster. He wasn't entirely off, but he wasn't entirely thrilled either at the sight of Hijikata through the peephole.
He decided to pretend that he wasn't home, but then Hijikata spoke, "I know that you're there, Shinpachi. I saw you come down by the window. Please, talk to me. It's a misunderstanding."
"Misunderstanding?" Shinpachi opened the door.
Hijikata's heart achingly throbbed at the sight of Shinpachi's puffy eyes. Without another second wasted, he confessed, "I'M SORRY! WHEN YOU'RE SISTER GAVE ME THE GIFT, I THOUGHT THAT IT WAS JUST FROM ONE OF HER FRIENDS! SO I DIDN'T BOTHER LOOKING IN THE BAG OR READING THE CARD! I ACTED LIKE A BASTARD TO YOU, AND THAT'S UNFORGIVEABLE! But the truth is Shinpachi! The truth is that..."
*MIND NOT MANUFACTURING PROPER WORDS!*
"I WANT TO SLEEP WITH YOU!"
*IMMENSE AWKWARD PAUSE!*
"Ah-"
*DOOR SLAM*
Hijikata's face went aflame! "WAIT! THOSE WEREN'T THE WORDS I WANTED TO SAY! I MEANT THAT I WOULD LIKE TO SLEEP NEXT TO YOU ON YOUR BED WITH CLOTHES ON! I LI-LIk-lo-! I THINK OF YOU AS MORE THAN A FRIEND! SHINPACHI! DO YOU HEAR ME!"
Then some random guy shouted at him, "SHUT UP! YOU'RE DISTURBING THE PUBLIC!"
"SHUT UP! I'M SPILLING MY HEART HERE!"
"THIS IS WHY I HATE VALENTINES DAY!"
"ME TOO, YA BASTARD!" Hijikata then shouted through the door, "Shinpachi! I really...really..." he just couldn't utter any of those simple affection four words. Instead he lost his passion and was lying on the door. He tried one last effort. "Can we go to that new cafe that opened up nearby?"
After a few seconds of silence, the door opened. Shinpachi's smile mediated the whole awkward, hot situation. "I'd like that."
Hijikata gave a relief sigh, and the two walked to the new cafe together. Hijikata then promised at the end of the day that he'll definitely give twice or even thrice the love on White Day.
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*This is reference to Gintama episode 148. It's also the episode where my okayness with Sougo went down the drain. I understand that he's a sadist, but that went too far for me.