MOST RECENT MANGA CHAPTER REACTION: !!!

Which is why you'll understand my recent obsession with Kakashi.

I suppose it would be most fair to warn you before you begin that this does not end with Kakashi sweeping Sakura up into his arms and them being in love forever. It's my other KakaSaku story that ends that way, Better. So if you're done with this (review, please?) and you want them to be happy forever, you go read that. I suppose that this story actually is in between Personal Space and Better. There will probably be NaruSasuNaru for this universe too. Since it sort of needs a lot of development.

And, enjoy. :)

Kakashi did not believe the rumor that he had heard, and took it upon himself to visit his dear ex-student to find out how true it was. He whistled his way through the stairs to her small apartment, and when she opened the door he found his answer in the large diamond ring on just exactly the finger where an engagement ring might be.

"I hear you're engaged to Sasuke." He had his answer, but he wanted to make sure.

Sakura played with the ring on her finger.

"He's good enough, sensei."

"Sakura, I don't want you to..." He trailed off, uncertain, which didn't happen very often. He hoped she was enjoying it.

"Kakashi-sensei, please don't worry about me. I'm very happy."

She beamed at him falsely, and he remembered a time when she hadn't called him sensei like that. When it had just been "Kakashi".

"I'm very happy for you," he said.

"Please don't lie, either."

"I'm not the one who's lying."

"Yes, you are. You're angry. I'm a ninja. I can tell these things. I know you, sensei."

"And I know you. You're the one who's lying. You're not happy, Sakura."

"I don't need a fairy-tale ending. I realize that."

"And yet, you want one. You want one so badly you're willing to pretend it's there when it never could be. You want to pretend Sasuke is your prince. Well, Sakura, I don't believe for a minute that that's even among his capablities, let alone his intentions."

Her fake smile dissipated.

"We don't always get what we want. I don't need it."

"This is not something where you can settle for anything less than-"

"I don't need the perfect marriage. I'll never get it."

"So why don't you try to find one anyway?"

"I have. And I came up with Sasuke."

Kakashi made a funny snorting noise. "You'd have a much better relationship with that Gaara kid. At least he's straight."

"Sasuke's straight!" She glared at him.

"That's not the conclusion I gathered from the time I walked in on him and Naruto kissing."

"I bet that's just a lie. Look, sensei, if you're jealous-"

"I won't deny that I'm jealous. You're beautiful. I've always wanted you. But that's not my point. You know what he's like. You won't be happy."

"And why not? Sasuke's rich. He's smart. He's the man I've loved since I was a little girl."

"In that case, what did you mean by 'good enough'? Are you still that girl, Sakura? Or are you someone else? Someone stronger and wiser?"

"I meant that he's not perfect. Nobody's perfect. Not even you."

"I never said that."

"Well, I'm telling you now."

"Sakura-"

He was going to lose her in this. And there was nothing he could do. He was going to watch her walk away.

"You know what?"

His voice went quiet, and she listened. He took a deep breath, holding the moment for as long as he could. He'd probably never get her full attention like this ever again, and he took in every moment of it. The way that her eyes looked- nice and green and wide, her hair when she raked her fingers through it in frustration (it had been so soft when he had put his own hands in it, and he never would again, not even if she begged him to), and her hands placed on her hips. She was on the defense.

"You won't be happy, and you know why?"

"Of course I'll be happy."

And yet her words took on an uncertain tone. She was convincing herself of this, and doing a poor job, really. The uncertainty in her eyes told him so.

"You won't be happy. You know who he is, and you don't necessarily like it. You can't change him, even if you want to. It's the truth. And you know what else?"

"What else?" she whispered.

"You've lost yourself in this. You always wanted that fairy-tale ending, didn't you?"

"I can't have it. No one has a fairy-tale ending. No one lives happily ever after."

"And you've given up on it. What happened, Sakura? You wanted that so badly."

"Nothing happened. I just grew up, that's all. If you think I'm the same little girl you thought was an idiot all those years ago-"

"Of course I don't think that. You've grown up. You're not her anymore, so why do you want to marry Uchiha Sasuke? You've lost yourself."

They stood there for a moment, gazing at each other. He watched her closely for any hint. But of what he didn't know, and, giving up, Kakashi pulled his emotions back, reigned himself in.

"I haven't lost myself," she said, voice cracking a little bit.

"You have," he said. "And frankly I am disappointed in you."

Her lower lip quivered and he instantly felt a combination of the sense of victory and also self-loathing.

And he kept his face impassive.

"I'm still me. I still love... all the stuff I used to love."

"What happened to your dreams?"

"Why are you so worried?"

"Because I love you. That's why."

There. He'd said it outright for the first time. Oh, sure, he'd told her he wanted her, he needed her, and they were all true statements, but he'd never said those exact words before. Not to Sakura, anyway.

She was silent.

"Well, you know what?"

It was perhaps not the most desired of responses, nor was it really one of the better ones she could have come up with. But Kakashi loved her for her practicality, her strength, her intelligence. Not necessarily her skills at arguing.

"No, I don't. Care to enlighten me?"

"I will be happy. And I will be happy with Sasuke."

"And why is that so important?"

"Because... it just is!"

She was irrationally indignant about it, and that infuriated him.

"Why do you want to be happy with Sasuke? Why can't-" He shook his head. "Never mind."

"If that was all you wanted to say, then you've said it. And you can go."

"It wasn't all that I wanted to say. But it's all I really can say."

"Then what did you come here to say?"

"Nothing, really."

He stepped up nearer to her. Perhaps this was the last time he could be so close to her. With one smooth motion, he leaned down and kissed her, mask on his face and all. And she kissed him back like she couldn't help it, like it was the last kiss they would ever have (and really, Kakashi knew that it was). The mask, preventing him from really kissing her, started to get in the way. It wasn't truly a kiss, not with the cloth in the way. But he preferred it that way.

When she was reaching up to touch his face and pull the mask down, when he knew that if they continued he wouldn't stop himself, he pulled back before her hand could actually reach his face.

It was the last kiss he knew they would ever have, and they never even touched.

"Fourteen years," she muttered, her eyes slowly opening again.

"What about them?" he asked.

"I don't know." She looked dazed. "The fact that you used to be my teacher- I can't- it's just not right..."

She shook her head, shutting her eyes.

"It's just not right," she said finally. "You know why he wants to marry me?"

Kakashi shrugged. "Revive his clan?"

"Yeah. That's all, really. He doesn't love me, Kakashi," and her voice broke here as did his heart, to hear his name, just his name, said like that, and a tear slipped down her face. He wanted so badly to wipe it away, but he vowed he would never touch her again.

"Why do you want to marry him, then?"

"Because he's Sasuke. Because he's supposed to be a girl's dream. Because he wants to marry me. Because I don't want to lose him again. Because I can live without you if it comes down to it, if I can keep them together with me. Oh, I know what they'll get up to behind my back, and they'll hate themselves for it but I can't help it. I have to keep them together like this, because otherwise we'll lose it again, we'll lose each other if we pair up just like that, and I just can't."

"How do you know this won't split you apart even more?"

"I don't."

"And Sakura- what about you? You think it's so noble to sacrifice yourself like this. Don't you? Because it isn't. It's not noble in the least."

"Loving you terrifies me," she said suddenly. "It's like, it shouldn't be legal. You can't be put in jail anymore, but- well, that and... What would people do? I'd be cut off from so much, if I did... My parents would most certainly not approve. Shishou would be absolutely apopletic, and Ino- geez, Ino-"

"Because the idea of being viewed as a pedophile is so fine with me," Kakashi said dryly.

She didn't chuckle, perhaps because she realized what she was saying was pushing him away further and that the sarcasm hurt him to say, like a punch to the chest every word. Otherwise, perhaps she would have thought it funny.

"Like you ever cared about what people thought of you."

"No, I don't. But I will care if people think I'm taking advantage of you."

She shook her head.

"They won't."

"And why wouldn't they?"

"Because I'm going to marry Sasuke and that's that."

He blinked, and the world shattered into a million pink-haired-green-eyed-pale-skinned pieces. Sure, he had known it wasn't going to happen, but when she said it, just like that...

"What?"

"I'm sorry. I just can't."

And she did sound truly sorry, but-

"But- Sakura, you just... Never mind then."

He stepped back, and she reached forward to him. He dodged her hand, and it fell limply to her side.

"Don't leave me. Please, don't leave me. I want-" A single tear slipped down her cheek and she brushed it away. More were sure to come, though, and he watched her eyes fill up.

"You want to keep Team Seven together the only way you know how, and it's wrong but you want it anyway. You can't have it all. I thought you just told me that."

"Yes, but-"

"I think it'd be best for me to leave you alone now."

"I don't want to lose you, either- Don't make me choose between you!" she cried suddenly, tears streaming down her cheeks now. Her eyes were puffy and red, but that only accentuated the lovely green color that they were. He also thought the way that her nose and lips swelled up was hilarious, and had the impulse to laugh. If only because he didn't want to think about the reason she was crying.

He shrugged, pushing his thoughts away. "You already made your choice, Sakura. Anyway, if I didn't leave I'd probably pick you up and run off to the Sand village with you. Elope, you know."

She smiled through tears. "Maybe it would be best. Since, you know, I might actually go with you in that case."

He was grateful she couldn't see his sad smile under the mask, nor that Obito's eye was crying for him right now. Kakashi was no crybaby. It was Obito. All Obito. Obito would have liked Sakura, very much. He wondered what would have happened had Obito lived. Sasuke would have done better with an Uchiha who had emotions, and maybe even Itachi would have, too. And then Kakashi would have married Rin, or perhaps Obito would have and Kakashi would have found someone in all those years he spent being an unemotional stone, and he wouldn't be feeling like this right now...

"Have a happy life, Sakura. I wish you many small children with the Sharingan. And pink hair. That'd be fun. I might visit again sometime. Inviting me to your wedding would be appropriate, polite, proper, I guess, but a waste of paper. Best if you don't, really. I'd probably just burn it. But I'd like to meet your kids. Even if they're the world's biggest brats. They probably will be. But that's all right, Sakura, because... Well, no. I lied. It's not all right, not all right at all..."

His voice trailed off, because he hated himself for saying such stupid things. And he whistled as he walked away and as she gaped at him dumbfounded, and he didn't hear the door slam shut until he was down two flights of stairs.

-end-