A/N: The background for this fic is a strange combination of the anime, game, gakuen manga, and actual history. It shouldn't be too difficult for anyone with decent knowledge of the series to understand, though the Gakuen BASARA manga is perhaps most useful to understanding the general world. As you've probably guessed, it's a reincarnation story.
Once More
Chapter One
The first thing he remembers is his own death.
Sanada Yukimura wakes up with a gasp in a bed he knows is his, and in clothes he remembers buying, but feel alien somehow. It had come out of nowhere, a barrage of memories which belong to Sanada Yukimura, but not the Yukimura who is a second year in high school and who after seventeen years still has yet to kiss anyone. The memories are rough and feel heavy inside his head, but somehow he remembers them just as well as these current (new?) memories. Everything feels so hot that it might suffocate him, but when he reaches for a window he recalls opening in past hot days, he's suddenly reaching across a battlefield. The air is just as hot but the stench of gore overpowers the previous scent of his sweat. Soldiers lay everywhere, strewn out across the hills like the toys of a carless child. He does not need to see the flags to know that most of the troops bear the six rings of the Sanada clan. Osaka castle looms behind him, a dominating presence which reminds the general of his failure. In comparison to the presence at his feet however, the castle seems small. His ever loyal ninja lays face down, protruding arrows showing how he died to save his master. Yukimura brings his hands to his face and suddenly he is sobbing into his pillow.
He spends the rest of his Saturday in a complete haze, torn between two realities. When he doesn't respond at meal times and completely forgets about soccer practice, his parents decide he has gotten sick and mostly leave him be.
Sunday allows him the time to neatly sort all the memories into two categories, which he names "then" and "now." The organization lets him understand his situation a little better and ground him in this now. There was a time when he was a great general and fought many in the name of conquest and honor. But he died, as all must, and now he is a student in high school with much of his life yet in front of him. The gap in ages makes it difficult to understand who he actually is. Years of accumulated wisdom pile on top of youthful energy and he can't help but feel confused on how to act and what direction best suits him now. By the end of Sunday, Yukimura can once again interact with the world presently surrounding him without relentless flashbacks, but he can't yet decide how or why to react.
Though he had mentally prepared himself for school on Monday, the relentless barrage of familiar faces threatens to tear apart the divide he had so carefully created. With each student he passes, suddenly a memory hits him full force—the joy of a good fight if he is lucky, a desecrated body if he is not.
He seems to have lost all ability to interact, because when Sasuke first greets him with a teasing smile, asking what misfortune kept him from his oh so sacred practice on Saturday, all he can think to do is mutter something about being sick. Every time Yukimura sees his face, images of a camo back peppered with arrows comes to mind, and he can't seem to decide whether to be sick or burst into tears. The inability to make the decision leaves the second year mostly silent and downcast, behavior which Sasuke notices with a bit of alarm, and causes him to spend the rest of the day tailing the teen quietly. He really knows that something is wrong when he watches Yukimura leave seemingly without a thought for soccer practice even though he would normally rather die than skip out.
The next morning he shows up in Yukimura's homeroom class a few minutes before the bell rings with a packet of mitarashi dango and hands it over quietly with a "hang in there, Danna," and a fluff of the brunette's unruly hair. The offering is accepted with a quiet word of thanks, but no other reaction. Later in the day, when normally energetic Sanada fails to respond with any enthusiasm or excitement despite the appearance of his rival, Date Masamune from Class A, Sasuke's worry only seems to double. There are none of the usual ups and downs—in fact, Yukimura's behavior seems to be flat lining. It's as if his eyes do not take in what they are witnessing or perhaps he's absorbing it all passively. Sasuke can't begin to fathom what has transformed his friend so, and puts Yukimura at the top of his priorities.
On Wednesday he arrives a little earlier and sits down next to his troubled friend with what he knows is a forced cheery smile. Whether or not he notices, Yukimura makes no indication. The false cheer works its way into his voice and he pulls out a pack of dango from his school bag. They're hanami dango—Yukimura's favorite and much harder to obtain than mitarashi dango.
"Only cheerful people get to eat dango (1)."
This evokes a reaction from the previously stone faced Yukimura, and he looks from Sasuke to the dango with confusion. When he finally reaches for the rice treat, the third year pulls it out of his reach and repeats his previous comment: "Only cheerful people get to eat dango." Even someone not a quick as Sasuke would notice the slow transformation that occurs as realization sinks in. The wheels are turning, and he is pleased to note that he has finally made his friend notice him. Yukimura very slowly makes eye contact, almost like a kicked dog who is learning to trust again, and acknowledges the other for the first time that week.
"Sasuke?" The air of confusion in his voice makes the newspaper club member cheer internally, as even this is better than the deadpans he had been receiving before. He had gotten through finally.
"Danna," he begins cautiously, all false energy gone. "Tell me what's wrong."
This new (old?) Yukimura understands an order when he hears one and opens his mouth to reply before a coherent answer is even formed. "This Yukimura…" he begins, but stops, unaware of the best method to continue. It's not as if he can simply say: "I keep seeing you die over and over again and it's tearing me apart, " or "Every time I see someone I remember how broken they were before." This place, where all the key figures of that period of bloodshed from so long ago have somehow gathered, overwhelms me, he wants to say. Remembering is painful. Just looking around is painful. I feel as though I will be crushed under the weight of hundreds of lost ambitions and desires. Yukimura can't say any of this. Sasuke will try and understand, he's sure, but somehow he knows he can't say anything, so he remains silent.
Perhaps this lasts for a bit too long, because Sasuke seems chest fallen. It's clear on his face that he hasn't really made any progress at all. "Yukimura," he starts again, temporarily abandoning the pet name. This seems to do the trick, because Yukimura seems to snap to the present again, looking at Sasuke as if he's aware of who he is. Still, he's learned that it's too early to declare victory and presses onward. "Please tell me what's wrong. You're worrying Coach (2). You're worrying me." Yukimura never was one to take words lightly and he realizes with a bit of shame that his inability to cope has not only been flattening him, but those around him. He needs to learn to accept things as they are, not just for his own sake, but for those who care about him as well.
"I apologize gravely for having caused you such distress, Sasuke. There was something recently which brought great weight to my heart and I allowed it to crush me more than it should have. However, your words have reminded me to not despair."
The camo wearing teen accepts this mini speech quietly, internally declaring victory. Part of him fusses that anything could so depress his friend, while other bits remind him that Yukimura is the type to always bounce back. Still though, better to be safe. "Do you want to talk about it?"
Yukimura shakes his head, and the older one sighs a little, hoping his friend won't keep it inside for too long. "Well, if you're still feeling down, I guess I'll have to eat this dango all by myself."
He notices with a bit of amusement how the second year seems to light up at this comment, immediately making a lunge for the rice cakes. Of course, Sasuke is, and probably always will be, faster than Yukimura, and he's already standing a few feet away with dango in hand. Yukimura makes another grab for it, but the taller of the two just holds the prize over his head, laughing mischievously. He should know better than to under estimate the soccer team's star player though, and when Yukimura makes a jump for the dango, the sudden weight on his shoulders causes them both to tumble backwards. They end up in a jumble of limbs on the wood floor, all laughter and smiles. The younger of the two feels the rush of vigor that belonged (belongs?) to him, and he eats the smashed dango deliberately, as if he can finally face the world again.
"Of course it would be you to raise my spirits, Sasuke. You've always been so loyal and so kind to me, ever since I was small."
The third year smiles at this, but notes Yukimura's word choice with concern; they've only known each other since Junior High.
The remainder of the week passes quickly for Yukimura. He returns to soccer practice (trying hard not to think about the fate his past lord suffered) and devotes his remaining mental energy to creating a comparative list of all the people at this school he "knows," past and present. For example, Chousokabe Motochika—previously the unifier of Shikoku, killed after the Battle of Sekigahara, presently a second year in Class C, and so on. He starts to realize that the entire student body is not, in fact, composed only of daimyou and other important figures, but only a rough ten percent (it could be higher, but Yukimura isn't good at math) had been "important" whereas the rest are just normal students with no history that he's aware of. However, almost everyone worth mentioning from the Warring States period seems to attend school here, and Yukimura cannot help wondering why. Why gather all these individuals who had fought, allied, and betrayed one and other over and over again in one place? The once proud Tiger of Kai cannot understand it. Further, why is he aware of this when no one else is? Then, a thought strikes him. He had not told Sasuke, his best friend, so what reason would any other person have to reveal their identity as the reincarnation of a long dead warrior? Surely then there may be some others, perhaps even someone he can confide in.
The discovery comes earlier than he thinks it will, when he overhears a fight after practice one day. Most of the students have long since gone home and the bike shelters are none too big, so he will overhear things whether he wants to or not. The pair in contest are well known for their fights on campus and Yukimura would not be surprised at all if not for the content of the dialogue.
"C'mon Mouri, it wouldn't hurt to get to know me."
"I have underestimated your foolishness. If you think my presence would leave you unscathed or even happier, you have no idea what I'm capable of.". The angry hiss clearly belongs to Mouri Motonari, infamous sourpuss and head of the wind instrument club.
"I'm hurt that you don't think I can defend myself." The voice that seemed to book despite the fact that the owner was clearly pouting belongs to Chousokabe Motochika, head of one of the school's biker gangs and prone to getting into fights.
"You are an imbecile who does not know that he's after something far too dangerous." Mouri's voice rises as he becomes more aggravated and Yukimura cannot help bit peer through the grate of the bike shelter to the other side where Mouri holds his ground against the delinquent.
"Seriously though, what are you going to do to me if we become friends?" Chousokabe is laughing now and Yukimura can almost see the smaller brunette bristle with anger.
"I will kill you." This causes the other to finally fall silent and Mouri takes the chance to hammer in his point. "I will wait until you no longer expect my treachery and then I will stab you in the back." He pauses here for effect, but is completely serious. "You're the type to believe in people, forgive them, and even love them despite what they may have done to you." His eyes flicker to Chousokabe's side, almost too fast to notice. "But I am not like you. I am bent on getting what I want and I will destroy everything in my way. Just when you think I am on your side, you will find out that I was pulling the strings behind the scene the whole time. It will be too late though; I will have already slit your throat." The speech is much more than Mouri normally makes the effort to produce and there is so much that it hangs in the air like a rancid smell and Chousokabe seems overwhelmed by it, backing off to give the other space.
"Whatever, Mouri," he finally manages before fleeing the scene, obviously unsettled.
The whole affair sets a series of red flags off for Yukimura. After the battle of Sekigahara, it was discovered that Mouri tricked Chousokabe into thinking his troops had been slaughtered by Tokugawa, and thus brought him to the side of the West. Stories spread far and wide of how when confronted, Mouri had killed the other diamyou swiftly and without remorse, despite having fought many a battle together. It seems as though Yukimura is not the only one to remember his past life.
"Mouri Motonari, Lord of Aki!" Yukimura bellows as he stands at the other side of the bike rack now, facing the other student. However, his posture is not that of a student but rather of a general wised by many years. It is only the two of them now and Mouri acknowledges him with a look of interest, but not the surprise Yukimura was hoping for.
"Sanada Yukimura, pawn of Kai," comes the response and Mouri crosses his arms haughtily.
Stiffening a bit at this, the soccer player finds it best to correct him. "I had forgotten that you did not live to see me become general and lord of Kai." He has never been one to boast, but with a man like this it's perhaps best to establish equal grounds.
"It matters not, a pawn is still a pawn." Though he can't help but dislike this man's coldness, Yukimura knows that regardless, they still have things in common, and he had learned long ago to adopt different tactics if at first he didn't succeed.
"Are we the only two like this? The only two to remember?" A bit of a plea slips into his voice, more than he feels comfortable revealing, but he notices that this seems to effect the wind instrument club leader, because his lips tighten into a straighter line.
"What should I share such information with you?" It seems Mouri is still raw from his earlier fight and Yukimura needs only to push the right buttons.
"Mouri-dono, you're not the only one who finds himself unable to escape the weight of his past." He receives a grimace for his efforts and this more snide of the two shifts his stance a little before sighing in defeat.
"We are the only two as far as I am aware."
After that, Yukimura makes an effort to seek the other student out. While he finds it takes much patience to endure Mouri's coldness, he will not deny that some kind of bond now exists between them. Mouri of course never looks for him and rarely acknowledges his presence at first, but after a time seems to accept the other student as a force he cannot deter and for that he grants the tiger a bit of his respect. They are, after all, dealing with the same mass of memories.
A few weeks go by and the two can now be found in the library on days when there is no club. Though they talk very little-Mouri seems quite focused on his studies and Yukimura does his best to get homework done as well-they seem comforted by each other's presence.
TBC...
A/N:
(1) "Only cheerful people get to eat dango." - This is a line from arguably my favorite of all BASARA fan fiction, a story on the Kink Meme that went by the title "See You in Your Office." It was never finished, but what exists is superior in quality and worth many reads.
(2) "Coach" – even though Yukimura still calls him "Oyakatta-Sama" in the gakuen manga, I figured it would be most appropriate to translate that as "coach" here, since that's what he is.