Disclaimer: I don't own South Park.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KENNY!"

"WOOHOO!"

Kenny jumped on the spot, punching the air as he let off a muffled cheer. He had just stepped out into his backyard, which had a poorly painted banner hanging overhead, old, wrinkled balloons attached to the fence and a table full of scraps of buffet food surrounding a birthday cake. All of his friends were gathered there with party hats on. They had arrived to celebrate his birthday.

"This is an awesome party, Kenny!" Stan said as the birthday boy joined them. "Isn't it, guys?"

"Yeah!" Kyle added. "It kicks ass!"

"Well..." Cartman said disagreeably. "My mom has always put on much better parties for me on every one of my birthdays. I never expected much of one for you, Kenny, since your family is poor!"

"Fuck you, fat ass!" Kenny mumbled from under his hood. "Now where are my presents?!"

"Right here, Kenny!" Butters happily pointed to where lots of wrapped gifts were piled in one corner. "I hope you'll like what I got you!"

"YAY!"

Kenny elatedly ran over to the tower of gifts and picked up the nearest one he could grab. He didn't even bother to read the label to see who it was from as he started to tear off the wrapping paper. All he cared about was what he would find inside. Could it be a cool new action figure? A high-tech video game? Maybe even the latest R-rated movie that he had been very keen to feast his eyes on for a while?

Ripping off the last bit of paper, Kenny flung open the lid of the cardboard box and pulled out what was inside.

It was a timer bomb with one second to go before exploding.

"OH SHI-" Before Kenny could finish the word he was letting off in horror, the bomb exploded in his hands. A huge bang erupted across South Park as the hooded boy was eaten away in the fire that went off. It didn't take long for the smoke to away to reveal he had been ripped apart. His body was now a burnt, bloodied mess.

The other kids had seen everything.

"OH MY GOD!" Stan cried. "THEY KILLED KENNY!"

"YOU BASTARDS!" Kyle screamed.

A loud belch erupted across the back yard, almost as loud as the explosion. Distracted from their dead friend, everyone turned towards where it had come from.

"Cartman!" Wendy cried. "You ate all the cake!"

Sure enough, Cartman was sat at the table, his face covered in frosting and sponge. Where the cake had been a few moments ago remained nothing more than a few crumbs.

"You pig!" Stan hollered.

"How could you do that, you fat piece of shit?!" Kyle yelled.

"I know; cake made by poor people sucks!" Cartman jumped up from the chair he'd been in. "Well, I've had what I only came here for! Screw you guys, I'm going home!"

With that, Cartman made his way out of Kenny's back yard, leaving the other kids there as he began to make his way to his house, where he planned to spend the rest of the day watching TV and eating cheesy poofs.

"Wow!" Clyde exclaimed as he looked down at the bloodied corpse in the yard. "It looks like Kenny won't get to enjoy his gifts."

"Aww, hamburgers!" Butters sighed. "And I was looking forward to him opening mine!"

"Since he's not gonna be needing 'em," Craig said, "can I have 'em?"

"At least his party went with a b-b-b-b-b-bang..."

As soon as they caught the joke Jimmy had just made, everybody burst out laughing.

The end.