Okay, trying this again since I accidentally deleted it the first time...is it just me or do you get reaaally annoyed when something deletes, because you know it will never be as good as the original? Yeah. Me too. Anyways, this is just a drabble series I'm doing because...I felt like it. I couldn't resist. It may not be updated as much as my other two fics because it's just to add some humor in between my other dramatic/humor lacking stories. Anyways, enjoy!

Disclaimer: i don't own Inuyasha. Otherwise he wouldn't be as domestically abused as he is with Kagome.

Dear Cupid, I Want You Dead

The Affair of Affairs

Being from the feudal Era, Inuyasha had no idea what the days of the week were. He'd never really bothered to pay attention to Kagome's rants about them; something about Mondays, Tuesdays, er, whimsdays, doomsdays and some day about french fries. Whenever she got on the subject of that or some other useless topic that didn't appeal to him he'd simply occupy his leisure time by cleaning his Tetsusaiga with his Kimono, or dig out questionable substances from underneath his toenails, flicking them onto Shippou whenever he appeared. The small fox demon's vest was ass ugly anyway. Who would notice a few more unknown bits of goop on it?

It wasn't that Inuyasha didn't respect what Kagome had to say; he did love her, after all. But when she got on her high horse and began flapping that never quiet trap of hers away about stupid things such as Trigonometry, raised gas prices, and other ridiculous things he didn't care (or have a clue) about, he'd simply block her out and flick stones over the water of the river, or swat flies with the handy fly swatter Kagome had brought back from her time. A few murmurs of agreement here and there, and his "beloved" would never even notice.

Today was no exception.

"So, I know Sango's really modest and Miroku's really not enthusiastic about the whole idea, but I know they'll be after they see what I have planned!" The jewel hunting miko was exclaiming that particularly cheerful sunny afternoon, the light breeze blowing her raven locks over her shoulders. She was scribbling away in a spiral notebook that was on her lap, Kirara resting beside the schoolgirl. Inuyasha yawned, sprawled on the grass across from her.

"Uh huh."

"At first I wasn't going to invite that many people because like I said, Sango can be pretty shy." Kagome was talking a mile a minute and the hanyou didn't even bother to keep up. "But then I realized that would be practically impossible. After all, if we're going to do this thing in my era, my mom would want to be there, along with Sota and grandpa, and my friends, and some other people from school-" Kagome was very tactful not to mention Hojo's name, but Inuyasha was too busy tuning her out and didn't even notice.

"Yup."

"Besides, I figured we might as well invite Naraku, to at least try and make amends. You know, after the whole trapping him in the jewel thing. It's miraculous he got out, but whatever."

"It is."

"And if I invite Naraku he's going to want to invite Kagura, and Kanna, and that horrible mutated Hakudoshi boy. That kids freaks me out. Did you see the way he was staring at poor Shippou's butt the other day when we went to visit that one village?"

"Mhmm."

"I know! Sick. But it would be rude not to invite them, even though I keep worrying they're going to blow your cover if they're over in my time. But whatever, it's not like my family doesn't have the capability of being weird already. We live on a Shrine, for goodness sake-"

"Yup."

"Are you even listening to me?" Kagome asked, an eyebrow arched. Inuyasha gave her a false smile, his ears twitching slightly.

"Of course."

Kagome smiled back, her head dropping back down as she scribbled more in her notebook. "And we can't forget Kaede, Sango and Miroku, since this is partly for them in the first place, Kohaku, Kikyou-"

At the mention of the name Kikyou, Inuyasha bolted up, his eyes wide with surprise. "Did you really just say her name without any hostility?" He asked, slightly awed, slightly afraid. Who was this imposter and what had she done with his Kagome?

Kagome looked up again, her pen frozen. "Well, yeah," She said with a small shrug. Even Kirara had lifted her head, her eyes wide with surprise. "It's not Kikyou's fault she was brought back to the land of the living against her will. And she is trying to get on with her life, even though she can't erase the memories of her past."

Inuyasha blinked. "Okay," he said slowly. "Are you on that...what's that stuff called from your time you told me about...mary-jew-wanna?"

"You mean, marijuana? Crack?"

"Yeah! That stuff!"

"Probably." Kagome shrugged again. "I'm just too busy to be bothered with her anymore. What she does isn't my problem."

"Um...okay."

"Well, unless she makes another move on you," Kagome said casually, resuming her scribbling. "Then I'll have to send her on a one way train to hell again."

While her line would usually be impressive to the threat-appreciating Inuyasha, he was instead left confounded and clueless. "What's a train?"

Kagome sighed. "Don't worry about that right now. Just tell me what you think about the roses."

Inuyasha's ear twitched. "W-What?"

Kagome looked at him with bright brown eyes. "The roses, silly!" She said, her smile warm. "The roses you said you'd go look at for me on Saturday!" Her smile suddenly faltered. "You. Did. Go. Saturday. Right?"

"Is that the day after smack day?"

Kagome's nose wrinkled. "What?"

"You know, that one day that comes after that day with some kind of food, before the one of doom."

Kagome blinked. She then sighed, rubbing her temples. "So you didn't go. Did you?" Her eyes suddenly narrowed with realization. "This whole time I've been talking about the Wedding Party Valentine's Day bash and you haven't even been listening to me! Have you?"

Inuyasha cringed, expecting for Kagome to yell, but was surprise to see the hurt expression that fell across her face instead. "I-I meant to!" He piped up, scrambling forward so that he was eye level with Kagome. "I just...forgot to pay attention."

The sudden demented look that flashed in Kagome's eyes had Inuyasha recoil back in a horrible realization. Holy-

"SIT!"

Thud.The hanyou didn't even bother attempting to get up from the ten foot crater his body had dug into the ground, knowing it would be futile. Sure enough...

"SIT! Sit sit sit sit!"

"Ka-" thud "Go-" thud "Me-" thud thud.

"You never listen to me!" Kagome screamed. She had risen to her feet and her fists were clenched, her chest heaving up and down. As if she'd been the one slammed into the ground multiple times. "I've been planning everything and working non stop for weeks! While all you do is sit around on your big lazy butt and play with your stupid sword and-"

"I'm sorry!" Inuyasha practically sobbed, wondering if his leg was supposed to be in the angle it was currently in. "I meant to, but I was always distracted by Miroku's never ending flirting with Sango! And then he said he'd come with me to get them but he kept procrastinating!" Yup. Blaming everything on the pervert would work in his favor. At least he hoped it would. "And my butt isn't big!" He added angrily, his cheeks crimsoning.

"What?" Miroku asked, coming up beside Kagome, overhearing the majority of the conversation while sitting near the river with Sango. "I would never ignore lady Kagome, when she's trying to do such a kind hearted thing for us." Miroku gave her a dazzling smile. "It's so wonderful having a sweet, dedicated girl like you around."

Kagome gave Miroku a wide smile, hugging her notebook she'd bent down to retrieve to her chest. "Really?" She snorted. 'At least someone around here appreciates me."

Inuyasha snorted himself, his face still in the dirt. "Asskisser."

"What was that?" Kagome asked sweetly.

"Nothing." Inuyasha deemed it safe to peek over the hole before rising to his feet, winding his arms in a circular motion to stretch out his muscles. Kagome instantly brightened.

"Well now that you're both here," She said cheerfully, as if she hadn't bee furious less than two seconds ago. "You can both run to the florist for me!" Kagome shoved the bruised hanyou and the monk towards the well, slapping a sheet of paper into Inuyasha's hand. "This is where the Florist is. Just use the jewel to take Miroku to my time with you, and go pick out the flowers! You can ask a florist for help." She began to dance on the balls of her feet in excitement. "And while you're gone, Sango and I can start on the guest lists, and the menu, and the decorations, and the music, and the-"

"Okay, we're going now, don't want to keep the florist waiting, bye!" Inuyasha blurted, shoving Miroku down the well before jumping in himself. Miroku smirked at him as they fell through the stone transporter. Inuyasha glared.

"What?" He snapped sourly. "I couldn't keep listening to her! She was going to drive me insane!"

"She is," Miroku pointed out matter-of-factly. "Your girlfriend."

"Don't," Inuyasha groused. "Remind me."

"I heard that!" Kagome's voice rang from the top of the well. "SIT!"

Thud.

Up next: Inuyasha's Guide to Flowers

Ya'll go an review now, ya hurd? haha

-Kelsey