AN: So this is my first fanfiction. I hope it doesn't suck too badly, and I hope the whole concept isn't too overdone. I have a pretty clear idea of where I want this story to go. Please read and review. I want to know what you all think, good, bad, or ugly. Sadly, I do not own Twilight or its characters; they belong to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer.

Preface-

I never thought my life would ever come to this. In fact if you told me a year ago that I would be standing here in my bathroom with a fistful of my doctor prescribed crazy pills about to end my life I probably would have laughed out loud. A year ago I had everything I had ever wanted. I was blissfully, incandescently happy. They say no one's life can be perfect, but a year ago I would have silently disagreed with a coy, knowing smile.

A year ago I didn't have a cocktail of pills I was supposed to take every day. One for every function my now zombie like self had to perform. I had a pill so I could sleep, a pill so I could hold down my food, one to prevent the panic attacks I had been suffering from, and one to ease my depression. The thing is that none of them helped. They just made me feel even deader inside.

As I looked in the bathroom mirror I was appalled at the face that looked back at me. I never thought I was particularly beautiful, in fact I always thought of myself as plain, average in every way, although for some reason everyone in my hometown Forks seemed to disagree. Now the thing staring back at me was not me at all. It was a ghost of who I used to be. It had roughly the same face, granted it was a bit shallower around the cheeks, and my complexion was even more palled than its normal near albino shade of creamy white. But one look at my eyes was enough to make me stagger back in horror. They weren't my eyes at all; they were the eyes of a dead person. There was not light in them anymore, no emotion at all, I wanted to cry at this site but my eyes had cried up all their worthless tears in the past year. I had cried several lifetimes worth of tears in the past year, a stupid meaningless action, and there was not one drop left to cry one tear for myself, and what I was about to do.

I had never been a suicidal person, but then again this wasn't me we're talking about this was the thing. I really saw no other option besides death at this point. Nothing in my life mattered anymore; I was just going through the motions for those around me, the people I knew I loved, but couldn't keep on going for. That was the only part I felt bad for; doing this to my family, my friends, I hoped they would forgive me. I let myself think about them for a second about Charlie and that helpless look he had on his face every time he looked at me now, He wanted so desperately to help me, but it really wasn't his fault. There was nothing he could have done to make this better. I thought about Renee in Phoenix who would blame herself for this as well. She would think if she only came out here and stayed with me for longer, or if she forced me to move to Phoenix with her none of this would have happened. She would also be wrong. Then I thought of my friends, the people who I had grown up with, who were as much my family as Rene and Charlie. I thought about Alice and Emmett, and Jasper, and Rosalie and I knew they would all be beyond devastated and they too would rack their brains and torment themselves with thought of how they could save me, heal me, make me better. But I knew they never could. They were not him.

In the past year I attempted in vain to block out all thoughts of him. As much as I loved him, I didn't want to remember him, it hurt too damn much. Every thought that I had of him seemed to bring with it a pain that seemed impossible to survive, but somehow, despite all logic I kept on going. But how could I forget when everything I did, everything I said, everything I was held some sort of reminder of him. In what I knew would be my last minutes of life I let my mind drift to my forbidden thoughts. I remembered in vivid, excruciating details his perfect, beautiful face. I remembered his eyes so full of life, and his breathtaking crooked smile he reserved only for me. I let myself recall all the times he made me laugh, how it felt to have his smooth, strong lips against mine, and how amazing it felt to hear the words "I love you"in his sweet melodic voice.

"STOP" I yelled to myself out loud. I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't let myself remember, in a few minutes this would all be over. It was these last thoughts of him, in such real detail that made me even more certain of what I had to do. I took a glass of water from the sink and squeezed the pills in my left hand and carefully making sure I avoided another glance in the mirror I made my way back to my room. I was sure to be quiet so I tiptoed not wanting to wake up Charlie who was sleeping in the other room. When I got to my room I placed the pills and the water on my nightstand and sat down on the foot of my bed.

I sat in silence for a few moments trying to clear my mind. It wasn't working. All I could think about was the idiotic part of my brain that thought once this was all over; once I ended this, I would see him again. That he would be waiting, grinning from ear to ear, and take me in his arms and kiss me, saying something corny like you see in movies. Something along the line of "I've been waiting for you". The more sensible, logical part of my brain knew better than to hope for this. I've never been a very religious person, and I never had any concrete views on the afterlife, but I was aware that what I was about to do was considered to be wrong, and if there was a heaven I would most likely not end up there because of it. I was okay with that all I wanted was freedom from my pain, an eternity of black nothingness was a more than welcome relief from the unimaginable pain I was going through. I was shaken from these thoughts when I heard my cell buzz from its spot on the nightstand.

I looked over and saw the name that flickered across the screen. 'Alice'. I let it ring, and a minute after the ringing stopped my phone buzzed again indicating I had a voicemail. I knew I had to act quickly. Despite the fact that it was nearly three in the morning I wouldn't put it past Alice to drive here and check on me if she had one of her uncanny hunches that something was wrong with me. Alice always seemed to know when something big was going to happen. I felt a fresh shot of pain when I realized that meant that Alice would be the one to find me. I felt horrible and selfish at this thought, Alice had been like a sister to me, and I loved her as one. I hated to think of her usually bright and perky features contorted in pain and horror at what she would see when she opened the door.

I didn't let this thought hold me back too long, I had my mind set. I reached out and took the pills and glass in my hands and positioned myself so I was leaning up against my pillow against my headboard. I was surprised at how eerily calm I was at the prospect of death, but I attributed that to the promise of peace that lay ahead of me. I looked up at my ceiling and whispered "I'm sorry" to no one and everyone in particular, and put the handful of pills in my mouth, took a big gulp of water and swallowed. I didn't count how many I had taken, but it took me 3 big gulps before they were all down.

I felt myself begin to slip immediately, and I let myself slide down my bed so my head was flat against the mattress. I closed my eyes, as I heard the buzzing in my ears begin to intensify. I've always heard that your life flashed before your eyes in your last moments, but all I saw was him. Edward. I was able to think his name in these last moments, without the usual knife twisting pain in my heart that had accompanied it in the past year, perhaps because I was confronted with all these happy memories. Our first meeting when we were five years old, when he stayed in my room all night comforting me when I found out about my parents' divorce when I was ten, when he patiently taught me to drive when we were fifteen, when we were sixteen and he told me he loved me for the first time, our first kiss, our first official date, the first time we made love, all of these memories opened up a floodgate of more happy memoires, and for the first time in a year I felt a small smile slowly creep on my face.

I guess it made sense that he was what flashed through my head in my last moments because he was my life. He was my everything, my best friend, my confidant the person I could tell anything to, my protector, my soul mate, my lover, and so much more that I could not possibly put into words. I guess I was lucky in that sense, that I had found him. In my short twenty years on this planet I had loved and been loved more than anyone could hope to in their whole lives. I felt life begin to slip away from me as I managed to twirl the ring that I still wore on the third finger on my left hand, a reminder of an unfulfilled promise, a life that could have and should have been. I felt a strange feeling overtake my body as if I were drifting through the air, or wading in water, and I vaguely heard my phone go off again out of instinct I went to look who was calling but my head felt like a hundred pound weight I could not move it, or my arms for that matter. I guess it was almost over.

At that very moment through the haze that was going on in my head I heard what sounded like a gasp coming from across the room by the window. This confused me. Had Alice gotten here already? Would she 'save' me in time, and thrust me back into a life of misery? But this gasp didn't sound like it came from little pixie like Alice it was deeper, it sounded like it came from a man. Before I could process this the stranger spoke.

"No" was all it said in a tone that was hushed but filled with urgency, despair and pain. "Bella, No!" The voice said again in that same sorrow ridden manner. The voice sounded like it was coming from directly above me now, but it wasn't the tone that shocked me it was the familiar feeling I got when listening to this voice. It was achingly familiar, different in a way, smoother, even more velvety but so much the same; beautiful, and melodic but now in an otherworldly sense. Once the shock set in at my recognition of the voice I attempted to open my eyes to see if what I was imaging was somehow possible. It was not easy. My eyelids felt like they weighted a thousand pounds each but when I opened them the sight before me was enough to take my breath away even in the state I was in. My heart almost burst with joy at what I saw.

He was different in a way, just like his voice, but there was no doubt it was him, He was still as beautiful as I remember him, if it weren't impossible I would say he was somehow now even more perfect. His features were sharper, more angular, and his skin seemed to glow in the moonlight. When I looked in his eyes I saw a look of pure, intense pain. His eyes were the biggest difference. They used to be the most glorious shade of emerald green, eyes that I couldn't help but get lost in every time I peered into them. Now they were the most intense shade of golden brown I had ever seen, beautiful in their own way. I guess these differences were due to the fact that he was now an actual angel, and not just my own personal angel. I don't see though why God felt it necessary to change anything about him, he was already too perfect for this world.

I wanted to stare at him forever, to never let him out of my sight. "I knew you would come for me" the part of my brain that was fully anticipating this outcome slurred out of my throat which I felt tightening and closing by the moment. I didn't care about the discomfort or the panicked look in his flawless face as he lifted me up off my bed, and I felt the feeling of air whoosh past us indicating we must be on the move. All I cared about was that my angel had come for me, and maybe there was a heaven that awaited us, but it could have been hell for all I cared as long as he never left my sight again. This was the last thought to run through my head before I lost the tentative grip of consciousness that I had been fighting for.

AN: That was kind of a lot longer of a preface than I wanted, but oh well. Sorry for the depressive suicidal Bella. I hope it all wasn't too corny. The next chapter is going to be a little over a year before this one takes place, so all will be revealed in time. Please review and let me know what you think. The more reviews I get the faster I will post the next chapter; that is if I don't find out this one sucked completely.