Devil May Cry: No own. Pure randomness, AU, no sense, very short. Which is probably for your own good.
It was a dull day in the Devil May Cry office. Business had been bad lately, due to the fact that all the demons were on their coffee break. Dante was drinking tomato juice, sighing loudly and complaining to anything and anyone who would listen.
"This is so BORING.", "Why can't anything interesting happen?" "What do I- Ooh a nickel."
Right at about that moment, a mysterious sorcerer has approached a swirling portal, surrounded by dramatic effect noises. Behind the dark, silent figure, a powerful creature plods heavily towards him, eventually butting the sorcerer's leg with its spiky head.
"Ow! Obsidian! Heel!" The creature looks up gormlessly and retreats a couple of paces before falling asleep on the ground.
The dark figure sighs. "Stupid giant tortoise." Returning to his task, the person waves his arms in dramatic circles, chanting random statements which all mysterious magicians are fluent in.
"Solo hast incantatum de mis." And all that jazz.
With a sharp 'crack!' the portal splits open and a strange wailing sound issues from a distant land. Purple electricity sparks from the portal and deformed demons start to walk out, throwing their empty coffee cups over their shoulders.
Back with Dante: "My Dante senses are tingling!" The slightly retarded hero shouts, springing from his cracking chair and falling over his desk. Getting up, he grabs his guns, sword and trenchcoat and sprints out of the door. A bus hits him. The driver gets out a gapes stupidly at the bleeding figure. "You alright mate?"
But enough of that.
The creature we recently discovered that was called Obsidian, wakes up after his short power-nap and raises its head to stare at the portal. Demons leap out, snarling and baying for blood. And more coffee. I swear they're like, addicted or something. The sorcerer stands nearby cackling manically and shooting green sparks from his fingers.
The black tortoise decides that he doesn't actually care about any of this and promptly falls asleep again. The sorcerer whose name –looking at the nametag- is Damon, is a level ten mage.
Meanwhile, Dante leaps up grinning and ignoring the blood pouring out of his body. He looks the bus driver squarely in the eye and winks. "Fear not citizen! Your buses cannot harm me. My abs are like a shield of steel!" With that, he jogs off across the road. A car hits him.
"Oh my God! You came from nowhere!" The car driver screams. "I'm so sorry."
That's it. You can breathe now. Should I write more? REVIEW?