Rorschach (Booth, Brennan, Sweets)--A Funny 1-Shot

"Come right on in and take a seat." Sweets took a seat and watched as Booth adn Brennan took their seats. He assessed their every movement, measured their interactions--How they exchanged glances, how they talked as they entered the office. That's psychology--the practice of assessing and taking samples of events and reactions. And Booth and Brennan? They were full of reactions. They were chock-full of tacit and subdued actions and reactions. Things that revealed how they truly were deep within. They both were guilty of the sin of having walls and every little movement and look--both implicit and explicit spoke multitudes. And he was bound and determined to find out what they were truly like on the inside.

Booth crossed his ankle over his knee, Brennan crossed ankle over ankle and they both avoided eye contact. He fiddled with his watch. She did not seem bothered. Perhaps Sweets did this silent measuring game too often? Either way, he spoke, "I'm seeking a doctorate in psychometry at the U--"

"Psy-what-a-mee?"

"Psychometrics--It's a branch of psychiatry that focuses on the design, administration, and interpretation of quantitative psychological tests."

"I hope that the university you're attending isn't overpriced," Brennan said. "I'd hate for you to waste your money on that so-called degree."

"Another degree, Sweets? You know, this is why you're a woman-retardant, right? Do you seriously need to learn how to give tests, anyway? Don't you already know how to do that?"

"It's much more than that, Agent Booth. Besides, I thought it would look good on my resume."

"You're a lady-killer, Sweets. Someone should lock you up."

"Sweets killed someone?" Brennan asked.

"No, Bones, it's a saying. I was being sarcastic--?"

Sweets sighed. "Anyway, I'm taking a course that focuses entirely on the development and execution of the Rorschach Ink-Blot Test. I was hoping you'd allow me to administer the test to you guys."

Booth glanced at his watch, "You know, Sweets, I'm not too sure we have time for that."

"Please, guys? I need to administer it to between ten and twenty people. The more people I test, the better I look to the prof. I'd totally make it up to you. Please?"

Brennan looked over at Booth, "You know, Booth, he did help lead us to Bates."

"Did you have to bring that up? I was about five minutes away from going home and getting out of this suit."

"Booth, don't make him cry."

"Guys, I can still hear you. And I'm not a cry baby, OK?"

"Fine," Booth said. "Just give us the test so we can enjoy the weekend--hopefully corpse-free."

"Thank you," Sweets said. He got up and picked up a set of cards from his desk. He came back and sat down. "So, Dr. Brennan, is it OK if I test you first?"

She shrugged.

He picked up the card and held it up for her to see. "What do you see?"

She looked at it curiously. "I see... an amorphous black ink spot on twelve-by-twelve inch white card stock."

Sweets sighed and shook his head, "No. Dr. Brennan, you're supposed to tell me what you see in the spot. OK? Let's try this again." He held it up a little straighter.

She scooted closer. "I don't see anything in it, Sweets."

Sweets rolled his eyes. "Guys, I'm being serious here."

Booth laughed. "You know, Sweets, I think Bones is, too."

"What?" She asked seriously.

Sweets looked at Booth. "OK, I think I've gotten enough information from you anyway, Dr. Brennan. Let's move on to Agent Booth--" His office phone rang. "Could you just give me a second?" He rose and went to answer his phone.

Booth leaned over to Brennan, grinning. "Bones, just go with me on this--"

Sweets took a seat. "Sorry for the interruption. Let's continue. Agent Booth," he raised the card for him to see. "What do you see in this?"

Booth took one look at it and said, "Looks like blood."

Sweets nodded. "Very good. Next." He raised the next card. "What do you see?"

"Looks like death. Kind of what I'd picture the Grim Reaper to look like."

"Seriously?" Brennan asked. "I saw the blood, but I think that's stretching it--"

Booth shot her a look. Then Brennan understood.

Sweets measured Booth's answer, then, "And... this one?"

"Corpses. Lots of dead people. I see dead people." Booth's lips twitched, but he was successfully able to smother a smile.

"Yeah... I can see that," Brennan said.

Sweets didn't know what to make of that answer. "Um... how about this card?"

"Crematorium... You know, those things they used during the Holocaust. See the smoke stack?" Booth pointed to a spike in the ink.

Sweets put down the card. "Agent Booth, I think you might be suffering from some major psychological issues, probably stemming from the fact that you have caused a lot of lives to end prematurely. Do you harbor any guilt concerning those particular events?"

Booth shrugged. "Nope."

"Let's try another card..." He raised the card.

Booth took longer to look at this one. "What do you think, Bones? I see cannibals. See how that one's eating the other one's face."

Brennan nodded. "Yeah, yeah, Booth..."

Booth nodded. "It kind of looks like Hannibal Lector and that dude whose brain he ate. Did you see that, Bones?"

"Who?"

Sweets was beginning to catch on. He put down the card. "Are you guys screwing with me?"

Booth's phone rang. "Oh! Guess you'll never know. We've got a body to look at. Catch ya later, Sweets."

He stood as the partners made their quick exit. "Wait! You were screwing with me, right? If you don't tell me, then I'm tempted to up your sessions to four times a week-- Come on, guys!" The door closed. "That was... mean. Totally rude."

I was reading a chapter in my psychology book tonight and this hilarious conversation popped into my head. I just had to share it. Enjoy!