Disclaimor: I do not own these characters, they are created from the wonderful mind of Maki Murakami. Don't Sue. :D

Pairing: Not really a pairing, but Eiri/Tohma centric

Rating: PG-13 for swearing

A/N: I wrote this for a drabble contest. I hope you all enjoy it. Please read and review! Annnnd on with the story!

"The Silence Of My Regret"
By: make me shiny

He was going to throw a party. The asshole announced it yesterday to me with that stupid smile on his face like I should be overjoyed. I'm not. Why is it that it always seems as though I have no control over my own life when he is around? Probably because I don't, and I won't until the day he finally decides to go ahead and croak.

I told him to have fun and informed him that I hoped he didn't hold his breath for me to show up. All I got in response to that comment was him with his hands on his hips telling me that I 'most certainly was coming even if he had to drag me there.' So I told him to fucking relax and that I would go. That seemed to cheer him up. Whatever.

He has me wrapped around his little finger. I know that. I don't know exactly when it started but lately I've been witnessing the effects of it more and more frequently. A little too frequently for my tastes. I must try to fix that little glitch in the system.

However, I showed up at his house that night, in a tux as I had been firmly instructed. The party was anything but casual.

Figured…

I couldn't even wear what I wanted to on my own birthday. Quite annoyed at this fact I rang the doorbell and waited a few seconds before it was answered by the gracious host himself. Insert eye roll here if you please.

"Good evening Eiri-san!" He said cheerfully as he looked at me "I'm glad you came. Though I must admit that I knew you would." He said matter-of-factly. Cocky little fucker. "And where is Shindou-san?" He asked glancing around.

"It's not like we're sewn together at the hip Seguchi." I told him snappishly.

"I should hope not." Came his oh-so-witty reply. "It just seems strange to me that he has not accompanied you to this little affair. After all it is your birthday and I would think that he wouldn't miss that for the world." He said and took a sip of the scotch that was in his hand.

"He's on vacation with his parents. I had to pry the brat off of my leg to get him to go." I told him remembering that conversation briefly. Tohma seemed amused by that and I was oh so glad to be his form of entertainment for the evening. "Can I come in and get this over with please?" He didn't seem phased at all by my rudeness. He hardly ever did anymore. I suspected that he had become immune to it. I, at that time, made a mental note to up his daily dosage of witty sarcasm and rude behavior he received from me.

He smiled softly then and stepped aside for me not saying another word. I walked through the door having one that battle it seemed. As I entered his home I made the mistake of turning back around to glance at him and send him my victory smirk, but it quickly faded as I looked at him. I felt a pang of guilt shoot through me. It was a rare emotion so I didn't know right away exactly what the feeling was. I watched as Tohma greeted the next guest to arrive at the party he was throwing for me. I watched as he took the time out of conversing with the other guest to send a smile in my direction and it was full of nothing but kindness. It was in that moment and in his smile that I realized something. It seemed like it should have nailed me straight in the face years ago...but even I can be dense and certainly uncaring to notice such things. Last night I realized the fact that Tohma would do absolutely anything for me, but I have hardly, if ever, even hinted at wanting to offer him the same type of security . Would it really kill me to be kind every now and then? And not even to everyone just to him. Part of me thinks that after all of the time we have spent together and after all we have experienced together, that I owe him that much. Though I can't bring myself to do it. Why? The answer is sickeningly enough quite simple.

I am Yuki Eiri. I am stubborn, and I am selfish.

Therefore, the only thing that I could ever manage to give him…is apologies I'm sure he'll never hear.