Sup,
Sorry i had to re-upload, this bloody website was giving me problems.
So i'm currently addicted to Tove Lo's, Habits (Stay High), yes old song i know but that's not the point the point is that i thought i would want to show a rawer and more vulnerable side of Regina to the extent that we've never seen on screen, and this song inspired me.
WARNING, SELF HARM AND SUICIDAL MENTIONS PLEASE DON'T READ IF YOU KNOW YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO SUCH ISSUES!
Life is a highway should be updated next week, maybe on Christmas or something.
Enjoy!
I'm coming:
Regina's eyes shot open, she sat up in her bed. She took a deep breath to calm herself down.
It was two days since the queens of darkness left town and Regina had sudden relapses of nightmares about her days as the evil queen.
"Just a nightmare, just another fucking nightmare." She whispered to herself.
It was a good year since the Hoods crossed the town line, anyone would've moved on at this point, but not Regina.
It wasn't like losing just another boyfriend, it was like losing a part of herself.
The ghost of Robin's lips haunted her day after day, the wind that passed through her empty and cold hands that once held onto his served as a cruel reminder of what she lost that day at the town line.
"All because of a fucking ice cream lady," Regina thought sardonically.
She put one leg on the floor and felt glass. Oh right, she was drinking as usual. Nights alone meant that Regina drank more, when Henry was at the un-Charmings.
Henry had tried all means and ways to bring his mother back to her senses, but all she did was send him away, he didn't need to see her self destruct. She told him to go to Emma and she would tell him when she was ready.
Which would be never. But he didn't need to know that.
She closed off from everyone else, she knew she wasn't going to make it. No one would notice if she was gone anyway. Only when they needed her help did they remember her name.
She turned her head to face the digital clock at her night stand, 3.30 am it read.
"Fucking hell," she cussed.
She used her legs to shove some of the beer bottles aside and padded towards the bathroom.
She went to the bathroom and popped some cleverly concealed anti-depression pills she had threatened Archie to give.
Closing the cabinet stocked full of pills, she decided against trying to sleep again and wanted to go for a smoke, yet another one of her coping mechanisms.
She walked to her desk and made out a silhouette in the darkness on her bed. She nearly forgot that Will Scarlett had slept with her that night, when she was at Granny's drinking and he tried to talk her out of it. It got heated and they ended up in her bed.
"Hey, Scarlett, Will, William, hey!"
She slapped him on the face and he woke up.
"What the hell..." He mumbled groggily.
"You either get out of my house or you follow me for a smoke,"
He sat up on the bed and replied,
"Looks like I'm gonna get me a cigarette."
So the two went out to her front porch and smoked on a pack of Regina's organic cigarettes.
"Being organic doesn't make them any healthier y'know m'lady."
"Don't call me that," said Regina.
"Fine, but don't you see you're ruining your life? Robin wouldn't want that now would he?"
"I'm beginning to question why I gave you a cigarette in the first place if it meant an impromptu therapy session."
"Robin asked me to keep an eye out for you Miss Mills. You don't even eat properly anymore, you're destroying your body. You might as well be as good as dead."
"Well, you're here, you've just fucked me and now, you're smoking with me. So I don't think you're doing a very fantastic job of keeping an eye out for me. Besides, maybe I want to die."
Will Scarlett got up and extinguished his cigarette,
"Y'know Miss Mills,"
"Regina is fine,"
"Alright, Regina, doing all of this isn't going to bring Robin back."
"I've already accepted the fact that he's not coming back, this is how I cope."
"Well, maybe you don't have to cope. Maybe he will come back."
"Shut the fuck up and leave and never speak of this night to anyone or I can turn you into a flying monkey with a flick of my wrist."
Will Scarlett looked down at Regina's bandaged wrist and raised an eyebrow. She flipped her middle finger at him in return.
"The Merry Men always got your back Regina, even if you don't want our help."
Will Scarlett grabbed his jacket and walked towards the gate.
"At least throw your damn cigarette outside asshole!" She yelled.
Will ignored her and continued walking.
"I need another drink," she thought and pushed herself up to get a bottle of bourbon.
New York,
Robin had returned home late from work as a courier, it was nearing Christmas and a high influx of deliveries meant later nights for him.
Roland was at home watching a cartoon and eating a bowl of cereal while the housekeeper cleaned up the house.
"Marie! I'm home!" Called out Robin.
"Mr Hood! I'm in the kitchen!"
Robin saw that his son was immersed in the Avengers cartoon on TV and decided he would greet him later.
"Hello Marie,"
"Hello Mr Hood, how was work today?"
"Very busy, how's Roland?"
"He is a very good boy, although he always refuses to eat his vegetables."
"Like father, like son," he said.
She chuckled and pat him on the back.
"I know losing your wife could not have been easy, how are you holding up?"
"I'm okay Marie, no need to ask me every night."
"I am just looking out for you, and also for the woman in the picture frame at your bedside every night."
Robin smiled sadly at the thought of what he left behind the town line.
"She means a lot to you, doesn't she? You stare at her picture every night before you sleep."
"She's my world, my soulmate."
"Where is she?"
"Lost, it's a complicated predicament."
"I see. I shall finish up the laundry and go home."
"Alright, thank you Marie. I will see you tomorrow."
"No need to thank me, you pay me well after all."
Robin smiled slightly and went back to his son.
"Roland!"
"Papa!" Roland yelled.
Roland hopped onto Robin's lap and started rambling about his day at school. Robin's only thoughts were of how it would be so much better if Regina was by his side.
Back in Storybrooke,
Regina was using her magic to clear up the mess in her house when there was rapid knocking on her door.
She opened it to see Tink standing at her door with the widest grin on her face.
"Regina!"
"Tink, please don't shout and it's far too early for hope rally of the day."
"It's not a hope rally! It's a miracle! We found him!"
"Found who now?"
"The author!"
Regina rolled her eyes and rubbed the bridge of her nose,
"You know this is the third time you've told me that, and the first two times were loonies who thought that you, Henry and Emma were looking for mystery book writers."
"Not this time! It's for real, he just went over the town line and he's going to find Robin."
"Tink, I'm not sober enough for this, I gave up on operation Mongoose two months ago, so please, stop wasting your life on this or on the impossible, my happy ending. Have a great day,"
Before Tink could open her mouth, Regina already closed the door and went to pop more pills.
"Fucking crazy blondes," she muttered to herself.
New York,
Robin took the day off to bring Roland Christmas shopping.
They had just gotten home from a long day of shopping and Santa lap sitting (in the most non sexual way i mean)
Robin was preparing dinner (he had learned some pretty decent recipes from Maria) when he heard rapid knocking on the door.
"Papa! Are we expecting someone?"
"Not that I know of son, sit tight my boy, I'll get it."
Roland continued piecing his toy train as Robin walked towards the door.
He opened the door to meet a bespectacled man with a extensive white beard.
"Hello, how may I help you?"
"Robin, Robin Hood?"
"How do you know me?"
"Because I know all, just like your son, Roland, your deceased maiden, Marian, and the one that has your heart, Regina Mills."
"Who are you?" Robin was starting to feel a little freaked out.
"Easy there Robin of Locksley, I come with no intentions of harm."
"Why are you here?"
"Because Regina Mills was...wrongly written, I have made a grave mistake, and I am here to amend it."
By now, Robin had a pretty good idea of who this guy was.
"You're the auth..."
"That's right, I am here to bring you back to Storybrooke." He interjected.
Robin took a deep breath and feverishly replied,
"When can we leave?"
"How about now?"
The author snapped his fingers and Robin and Roland were transported to just before the town line.
The author appeared next to them, grinning.
"Why are we here Papa?" Asked Roland.
"We are going to see your Gina again."
"GINA?!" He yelled out into the distance.
"Not now son, we're going to surprise her."
"Oh..." He replied.
The author sprinkled some dust into the distance and the once invisible Storybrooke magically appeared to them again.
"Thank you so much, mr Author."
"Just call me Mickey," he said beaming.
Robin had this wide grin on his face as he looked back at Storybrooke.
"What about our belongings?"
"Oh you'll see them at your campsite again, I took care of that."
"Thank you, Mickey, once again."
Robin turned around to properly thank Mickey but he was already gone.
He looked around in confusion but ignored it, these magical people always had an air of mystery to them, just like his Regina.
He smiled animatedly at the thought of seeing her again.
"Come on son, let's go!"
"We're coming Gina!"
"I'm coming Regina," he whispered.
The Rabbit Hole,
Regina was at the bar, taking shot after shot of vodka and was about to get a glass of martini.
The Merry Men were keeping an eye on her from a distance, ready to defend her should anything happen.
Already three guys have approached her and she turned all of them down, she couldn't help that she had to wear a tight fitting leather dress tonight. She knew that the Merry Men were there to protect her so it would be okay to be show her more wild side.
Thank God Henry or the Charmimgs did not know of her other activities, imagine the amount of cookies and flowers that Snow would send to her house and the amount of Charming dinners she would have to sit through.
Her thoughts flashed back to how even when she was up against the queens of darkness, the Merry Men had her back. It made her rethink about having them more in her life.
She downed the rest of her martini and then she heard the pub door open. Immediately, stillness fell upon the bar.
The music stopped, the chatter stopped, even the bartender stopped shaking the cocktail he was making.
Regina turned around to see what was going on and the sight that greeted her made her drop her martini glass.
Robin was beaming his widest grin at her, Roland was holding his hand, shaking in excitement.
"Regina..." He breathed.
"What the actual fuck?!" She yelled.
Robin's face immediately fell, he walked towards Regina slowly.
"Regina it's me, Robin. I'm back."
She stepped back,
"No...no, this is not real, you're not real, you left me at the town line, one year ago," her voice began to shake and crack.
"But I'm here now my love! I'm back for you!"
She chuckled darkly and shook her head, "This must be some kind of a fucking joke." Her face had disbelief written all over it.
Robin tried to close the distance between them but she grabbed her clutch and ran out the back.
"Regina, Regina wait!" Called Robin.
Robin told Roland to stay with the Merry Men and went after Regina.
Regina stood outside the back alley.
"I'm hallucinating, I'm seeing things, I'm seeing things." Regina repeated this like a mantra.
"Regina," said Robin.
"STOP IT! YOU'RE NOT REAL!" She yelled.
"But it's me, it's really me!"
"No, no it's not, it's the alcohol, and the pills."
"Alcohol? Pills?" Robin asked, worry lacing his voice.
She reached into her clutch and grabbed her cigarettes. She swiftly lit her lighter and began smoking.
"REGINA!"
She stuck the cigarette into her mouth and took deep puffs, exhaling white smoke.
Robin had seen enough and stormed towards her.
"DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME!" she yelled whilst tears streamed down her face.
She continued smoking, taking deep breaths and trying to calm herself down.
"Regina what have you been doing?"
She held up her palm to signal to him to wait as she exhaled, "Moving on,"
"Do you even eat properly?!"
Robin just noticed how thin Regina had become.
"Go back to your fucking wife,"
"Are you trying to get yourself killed?"
"So what if I am? You won't be around to see it anyway."
"I'M HERE NOW YOU DUMB WOMAN, I LOVE YOU."
"AND I'M A FUCKING VILLAIN AND VILLAINS DO NOT GET HAPPY ENDINGS!"
She threw her cigarette on the ground and used her boot to extinguish it.
"Don't bother coming to me if you're leaving anyway."
"You can't do that, that was not my fault."
"I know it's not hunky dory, but just leave me be. I don't think I can be okay again. I don't think I can see you just walk out of my life again."
She put her leather jacket on and walked off into the night.
Robin knew, he had to make things right.
He ran back into the bar and told Roland to stay with the Merry Men and that he would catch up with them soon.
Meanwhile,
Regina knew that going home was not an option, so she went to her vault, where she kept some wine and pills lying around when she didn't want to be bothered.
She descended down the stairs into the vault and poured a glass of wine for herself.
She knew that fate was playing a cruel trick on her, that Robin would leave as soon as he came, she would never get her happy ending.
She opened a bottle of pills and popped them into her mouth as she heard heavy footfall descending down the stairs.
"I knew you wouldn't go home,"
"Fuck off,"
"What's the matter with you, Regina?"
"You, you're the matter, now please leave me alone."
"Never, not again,"
"Well look what fucking happened last time,"
"You need to stop cursing so much,"
"And you're not my cruel bitchy mother,"
When she was under the light of her vault, did he really get a good look at her, the circles under her eyes were too dark to cover, how much weight she had lost and the layers of bandages on her wrist.
"What...what happened?" He asked nervously pointing to her wrist.
"Cut myself, nothing much."
"Accident?"
"Maybe," she shrugged.
She popped another pill in her mouth and Robin quickly took the bottle out of her hands.
"What the fuck?"
"You're not okay,"
"Thank you captain of the very obvious now if you would go back to your wife and point out the rest of many obvious things in this cursed world to her."
"She's passed on,"
Regina paused, and replied softly,
"I'm sorry,"
"Don't be, I'm back here with you now, she knew my heart was with you, she would be happy."
"Except that you're going to go once I get all happy and attached."
"I'm not, I swear, I'm yours."
"Don't make promises you can't keep,"
She pulled out another cigarette and smoked.
"Now I see why Cruella liked these things,"
Robin walked over to her and pulled out the cigarette and kissed her.
At first, she didn't respond, then something fired up in her to kiss him back.
Once they parted for air, Robin looked at her in the eyes.
"Regina, I'm back, and I'm going to help you. You're going to be okay."
She laughed mirthlessly and then fresh tears sprung to her eyes.
"I can't be saved, not anymore."
She walked to her vault stairs and sat down and cried her lungs out.
Robin's heart broke and he rushed to Regina's side.
"Of course you can, it's not too late. I'm so sorry for leaving."
"It's not your fault. I'm the sorry one. You had to see me in such a mess." She said through sniffs.
Robin pulled Regina closer and this time, she was too tired to fight his embrace, to fight against her insecurities and inhibitions and she leant into his embrace.
In no time at all, Regina had fallen asleep in his arms and he lifted her light frame and carried her home delicately.
He thread lightly on the very familiar path back to her mansion.
He found her keys in her clutch and carried her up to her bedroom.
By the time he brought her up, she had waken up.
"What...?"
Robin immediately rushed to her side,
"Get some rest m'lady. I'll be here."
"Okay, I kinda need a shower first, do you mind waiting for me outside?"
"I promise, I'm not leaving. Not ever again."
She sent him a light smile and went to take a shower.
Robin went down to survey the mansion to find the cabinets stocked with all sorts of alcohol and her coffee table had cigarettes and ash trays. Her kitchen was barren with some leftover pancake batter and a few bags of ready-made salads.
He frowned worriedly and made a reminder to talk to her about this in the morning.
He knew that this was what he did to her, and the guilt of that settled heavily on him.
He walked back upstairs to her bedroom to wait for her to finish her shower.
Knowing that Robin was downstairs, Regina quickly popped a few pills and then went to take a shower.
Later that night, the two of them laid side by side, no sex, just basking in each other's presence. Reveling in the scent of each other.
As Robin nuzzled Regina's neck and laid his arm protectively across her slender waist, Regina knew she wasn't okay, but she would be.
Reviews are greatly appreciated. I do have a second chapter idea in my mind but only if this is popular enough. Thanks for reading!
PS: Did you see me insert my own theory into the story? ;-)