CoffeeKris: Ok, this is my first fic….I was listening to Volvo Driving Soccer mom, and this just sort of popped into my head and refused to go away. Hope it gets a few giggles at least. It'll be a one-shot unless enough people want more, then I'll try to make it longer.
Disclaimer: I do not own Labyrinth, it's characters, David Bowie or his tight pants. Nor do I own the song Volvo-Driving Soccer Mom or the band Everclear. I make no money from any of this, all I get is a fuzzy feeling from reviews.
Jareth sat in his owl form watching Sarah unpack her things from the many boxes in her new apartment. It amazed him what could happen in the space of a few years, she had grown much since the last time he saw her. He watched her dance along to a song she was humming as she put her things away. He had never checked up on her before. It took him a month after her departure to decide that he should, though for her it had been six years. He supposed he could re-order time or conjure a crystal to see what she had done in the last few years, but he was wrenched from his musing when she stopped humming and started to sing and dance as she continued to unpack.
Na-na na-na na-na
na-na na-na na-na You know I used to be a bad girl
I got
busy in the bathroom at my high school prom
Yeah I used to be a
dancer at the local strip club
But now I know my right wing from
my wrong
"Busy doing what,
and what exactly is a strip club?" He wondered, but he tucked the
thoughts away for later and decided to continue to listen to her
song. Yeah, yeah I really used to be a bad girl
I
had a threesome with my sister and her boyfriend Tom
I know I
used to be a real wild child
But now I am a Volvo-driving soccer
mom
So she had an older
sister, he hadn't known that. He wondered what a threesome was as
well as a Volvo. Na-na na-na na-na na-na na-na na-na I
really used to be a bad girl
I got busted for possession of my
wizard-shaped bong
I used to love to do the things they tell me
not to do
But now I'm different--now I sing a new song
Busted? For
possession of what seemed to be a tool of magic? Yes, she was indeed
different. I really used to be a bad girl
I got
gang-banged in the bathroom at my high school prom
Yes, I used to
be a real wild child
But now I am a Volvo-driving soccer mom
Gang-banged? And this mysterious 'Volvo' again…wait a moment, mom? When did Sarah have a child?!
Where do all the porn stars go
Na-na na-na
na-na na-na na-na na-na
When
the lights go down?
I wonder where all the porn stars go
'Cause
when you need one, they are never around
Porn stars? He knew
the constellations but he hadn't heard of these stars. I
think they moved out to the suburbs
And now they're blonde,
bland, middle-class Republican wives
They all have blonde, bland,
middle-class Republican children
Blonde, bland, middle-class
Republican lives
Ah, porn stars must
be some sort of species that change into these 'Republican'
creatures. Where do all the porn stars go Na-na na-na na-na na-na
na-na na-na
When the
lights go down?
I think I know where all the porn stars go
They
all become Volvo-driving soccer moms
He thought that porn stars turned into these 'Republican' things. Did that mean that Sarah was a porn star and a Republican as well as being a Volvo-driving soccer mom? He ruffled his feathers in agitation, the idea of Sarah being married and with children didn't sit well with him. He flew off in a flurry to find out what the strange things in Sarah's song were, perhaps then he would finally fully understand what she'd been up to in her past six years.
CoffeeKris: I think this was better off in my head having written it…what do you think? Please review! All you gotta do is click the lil review button! It's over there points, then realizes reader can't see her…um, nvm. I'm sure you'll find it.