Things I'll Never Say, a gossip girl fanfic

A/N: So yes, this is my first Gossip Girl fanfiction. I really like so many pairings like Nate/Serena, Chuck/Blair, and my personal favorite, Eric/Jenny. I actually really tried on this one so like NO FLAMES!!! Except for constructive criticism. Lol and R&R PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Disclaimer: I do NOT own anything here except for the brilliant plot and idea. I'm just an obsessed fan girl who is writing about how the story should go……..

A little key for ya:

Bold Italics: Song Lyrics

Italics: flashbacks

Bold: Gossip Girl blog and author's notes

Normal: Story (present)

POV: point of view (for people who don't know that ;)

Hello Upper East Siders,

Gossip Girl here. I'm now here at the most spectacular event yet. We are at little J's and E's wedding. Hmmmm, no surprise there right? Just a little update before I'll tell the deets about the wedding later today.

You know you love me,

xoxo

Gossip Girl

Jenny's POV

The day of my wedding, wonderful day isn't it? I looked at myself in the mirror, white strapless wedding dress with little crystals embedded in the skirt of it. My long blonde hair was flowing down my back in waves. A tiara places on my head attached to the veil. I'm getting married to the man I love with all my heart. Eric van der Woodsen. He was the perfect one. Short blonde hair that is now turned a dirty blonde over the years, tall with beautiful chocolate eyes. You can say I was caught daydreaming before a voice interrupted.

"Jenny! Are you ready??" Serena van der Woodsen yelled from the other side of the door. "It's almost time!"

"I'll be out in just a minute!" I called back, taking a deep breath and remembering the times when I was 14 and just met Eric. I trusted him and he trusted me. He was like my best friend.

Flashback:

"Serena!" I yelled at Bendel's. The famous dress store on 5th Avenue that everyone who's anyone shops at. I was looking for the perfect dress for the Kiss on the Lips party. I had only got an invite because I did the invitations. I was looking at the knee length, red halter-top dress, when I saw Serena van der Woodsen and an unfamiliar guy walking down the stair in the reflection in the mirror.

"Serena!" I called running to my purse to get the invitation that Blair 'forgot' to give her.

"Jenny." Serena said smiling coming towards me. "This is my-"

"Personal stylist and shopper. Hi, I'm Eric." The guy said smiling while putting out his hand.

"Hi, Jenny Humphrey." I said taking his hand and shaking it. I get we automatically both felt sparks. I saw him looking at me like I was the only one in the world. I blushed a little and quickly turned to Serena.

"Is that the dress you're wearing to Kiss on the Lips?" Serena asked looking at the dress. I could tell she was impressed.

"Sort of." I said looking down at the dress. I even forgot I was wearing it for a moment.

"Hey, I made you an invitation at free period." I started. "But if anyone asks you where you got it, you didn't get it from me." I said smiling. I could still feel that Eric was staring at me and I blushed a little deeper.

"Thanks." Serena said smiling. "We have to go. See you at school?"

"Yeah, bye." I said as I walked back over to the mirror. Serena and Eric were already walking back up the stairs.

"Hey Jenny?!" Serena said stopping on the fifth step and I turned to face her.

"That dress would look even better in black." She said smiling. I looked at her my face practically saying thanks for me. I looked over at Eric. He has his head turned took look at me.

"Black." I repeated, but in my head, I was repeating 'Eric' over and over.

I'm tugging out my hair
I'm pulling at my clothes
I'm trying to keep my cool
I know it shows
I'm staring at my feet
My cheeks are turning red

I'm searching for the words inside my head

(And) I'm feeling nervous

Trying to be so perfect
Cause I know you're worth it
You're worth it,
Yeah

Another Flashback:

I walked into the Ivy League party. Everyone was there trying to make a good impression to the alumni, professors, officials. Everyone there was there for one reason and one reason only. To get into college. But I was only a freshmen and I think I was the only one there. I was there only to show moral support to my brother Dan. I shouldn't be worried about this should I?

I walked over to get some punch when blonde hair caught my eye. It was Eric van der Woodsen, looking so hot in his suit. I could tell he was putting on fake smiles and talking to people he barely even knew. I fixed my hair a little and pulled my strapless dress. I looked at myself in the little pond next to the punch bowl table. I was trying to be perfect. Just for him. I never did that before, never changed for a guy, and never changed for anyone. What made him so different?

I tried to find him again but he was gone. I went into the building to take a rest and to my surprise was Eric right there. I waved and I can tell he recognized me.

"Hey. Eric right?" I said smiling. "We met at-"

"Bendel's" He finished.

I was just about to say something when Nate Archibald's father, Captain, came up to him.

"Eric! How was Miami?" Captain asked.

"Great! I mean save the manatees." He faked as Captain patted him on the back and left.

"Manatees??" I asked raising one eyebrow looking at him curiously.

"It's a long story." He said deep in thought.

"I've got time." I said wanting to hear the story.

"It's kinda dark." He said looking up at me.

"I can handle it." I said trying to keep my cool and not to scream because I know that he was going to tell me his story………..

………

Time seemed to fly by and before I knew it, we were both on the floor talking; his suit jacket on the floor and his story was almost finished.

"It was only my mom and I at our house. And I got really lonely." He said thinking back to the memory.

"Is….is that when you…" I asked scared to ask if that was when he tried to kill himself. But he just nodded and looked at me.

"Yeah, that's when I was sent to the Ostroff Center. My mom said that they had the best councilors, but what they really get paid for is to keep their mouths shut." He said angrily.

"So, are you ready to go back out?" I asked after the awkward silence. We've been talking for almost an hour. People are bound to ask where we were.

"To answer more questions about Florida?" He said shaking his head.

"I have a grandmother that lives in Fort Lauderdale; I can help think up some material." I said as he just looked at me and stared. He then nodded and got up. I could feel myself blushing so I quickly looked down. He suddenly reached up his hand to help me up and I took it. Sparks flew again.

Present:

I mean, he became one of my best friends that day. I trusted him and he trusted me. We always were together after that. We'd be together forever; we'd hold each other forever, and getting old together. I'd tell he'd blow me away. Tell him that I wanted to be with him every night him holding me tight, I'd want him to get down on one knee and ask me to marry him. Yes, you could say I was wishing my life away and giving it to him. But at that age, of 14 those are the things I'd never say.

If I could say what I want to say
I'd say I wanna blow you - away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down
On one knee
Marry me today
Guess I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say

Eric's POV

I was just sitting there, waiting for someone to call me over to wait at the altar. I wondered what Jenny was doing. I looked at the black tux I was wearing. I remembered Jenny's smile which was inline and perfectly white. Her hair which was a gorgeous golden blonde. Her eyes were as light blue as the winter sky. She was perfect. At least to me. My daydream was interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Eric, dude, you ready?" Nate Archibald called from the other side of the door. "You ready for your big day?"

"Yeah, wait a minute." I said. I took a deep breath and remembered the affect Jenny had on me when I was younger….

Flashback:

I was just sitting on my bed reading the latest issue of 'Rolling Stone' magazine when I heard a knock on my door. The door opened to revealed Jenny Humphrey.

"Hey." She said silently while I quickly scrambled off my bed and stood up.

"Hey." I said not really knowing what to say.

"I made these and I just wanted you to have some." She said handing me a plate of brownies.

"Thanks." I said taking them. I knew I was acting like an idiot but I just couldn't help it. There was just an awkward silence for a while before it broke.

"Those are nice flowers. Did your girlfriend give you those?" She asked pointing to the vase on the little coffee table in the corner. It was filled with multicolored daisies.

"Thanks, my sister gave them to me. I don't have a girlfriend." I replied as she just nodded.

"I have to go, sorry. I'm just here for a short visit. Bye." She said as she waved and left.

"Bye." I said as she closed the door. Once she was out, I slapped myself on the forehead and fell back on the bed. 'Why was I acting such a LOSER???' I thought. I mostly just stood there and listened to her talk trying to start a conversation. I wish I could tell her that I wanted her to be here with me, holding me, and telling me she loves me. But those were the things I'll never say to her.

It don't do me any good
It's just a waste of time
What use is it to you
What's on my mind
If ain't coming out
We're not going anywhere
So why can't I just tell you that I care

I laughed at the memory. I was so stupid back then. I remember when I was still in the Ostroff Center, she came over one night and said she got my S.O.S. I was going to break me out.

Flashback:

I was sitting on the floor at the end of my bed playing Solitaire on my laptop. I heard a knock on my door and it opened.

"Hey." She whispered as she closed the door behind me.

"Jenny. What are you doing here?" I asked closing my laptop quickly and sitting up.

"Your S.O.S. was received and answered." She said grabbing my coat from my hanger and throwing it at me.

I remember the text I sent her. It said 'S.O.S. still in prison!' and then I took a stupid picture of myself and sent it to her, but I didn't know she'll do this.

"Come on, quickly! We came to rescue you."

"Wait, WE?" I asked curious. What did she mean by we? What I didn't know was that Blair was outside distracting the nurse by pretending to be the worst drug addict. As I got ready and almost ready to go, Blair bursted into the room with her makeup smudged and hair ruined.

"Come on! We don't have much time." I just continued to stare at her and she noticed. "Well, I thought I owed you one." She said.

"Yeah, try 50." I said smiling getting up and getting my stuff.

We quickly got out of the center and got a cab. In the cab ride, Jenny explained to me that getting me out was a dare from Blaire's sleep over. After about 5 minutes, we stopped at a night club. I could tell it wasn't Jenny's first choice to go but it was Blaire's. We cautiously walked in while Blair got in like she owned the place.

"Isn't it so cool in here?!" Jenny asked as she looked at the dancing floor which had flashing lights and loud hip-hop music. I just nodded and followed her down the stairs to where Blaire and her friends were sitting.

We were sitting and having a good time before a half-drunk guy went up to Blaire and put his arm around her.

"Hey, baby." The guy said pulling Blair closer to him.

"Ew, get off me." She said shoving his hand away from her and walking back to the table.

"Blair!" Jenny called out seeing that a brilliant idea popped into her head. "Truth or dare?"

"Do you even have to ask?"

"I dare you to make out with that guy." Jenny said with a smirk on her face.

"Easy." Blair said as she walked over to the bar where the guy and his friends were sitting. She just grabbed him and started to make out with him as his friends started screaming. After a minute, she just walked back toward our table and when she was out of sight of the guys, she held out his phone.

"Look at what I got……." She said smiling.

"Jenny, truth or dare?"

"Dare." Jenny replied courageously.

"I dare you to call that guy's girlfriend. Her name is Amanda." Blair said with an evil look on her face.

"Fine." Jenny said taking the phone and finding the number.

"Hey Amanda?" She said in her fakest voice through the phone.

"I just stuck my tongue in your boyfriend's throat and he forgot to tell me you existed. You're lucky. He's a REAL catch." She said before hanging up the phone and handing it back to Blair who was laughing.

"Not bad, little J. Not bad."

----

Time seemed to fly by but I was getting kinda bored just sitting there watching everyone dance. Jenny seemed to notice and walked up to me.

"Hey. Wanna dance?" She said holding out her hand to me as I took it and followed her to the dance floor. I was having the best time as she leaned her back against me and started to dance. I could smell her apple scented shampoo. I wish I could tell her that I was falling for her each time I saw her. But I always thought she would say no to me if I ask her out. It would waste my time and hers. She wouldn't care what I thought. On the other hand. What if she DID like me? And if I told her, we could be dating. I'm never going to have a relationship with her if I don't say anything. I just couldn't do it.

(Cause) I'm feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect
Cause I know you're worth it
You're worth it
Yeah

I was feeling so nervous that day. We were just dancing but she always turned me on. I wanted to ask her out but I just couldn't. I took a deep breath and remembered again. It was the day we were at the coffee shop hanging out. I finally did it.

Flashback:

I was finally out of the Ostroff center. Jenny and I were at a little coffee house in New York City on a beautiful fall afternoon. The sun was shining and the leaves on the trees were a bright yellow, orange, red, and brown. We've been just talking about random stuff before we came to the subject of the famous Debutant Ball.

"Your mom asked me to volunteer." Jenny started. "I'm not sure if I could go. I mean, my mom's art gallery opens on the same day. Are you going?"

"I don't know yet. I kinda really want to go though." I replied knowing that was the perfect opportunity to ask her out. "D-do you w-want to go w-with me?" I asked nervously.

"Is that a date?" She asked sarcastically as I just nodded like an idiot. "Sure." She said taking my hand.

I remembered that day. I was so nervous getting ready for the Ball. But it turned out to be one of the best days of my life.

Flashback:

I was waiting in the middle of the ballroom. Waiting for her to come. I saw many couples dancing around me and some girls had come up to me asking to dance but I just turned them down. I know it was rude but I wanted to dance with Jenny. I was starting to get impatient before I saw the most miraculous thing. It was Jenny coming down the stairs like an angel floating. She was wearing a pale pink dress that went down just above her knees. Her hair was down in light waves and barrel curls in the ends. She smiled and waved to me. I stupidly waved back. I went up to her, took her hand and kissed it. I know, complete fairytale.

"May I have this dance?" I asked in a fake British accent. (A/N: No offense to anyone who's British)

"You may." She said taking my hand as I led her to the dance floor

I put my hands around her waist and pulled her toward me as she placed her arms around my neck. It was like a Cinderella moment.

"So, how's it like being at the Debutant Ball?" I asked trying to start a conversation.

"You know, I'm kinda glad I'm missing my mom's opening to come to this. If I didn't this wouldn't be happening right now." She said as she leaned in and placed her lips on mine. I kissed back, wanting this to last forever. I knew that people were staring at us. But I didn't care. It was perfect. From that moment I knew I wanted to marry her. But I guess I was wishing my life away saying that.

"Dude, come out!" I heard Chuck say opening the door and interrupting my thoughts. "Your wedding is starting!" He said as he pulled me up and led me to the front of the altar.

'If I hadn't proposed to her, this all wouldn't be happening.' I thought as the music began to play the doors opened to reveal the couples walking down the aisle. I caught a short glimpse of her when the doors opened. She looked beautiful in her pure white dress and her long blonde hair flowing down. I smiled when I noticed she was nervous and I smiled because so was I.

Flashback:

I walked into the jewelers in a late winter almost spring afternoon. It was so close to spring that it was already in the 50s. I walked in and started looking at some many rings. I didn't even know some of the things it said. 'Round cut, heart cut, diamond cut, oval cut……' it was all so confusing. Finally a woman from behind the counter came up to me.

"How may I help you?" She asked obviously noticing that I was having trouble.

"Hi, I'm looking at engagement rings." I said looking down at the diamond rings in the glass case.

"Oh, engagements are we?" She said opening one of the cases and pulling out a ring. "This one's our best one." She said taking out a silver banded ring. I took it in my hand and examined it. It had a heart-shaped diamond in the middle and around the band was little round diamonds. It was gorgeous and was perfect for Jenny.

"I'll take it." I said handing the ring back to the saleswoman.

"Very nice choice." She said taking it and going to the front. "I'll ring it up for you."

I paid for the ring and waited for the lady to go polish it and put it in the box. While she did that, I was thinking of the time to propose. Her birthday was in April. It was now the middle of March. Her birthday in April, diamond as April birthstone. Perfect.

What's wrong with my tongue
These words keep slipping away
I stutter, I stumble
Like I've got nothing to say

(Cause) I'm feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect
Cause I know you're worth it
You're worth it
Yeah

Guess I'm wishing my life away with these things I'll never say
If I could say what I want to say
I'd say I wanna blow you - away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down
On one knee
Marry me today
Yes, I'm wishing my life away

Jenny's POV

I was in my position in the back of the church waiting for the music to play. There were all my bridesmaids in their light lilac, light blue, and pale pink dresses. And ushers in front of me. I heard the first song and the doors opened. First, Nate and Serena went down the aisle. They started dating a while ago, after Nate told Serena he was still in love with her. Surprisingly, Dan was okay with it. He felt that the spark was only temporarily. Next out was Chuck and Blair. They always had something with one another. Chuck was as bad anymore. After he got together with Blair he never cheated, played, or anything. After they went down, it was Dan and his new girlfriend Madison Dawson. She had long brown hair that was straightened and bright blue eyes. They met through Serena, who was sad that she ended it with him that she introduced him to her childhood friend Madison.

As the doors closed again after all the bridesmaid has walked down, another song was played and the doors opened revealing the flower girl and ring barer. The flower girl was actually Nate and Serena's daughter, Isabella. She was looking so cute in her little light green dress with her blonde hair going straight down her back. Next to her was Blair and Chuck's son, Stephen. He had sleek brown hair and looked just like his father. When they got down to the end of the aisle, there was a short silence before the organ player began to play 'Here Come the Bride.'

I took a deep breath and took a small step forward, my dad, Rufus next to me. I just smiled. 'Smile and step, smile and step.' I said in my mind as I was walking down the aisle. We were about halfway down when I remembered how I got here.

Flashback:

It was a breezy spring day in the middle of April. I was sitting on my couch waiting for something to do. After all, it was my birthday. But somebody did remember didn't they? I was in the middle of watching The O.C. when my phone rang. I looked at the name and saw ERIC plastered in the middle.

"Hey." I said into the phone with a smile on my face that someone actually saved me from my misery.

"Hey." Eric said into the phone with a glad tone of voice. "Happy Birthday. Do you want to hang out?"

"Yeah, so far you're the only one that actually remembered my birthday." I said laughing into the phone.

"Hey, so I'll meet you outside your house in like 5 minutes ok? Bye."

"Bye." I said hanging up.

Within that 5 minutes I went down in a butterfly sleeved pale pink top, light blue faded jeans, and wore a light coat of makeup. I saw Eric leaning next to his car and waved to him. He smiled and opened the door for me and I got in.

"So, where are we going?" I asked as we started going toward the Time Square.

"You'll find out soon enough." He said smirking as he took a right and parked the car. He opened the door for me and held out his hand. I took it and we walked out on the sidewalk hand in hand.

After a while of walking, we came to Central Park. It was beautiful at this time of year. It had fresh green grass and trees and the flowers were in bloom. We walked to a little lake where there were some ducks and swans with it's cygnets (A/N: baby swans ;) before he stopped and we sat on a bench.

"Isn't that pretty?" I asked staring at the lake. It was almost sunset and the sun was a beautiful gold as it stared to set over the lake.

"It is." He replied.

"Jenny." He stared as I turned to look at him. "When we first started dating, I was trying to be the best I can be for you. It's because you're worth it. I wanted to be with you every night holding you in bed as tightly as I can. You always blew me away. But when I was younger I thought I was wishing my life away. But I wasn't."

He quietly took a deep breath and pulled out a black velvet box. "W-w-will y-you marry m-me?" He stuttered shyly.

I gasped and looked down at him. The ring was so gorgeous. It was silver with small diamonds around a heart shaped diamond in the middle. "This is what I always wanted. YES!" I said as I jumped and hugged him. I pulled his head down and kissed him. It was sweet and passionate.

Yes, that's how he proposed to me. When my dad and I got to the front, I turned and looked at him. He was smiling and I could see tears coming out of his eyes. I let go of his hand and went over to Eric. He was smiling and I smiled back and we turned toward the priest. He smiled at us and started.

"Dearly beloved, we are here to join this man and this woman in holy matrimony-"

----

It was almost over. We were almost married.

"You may now kiss the bride." The priest said smiling at us.

I turned toward him and he turned toward me. We leaned in and our lips met. It was a jolt of electricity that shot between us. It would of lasted longer if we didn't need to come up for air. I took his hand and walked down the aisle. I felt the small silver band that was now on my left ring finger. I smiled brighter. My dreams came true. All those things I never thought I'd ever say to Eric, I did today.

Hey Upper East Siders,

Gossip Girl here, I'm finally home from little J's wedding. J isn't so little anymore isn't she? She looked beautiful in her pure white wedding dress. E was staring at her so long, people thought they caught him drooling. Lol, all those things that J thought she would never ever say to E were finally let out in that wedding. I'll post pics soon.

You know you love me,

xoxo

Gossip Girl

With these things I'll never say
These things I'll never say

A/N: Yes a really really long oneshot. 26 pages double spaced to be exact. Lol, I spent soooooo much time on this story. PLEASE PLEASE R&R! It would make me sooo happy. I think it might be one of the best one-shots I ever written yet. And I think one of the most fluffy and cheesiest ones too.

R&R PLEASE R&R PLEASE!!!!!!!

-Emily