Disclaimer: All characters belong to the creators of General Hospital.
She was sweetness, laughter, goodness and light all wrapped in a beautiful package. She was the exact opposite of what he was and maybe that was why he loved her so much. She'd been the first one to see the person he could have been if life had been a little kinder to him. If his father hadn't been so cold-hearted and demanding, if his mother hadn't died, if he hadn't become obsessed with leading the crusade to put his brother behind bars.
Ric Lansing didn't deserve to be loved by Nadine Crowell. They both knew it but Nadine didn't care and Ric was too selfish to let her go. She had been able to look past all the darkness and corruption that surrounded his soul and she'd made him see it too. But the darkness was always there, lurking just beneath the surface, waiting for the perfect opportunity to reassert itself.
Still, despite her All-American girl nature she seemed to prefer her men with a touch of darkness. After dating Nikolas, she'd moved on to Johnny Zacchara and now she was with him. The only difference between him and her ex-boyfriends was that he was consumed by darkness. It followed him everywhere. Although most of the people in Port Charles had bet on the fact that Johnny would wind up like his father, he had surprised them all by leaving the family business and going to college.
Ric knew that Nadine took road trips to visit Johnny at Brandeis but it didn't bother him. He was glad that she had someone else she could trust. What bothered him about the situation was that he didn't miss her when she was gone. Sure, he missed having her in his bed and listening to her laugh but he didn't miss her the way a man was supposed to miss the woman he loved more than anything. The woman he loved more than any other woman he'd ever been with.
When she was with him he forgot about the man he was and became the man she wanted him to be the man he so desperately wanted to be but had given up on long ago. He was reminded of that fact everytime he looked in the mirror after she left. The smile that she brought to his face disappeared and his eyes never sparkled the way she said they did.
Everything about them was a mirage and sooner or later it would disappear for good but later wasn't now and Ric was grateful for that. He dreaded having to let her go but it was for the best. He knew it. She knew it. The whole town knew it. It was inevitable.
"Hey, come give me a hand!" she called, breaking into his thoughts.
Ric stood up and moved into the foyer where she was relocating grocery bags from the front porch to the polished oak wood floor. "Did you buy out the whole store?"
"You're the one who agreed to have Molly's party here. All I did was pick up the list of supplies from Alexis and then go to the store."
"Alexis always did like to make sure that she was prepared for any situation," he replied, picking up a bag and rolling his eyes when he saw five packages of band-aids. "Or over prepared. Does she think we're keeping all of these kids and taking them camping for two weeks?"
"Don't ask me." Nadine transferred the last bag inside then shut the door. For the first time since she'd gotten there she noticed that he seemed more withdrawn than usual. "Is something wrong?"
"Besides the fact that I now have more potato chips than I could eat in two lifetimes?"
"Funny but it's not what I meant and you know it."
"I know."
"So? Come on, Ric, talk to me." She reached up and touched two fingers to his forehead. "Tell me what's going on in that head of yours."
"It's nothing."
"Ric."
He sighed and reached out, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her to him. "You know I love you, right?"
"I love you, too."
"Why do you stay with me? You know who I am, what I've done. All I'm going to do is hurt you."
Nadine shook her head. He wasn't going to do this. Not again. She was old enough to know that the world wasn't all rainbows and candy and puppy dogs, but Ric Lansing wasn't the man he thought he was. He was better than that. She'd seen it more than once and she knew other people had too. "No."
"No?"
She nodded resolutely and cupped his face. "No. I'm not listening to this again. I don't care about your past, Ric. All I care about is right now. I'm not thinking about the future and you shouldn't be either."
He heard her but none of the words stuck in his mind. "You should leave. Go be with Johnny. He can give you the life you deserve. I can't. I'm selfish. I'll only end up hurting you."
"I don't want Johnny," she growled, her normally bright blue eyes darkening with anger. "Why can't you see that? How many times do I have to tell you before you finally believe it? I want you. I love you. No one else. Just you."
They were both crying now but neither made a move to wipe away the tears. They'd had this argument before but it had never been like this.
"I love you and I know you love me. Why can't you just accept that?"
"Because I don't deserve your love. And you deserve better than me."
"Stop it!" She was still crying but anger had overtaken sadness. "I'm not going to listen to this again. I knew who you were and I still let myself fall for you. Doesn't that tell you anything? It should. It should tell you that I'm never going to leave you. That I'll always be by your side no matter what. I love you, Ric. I love you and I know you love me."
"But Johnny-"
"I haven't slept with him in six months. I still go see him but we're just friends now. He has a girlfriend and I have you. We're both happy."
"I can't give you what you want."
"You can! You already do. I know you're not perfect. Neither am I. No one is."
Without giving him a chance to respond Nadine pressed her lips to his, her hands still framing his face. He responded, parting his lips and taking control and she sighed into the kiss.
When she pulled away from him, Ric pressed his forehead to hers. "I love you."
She smiled and placed another quick kiss on his lips. "I know. I love you, too."
"I'm not making any promises about the future."
"I don't want any."
He managed a small smile as he began playing with her hair. "I can't give you a fairytale ending."
"I don't want one."
That was all he needed to hear for now. He was broken and he would wind up breaking Nadine as well, but right now that didn't matter. Eventually their relationship would hit rock bottom and leave him darker and more damaged but that was in the future and they didn't have to think about it until later. Right now he was going to make love to the beautiful woman in his arms and enjoy his free fall.