A/N: So I'm listening to [obsessing over] the band Skillet lately, and was listening to Hero when this happened.
Obviously, I don't own Big Hero 6, nor do I own Skillet.
Trigger warning for suicide/depression.
I need a hero. I submerged myself into my loud music, jamming my ear buds into my ears and cranking my MP3 player to almost full volume. However, I couldn't blast out the memories of Tadashi.
"We came as soon as we heard," I said, kneeling to pull the fourteen year old into a hug. Wasabi, Fred, and GoGo followed uncertainly behind me. "What happened?"
He wiped his tear-stained face. "Honey Lemon...T-Tadashi went into the building after Callaghan and-and-and he - it - it-it blew up! The whole hall. It blew up. And-and I tried to stop him, but he..." he trailed off. The poor kid was clutching his brother's baseball cap as if it were the only thing he had left of his brother. And right now, maybe it was.
I let him bury his face into my shoulder and he started to cry again. That's when I looked up to see Cass, who still hadn't left the van. She stared out of the van window and then seemed to remember why she was there. She opened the van door, but I could tell she could hardly walk. Wasabi noticed the same thing, and jumped up to help her over to our group.
"Tadashi," she choked.
GoGo explained what Hiro had told us moments before, and she dropped to her knees on the hard asphalt. The woman, who had proven to be incredibly resilient, crumpled in on herself, sobbing. Hiro pulled away from me and ran to hug his Aunt, crying openly.
Three days later, I stood in their apartment, comforting Cass as we all stood around in black clothes and carrying plates of food that nobody really wanted to eat anyway. Hiro was absent; he'd made a getaway to his bedroom almost as soon as we'd returned from watching the casket being lowered into the ground.
It had been two weeks since Tadashi had been laid to rest. None of us - Wasabi, GoGo, or Fred - had spoken to one another since. It's funny, I always thought that if something tragic happened, we'd all band together to help each other heal. It seemed to be working the opposite way right now. My optimism seemed to have blown up at the same time that Tadashi had. He'd been there for me through everything - transferring schools to FranSokyo High, the same school he'd gone to, bullying, more bullying, the loss of my grandmother...and I'd been there for him through adjusting to college life and the frustrations from having a genius brother who got into too much trouble. Now he wasn't here, and none of our friends were there either - although, at least they were still alive.
I wished I could turn my music up more, but I couldn't. It was blasting my eardrums so hard I thought it would make my ears start bleeding, but at least I was feeling something other than agony over Tadashi's death.
I glanced at the calendar on my wall. A date was still circled on the calendar - my twenty-first birthday. I was eight months younger than Tadashi. Then I looked down at the ring I'd left on my long ring finger. The tiny diamond stared back at me - the promise that Tadashi would marry me. We were planning the wedding for after we got our degrees at SFIT. He would've been twenty-five and I twenty-four, since we were graduating the same year. Or supposed to graduate the same year, I told myself.
I wasn't sure if I could do this anymore. I knew it had only been two weeks, but it was two weeks of knowing the love of your young life was blown up when he was trying to help someone.
I padded over to my computer and typed into the search engine a sentence that a year ago, I would have never imagined myself typing. How to die. I'd typed that so many times the past week, but had never gone through with it. Maybe I would now.
Before I could click into the first link that came up, an instant message came up, graying out the rest of my screen.
Hiro. I clicked into it.
LilHamadaNerd -Hey, Honey Lemon. What's up?
I swallowed, calming my shaking hands long enough to type back.
HoneyBubbles - Hey bud. I'm not up to much, what're you up to?
LilHamadaNerd - Nothing either. Just wondered how you were doing..?
HoneyBubbles - Not the best, to be honest. How are you holding up?
LilHamadaNerd - Eh. Not the best, but not the worst, I guess. I haven't, you know..
HoneyBubbles - I know.
LilHamadaNerd - You aren't considering it, are you?
We both knew what 'it' was. Suicide.
HoneyBubbles - doesn't matter
LilHamadaNerd - Yes it does. Were you?
HoneyBubbles - I don't want to talk about it.
LilHamadaNerd - It helps. I guess. Have you heard from the others since the funeral?
HoneyBubbles - No. I don't know how they're doing.
LilHamadaNerd - Why don't we get together after-hours in Aunt Cass' cafe?
HoneyBubbles - It's a good idea, but I think I'll just stay home. You could ask the others if you want, though.
LilHamadaNerd - I don't trust you to be alone right now. I'm fourteen, but I'm not stupid.
HoneyBubbles - I know.
LilHamadaNerd - You know how Tadashi'd feel, right?
HoneyBubbles - yes. I could hardly type the three letters at this point. I took my glasses off and wiped at a fresh batch of tears, which were slipping down my cheeks at the mention of my fiance.
LilHamadaNerd - He'd tell us to get over it, and he'd tell us exactly what to do to get over it.
HoneyBubbles - Yeah
LilHamadaNerd - Depression's not a fun thing. Talking it out might just help. I've been doing research.
HoneyBubbles - I've been researching, too.
LilHamadaNerd - But you've been researching the wrong thing.
HoneyBubbles - Well, maybe. But anyway, I'll let you go. Do you need the others' phone numbers?
LilHamadaNerd - No, I have them. I'll see you later. Nine thirty.
*HoneyBubbles has signed off*
I had no intentions of going to 'talk it out' at the cafe later tonight, but he'd talked me out of ending my life. At least, for now.
Four hours later, a knock sounded at my door. In my robe and fuzzy bunny slippers, I padded down the stairs to answer it. Who even came over to someone's house at ten o'clock, anyway?
GoGo Tomago. She did.
"You're coming with me."
"Where?" I played stupid.
"You know. Get your clothes on, and we're going to eat pastries and mochi and whatever else there is until we can't move."
I shook my head. "Count me out, okay? You guys go have fun."
"We won't without you, Honey." GoGo said. "You're one of us. You're the one who needs it most, you were his fiance. Hiro's scared for you. The kid has way too much to deal with right now."
I sighed. GoGo, who was as smart as Hiro and a sixteen-year-old at SFIT, had a crush on Hiro, and I knew she'd do anything to protect him. I knew that feeling all too well. I hadn't been able to protect his brother, after all, and wished it had been me instead of him.
"I know. But I'm not suitable to be around right now."
"Well, I'm standing here and I'm not going insane or anything. Come on. If I have to drag you out by the bathrobe belt, I will."
"I don't doubt it," I shook my head and sighed. "Give me ten minutes."
"I'll be counting," GoGo yelled as I went up the stairs to my room.
I pulled on my favorite little dress and leggings, cramming my feet into those platforms Tadashi had always complained so much about. He'd always been upset because they made me taller than him. I pulled a cardigan over my shoulders and went back to the front door, where GoGo snapped bubblegum impatiently. She jerked her thumb towards the outside, which I took as a signal to follow her. Locking my door, I followed GoGo the block and a half to the Lucky Cat Cafe.
As soon as I walked in, Hiro ran over and hugged me. "Thank you for coming. We don't have to talk about him. We just have to have a good time. You know he'd want us to be laughing and having fun."
That he would. I realized that Tadashi would have been horrified if he would have known what I was planning to do today. He would've talked it out with me and explained that there were so many people out there that would miss me. He would have kissed my forehead and told me that no matter what, everything would be okay. And then he would go into mother-hen mode and wouldn't leave my side for the next few days, be it physically being beside me or just texting me a lot. That's what he did for bullying.
I realized that I needed to pull myself together; I wasn't the only one in the world who missed him. I was surrounded by people whose hearts ached and longed for this guy. The least I could do was not give up and try to make an effort to be there for all of them. Maybe they'd be there for me, too. I knew Tadashi's little brother, who had his brother's heart once you got past all the fourteen-year-old-genius bravado, would be there for me. I'd be there for him. It's what Tadashi would want.
Tadashi was my hero.