A/N: Elliot and Kathy are divorced….because that's how I like them. AU in that the situation has been reversed!

LIFE AFTER JENNA

Elliot immediately began CPR on Sister Peg. He continued to look back and forth between her and Olivia who was knelt over Jenna's body, having just shot her. He could see the pain in her face. The horror of what had just happened. He looked down at Sister Peg and realized she was gone. He ran his hand down his face and slowly got up off the floor. The squad room was in utter chaos, people on the phone, running all over the place, and there was Olivia just cradling Jenna's head in her lap.

Cragen went over to Olivia and tried to get her to stand up, but she slapped his hand away and said "Leave me alone. I need to be here when she wakes up. She doesn't have anyone. Her mom is dead. She needs someone to be here for her."

Cragen looked toward Elliot then, as if to say 'I need your help. She isn't going to listen to anyone but you.' Elliot sighed and made his way over to Olivia. He knelt down beside her. "Where the hell is that bus?" she screamed. Elliot put his hands on hers and tried to pry them away from Jenna. She wouldn't budge. "Liv….Liv….look at me." He said. She heard him. As much as she couldn't hear any other sounds around her right now, she could hear him. Elliot. She looked up at him, tears streaming down her face.

"We need to get her to the hospital, El. She's lost a lot of blood." She said softly.

"I know, Liv….I know she has. Liv, I need you to look at me and hear what I'm saying to you. Can you do that?" he asked as he was finally able to remove her hands from Jenna and lie Jenna down on the ground.

"Of course, El. What is it?"

"Liv…Jenna is…she's gone Liv." He said very matter of factly.

He didn't want to be tough with her. He knew she was extremely fragile right now, and most likely in shock but he needed her to understand what happened. There was no point in letting her go on thinking the girl was still alive and there was a chance she would wake up.

"Liv, did you hear me? Jenna is gone. She died, honey." He said gently stroking her hair.

Realizing what Elliot was telling her, Olivia began to sob harder. Her head fell to Elliot's shoulder and she became hysterical and hardly even coherent at this point, repeatedly mumbling "What have I done? I killed a child." Elliot's heart broke for her. He knew this would change her forever. He also knew he needed to get her out of there.

"Liv, I need you to stand up. Can you do that for me?"

"Yeah…yeah." She said rising to her feet. As soon as she stood, her knees gave out. Luckily, Elliot had his hands wrapped around her, and had been attempting to help her up so he caught her before she fell.

"Elliot, you need to get her out of here. Take her home. I'll get statements from you two tomorrow. IAB is gonna be all over this, but I can hold them off till then." Cragen had said to him.

Elliot looked at Cragen and nodded his head. "Liv, come on. I'm gonna take you home." He'd said as he led them toward the elevator.

When they arrived at Olivia's apartment, he was grateful to see that she was now able to walk under her own accord. She unlocked the door and Elliot followed her in. And that's where they stopped. She stood there frozen. Elliot came up behind her and helped her off with her coat then threw his own on the couch and led Olivia over to it and sat her down. He sat on the coffee table in front of her, their knees touching. She stared at him with her doe eyes and his heart broke in a million pieces looking back at her, knowing the pain she felt inside. He couldn't help her. All he could do was be here for her if she needed him.

"Liv…you hungry? Do you want me to make you something to eat?"

She waved her hands telling him no without speaking.

"How about a shower? You might feel better. Come on. I'll turn on the water." He said taking her hand leading her towards her bedroom. He leaned in and started the shower. "I'll be out there if you need anything." He motioned He motioned toward the living room. She nodded her head, letting him know she understood.

Elliot went back out to the living room and sat on the couch. The silence was overwhelmingly scary. This was New York City. It was never quiet, but the events of the day just seemed to make time stand still. It was if he was just going through the motions, watching his body from above. Nothing seemed real, and at the same time it all felt too real. He could only imagine how Olivia was feeling.

A shriek from the bathroom startled him out of his wandering thoughts. He ran to the bathroom then past it, screaming her name. He didn't see her in the bedroom but heard the water in the shower still running. He went right to the bathroom and without even thinking about her privacy, opened the door and pulled the shower curtain back. He was stunned by what he saw. Olivia Benson, the strongest woman he had ever met was sitting in the shower sobbing letting the water just fall onto her. She was broken.

He turned off the water and grabbed a towel, helping her to her feet and wrapping the towel around her. She was shaking. He dried her off, concerned that she didn't seem to care that she was naked or that he was helping her. Despite her fear though, he couldn't help staring at his partner's form. She was beautiful, he thought to himself.

After he knew she was dry, he wrapped the towel around her and sat her on the bed. "I'm gonna get you some warm clothes." He said to her as he began to walk away. She grabbed his hand and whispered "Don't leave me."

"I'm not leaving you Liv. I'm just getting you some clothes. You're freezing." He said trying to loosen the tight grip she had on his head.

"No, El. Stay here. Please don't leave me." She begged.

"Okay…okay…I won't. I promise" he said softly as he sat next to her on the bed their hands still linked together.

After a long moment, he looked at her and bought their intertwined hands to his mouth and kissed her hand. "It's gonna be okay, Liv. I promise. We'll get through this."

"We?" she asked.

"Yes, we. You're my partner, my best friend. You think I'd let you go through this alone?" he stated.

She bought her free hand up to his face and stroked it. He closed his eyes, overwhelmed by the feeling of her touch. "I know you wouldn't" she whispered. "You're always there for me." She said continue to stroke his face. He was beginning to feel an erection forming just from her touch. He was embarrassed that at such a time, he could still become aroused. There was no hiding it though. It was there, in all its glory for Olivia to see. She looked down and her eyes went wide and she smirked a bit. As embarrassed as Elliot was, he was happy to see her smile even if it was at his expense. They looked at each other and began to laugh.

Suddenly, Olivia's laughing died out, turning to cries again. Elliot hugged her stroking her back and hair. He whispered in her ear "Let it out. Just let it out."

With her head in the crook of his neck She stammered over and over just as she had at the precinct "I killed her, El. I killed a child. What have I done?"

"Liv, you did what you had to do. You had no choice. She opened fire in the squad room. She killed Sister Peg. She could have killed all of us. You did the right thing. You did what I would have done. It was a good shoot, Liv," he said as he pulled away from the hug to look at her.

He cupped her face in his strong hands then and leaned in brushing her lips with his. He then pulled away, looking at her, as if asking for permission. She closed her eyes, the non-verbal permission given. He leaned in again and kissed her. It was slow and sweet. She wrapped her hands around his neck and pulled his head closer, wanting more of him. Their tongues fought for dominance for a brief time before Olivia pulled away brining her hand to her lips. "What are we doing?" she asked him.

"Liv…I'm….I'm so sorry…"

"I'm not. That was the most alive I have felt since I pulled the trigger. All I feel is pain right now, El, beyond that I feel numb. I feel nothing, and at the same time I feel everything and everything hurts. I don't want to hurt anymore. I just need to feel something good. I need to feel you."

He leaned in again kissing her harder and more forcefully. He ran his tongue down her neck and whispered in her ear "Are you sure about this? Tell me to stop and I will."

She closed her eyes and threw her head back giving him more access to her neck. She moaned his name and was able to groan out "God no, please don't stop. I need this. I want this….want you. You feel so good. You're the only thing that feels right."

Her words turned him on more and more as he continued his assault on her neck. She moved herself back on the bed and he followed, his lips never leaving her neck. She tugged on his shirt and he took the hint and rid himself of it.

She took in the sight of him. His broad shoulders, his rock hard abs. She was overwhelmed She ran her hands all over his chest, up his neck to his face, seeing him close his eyes and hearing him moan her name, she pulled him down on top of her.

He opened the towel that was the only thing standing between them being flesh to flesh. He immediately bought his hand to her breast, then latched his mouth onto it and sucked it until she let out a groan and a few four-letter words.

He moved from her breast back to her lips, loving the feel of her lips on his, his tongue mixing with hers. He stroked her hair as he continued to kiss her gently and lovingly. As many times as he may have thought about having sex with this partner in a rough and hard way he knew she needed gentle loving right now.

He took two fingers and gentle plunged them into her. He was amazed and completely turned on at how wet she already was. "El, God. So good." He heard her moan. Her moans egged him on as he removed his fingers and replaced them with his rock hard penis. He slid into her agonizingly slow, letting her get used to his size. She was tight around him and he felt like he was in heaven as he began to slowly thrust into her. He slid all the way in and slid almost all the way out on the first strokes, earning a moan of protest every time from Olivia. He then got up on his hands so he could look at her as he continued to pump in and out of her

She opened her eyes and saw him looking at her, smiling as she splayed her hands all over his chest, feeling every inch of him that she could. She then looked down, watching his dick slide in and out of her.

"You like watching that huh?" he asked with a smirk on his face.

"God yes. It's sexy as hell." She managed to grunt between her "Oh God's and his name.

He leaned down again taking her lips in his as he continued pumping, his rhythm becoming more rapid and harder. She bucked her hips up, asking him for more.

With a hitch in her voice, said "El, please I'm so close. Go harder. You feel so good inside me. God you're amazing."

That was all he needed. He did as she asked, futhermore taking his thumb and running it over her clit. That was her undoing. She came hard, shaking as her toes curled. She threw her head back on her pillow. "Jesus, El. That was fucking amazing. You are….you are amazing."

Her words ripped through him, causing him to come. He spilled into her fast and hard. "Fuck, Liv!" he grunted. You are so beautiful….so hot. That was fuckin…"

He had no words. She had no words. They had both just experienced the best sexual moment in their lives and didn't know what to say. Olivia sat up wrapping the towel around her again, prompting Elliot sat up next to her. "You okay?" he asked running his hand through her hair.

"I'm great. That was….that was….I have no words….it was intense Elliot. I needed that so much. I needed to feel anything but hurt and pain. Thank you for that."

"The pleasure was all mine, trust me." He said smiling at her.

She smiled back and dropped her head to his shoulder, feeling him wrap his arm around her as they sat there.

"What'd ya say we get some sleep huh?" he asked nudging her.

"I don't know if I can, El." She responded softly.

"Do you want me to leave? Would it be easier for you to sleep if I weren't here?

She grabbed his hand with a panicked look in her eyes, "No! El, no God please don't leave me. Please don't ever leave me."

He pushed her gently back down onto the bed and kissed her, then felt her grab his face and kissed him back.

"I'm not going anywhere, Liv. I'm here as long as you need me to be. I'll never leave you. Relax and close your eyes. I'll be here when you wake up. I promise" he said as he saw her eyes drift shut. And some time later, even as his own eyes closed, he continued to hold her tight, just as he promised.

Elliot woke the next morning feeling a little confused. He replayed the events from the day before in his mind, trying to decipher what was real and what wasn't. He sighed when he realized the shooting in the squad room was very real. He then remembered that he was lying in Olivia's bed after the most amazing night and a smile washed over his face. With all the horribleness that had occurred the day before, something wonderful came out of it, he thought. He rolled over to greet Olivia with a good morning, however, she wasn't there. He assumed, she was up early making coffee.

He looked around for his pants smiling at the memory of losing them the night before. He put them on and made his way out to the kitchen. She wasn't anywhere to be found. He looked around for a note and found nothing. He went back to bedroom to check his cell phone for any messages from her, there were none.

He saw her closet door opened. He looked inside. His stomach churned when he saw it was empty. He immediately went to the dresser opening all the drawers only to find them empty. Sighing, he ran to the bathroom, he saw her toothbrush missing, her shampoo, everything was gone. She was gone.

A/N: What ya think?

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