"I didn't know you took so many of my people. I'm just wondering, why you haven't taken my life. What the hell am I doing right? What the hell am I doing right?!"

Dear Diary,

I wish I knew what month and day it was so I could actually keep this damn journal a little more organized, but that was the least of my worries by now. All I know is that it's been months. I'm surprised we've actually been able to stay up here in this site for so long with only a handful of walker attacks. It's a group effort, but honekstly at this point of my life I don't care if a herd of walkers came up here and ripped me apart. I know I shouldn't be saying that, it makes me sound like the most selfish person alive especially since there's people who were ripped apart and would have done anything possible to be in the place I am currently. Also, I guess I do have a reason to stay in this hellhole of a world. Carl, my nephew. He's lost enough, and we both share the biggest lost of them all.

I'd like to believe my brother is still alive. That somehow he woke up from the coma and is still in search for us. Lori, Carl, and I. But now in days, if I even mention Rick's name with an ounce of hope attached to it all I gain is numerous pitiful looks from the batch of people stationed at the site. Well, what's left. Almost half of the batch left to the city, and haven't returned. Boo hoo. I hadn't connected with anybody from this campsite enough for me to pull out a rosary and pray for their safety. You'd think being stuck at a campsite with 'survivors' you would all be one big happy family. I could see majority of the members tried so, mostly Lori, Amy, Carol, Jacqui, Dale, hell even somewhat Shane. It seemed as if I was the only person who looked past the act and rejected it all.

Well, so did the Dixon brothers.

Yes, they're a pair of redneck assholes. But they're not stupid, much less soft. Merle was the one who worried me the most. I know I'm not the only one who expects this guy to stab us in the back any second and take everything in the camp, but I'm the only one who has the courage to throw it all back at Merle Dixon's face. It earned me a few threats at first from the oldest Dixon, but later on it seemed as if it earned me an ounce of respect. Not pity.

Then there's the youngest Dixon. Daryl Dixon. I get the feeling most of the camp try to be more preserved from him than Merle, mainly because he sends that gruesome vibe to everyone. I did to when I first laid eyes on the younger Dixon, but that's when I was still little hopeful Mackenzie. I've grown out of it, I had to. Seems like no one understands that, except good old Daryl.

When I tried with all my efforts to convince Lori and Shane into letting me at least do something else that doesn't include washing laundry for the campsite, I always got shot down. According to Shane, I am a young woman who had no business getting her hands dirty. In other words, I'm a woman and all I should be doing is washing laundry and watching over the little ones.

Of course, I wasn't going to go ahead and listen to Shane. But it seemed as if everyone thought the same as Shane, so no one was going to give me the opportunity.

Except Daryl.

It all started with me finding some of his spare arrows on the floor, him accusing me of stealing them, and Daryl challenging me to show my 'skills' with his crossbow. I had never touched a damn crossbow in my life, but I wasn't about to let Daryl have the last laugh in this. Surprisingly, I actually made a pretty good hit to a deer the Dixon brother had been eyeing for a while now. Long story short, Daryl questioned why the hell I was washing clothes instead of going out in the woods and hunting for food, I told him that deputy Shane Walsh totally shut down the idea. Daryl then took me on a two day-ish hunt right after. Safe to say Lori and Shane gave the lecture of a lifetime when I came back, ending with Daryl stating the obvious that I'm a 26 year old woman who can take care of herself.

See why I can't live here anymore?

I'm Mackenzie Grimes, who had no desire to live even before the outbreak. But despite it all, I still believe Rick's out there. I'll keep saying it, even if all I gain is pity.

"Jesus, Amy, do you even have an idea on how to control this?" Mackenzie erupted at the young blonde, earning her a glare from Dale. "Oh, and you do? You try it."

"Don't mind if I do." Amy distanced herself from the radio, allowing Mackenzie to take control. "Perks of being a sheriff deputy's little sister."

"Pretty sure he also taught you some manners. Apologize Mackenzie." Despite Shane's demand, Mackenzie focused her sight and hearing on the person trying to communicate with the group. I'm not a damn child.

"Again, can you hear my voice?" As the voice was heard from the CB, Mackenzie almost chocked on her own salvia. Even though the signal wasn't the greatest up here, she could swear she's heard the male voice before.

Pressing slowly on the button she remembered Rick telling her was the only one she could be heard, Mackenzie tried to maintain the stability in her voice. "Yes." It was the only thing Mackenzie could let out into the microphone. Feeling the eyes of all the camp members burning through the back of her head, she cleared her voice.

"I can hear you. You're coming through. Over," the younger Grimes called to the other person but he didn't seem to hear her, only worrying the brunette even more.

"Anybody who reads, please respond. Broadcasting on emergency channel. We'll be approaching Atlanta on Highway 85. If anybody reads, please respond." It seemed as if the rest of the camp members realized the situation was overcoming Mackenzie, as it became obvious the communication attempt wasn't going to succeed. Before Mackenzie was able to attempt another time, Shane snatched the microphone from the Grimes sister while Dale approached her.

"He's gone. It's no use." Mackenzie ignored Shane's conclusion, as the male voice that escaped the CB radio kept replaying in her mind like a scratched DVD. She wanted to rip her hair off, slaughter walkers at that very moment to release all this frustration in her at that very moment.

Once Dale laid his palm on top of Mackenzie's shaking shoulder, she immediately jerked away with a look of anger mixed with sadness. "No! You have to keep trying! Shane do something useful for once!" Her piercing retorts towards the former deputy was enough to get the attention of the remaining survivors, half of them racing to get a hold of Mackenzie, who was ready to jump at Walsh.

"Mackenzie it's not use! You heard him yourself, he can't hear a word we say. Stop torturing yourself. You don't know him."

"It was Rick! I swear to god it was him. I know that voice, I've heard it for the past 26 years of my life." Mackenzie could hear the loud sighs escape from all of the members once the name of her brother escaped her lips.

"Mack-"

"Shut up Lori, I don't need to hear it. Same to all of you. I know it was Rick, I don't need none of ya' to believe me." The Grimes sister struggled from the numerous grips on her, giving them all a death glare before walking off to her tent.

Mackenzie had initially refused to step foot into Dale's RV. She didn't want to depend on anything from either one of these people anymore. She wasn't even sure if she was grateful for being a survivor anymore. Mackenzie wanted to be. She wanted to see Shane with appreciative lens for saving her family that one day, he was the reason they were still together now. But now, Mackenzie just felt like an underestimated being who was treated like a child by the former deputy.

And Lori? Mackenzie will always respect the woman due to two sole reasons. Being her brother's wife and the mother of her nephew. But Mackenzie could never feel the same connection she once did to Lori. Not after what she's done with Shane.

Mackenzie had solely decided not to confront neither one of the duo. Not for them, but for Carl. Her nephew loved Shane, she wasn't so heartless to crush Carl's heart even more than it already was.

The sound of incoming footsteps put Mackenzie's thoughts on halt, her first action being to grab a hold of very own crossbow. It belonged to Merle Dixon, but after a confrontation with the oldest Dixon, according to Merle it was her prize for finally earning his respect. I didn't have the need for your respect Merle, but thanks for the crossbow.

"Who's there?" Sitting up from her bed, Mackenzie was ready to take down whatever it was. If it was Lori or Carl they would've called out, so it's definitely none of the above.

When whatever it was didn't call back, Mackenzie held the crossbow up high. When the curtain of her tent was pulled open, Mackenzie almost chocked when she saw who it was as result of her shock flew the arrow right past the figure.

"Jesus, girl! Told Merle he shouldn't have gave ya the damn crossbow before I trained ya a little more. Step one, don't shoot before knowing exactly what the hell is the threat. Almost killed me." Mackenzie almost wished she would've landed the arrow on Daryl as revenge for scaring the hell out of her. "You could've called back ya know."

"Didn't think it was necessary. Plus, didn't wanna risk you not wanting to see me after that whole fiasco earlier over a voice." Daryl made sure not to lose the sarcasm in his voice, especially when it reached the last words of his sentence. Mackenzie knew the Dixon brother's company didn't have a warm motive, so she decided to jump the argument. Knowing it could end up with arrows up both their asses.

"Is this the purpose of your visit? If it is you can get going now. Asshole." Mackenzie flipped her body to the other side of her bed, refusing to take another one of Daryl's somewhat lecture. Waiting to hear the curtain of her tent move, all she heard was the moving sound of her crossbow and the feeling of an arrow poking her back.

"Daryl! What-" Mackenzie put a stop to her oncoming retort when her sight landed on Daryl reloading her bag with new arrows. She only had three originally. "What's that for?"

"Well you need a little more for this hunting trip. Our target is once again a deer." Mackenzie tried to gather up everything that was coming out of Daryl's mouth. He'd usually go on his own way if not with Merle, while she'd usually go on hunting trips alone.

"Since when are we hunting buddies?"

"Since you almost shot my eye out with that arrow. You could use a little practice anyways." It became obvious that it wasn't a proposal, it was more like 'you don't have a choice anyways so suck it up' to Mackenzie.

With Daryl carrying both crossbows out, Mackenzie still hadn't moved from her position on her bed, triggering an annoyed look from Daryl.

"Shouldn't I let Lori and Carl know I'm going on a hunt?" Daryl let a combination of a scoff and a laugh at Mackenzie's question. "I don't think they'd really care after that little fiasco little Grimes."

Mackenzie glared at the Dixon brother, before accepting his statement and finally cracking a move and followed the youngest Dixon. Not before snatching her journal, hiding it inside her rag shoulder bag.

She could need the practice.

This was way longer than I wanted it to be. But I kinda wanted to also let you guys see Mackenzie's attitude and being played out besides the way she writes in her journal. But throughout he story you will see the way she was before the outbreak, before Rick was shot.

Thinking about adding flashbacks of her interactions with Merle and Daryl either on her journal entries or just in the story in journal. Only if you wanna know about them, let me know! Flashbacks about Rick is a for sure thing. Tell me what other characters you'd like to see Mackenzie have with.

Soooo, it being my first Walking Dead fanfic I would love and appreciate the feedback. I actually need it. With it being an OC story and all. So thank you (:

Last but not least, Mackenzie is portrayed by the amazing Ksenia Solo.

Thanks and hopefully see you soon for the next chapter.