Hidan and Kakuzu were sitting on the couch in the living room, one studying his bible while the latter flipped through a magazine, cutting out coupons. Pein walked into the room.
"I need one of you." He said; they both looked up, then at each other.
"What for?" They asked together, irking the other. Pein rolled his eyes.
"I need someone to pry Tobi from Zetsu again. He brought ice cream and Tobi won't stop hugging him. The others are busy on missions." Pein said. They both sighed.
"Okay, fine." Hidan said, standing up. But Kakuzu stopped him.
"No, it's better if I do this." He said matter-of-factly. Hidan narrowed his eyes.
"Why so eager, Kuzu?" He teased. Kakuzu growled back.
"We both know Tobi will respond more respectfully to an adult figure. You're just not fit for the task." He said, as if Hidan should already know this. He clenched his teeth.
"Whatever, you old fart. Tobi has been scared to shit of you ever since he saw your fucking stitches! You'll just make him even more fucking determined to stay where he is, for Jashin's sake." He reasoned. Kakuzu narrowed his eyes this time.
"I'm better skilled than you at persuading people. You'll just wind up yelling at him to get the fuck off of the plant fucker already." He said. Hidan lifted his chin a little.
"Is that so? You're better than me, huh?" He questioned. Kakuzu nodded.
"Exactly." He said, turning away.
"*Anything you could do, I could do better." He suddenly burst out in song. Kakuzu turned to "hah!" at him. "I can do anything better than you!" Hidan continued in a sing-song tone.
"No you can't." Kakuzu said, seeming surprised that his voice had changed tone, too.
"Yes I can." Hidan said, sure of himself.
"No you can't."
"Yes I can."
"No you can't!" Kakuzu growled this line.
"Yes I can, yes I can!" Hidan's voice went up an octave or two. Kakuzu stalked forward, getting up in his face.
"Anything you can be, I can be greater. Sooner or later, I'm greater than you." He said, smirking in satisfaction. Hidan's smile didn't waver.
"No you're not."
"Yes I am."
"No you're not."
"Yes I am."
"No you're not!"
"Yes I am, yes I am!" Even Pein was surprised Kakuzu's gruff voice could go that high at all. "I can shoot a partridge, with a single cartridge." Hidan scoffed.
"I can get a sparrow, with a bow and arrow." He challenged.
"I can live on bread and cheese." Kakuzu said, as if that in itself was impressive.
"And only on that?" Hidan asked.
"Yup." Kakuzu said, eyes closed as he smiled.
"So can a rat." Hidan compared.
"Any note you can sing, I can sing higher." Kakuzu said. Pein's eyes went wide. He'd already lost that bet.
"I can sing any note higher than you." Hidan accepted this bet.
"No you can't."
"Yes I can."
"No you can't." Their voices went higher and higher on equal levels for the time being.
"Yes I can."
"No you can't!"
"Yes I can!"
"No you caaaaan't!" Kakuzu seemed proud of himself, but Hidan just gathered air.
"Yes I caaaaaaaan!" The glasses on the kitchen table shattered. Pein was interested in watching this, so he sat in a chair whilst the two continued.
"How do you sing that high?" Kakuzu asked, his voice insinuating he himself was impressed with Hidan.
"I'm a girl!" Hidan said suddenly, surprising all of them. Kakuzu gaped.
"Really?" He asked hopefully, his voice returning to normal for a moment.
"Of course not, you old fucker!" Hidan said, blushing against his will.
"Anything you can say, I can say softer." Kakuzu sang again.
"I can say anything softer than you." Hidan also returned to singing.
"No you can't."
"Yes I can."
"No you can't." Their voices dropped to a whisper.
"Yes I can."
"No you can't."
"Yes I can." Then, suddenly, "YES I CAN!" he burst out, causing Kakuzu to have to hold his pounding ears since his partner had been right next to him. But then he picked up a beer bottle from the coffee table.
"I can drink my liquor, faster than a flicker." He chugged it in a second flat. Hidan took his own.
"I can drink it quicker (he matched his partner's time) and get even sicker!" Then he held hand to his mouth, which bloated for a moment, then he swallowed.
"I can open any safe." Kakuzu said.
"Without being caught?" Hidan asked.
"You bet." Kakuzu agreed.
"That's what I thought, ya crook." Hidan taunted, causing Kakuzu to narrow his eyes again.
"Any note you can hold, I can hold longer." It seemed the challenges would never end.
"I can hold any note longer than you." Hidan said surely.
"No you can't!"
"Yes I can!"
"No you can't!"
"Yes I can!"
"No you caaaaaaaaaaaan't!"
"Yes I can!" Hidan gathered more air. "Yes IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII(several moments later)IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII can!" Hidan stumbled, but Kakuzu caught him as he panted heavily.
"Yes you caaaaaaan!" He agreed finally, his expression impressed this time, too. "Where you keep all that air?" He asked as Hidan was still a little tired.
"Nuh." He wasn't even able to form a full word.
"Oh." Kakuzu set him up on his feet, making sure he was steady before he moved on. "Anything you can say, I can say faster."
"I can say anything faster than you." Hidan seemed to have recovered fully.
"No you can't."
"Yes I can."
"Noyoucan't."
"YesIcan."
"Nycan't."
"YsIcan." It went on and on for a few more seconds.
"I can jump a hurdle." Kakuzu said.
"I can wear a girdle." Hidan suddenly pulled off his Akatsuki cloak, revealing said clothing item. He looked down, surprised. How the hell did that get there? He thought in wonder.
"I can knit a sweater." Kakuzu used his threads to stitch together some fabric that he found seemingly out of nowhere.
"I can fill it better." Hidan said as the sweater suddenly appeared on him instead of the kinky clothing from before. It was true, it did look good on nonchalantly held a tissue to his bleeding nose.
"I can do most anything." Kakuzu continued.
"Can you bake a pie?" Hidan inquired accusingly. Kakuzu's head dropped.
"No." He admitted. Hidan put a hand on his shoulder, now that his sweater had disappeared, too, leaving his chest bare. Pein didn't move the tissue.
"Neither can I." He told him reassuringly.
"Anything you can sing, I can sing sweeter."
"I can sing anything sweeter than you." Kakuzu took a step closer to him, though leaving several feet.
"No you caaaan't." His voice dropped and his normally hateful eyes softened.
"Yes I ca-a-a-an." Hidan sang, also taking a step closer as he batted his eyes.
"No you caaa-AAn't." Kakuzu's growl deepened on the last note, and he cleared his throat a little. They came closer to each other.
"Yes I caaan!" Hidan's voice pitched on the middle note.
"Noooo you can't."
"Yes I caan!"
"No you can't."
"Oh, yes I can."
"No you can't, can't, can't!" Kakuzu held up his middle finger on the last note.
"Yes I can, can, can!" Hidan held up both of his challengingly. Hell, this whole thing was a challenge. Then, they sang together back-to-back.
"Yes. I. Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!" "No. You. Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan't!*" In the midst of their lines, they turned to face each other, interlocking their fingers with both hands, faces inches apart. Pein needed a new tissue.
"I got Tobi off!" Said Deidara as he entered the room, apparently back from his mission. Kakuzu and Hidan were too busy blushing to notice. "Holy. Fucking. Shit. Get me a tissue, I have to leave." Deidara said. Pein handed him a clean one and he turned and left the room. Pein cleared his throat rather loudly, startling the two and making them jump apart.
"Well, since the job is done, I no longer require either of you. You may...proceed with...whatever." He said, turning on his heel and following Deidara out. Kakuzu and Hidan looked at each other wearily.
"You're positive you're not a girl?" The older asked.
"No, I'm not!" Hidan yelled angrily. Kakuzu sighed.
"Damn." He muttered, walking away. Hidan frowned as Kakuzu also began to disappear down the hall.
"Hey! Haven't you ever heard of yaoi?!" He shouted, running to follow him.
Hope you guys enjoyed! Just a little blurb I thought of when I heard the song. Just proves that anything I hear I can convert to Naruto (mostly Akatsuki, though) in some way or another. Don't really know what there is to review, but they're always appreciated!