Authors Notes: Firstly, I apologise that I didn't understand how to make chapters. Hopefully the dashed lines will show you where I mean them to be, and I can always re-submit this if it drives too many people crazy.
Ok this is my very first fanfic and is my take on Hiccstrid - filling in the gap between RTTE and HTTYD2. I mean, their relationship had so obviously become fully 'grown up' (Hem, hem) and I wanted to see how that went. This is a one-shot (so far) looking at their first time - I'd read lots of versions and there was just a bit too much screaming, knee-trembling and expertise going on for me, I mean these guys are 19, in a time without printing presses, let alone internet education, plus, it had taken them 6 TV series seasons to just kiss! It just didn't ring true. So, you have before you my version. I didn't give them an easy time (these things are embarrassing) but they get somewhere in the end. You'll have to forgive Hiccup, he's just a boy.
I really hope you enjoy and would massively appreciate feedback, I'm working on a few other ideas and it would help greatly.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of HTTYD but would give either or both of my legs to have a ride on Toothless and a beer with the twins.
Crossing the Line
In the dark room candles threw shadows across the walls and across the bodies of the pair as they sat on the very edge of Astrid's bed. His fingers were twined in her hair, on her back, holding her to him, while his lips were warm, soft and definitely demanding on her own. Now this was kissing, real kissing. She sighed softly against his tongue. Hiccup grunted a little in reply and tightened his hold on the small of her back. She let herself be pulled in and revelled in actually having him alone for once. Their relationship was still so new and there was always so much that needed doing on The Edge, this free evening was rare. They'd had a blissful private dinner alone on her balcony and retreated inside as the evening turned cooler to sit by her fire, which led to cuddling, which had led to these increasingly intense kisses. And they had the whole night, who knew where else it might go? Her skin tingled at the thought and she felt a warmth beginning between her thighs. She sighed again, happily, and began, almost unconsciously, to lean back towards her sleeping furs. He followed, leaning with her body until the change in angle led his chest to press against her breasts. Abruptly, he stiffened, his eyes flew open, startlingly green in the candlelight, and he was on his feet in a second leaving her to fall unceremoniously back.
"So, Astrid, well, erm, it's late and.." he stammered, cheeks scarlet, fingers pushing his auburn mop away from his forehead, " yes, late and plenty to do in the morning, so I'd better, yes, better, erm, goodnight then". He darted forward, planted a quick peck on her cheek "Love you" and he was through the door before she could draw breath, let alone protest.
Stunned, she sat up and drew her knees up to her chest, holding herself as she'd been held just moments ago. A sick feeling rose in her throat. What was wrong that he always reacted like this? Ok, so, they'd been a long time getting together, admitting that they were more than friends, and there'd been the whole Grimborn situation to deal with, but that was weeks ago now, months. At first, they'd been naturally shy with each other, not to mention incredibly busy with repairs, but they'd still found moments for themselves and those first tentative kisses had been incredibly exciting. But now? As soon as they had time and opportunity to be alone, as soon as the kissing heated up, Hiccup was out of the door, or stable or bush, even, faster than a speed stinger, and she was getting worried. Astrid was a shield maiden, with the emphasis firmly on 'maiden' so it wasn't exactly her area of expertise, but shouldn't there be something...more? The tingle gradually subsiding in her belly certainly suggested that her body at least thought so, didn't his? She knew he loved her, he'd made that pretty clear but didn't he want her? She knew she was ready to take the next steps, fully cross that line from being 'just good friends'. Was he having second thoughts? She couldn't bring herself to ask, afraid what the answer might be. Slowly, she turned on her side and pillowed her head on her outstretched arm. She watched the shadows play across her goose bumped skin and imagined Hiccup's hands doing the same. It was a long night.
Hiccup pushed through the door of his hut, slamming it behind him and turned, pressing his forehead to the hard wood. His heart was racing, pounding into the leather of his shirt, he was so hot, and not just from the climb. "Idiot" he gasped, knocking his head against the door with each word "Idiot, idiot, idiot. 'Lots to do in the morning'. Gods-forsaken idiot!" Turning, he stamped across the room to the fire, throwing sticks into the flames with unnecessary force. The shower of sparks lit up the darker corner of the room, highlighting Toothless' black form and bringing a questioning growl from the sleepy dragon.
"It's nothing bud, sorry, go back to sleep" Hiccup replied "I'm just an idiot" Toothless growled again, lightly "Yes, yes, ok, I know you already knew that. Very funny". Hiccup slumped down into a chair on the hearth and threw his head back, eyes closed for a moment. Why was this so hard?
"Actually no, I'm not an idiot. Well, I am, or I wouldn't be here talking to you. No offence, bud. I'm a coward. That's the word. Coward. Astrid was over there, on her bed no less, quite happily kissing me, which I still can't quite believe, by the way, and I left. Left! Again! Why did I do that when I'm pretty much dying to be with her?" He looked at Toothless, the luminous eyes stared back unblinking. "I know, I know. Because I'm terrified. I'm terrified she'll change her mind. She's just so, so, Astrid. And I'm so, so, well. I'm so Hiccup. Why would she want this?" He gestured roughly to himself. "No-one ever did, did they? Not one note, not one date, not one Snoggletog card, not from any of the girls on Berk, ever. Snotlout got cards! Even Fishlegs. But not Hiccup the Useless."
There was a loud, rude, snort from the shadows, the sheer derision in it made Hiccup half smile as he sat forward. "Alright, I'm feeling sorry for myself. I know she loves me. And that's amazing. But what if I'm right about the rest? She's my best friend bud." Another, snort, louder, more indignant "Best human friend" he corrected "and I can't stand to ruin that. How do you even cross that line? I'm scared that the longer this goes on, she'll realise we were better off as we were. Viggo and Ryker scared me. The Red Death scared me, but that? That would kill me." Toothless slunk across the room and laid his head in Hiccup's lap, absently he scratched the dragon's chin, making him roll over, claws striking against Hiccup's metal foot with a sharp clink. Hiccup reached down and undid the bindings, lifting his foot off and hefted it in his hand. "And this doesn't help either" he said bitterly, dropping it to the hearth. Toothless nudged the shortened leg and growled again, interrogating. "Of course she knows about it. But it's one thing to know and another to see isn't it? When we're flying, or fighting or working, then it's just there, it's just my leg, no one gives it a second thought. But, if we were to go to, you know," he swallowed, "bed….then I'd have to take it off. Which is weird, and embarrassing. I don't know why!" he snapped, raising his voice in answer to another questioning noise "it just is. And what if it freaks Astrid out? Puts her off? Here's your prize, Astrid, this talking fishbone, and it comes with removable pieces? Yay, just what every Viking girl wants."
Toothless huffed and frowned, turning back towards his bed and swiping Hiccup firmly across the face with his tail as he did so. "Ow!" His cheek stinging, Hiccup stood and began to make his way over to his own mattress "You're right, I'm sick of my whining too. You don't think I'm giving her enough credit do you?" Toothless curled himself up, deliberately fanning his tailfin across his face and huffed hugely. "Alright. I get it. I know, I'm not exactly Hiccup the Useless anymore. And I trust Astrid with my life all the time, I ought to trust her with… this" He settled himself back in the blankets " but, man, she's so sexy, and Thor knows I have no idea what I'm doing with that. Maybe I'm over thinking, maybe things should just go at their own pace, maybe…" There was a sudden, fish-scented gust and the candle blew out, plunging the room into darkness. "Sure, sure, I'll shut up. Sorry bud. Night". Hiccup lay back and closed his eyes. Visions of Astrid instantly appeared; Astrid in his arms, Astrid on her bed, what might have been if…his heart once again beat faster and his skin crawled with a heady mixture of desperate desire and nervous fear. It was a long night.
Astrid woke early, cramped and sore from sleeping in her clothes and stood, groaning as her muscles pulled tightly. What kind of idiot slept in an armoured skirt? At the door, Stormfly chattered impatiently, anxious to get out and catch breakfast.
"Ok, ok, girl I'm coming, give me a second".
She threw open the door at the rear of her hut and was knocked out onto the balcony as the ravenous dragon dived headlong towards the ocean and disappeared, her gorgeous blue blending into the sea. "And good morning to you too!" Astrid called, smiling.
The light sea breeze felt wonderful on her bare arms and she quickly stripped off the rest of her clothes, standing in just her underwear and breast band. Well why not? It was early enough that everyone else would be asleep still and the warmth of the first rays of sun would loosen her tight muscles. She gripped the rail and leaned as far back as she could, stretching her arms and calves, raising her face to the sun, smiling. It felt good. Actually, as the breeze played across her flat belly and whispered around her collarbones, she had to admit, it felt more than good, it felt a bit, naughty. She was almost naked, out in the open where anyone could see, and Hiccup's hut, shutters still firmly closed, wasn't really that far away. Her smile began to widen as she thought how deeply, adorably, he would blush to see her like this.
She reached up and took down her braid, shaking her hair loose, as it almost never was, and tossed her head back. The wind lifted her hair, as his hands had done last night before his hasty exit and the memory brought a flush to her cheeks, across her chest. Her breath came faster as she began to move through a series of stretches, warming those muscles, raising her heart rate and remembering how deliciously the night before had started, his smile, his lips. Deliberately she pushed her stance wider as she lunged, allowing the cold air to play against the increasingly heated skin around the tops of her thighs, between her thighs. As she closed her eyes and imagined a pair of emerald green eyes following her every move she began to pant lightly, and not only from the workout. She felt amazing, it was a new, gorgeous day, she was alive in her skin, super sensitised to her body and she decided as she twisted, reached and spun, footwork light and rapid, that today she would talk to Hiccup, sort out whatever this problem was, perhaps, she grinned, even show him a little of what he was missing out on. After all, they were going to work together that day on repairing the North watch tower, which was on a particularly secluded stretch of the island….
Smile wide, Astrid pivoted for a last time, planted her feet firmly and raised her arms high above her head in a final, elastic stretch. Her breasts lifted and nipples peaked by excitement and the tantalising breeze grazed against the fabric of her breastband, sending a sharp shiver through her body. She gasped and her eyes popped open, only to meet squarely the green gaze so recently at the very centre of her fantasy. Those eyes were wide and Hiccup's face in his open window stark white, his lips parted in shock. Mortified, she whirled away from his stare, hands clamped across her chest, head bowed to hide her burning cheeks. Oh Thor, of all the luck! For a few seconds she froze and then it occurred to her that this might be no bad thing. Perhaps this could even be the very way to start the conversation she had planned. Slowly she dropped her arms to her sides and spun slowly back to face him, planning to smile, lift a hand, beckon an invitation, and in the few seconds it took to turn her heart was racing again, this time with nervous excitement. She lifted her eyes but the shy smile dropped instantly from her lips. Hiccup was gone. He'd taken one look at her and gone. Again. Despite the warm sun she was suddenly cold and wanted to be inside. Gathering her clothes she glanced back at his once again firmly closed shutters. "He didn't even blush" she whispered, remembering his blank face "What's wrong with me?" She sank to the floor, head in her hands. How was she supposed to face him now?
"Oh sweet Freyja…." Hiccup breathed. He could not believe what he was seeing. Astrid, on her balcony, hair flying, in her underwear, moving like the goddess herself. The speed she was going! The shapes she was making…...he swallowed heavily. When Toothless had woken him minutes ago, dropping his own metal foot on his head, jumping on the bed and demanding breakfast, Hiccup had been cranky from an awful night's sleep, sore and sharp with his friend as he reattached the prosthetic and stamped over to throw open the shutters and let in the fresh air. He now regretted snapping and promised himself that he would catch Toothless a very large fish later to say thank you for choosing that particular moment to wake him up. A very, very large fish. No, a whale.
Hiccup was utterly captivated. Of course, he'd seen her training before, but in the Academy, in clothes, and usually in the company of the rest of the riders when he couldn't stare as he'd always wanted to. He was staring now, totally aware that he shouldn't, totally aware he could no more have looked away than taken out his own eyes. He was sweating as he raked her every curve hungrily, gods! How did she even do that? With her eyes closed? As Astrid executed a perfect walkover he glimpsed the crotch of her underwear and as she bent to place her palms on the floor his eyes were suddenly locked on surely the most perfect ass ever created by the gods. A low groan dragged from his chest and the sudden, uncomfortable pressure in his own pants made him very aware that certain parts of his anatomy were enjoying the display just was much as his eyes were. Never taking his gaze from her, he loosened the ties to his trousers and pulled them open, feeling his hot flesh press out into the cool air. His hand strayed to the bulge, began to press and squeeze along its growing length, sending his head swirling with delicious sensations as he gripped the window frame for support. His thumb circled the growing wetness on his undershorts as his fingers stroked up and down. He knew he shouldn't still be looking, let alone doing this, Astrid would kill him if she knew, he was sure, but he had never been this hard before and she was so amazing, she was so fantastic, she was so incredible, she was so perfect, she was, Thor, she was looking right at him. Any blood he had left up there drained from his cheeks as he gaped like a hooked fish, panicked, caught – literally- with his trousers down.
As she broke the stare turning away, he took his chance to pull the shutter closed and throw himself to the floor, out of sight. For a few minutes he sat tense, ears straining to hear the footsteps and door slam he was sure were coming, followed of course by the violent verbal and probably physical attack he knew he deserved. "Maybe she'll see it as a compliment?" he muttered, his voice sounding harsh to his own ears, "A goofy Hiccup thing she'll be able to see as cute?" Even to his ears that sounded delusional. Thank Thor she'd only seen that he was looking, she shouldn't have been able to tell what else he'd been doing, but still, Astrid was sure to have plenty to say. He braced himself for the argument. But the sounds never came. She didn't come. And that was worse, somehow. Hiccup pictured the way she'd bowed her face, hidden herself behind those tightly crossed arms, her sleek lines suddenly hunched away from him. "She was embarrassed" he breathed "I spent all last night going on about trust, and taking a slow pace, and then I totally let her down. There was no way she wanted me gawking. Why would she?" He realised he still had his hand round his swollen self, not sinking as fast as his heart. Well damn that, he wasn't about to make things worse. Standing he pulled his trousers into place and laced them tight, ignoring the burning discomfort. How was he supposed to face her now?
"So guys, plenty to be getting on with today. The pens need a clean, we still haven't found out where Dagur put the Triple Strike after his last training attempt and Ruff, Tuff, there's something in your boar pit that I'm pretty sure isn't a boar. Deal with it please. Do not blow it up. Also…" Hiccup's voice broke as the door opened and Astrid walked into the dome, moving just a shade too quickly, smile a shade too bright. "Sorry I'm late guys"
"No, no problem," He smiled too, but it didn't quite reach his eyes and he couldn't bring himself to meet hers. Desperately trying to look away from her curves, covered now but no less fascinating, he turned back to his list. He had to be professional.
"I was just about to say that the North watch tower is still in need of repair"
"Sure," Astrid cut him off "we're doing that today, aren't we?" She reached for the parchment list but, when her fingers brushed his Hiccup snatched his hand away as if it had been burnt. He saw the look of shock, even hurt, which jumped quickly into her eyes but pressed on "No." he answered, "Actually I need you and Fishlegs to hunt down the Triple Strike, make sure Dagur didn't leave it somewhere 'deranged'." The joke fell flat and he knew he was making a fool of himself but he didn't seem to be able to stop "I'm going to head to the North watch tower with Snotlout"
"Right. Ok." Her voice had no colour. "I'll get on with that then". She turned and strode out, Fishlegs trotting to keep up. Hiccup watched her retreating back, knowing that, somehow, he'd made things worse. But he just couldn't face her, he needed time to clear his head, get rid of all those sensual visions from the morning, just get some space to work out how to talk her without losing his mind and there was no way he could do that if she was there, looking so hot and sassy and-
"Cupster! Are we ever going to get going? Race you! Me and Hookfang will kick your skinny little butts all the way to the North Tower! Snotlout, Snotlout, oi oi oi!" The grating voice pulled him back to the job in hand and he sighed, getting his saddle together and calling to Toothless. A whole day with Snotlout? Perhaps he was punishing himself a little too harshly.
He stayed out late on purpose, working until the lack of light made tasks impossible and then shut himself up with Fishlegs, studying maps and the Book of Dragons, adding in everything they recalled from the Dragon Eye, listing everything they still needed to know. Then did the same the next day. And the next. By the time he went home on the third night, Astrid's hut was dark, again and he used that as an excuse not to knock, again. Miserably, he slunk past her stairs, making his way home so slowly. His leg hurt, his hands hurt and his head hurt. Once inside, he peered out of the shutter into the darkness but Astrid didn't even have a candle glowing that he could see. He missed her company so much, missed her smile, missed her way of looking at problems, missed her kisses, Hel he even missed her punches. He just missed her. They'd spoken everyday, but always in the company of others and it was driving him crazy. He was irritable, snappy and so angry with himself, but still couldn't go over. And the fact that she never came to him made the knot of fear that seemed to have taken up residence in his chest grow bigger everyday. Hiccup closed the shutters and sat by the fire, stared into the flames as if they could reveal the answers to his problems. He wanted to be with her so badly his flesh burned with it, but he didn't know how to ask if she felt the same. Toothless growled from his sleeping stone, sensing Hiccup's misery "I know bud, I have to figure this out. I will figure this out". He just didn't know what to say.
Astrid was pissed. Three days since she'd caught him watching her, three days she'd waited to talk to him, three days without a word. He was never anywhere to be found, never alone, never available. She was not used to feeling this helpless, and she hated it. This morning he'd sent her off on some yakshit mission with the twins and she was having none of it, she'd sent them off promising to join them later, knowing he was alone in the forge. She grimaced and took a steeled herself as she reached the door. This had to stop. They were good together, every bone in her body told her that and surely, after all his apparent years of waiting, Hiccup wouldn't let everything go bad so quickly. She trusted him, his feelings; she just had to know that they were on the same page. She shoved the door open "Hiccup, we have to..." but the rest of the thought died in her throat at the sight waiting inside.
Dear Gods, he was working shirtless and, while she'd seen him bare before, it had been years ago, and the boy had changed. She felt stunned, blindsided by the sheer beauty of what she was seeing. His shoulders were broader, browner, lightly freckled. He was never going to be huge like his father, but their outpost life had given him a lean, hard frame and when the muscles moved under his skin, her stomach clenched. His chest was sculpted by long hours of working, mostly smooth, except for a few auburn hairs curling gently around each pink, she felt herself flush, nipple. She drank him in, understanding the urge to stare, to see and remember everything. Without her instruction her gaze travelled lower, across flat, lightly defined abs, and followed the strong line of muscle that led down from each hipbone, down into his leather pants, towards….she swallowed and felt her nipples begin to harden under her shirt.
He looked up and saw her standing there and smiled, a little, uncertainly "Astrid?" His voice quavered, "Did you need something?" Yes. Yes. She did, and she was about to show him exactly what. Without speaking, she moved slowly towards him, lifting her hand as if approaching a wild Nadder, her palm hovering without quite touching; close enough that she could feel the heat pouring off his chest, his skin. He stayed motionless. She tilted her head, raised her lips asking for his kiss and it seemed he was about to bend to her, to finally answer the question her whole body was asking when she heard two sets of footsteps.
"Odin's beard you guys, get a room! Astrid, we know you said to wait, but if you guys are occupied, Ruff and I will have to go without you. Just don't get it on in here, yeah, we all have to work at that table and Chicken is very sensitive."
The spell broken, the two sprang apart. Hiccup's face flamed and he fumbled roughly into his shirt. "Tuffnut, that's totally inappropriate, and not to mention, presumptuous and just plain wrong. Astrid and I are not getting, we're not, we haven't, that's not what this is! Any relationship we have is none of your, nothing to do with, that's not what we're about, is it Astrid?" She was taken aback by the anger in his voice, he seemed genuinely offended. All she could do was shake her head weakly as he stormed out without looking back. Roughly she pushed past Ruff and Tuff and headed in the opposite direction, going only a few steps round the corner before her knees felt weak and she had to lean against the wall. His face! 'Any relationship we have?' what on Midguard did that mean? His words turned her guts to stone. The twin's voices came distantly from the still open door:
"Nice one my idiot brother, very helpful. Can't you see they're having problems?"
"What? Who? Why?"
"Them! The Hiccstrid of course. And why? My guess is they're not getting any." Ruffnut chuckled "I'm thinking it's hard to make it over the 'friend' line and into seeexy territory. Plus Hiccup has never been the most physical guy, he's probably not even into all that stuff."
"Whereas Astrid has always been about the body...ooh, I'm smelling issues, I'm smelling incompatibility, I'm smelling… I'm smelling your stupid hair again! Does it always have to be fish oil with you? Odin, that stinks! At least we'll never have those kinds of problems; I know I've always got someone to rely on without it getting weird."
"Tuffnut, are you talking about Macey?"
"Of course. Who else? Ow! What was that for?"
Their nonsense faded as they wandered away, still bickering, but Astrid couldn't help replaying some of their words. Hiccup had never been the most physical guy. For all he was the blacksmith's apprentice and the best dragon rider there was, he was a thinker, not a fighter. Could Ruffnut be right? Did Hiccup just not want any of it? Was that why he was avoiding her? It made a perverse sort of sense. She ran for the two things she knew best, her dragon, and her axe. They headed into the woods, where the tree trunks quickly suffered an onslaught of attacks. She didn't want to talk to Hiccup anymore. She just didn't know what to say.
Hiccup made it as far as the bridge to his hut before he stopped, spinning on his heel and gripping the rope tightly. Aggh! What a mess! He'd been almost sure that he'd seen something in Astrid's eyes, something hot and needy that mirrored his own thoughts, she'd almost touched him, something had almost happened; and those 'almosts' were killing him. Of course, he'd gone and panicked, flustered, embarrassed and said all those stupid things, not meaning a word of them, but she'd agreed! What did that mean?
"I am an IDIOT!" he yelled out, hearing it ring and echo back across the cliffs of the Dragon base. "We know!" came the reply, unmistakably Snotlout, laughing. Hiccup turned to stomp home when he heard another sound, the distant but familiar, chop, chop, chop, of metal slicing into wood and suddenly he knew where Astrid was. And he was going to go to her, now, before he had chance to change his mind. He called and Toothless scampered quickly down to him, eager to head out. Mounting, Hiccup urged the dragon into the air and drove him towards the sound. "It's time to stop being an idiot, bud, and a coward. Me and her, we always work better when we know what the other is thinking. So let's go find out."
She was easy to find. If the trail of destruction wreaked upon the innocent trunks hadn't pointed him in the right direction, then all the yelling certainly would have. He hovered at the edge of the clearing she was currently massacring, uncertain where that flying arm would send the axe next and not willing to accidentally step into its path. Gradually, through all the grunting and panting, he realised she was speaking:
"I hate him! I hate him! I hate him!" each exclamation punctuated by an impact "I hate his stupid face! And his stupid brown hair, and his stupid green eyes and his stupid dragon, and his stupid arms and his stupid legs and his stupid smile…" the axe finally stopped and her head dropped, she was panting heavily. Hiccup didn't dare move. Astrid dropped onto her butt and Stormfly quickly ran over to sit next to her, chirruping anxiously. Astrid leant her head on the blue scales and closed her eyes. "I hate him Stormfly" she paused and groaned. "No I don't. I don't. I love him. And he loves me" Hiccup felt a bright surge of hope, he almost stepped forward, then; "But it isn't enough is it girl? I guess loving someone isn't the same as wanting them. Not the same thing at all. And, as it turns out, I need to have both. So, what do I do? I won't live with half measures, that's not me, is it? And if the wanting isn't there, then it isn't there. I wish it was. Oh Stormfly, I have to talk to Hiccup, and soon, before we hurt each other more. I have to end all this."
She buried her head in Stormfly's side and Hiccup thought she was still talking but he couldn't hear anything over the terrible ringing in his ears. He stumbled away from the clearing, running far, far away, away from everything he had heard. Finally, his unseeing eyes led him to catch a rock at just the wrong angle with his metal foot, sending him sprawling to his knees. He retched into the dirt, trying to bring up the words he could still hear her saying 'I have to end all this'. He could hardly take it in; he'd been right all along. She didn't want him. She wished she did, but she didn't. A crash in the undergrowth revealed Toothless, finally catching up, frantic. Hiccup clung to him, pressed his face to the Night Fury's black hide as if he were the only solid thing in the world. He stayed there, unmoving and if he cried, Toothless would never tell.
It was late enough to be called early and the wet grass clung to Astrid's bare feet as she made her way across the space between her hut and Hiccup's. It was a journey of a thousand miles and it took both no time at all, and forever. She was cold, shaking, and not just from the wind blowing through her thin nightshirt. But she was a Viking, the decision was made and, since she obviously wasn't going to get any rest until she had, she needed to share it with Hiccup. Then at least the worst would be done, wouldn't it? Candle light spilled out of his open door and the thought of what she was about to do almost turned her feet. But there could be no going back.
He was upstairs, dressed for sleep in his linen shirt and but at still his desk, working. She saw his back tense as she climbed, crossed the floor to stand behind him, but he didn't look up.
"Hiccup?" He didn't reply. "Hiccup, we have to talk."
"Do we?" He turned to face her at last and she almost gasped at the sight of him. His face was pale, wooden, and his eyes, gods, they were dark and dull as stones and he wouldn't look directly at her.
"No Toothless?" She tried for a bit their of old, familiar lightness.
"He's on the roof I think. I guess I'm not the best company tonight" His voice was flat, as washed out as his face. "Astrid, whatever you came to say, please, just say it"
She took a breath and forced out the words. "I'm leaving Hiccup. I'm going back to Berk, to work with the Berk guard again." The auburn head sank impossibly low. "Maybe not forever, but for a while. For some space. Until we can get back to how we were. I think we both know that this, us, it's not working and I hate how difficult we are around each other. I love you…"
He broke through, his voice ice "But loving someone isn't the same as wanting them, is it?" Her own words, coming out of his mouth, stunned her. "I heard you, in the wood today. I heard you say loving someone isn't the same as wanting them. And you're not prepared to live with half measures, if the wanting isn't there. Which it isn't."
His bitterness was tangible, a blow. She wrapped her arms around middle, held herself together, feeling like a fine clay pot dropped to the floor. Any second, she would shatter. "Then you understand."
"Not really. I didn't think this" he waved his hands vaguely in the direction of himself, "would be so important to you. I pretty much thought you knew what you were getting."
The sheer awfulness of the conversation made her want to laugh, before she sobbed.
"I didn't think it would be either. Who would have thought? But it turns out, it is. So that's why I have to go, staying here is just too hard, Hiccup, I just can't do it anymore. It's too hard, too weird and I have to leave before we both get hurt."
He did laugh then, a low and joyless noise. "Too late for that I think. But fine, if that's how it has to be, then that's how it has to be. Be safe Astrid."
If she had found she was bleeding, she would not have been surprised; such was the edge in his voice. She stumbled towards the stairs, desperate to be out, away, only to be stopped by an almost animal howl "Why?" Astrid whirled. He was on his feet now, one hand reaching. "Why?"
"Gods, Hiccup, don't make me say it," she pleaded "Don't make me."
"I think you have to."
Now all the hurt boiled over into anger. Fine. He wanted it hear it? Fine. She'd say it, say all the words that couldn't be taken back and ruin them forever. Let it be his fault, Thor damn him! Breathing deep, she met his eyes and snapped: "Fine! Have it your way! Hiccup, I love you."
"I love you too!" he stepped towards her, she backed away
"Shut up. I love you, and I want to be with you"
"You are with me!" Again he came forward, again, she drew back.
"I said shut up! I mean, I want to be with you, be with you, in every sense of the words" Her cheeks flared crimson, anger and humiliation combined "and I've realised that you don't want that with me. And much to my surprise, that hurts like Hel. I can respect it, but I don't have to like it and I can't stay here, watching you, working with you, living next door to you, and pretending that everything is fine when I feel like I'm burning inside! I want you and it hurts too much that you don't want me. Is that enough? Is that what you needed to hear?"
The oddest range of emotions seemed to play across his face as she spoke, terror, followed by a strange, luminous joy, and then utter confusion.
"Am I hearing this right? You want me? As in want want? And you're leaving because I don't want you? What are you talking about? That's the craziest thing I ever heard, and I've spent a lot of time with the twins! Astrid…" He made to come to her again and she raised her hands to fend him off.
"Don't Hiccup. Just don't. I don't want you to pretend. I know that physical stuff isn't your thing, it isn't who you are and I understand. It's just…"
"What. are. you. talking. about"
His face was changing, hardening, and it made her angrier "Oh come on Hiccup!" She yelled "You've been avoiding me, you haven't touched me in days. Thor, we're almost 20, we've lived out here on the Edge for almost two years, miles away from Berk, Berk's rules, my parents, your father and you've never so much as dropped a hint!"
"I was waiting for the time to be right! Who do you think I am? Snotlout? Should I have just jumped you?"
"Stop it Hiccup, please, you're making this so much harder. I don't think..."
"You don't think what?" His voice was rough, dangerous and something powerful glittered in the back of his dark eyes that she had never seen before. It took her breath away. He stepped towards her again and as she moved back, she hit the wall of the hut. There was nowhere left to go. "You don't think that I'm, what, alive? That I'm a Viking? That I'm a man? His eyes bored into hers as he spoke again, "I'll show you, Astrid Hofferson, I'll show you". And he was on her.
Rage. Rage and terror and incredulous joy all at once made his head spin. He couldn't see, couldn't think, he could barely stand. She loved him, she wanted him! She had been going to leave him! The thought cut off his air supply, made him gasp to fill his lungs; she had been going to leave. 'It hurts too much that you don't want me', her words rang in his ears and as he crossed the floor towards her all he could think was that he had to prove her wrong, make her stay. Fast as fury, he dived to her, gathered her lithe body in his arms and crushed his lips down on hers. For once, he didn't hold back, he poured all his pain, his love, his fears into that kiss as if its force could hold back the world. He kissed her furiously, hands clasping her head and back, keeping her close as his tongue licked against her lips. At first, she was stiff in his arms, surprised, but she softened and her mouth opened under his. She made a small noise as if to speak but he silenced her with his tongue. He had to make her stay! He was hot, hot all over, filled with a madness he'd never experienced, he couldn't breathe. His hands were on her back, grabbing handfuls of her linen nightshirt and he felt the heat of her through the thin fabric, it made him crazy. Her arms went up around his neck, her shirt lifted, suddenly his hands were on her skin, sliding along the warm curves of her body as in a thousand daydreams and he couldn't suppress a groan. Breaking away from her mouth, he kissed hungrily and swiftly down the line of her neck where, seized by daring desire, bit the muscle where her neck met her shoulder. Astrid gasped and bucked in his arms as Hiccup frantically sucked on her warm skin, tasting the salt of her sweat, he was leaving a mark, he didn't care. She was his.
This was nothing like she had expected, nothing like she had imagined. Hiccup's hands were everywhere, his tongue was an invasion, she couldn't believe his strength. She couldn't have stopped him if she'd wanted to. She didn't want to. He was a raging river, a torrent, she couldn't swim against him. When his teeth closed down on her skin she gave herself up to the current.
Her knees sagged and he used the movement to scoop her up. His arm was under her shoulders, his fingers curling round to just caress the edge of her breast and she wriggled under his touch as he carried her quickly across the room, away from the stairs, to the bed. Without a pause he dropped her into the furs and covered her body with his own. Again, he kissed her, roughly, franticly, overwhelmingly. He had to make her stay! Nothing else existed. He fell between her legs, lay his whole body along hers as he ran his hands up her soft thighs, cupping his palm to her buttocks. His head buzzed, his breath coming fast and harsh, rasping in his ears. She was making small sounds, little gasps and squeaks that sent his heart racing. His whole body felt on fire and he was hard, so hard, he wanted her so badly. Their shirts had ridden up, there was nothing between his aching hardness and her sweet, sweet skin, that hidden part of her he had scarcely even dared imagine. Instinctively, he pushed his hips forward. He felt himself sliding across wetness, felt his length begin to press into her soft folds, the sheer immensity of the pleasure… it cleared his head like a lightning bolt. What in Thor's name was he doing?
Hiccup froze, heart pounding as if it wanted to escape his chest. What was he doing, what was he thinking? What kind of an animal was he? "Gods, Astrid, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," his voice was fast, fearful, "I didn't mean, I'm sorry, let me get down, gods.." He would never be able to apologise enough for this. He struggled to move back, down, away, but her hand shot up, fast as a striking snake and clutched onto his ass. Her fingers dug in viciously, holding him still. Shocked, he lifted his flaming face to meet her eyes. They were blue, blue as the winter sky, and glaring at him. "No." she spat, "No".
"I know, I know, I wasn't.., I won't." Her hand still held him and he struggled against her grip, "Astrid, you have to let me get…"
"I mean no, Hiccup, you don't get to back out now. No". He looked down at her, cheeks scarlet, eyes totally uncomprehending. How did she make him understand? She was still spread out under him, could feel his heat on all the most secret parts of herself, but resisted the urge to simply lift her hips to meet him. She knew he would need words. "Hiccup, I know you're angry, and I am too. And I'm terrified," she glanced away, he trembled when she met his gaze again "and I know you are too. But we need this. We need to do this. We are doing this. Now." He didn't move a muscle. She could still see the doubt in his eyes, the shame. She sat up as best she could to kiss him, softly, to pull him back down to her "Please," she breathed permission in his ear, "I want us to do this".
Slowly, she drew him down until their bodies were once again pressed together, the intimacy of the contact made her shiver. He kissed her again, carefully this time, deeply, passionately, until her head swam, the heat at her core flaring again. Her hand rested back on the furs and he twined his fingers with hers. He met her eyes, a question in his. She nodded, minutely. He rose above her again and she felt him take a deep breath as if to dive into deep water. And then, his gaze never leaving her, Hiccup was moving into her, inside her, and there had never been anything so wonderful or so strange. As he met then broke through her unseen barrier she hissed and bloodied her lip but it was over quickly enough and when he opened his mouth she put her finger to his lips and beckoned him on. Finally, he buried himself completely into her and they lay still for a moment, breathing heavily, feeling each other. She was so, full, so complete. Hiccup made to speak again but, "Oh" was all he managed, "Oh my".
It might have been moments or years before he began to move again, very slowly at first, pulling back then pushing forward, back and forward, stroking gently but with increasing speed. With each thrust delicious ripples began to spread from her centre, sending waves of sensation everywhere head to toe, and she made a noise that was half sigh, half groan. Hiccup groaned loudly in answer, his face contorted, eyes going far away, thrusts coming faster, losing his rhythm. Astrid smiled, guessing his problem. She cupped a hand to his face, bringing his gaze back to hers. "I love you." she told him, "I'll never leave you. Come to me". She tilted her hips instinctively to take him deeper, and then she watched in awe as Hiccup, who rarely lost his temper, who always had a solution, who never lost control, went quietly and thoroughly to pieces.
In the dark room candles threw shadows across the walls and across the bodies of the lovers as they lay tangled in Hiccup's bed. She was cradled to his chest, his fingers were twined in her hair, hers lazily stroking up and down his spine. Bringing her in for a kiss, he tightened his arms and pulled her closer, revealing on the sheet behind her the small bloodstain. "Astrid, I'm so sor.." She slapped his back, cutting him off. "Haddock, if you apologise to me one more time, I'll gut you like a fish. Stop it."
"But, if I hurt -" his nose wrinkled adorably with worry.
"You didn't, I'm fine Hiccup, trust me, I'm good"
"But what if you get-"
"I won't, I saw Gothi last time we were back on Berk. She told me what to do. It's ok. Just relax will you?"
She burrowed back into his chest and he was silent for a few moments. Then, "Last time we were back on Berk was weeks ago. Months." A small, incredulous grin began to spread across his face, "You were thinking about this then?"
"I can tell you're grinning. It's not attractive. Yes, I was thinking about this then. Weren't you?"
"I've been thinking about this since I was thirteen" he laughed "I just can't believe you were." He couldn't keep the pride out of his voice earning himself another slap. "Sorry, sorry! No, no, seriously though, it all went so…" he flushed, almost whispered "fast. Was it…ok?"
He was so earnest and so cute with his flaming freckles, she couldn't resist, "Best minute of my life babe"
"Oh, that's great, performance jokes already is it?" She giggled as he flipped her onto her back and pinned her wrists to the sheet, leaning over her. "I mean it, the whole thing was- beyond amazing but I know I didn't, you know, for you, you didn't get to, oh gods, you know what I'm saying. Don't tease me" collapsing, he rested his burning face into her shoulder. His hair tickled and she stroked it back.
"Thor, Hiccup, you really have to give yourself a break. That was our first time and we pretty much answered our biggest relationship question. Anything 'else' can wait. Given what I came over here to do," she grimaced and he shook his head against her, "I'd say we did pretty well. Besides," she suddenly spoke softly and punctuated her words with kisses to his forehead, cheeks, nose, "besides," kiss "it was wonderful." kiss, "Strange," kiss "amazing," kiss "wonderful" kiss. She whispered the rest into his ear, shy, but needing him to know, "I loved it. And I love you. And now I'm tired, I just want to be here, with you, and sleep" She turned under him until he was curled behind her and he settled the furs around their spooning shape, building them a nest. Quietly, they listened to each other's breathing until, "Hiccup?"
"Hmm?"
"Do you need to sleep with your leg on?"
"Erm, no?"
"Take it off then please babe, it's cold."
Smiling, he did as he was told, undoing the bindings and dropping it to the floor with the last of his worries. She wriggled back into his arms and he held her.
"Astrid?"
"Hmm?"
"That may have been our first time, but it won't be our last"
He could hear her smile. "I should hope not Hiccup Haddock. Go to sleep"
When at last, everything was silent but for their peaceful breathing, Toothless crept down through the window and fired his sleeping stone. The glow illuminated the tangled bundle on the bed and as he settled, he sighed, pleased. Finally, at last that was sorted out. Maybe now a dragon could get some rest. Besides, they would be good mates for each other. Hiccup stirred in his sleep, curling himself more closely around Astrid, without waking she took his hand, hugging it to her chest. And if they smiled, Toothless would never tell.