Comfort and Joy

Inspired by Disney/ Pixar's Inside Out

By Rachel Beth Ahrens

"As far as bipolar depression goes, my brain doesn't know when to shut off. That's the suckiest thing about having a mental illness. That, and Latuda makes me super nauseous and gain weight like crazy." –Rachel Ahrens

Dedication: For Abby

And for my baby nephew Weston, welcome to Earth.

Our Lisa is the greatest thing since slice bread.

Well, that was the best thing we could say about her until the "monster" came around.

Fear said it had sharp pointy teeth and a blueish-reddish-purple color and had nasty yellowy red eyes. He said he kept seeing it every night before Lisa went to sleep and he wanted to wake her up at every chance he saw it. But what he doesn't understand is when Lisa is awake, she stays awake. It's a normal thing for a 22-year-old college student.

And honestly, that story of that disgusting beast running around the control system is getting old. I'm sick to death of hearing it.

"Why is this stupid computer mouse not working?" Anger said, his head bubbling and gurgling as if his hair was about to set fire. He started banging on the controls to get Lisa to move the mouse wire until it was correctly plugged into the computer. But the connection of the mouse kept going in and out, the cursor of the mouse freezing in place, then moving, then freezing again. He pounded. "Dehhhh! Stupid mouse! Get the freaking thing to work, dammit!" A small smolder lighted on his brow, a cool flame coming up to his head.

Lisa banged on the mouse until it finally started working. She was in the school library doing her homework on her laptop. At long last, Anger let his fire hair extinguish and he backed away. "There, the computer just needed some love."

"That wasn't the best thing to do, Anger," I said, flipping my hair back. "There are other ways of getting a computer to work with a mouse."

"Like what?" Anger said.

"Well, like putting the laptop aside and working with one of the library computers anyway. That laptop is a piece of junk anyway."

"But mom and dad gave it to her," said Fear. "Wouldn't it be awful if they found out that she broke it? She'd be in huge trouble then!"

"Ugh! Who cares?" I said. "I said it's a piece of junk! The thing is seven years old anyway and it's a used computer bought from a stranger at a computer show! The thing is ugly!"

"But she'll never get another one that's better for her," said Sadness, stepping in from her gloomy corner in the back. "Her parents don't have enough money to buy her a new one. She'll never get a new computer for as long as she's in school."

"Oh, don't be all Miss Doom and Gloom, ok?" I said. "Joy said she needed the day off because she's not feeling well, so we've gotta take the reins on this one."

"Don't tell me she was bitten off by that monster," said Fear, quivering in his little boots. "Whatever it is, we're the next ones to get eaten!"

"We're so not next," I told him, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Now, what's this thing we're supposed to do for her homework?"

Sadness fidgeted with her horn-rimmed glasses and looked up at the screen to read the assignment. "It says she's supposed to write a paper on a book she has to read and how it compared to segregation in the south," she said. "That's so depressing."

"Segregation ain't fair to nobody," said Anger. "That kind of thing makes me angry, especially the N double ACP. Those folks are angry all the time."

At long last, Joy came out from her bed in the dark and strode to the console. She looked like her old self, but with a little of a new side to her. "Hey everyone!" she chimed happily. She started whistling a happy tune that was both annoying and repugnant.

"Joy! What are you doing here?" I asked. We all crowded around her, clamoring with questions at the same time.

"We thought you were sick!" said Anger.

"Is it contagious?" said Fear. "Are we all gonna get infected? What was it?"

"It's nothing!" Joy said, smiling. "Really, I'm fine and dandy!" There was an extra hop to her step as she bounded to the controls. She pressed on a few buttons vigorously and chirped, "So what are we up to this time? Ooh, U.S. History class homework! That should be fun!"

This was so unlike her, being happy-go-lucky and perky all the time. "Joy?" I said. "Is there something wrong? Maybe you should go lie down…"

"Disgust, really, there's nothing wrong with me," said Joy, pounding another button. I noticed she had a blue spot on her wrist, which wasn't there before.

"What's that ugly blue dot on your wrist?" I said.

"Nothing!" she said. "Nothing, it's nothing! Come on, we can ace this homework! Let's go-go-go-go-go-go-go GO!" She flipped another switch and put a lightbulb into the tiny purple idea hole of the console.

Sadness loped over and took Joy's hand, examining the blue mark. "That looks serious," she said. "It looks like it's growing, too. I've always seen you bright and yellow and happy, but now your hand is turning blue."

"What?" said Joy, pulling her hand back. "There really is nothing wrong with me. Maybe if you take it easy on it and don't touch it, it wouldn't get worse!"

She hit a control button where Anger was holding on to, which made Lisa put her head in her hands and sigh in distress.

"Anger!" shouted Joy. "What were you doing putting your hand down there like that? We're not supposed to make her upset; she's supposed to be happy!"

"Since when does she need to be happy about this kind of homework?" Anger said with a grunt thrumming in his voice. "It's segregation in the south and the book is about an African American man who gets wrongfully accused of murder and gets a death sentence! How are you supposed to be happy about that?"

The lightbulb immediately burned out and cracked in the side.

"Well, there goes our last light bulb," I said, demeaning Anger. "Nice job, Dumbo."

Anger rubbed his hands on his face, making his red hot head steam a little faster. He moaned. Fear took a step back until he was safe from another explosion, until he squeaked in alarm. "There it is!" Fear shouted. "It's moving!"

"There what is?" Joy asked. "There's nothing here but us."

Out the corner of my eye came a shadow moving past the memory shelves. All the memories clinked together from the vibration as another memory came through, all gold with a hint of red in it. The memory rolled through the tube and onto the middle shelf below the empty ones.

"Did someone just notice something flying right past?" I said.

"No," said Sadness. "I'm too mopey to notice anything."

"It's the monster!" shouted Fear. "It's coming right at us!"

Fear ran behind the bookcase of manuals and crouched with a book over his head. He started shaking, quivering the bookcase and making noise as he shook.

I went over to him and snatched the book from his hands. "Are you losing your mind?" I said, pulling him to his feet. "Sometimes I wonder if you need a chill out moment."

"The last thing I need is a brain freeze, ok?" said Fear, still shaking with tremors in his hands and fingers. "I am telling you there is a monster here in our midst, but nooo, you don't want to listen to me!"

"Monster?" said Joy, laughing. "What monster? Maybe you're just imagining things."

"Why would imagine something like… THAT!"

When he pointed, we all saw the shadow flicker across the screen. Suddenly, the lights in the control panel began to fade, as if they all short circuited and went off, but then came back on again. Something was not right.

Just as the "monster" left, Lisa had left her seat in the library, packed up her computer, and went outside. Without noticing a thing, Joy went back to the control panel of the console and chuckled to herself. She was now bringing up some memories from the Movie Town island that was making her laugh.

"Oh, I love that one!" she sighed to herself. "That line made me laugh so hard until Pepe slapped Rizzo the Rat right to the floor!"

Lisa laughed to herself. Not paying any attention at all, some jerk wad slammed into her and said, "Hey watch it!"

Sadness was right there next to Joy, putting a finger on a button. "I'm sorry," she mumbled.

"Sorry," Lisa said. Then the fun stopped there and a blue memory came in, sliding up onto the shelf.

"Sadness! Why did you have to take all the fun away?" said Joy.

"I don't know," Sadness said. "You're not yourself right now."

Joy scoffed. "Of course I'm myself! There ain't nothing wrong with me. What, is there something I'm missing?"

"Maybe I should take a look at that," I said, pulling her arm in to look at the mark on her wrist. It did appear to have tooth marks in the center. "Hmm, did someone take a bite out of you?"

Joy let out a sigh. "Something bit me when I was reaching for one of the light bulbs a few days ago. It's probably just an electrical sting. It'll clear up on its own."

"Are you sure?" I asked. "It's growing."

"What?" Steadily, the blue growth on Joy's arm started covering her whole wrist, then moving up her hand. She lifted her almost blue hand and stared at it. "What is this?"

"Maybe you should go lie down," Fear said, smoothing out his already frazzled head. There was a clanking noise and he snapped his head up at it, recoiling into his little arched back almost as if he was curling into a ball. He winced and let out a cry.

"Cut it out, Fear," I said, pulling on his tie to straighten himself out. "There's nothing to be so jumpy about."

It landed with a thud behind us. All five of us turned. A huge shadow loomed over our heads. But as we looked down, there was a little lump of blue, red, and purple colored creature looking up at us through its dark sad eyes. It shook and quivered as it looked at us.