Lying Truths
Disclaimer: I don't own Natsume Yuujin-Chou.
Rating: K+
Warning: Unbeta'ed
Genres: A bit of Hurt/Comfort and a bit of Friendship.
Characters: Natsume Takashi, Nyanko-sensei/Madara
Summary: Natsume got attacked (again). It brought back some memories that led to a short contemplation.
A/N: Yeah, I've noticed how ironic it was for Natsume to be called a liar when he spent his time telling the truth. So… here's an one-shot about it! Hope you'll enjoy!
Natsume glanced at the trees at his left, feeling a presence between the trunks and concealed in the shadows. Watchful but careful, his pace slightly increased. His hand twitched with the urge to reach for his bag containing the Book of Friends. He resisted the impulse as he thought that it would probably look suspicious. The presence didn't fade as he reached the bridge spanning over the calm river. A face appeared suddenly, seemingly floating above the ground, smiling creepily down at him. Natsume tightened his hold on Nyanko-sensei in his arms but didn't react otherwise, staring blankly ahead.
If he acted as if he hadn't seen them, then maybe he would be left alone. It didn't always work but it was worth trying.
This time, Creepy Face stayed floating on the bridge. Natsume didn't dare relaxing before reaching the town, throwing a caution look behind his shoulder. No youkai behind him. Good. This time, he would be left alone. At least, until another one met his way, noticed his delicious smell (as he had been told countless times) or mistook him for his grand-mother.
"Natsume Reiko!"
Like this one, currently half-crawling half-running towards him, a starved grin on its mouth, staring almost leeringly at him. Natsume took one look at the surprisingly fast being and broke into a sprint as he turned at a corner. He deliberately led the ayakashi away from the Fukiwaras' house. They were a nice couple, understanding and welcoming. Natsume treasured their smiles and their warmth. He would hate to be the reason of their loss (in every sense of the term). It would crush him, in fact.
"Natsume Reiko!"
Natsume recognized the path he was taking, leading to the temple where Sensei had been sealed.
"Another small fray after my prey, huh?" Said youkai opened one eye in disinterest and hopped down.
Suddenly lighter, Natsume still slowed down. He looked in exasperation as his self-proclaimed bodyguard got thrown into the bushes from a swept of the pursuing ayakashi.
"Really, Sensei…" He sighed as he picked up his pace, heading to the small temple.
"Natsume Reiko!"
The high-schooler briefly wondered if the youkai couldn't say anything else. It was stuck with repeating the same name like a broken record. His musing was violently interrupted when he was once again shoved away, crashing into some bushes and rolling into the muddy ground. He coughed and clenched protectively his bag to his chest. The ayakashi loomed over him, standing strangely bent, as if verticality would cause him to fall face first in the dirt.
"Natsume Reiko!"
"Reiko-san is my grandmother." Natsume denied, trying to stall for time and half-hoping it would be enough to deter the other.
It wouldn't be but hope was life.
"I'm his grandson." He carried on. "I can – "
"Liar." It hissed, apparently able to say something else. "Liar. Reiko, you smell like Reiko."
Natsume's eyes slightly dulled, memories flashing through his mind. Ah, he was still called a liar, wasn't he? Even though he was only telling the truth…
"Impertinent little bug." A familiar voice snapped from behind it. "Begone!"
Nyanko-sensei jumped in front of Natsume in his maneki-neko form and flashed his pure and blinding light, prompting a rather shrill shriek from the ayakashi. Sensei nimbly landed on the ground with a grumble, uttering his usual complaint. Natsume barely heard him, automatically thanking him. As they reached the path, the high-schooler found himself lost in memories from the past.
When Natsume was little, he had a hard time communicating with the other kids. Not that it wasn't the case anymore, but it was still different than now. In the beginning, they were kind to him, talking with him and inviting him into games. That would last until Natsume did or said something weird, something scary or something that they could just not understand. Inevitably, he would be called a liar and shunned away. It didn't help that the youkai never left him alone, pursuing him for fun or with the real intention to eat him. It led to injuries that were hard (or impossible) to hide. His relatives and teachers would question him. He would tell the truth that would not be believed. He would then be called an attention-seeker, a troublesome child, a lonely child with too much imagination. They were just fancy words, all synonyms to liar. And while Natsune was no genius, he was not stupid.
No one could see these things. No one could see the tiny ones, between the size of a beetle to the one of a rabbit. No one could see the big ones, between the size of a horse to the size of a house. No one could see the hungry grins. No one could hear the whispered and yelled words of greed.
No one could see the monsters.
Because it wasn't part of their reality, then, it didn't exist. No one wanted to acknowledge the very true existence of scary beings threatening to devour you. No, they didn't have real monsters. So what Natsume was claiming, saying, softly, pleadingly, terrified, was a lie.
Natsume's reality was different. His truth was different. Then Natsume was a liar.
Natsume had been speaking the truth all along but everyone called him a liar. If being honest resulted in loneliness, then, it would be better to act and be who they said he was, right? If they thought he was a liar, then he would be one. There, everyone would be happy like this, right?
(Except him, but that didn't matter. Natsume needed to be like the others, to adapt and to be accepted. He didn't need ayakashi. He needed friends, family.)
Thus, when Natsume changed home again, he would stop saying truths. He couldn't spit out outright lies. He still couldn't. So, he settled for small lies and deflections, 'I'm fine', and apologies (genuine, empty, automatic), 'I was just talking to myself', until he didn't need to think anymore lies. They would come easily, on the tip of his tongue. Always ready, he tried lying to get accepted.
When Nastume began telling lies, people stopped calling him a liar.
It didn't work, not really. He was still weird. There was still something off about him that frightened the others. He wasn't a liar anymore (despite saying countless lies) but he was creepy or freaky or unsettling. He was just too awkward, too fake and would put off both the families he was staying with and the other kids. He brought disasters with him too. The ayakashi were still trying to play with him when they noticed his perceptivity. Something about him just screamed danger and people instinctively knew it. No matter his lies or his fake smiles, Natsume was just as lonely as before. When everyone thought he was a liar when he was not and when everyone didn't believe he was good at telling lies when he spent his time spouting out them, he was still alone.
Natsume decided that he probably should try something else. It was a bit late though. He had become afraid of telling the truth. In part, he was tired of being called a liar when he wasn't. On another hand, he was horrified and frightened at the idea of finding someone who believed him and got hurt (or worse) because of their faith. He settled for a mix then. He would lie when he absolutely needed to but he would rather choose evasion and silence. His smiles would be strained but it was okay.
He didn't expect meeting the Fujiwara couple. He was taught kindness, kindness that had been a forgotten memory until now. His desire to protect suddenly got meaning and purpose. Protecting them from the harsh reality of youkai was a necessity that he would willingly accept. When Kitamoto, Nishimura, Taki and Tanuma appeared, they fell into the category too, each one coming with their own new feeling. Friendship, acceptance, comprehension, support… Even the youkai, like Nyanko-sensei, the Middle Ranks or Hinoe brought their companionship and fondness.
Natsume was not lonely anymore. He was balancing between two worlds, within his reality but he felt less as if he had to choose between truth and lies. It was possible now, for him, to talk to his friends about youkai if he needed to. He still couldn't, not really, struggling to let out words that had only brought misery to him. It was okay though. He could learn.
He was still somehow a liar, hiding truths from them, but at least, he could learn to be a bit more honest. In time.
"Manjuu!"
Nyanko-sensei's voice snapped him out of his thoughts. He looked down to see the cat excitedly bouncing on his legs, waving towards a familiar shop.
"Buy me some manjuus, Natsume!"
Natsume smiled softly at him.
"Alright, Sensei. I'll buy you some."
The cat cheered and sprinted towards the shop, aware that he had once again brought the boy out of his contemplation. He would do it again and again until the little human he had grown fond of found peace with his past and himself.
A/N: Thanks for reading and don't hesitate to point out any mistakes or share your thoughts!
See you next time~