Introduction to the Harry Potter Slash Obsession

A Dedication to Ruffle Bottom Panties from Red,
So why am I in love with Potter you ask?

To explain would be a lengthy task.

But here we go with no aim,

Oh rhyming is a real fun game.

Harry is bold and brave in law.

But the best house is Ravenclaw.

Harry's adventures are rich in creation,

It really does spark the imagination.

Harry can speak to every snake,

If his is sleeping it will soon awake.

Harry's captain's name is Wood,

I hear when he's off his feet he is quite good.

I have just been informed by a little birdie,

That the last paragraph sounds really dirty.

I was talking about Parseltongue and flying,

You're all sickos and I'm not lying.

I suppose that is why I love Fanfiction,

Characters follow your every diction.

Diction sure is a funny word,

It sounds like something I must have heard.

It certainly isn't a word you mock.

It reminds me of the time Ron choked on a. rock.

Don't laugh, he nearly freaking died.

Snape, he sure is a silly fellow,

So would agree my friend Yellow.

His methods of teaching are not too mellow.

I wonder if he could play the cello

It think it's funny to imagine Alan Rickman

As a homosexual or rather a. chick man,

To be playing games with Gryffindor boys,

Or in the dungeons playing with his "manly toys."

I was talking about power tools you sick freak.

Snapie-poo is pro'ly the best,

His greasy hair we all caress.

We wouldn't write anything less

Than of Severus in a cocktail dress.

"Up to something," is what he'll mention,

And if you're bad he'll give detention,

Or if you're real naughty: a week of suspension.

Now there's punishment that gets my attention.

Ron, now there's a loyal sort,

Although he's afraid of Voldemort.

His bright read hair is an odd sight.

I bet it would give You-Know-Who a fright.

But the strangest thing we all agree

Is his craving for strawberries.

Harry,

Now that guy's really nice,

But if he's fighting the You-Know-Who,

He's as cold as ice,

He's dated every male in school

At least once or twice,

But when you're in a slash fic,

I guess that's just the price.

I think if Harry ate Chinese,

He would like fried rice.

I hear his favourite show,

Is Miami Vice.

When schist goes through metamorphosis,

It turns into gneiss.

Since Harry talks to snakes,

Do you suppose he feeds them mice?

If Harry were a cake,

I would like a slice.

Once on a cold day,

Harry licked the ice.

Trouble always happens,

When ya take Ron's advice.

We had to pull him off,

With a pulley device.

(takes a deep breath)

When Draco's around things always go wrong,

Unless he's singing a Broadway song.

We couldn't figure out where he would belong,

So we put him in Ruffle with a leather thong.

Oliver Wood is a real hot guy,

He makes all the girls swoon and sigh.

His name is Biggerstaff but nickname's Wood.

Believe you me, irony's good.

But one thing many authors do not say,

Is that Oliver Wood is really.. (whispers) gay..

After Quidditch he'll "hit the showers,"

And stay in there with Percy for hours and hours.

What they do in there is very queer,

Judging from the moans I hear.

What song is sang by the Queen of Drag Queens?

Just ask Snapie, Queeny Supreme.

Many people would use his song as the show ender.

But in the beginning we have Snape singing "Big Spender."

Of feather boas, whip, and chains,

Grand pianos, thongs, and canes,

Strawberries, snakes, and cocktail dresses,

Pay per View, wands, and Rainbow tresses.

These are things that make Ruffle good,

Slash in it's prime, like it should.

Oh Ruffle Bottom Panties,

We pledge are hearts to you,

A sick and twisted story,

That came out of the blue.

One day three girls with sugar,

Sat down to write.

Now we pledge to write pervosity.

'Till two AM at night.

Oh Ruffle how can we ever say,

All that we want to about you?

We're so glad that you came our way.

We would be bored without you.