The Younger Years, an Auron Story
Meeoko
Summary : After an argument in the Calm Lands, Rikku asks Auron what made him so cynical.
Auron took some small satisfaction in the fact that that he had at least made the perky Al Bhed girl angry. He would have chosen anything over the ever constant, irritating happiness that seemed to envelope the girl.
"It's not fair!" Rikku huffed, stamping her foot on the ground. "Who made you the boss, Mr. Grump-Pants?"
Trying desperately hard to ignore the angry twitching in the corner of his mouth, Auron chose to keep his face impassive, as it always was.
There was no way he was going to let Rikku know just how much she got on his nerves. Of course, she was a loyal and faithful Guardian, who would protect Yuna at all costs. But that didn't mean he had to enjoy her constant bouncing and smiling.
Where did the girl get so much energy from?
"My decision is final." he replied, as coldly as he possibly could. "We take the higher pass through the Gagazet Mountains. It is likely that Bevelle's guard will be right behind us."
"But you know we can't go through there!" Rikku moaned, repeating her argument once more. "There's gotta be another way round! If we go in those horrible old mountains, Kimhari's gonna get in trouble!"
The young girl had grown rather found of the hulking Ronso during their travels, though Yevon knew why!
Perhaps the Al Bhed girl just took great pleasure in chasing after the more secluded Guardian's and annoying the hell out of them. Lulu seemed to be the only one who had escaped the endless torture so far. Was it really so much to ask that they be left to themselves?
"No." Auron replied, yet again.
"You're being so mean!" Rikku wailed, crossing her arms over her chest. "Why do you get to make all the decisions? This should be up to Yunie!"
Auron resisted the temptation to growl. How many times had he been over this? It must be at least four by now! Maybe he could just scare her and then she'd quell her incessant whining.
"Because I have passed over it once already. The only way to Zanarkand is through Gagazet."
Jumping in the air with balled fists, Rikku began kicking up a storm. Auron really did not need another temper tantrum. If it weren't for the girls abilities using Machina, then he highly doubted that Lady Yuna would ever have let her become a Guardian. She really was beginning to wear away his last nerve. And it was already perilously thin.
"But what about Kimhari? Doesn't he matter too? You're being so selfish!"
"No." Auron tried to sound sturdy, but Rikku was slowly wearing down his last nerve.
"Can't we at least see if there's some way around his tribe?" she jumped up and down with her fists balled. Auron was certain that this was supposed to signify anger, but to him, it just looked commical.
"No."
"Or we could-"
"No."
"Auron!" she wailed, sending a pulse of both pain and anger through his brain. He was beginning to get a headache! "Why won't you just listen? You're such a jerk! Why do you always have to be so grumpy all the time? Don't you care about anyone at all?"
"No." He replied for possibly the seventh time in at least five minutes. A small angry tone slipped through his voice, but he quickly covered it.
He felt his jaw clenching. She had just pushed the one button that nobody had ever dared push before.
It wasn't true, what he had said. He did care about some people. He cared about the Lady Yuna. He had cared about Lord Braska, ten years dead. He had cared about Jecht, in some strange, drinking partner kind of way. He even cared about his son, Tidus.
But he wouldn't let her know that. Most people he cared about usually ended up dying anyway. Even he was dead!
He fell silent. Rikku's words echoed around inside his head, stirring up the memories he had been striving to hide for so long. If he had been alive, he was sure that his heart would have stopped, if only for a moment. Reaching up a hand, he traced the long scar across his eye to his cheek.
No, some memories would never fade.
He had been thirteen. Not much younger than Rikku herself. He had been naïve, and not fast enough.
His father had come home again, drunk.
Perhaps it was from watching his father all those years that caused him to carry his own hip flask with him. He refused to think of it that way, though the same stench of his fathers favourite rum was always there, at his hip.
His father had stumbled through the house, crashing into things and breaking the furniture. His voice was low, as he mumbled incomprehensible words to himself. Auron had kept to himself and avoided his father, knowing full well what would happen if he was not careful. His father was angry. He was always angry.
"Tia!" he slurred as he collapsed down onto a chair, hunching over the table and taking another swig from the bottle he was holding. "Tia!"
Auron swallowed a lump in his throat as he watched his mother shuffle towards his father carefully. She moved slowly and quietly. To do otherwise would probably incur his wrath. His father was not usually a very forgiving man.
"Y-yes, Toroc?"
Raising his head from the table, Auron's father swayed as he looked up at his mother. From his hiding place, Auron could see his mother's hand shaking. He wanted to help her, but each time his father would come home, his mother would plead with him to stay hidden.
He felt like he was betraying his word, whichever way he thought about it.
"Where'sa boy?"
"I...I don't know, Toroc. I think he's gone to play with the other children."
"S'a lie!"
His father lashed out an arm, sweeping only a few inches in front of his mother's face. She winced, but did not back away. That usually angered him ever more. Auron felt himself stiffen with fear.
"S'never here!" he continued to rage, though he did not lash out again. "S'always somewhere else! I'ssa lie! You're lyin' ta me, Tia!"
"N-no, Toroc. I swear, I don't know."
She shook, seeming small and fragile under the hateful gaze of her husband. Auron sent a prayer to the Lord Yevon. Not again. He didn't want to be responsible for his mother's pain again.
"You know I dun' like it when people lie ta me, Tia!"
Auron could feel himself shivering violently, as he watched his mother wringing her hands in the fabric of her dress. This wasn't normal.
Of course, there were often beatings, but when he was this drunk, and asked for him, Toroc would usually just give up the first time he was told no. But this time, something was wrong. He wasn't backing down.
"I...I don't know what you mean, dear." from his hiding place, Auron could see her biting her lip, clamping down on it until they were white. "I would never lie to you."
She didn't raise her voice once. She knew full well the consequences if she did.
But her words seemed to affect her husband as hard as if she had slapped him in the face!
Pushing back his chair with a jolt, he shot up into a shaky standing position, the wooden frame of his chair clattering noisily onto the ground.
Auron's heart seemed to constrict with fear as his father reached out and grabbed her wrist with his large hands, squeezing it tightly until she let out a cry of pain. Every muscle in his body told him to turn around and bolt from his hiding place, to run away. But he knew that he couldn't abandon her like this! Not when she needed him!
"I know yur' lying!" Toroc howled, forcing his wife down onto her knees by crushing her slim bones in his palm. "I know he'sere! You cun' keep hidin' im' forever! Little bastard's gna' learn some r'spect!"
Tia grit her teeth together and shut her eyes. She was trying to keep as still and quiet as possible. Give him what he wanted and he would soon grow tired of her. He wanted an obedient, docile wife? Then he would get one, if it was to protect her son.
"Auron!" his father's rugged, harsh voice barked, hitting him in the face like a physical blow from his hiding place. "Auron, ya little shit! Gett'in ere now! I wann'a word with ya, boy!"
Through the crack in the cupboard, Auron could see his mother open her eyes and look at him quickly, before looking away again. It was in that millisecond that he could see every word and emotion written on her face. She wanted him to stay, to keep hidden and safe. But she was in pain, he could tell. Not only on the outside, but on the inside.
His hands curled up in to balls as he fought within himself, desperate to make a decision. He wanted to help her, to stay his fathers cruel hand once and for all and let her have the peace she deserved! But he also knew that if he came out and addressed his father, then he could end up causing her even more pain!
He felt torn.
"Not cummin' out?" his father barked, spitting the words out like a sour taste in his mouth. "Well, le'ssee how brave ya are when someone gets hurt coss'a yur cowardice!"
Yanking his wife to her feet in one sharp movement, Toroc drew her into him, so that her back was against his chest. His grizzly hand held her throat and she let out a choke as he squeezed down. There was a small tone of satisfaction in his father's voice when he laughed. The sick, disgusting excuse for a man had always loved to exert his superior strength over her and it pierced at Auron's heart like an arrow.
Of course his mother wouldn't defend herself.
Yevon did not allow women to learn weaponry and fighting, unless a Guardian specifically asked to be taught so. Not even the female summoners were allowed to learn how to fight with shield and sword! There was no way that his mother would be able to fight against her husband, who was stronger, larger and heavier! She would let herself be crushed like a rag doll just to protect him!
"Come out, come out, boy!" Toroc sang. "Wouldn' want summin' to happen ta your ma now, would ya? Juss' cos you were too afraid ta cum face me like'a man! Cuss I ain't kiddin' around, boy! S'not hard to snap her neck!"
Auron could feel his eyes stinging. The skin on the back of his hand was beginning to hurt as he clenched his fists tighter and tighter.
"I'll give ya ta the count of three, boy!"
The cupboard seemed to grow very small as Auron's body began to shake. His mother's eyes were wide with fear, though she did nothing to try to escape or fight. Her eyes bore down on him, somehow piercing through the wooden frame of the cabinet to beg him to stay where he was. Her eyes nearly killed him. She was going to get hurt because of him! Worse than ever!
"One!"
His eyes stung with angry, terrified tears. He took in a shallow breath, trying to stifle a sob. Auron forced himself to look out through the slit in the cupboard door, to stare back at the terrified eyes of his mother. He wouldn't let her get hurt anymore because of him! He would show his father that he was no coward! Placing a shaking hand on the door frame of the cupboard, he slowly pushed it open, inch by inch.
"Two!"
"No, Auron, no!" for the first time, Tia struggled in her husbands grip, her face turning a shade paler when he tightened his grip around her throat. "Auron! Stay! Stay hidden! Please!"
"Three!"
Feeling a surge of bravery, Auron pushed the door of the cupboard all the way open, as forcefully as he could. He jumped out, trying not to let the awful, defeated look on his mother's face slow him down.
"No, father, please! Don't hurt her! I'm here now! I'm here!"
Toroc paused for a moment when he saw his son emerge from the closet at the other end of the room. His fingers lingered on Tia's throat, toying with the idea of simply snapping her in two, just to see the look on his son's face.
A sly, malicious smile crept across his face and he swayed on the spot. Auron could feel himself trembling under the weight of his gaze.
"Father." he breathed, feeling his words tremble before they left his mouth.
"I got ta three, Auron."
Auron's blood almost froze inside him. Toroc smirked, one corner of his mouth twitching excitedly. His mother looked at him with pleading, saddened eyes, almost breaking his heart in two.
"No, please!" Auron begged, torment ripping through him like a steel blade. "I'll be better, I promise! I'll do whatever you want! Just don't hurt mum!"
His mother looked over at him one last time, both terror and love shining through them all at the same time. For a moment, Auron thought that he saw the tiniest of smiles move her lips.
A sickening crunch echoed through the house. Tia's body fell to the floor, crumpled in a heap at her husbands feet. Toroc looked down on her with a sense of victory and toed at her lifeless body with his shoe.
"Weren't fast enough, Auron. Should'a listened to me sooner."
The world stopped.
Auron fell to his knee's, crawling slowly towards his mother. He reached out a hand to touch her, the tears streaming down his face in torrents. She didn't stir, or look up at him with those sad, caring eyes. She did nothing. She would never look at him that way again.
"Mum..." Auron sobbed, repeating her name over and over again as he cradled one of her slender hands in his arms. "Wake up...wake up mum..."
He remembered feeling cold and hollow. It was as if his heart and the blood in his veins fell away, with his mother's life.
Why? Why hadn't Yevon saved her? Why hadn't he come and stopped his father? Why had his God forsaken him?
"Now look wha' ya done, ya little bastard." Toroc spat as he reached down a large hand towards him. "Ya made me lose a wife. Now I'm juss' stuck ere' with you. I'll teach you sum' manners yet, boy!"
Auron screamed. Not from pain or fear, as his father pulled him to his feet by his hair. He was screaming because he could see his mother slipping away from him. Because he couldn't reach her. Because he wouldn't be there to feel the final warmth leave from her body.
"No, ma! No! NO!"
Auron looked down at the floor. He had stabbed his father to death that night. He had done the unthinkable, seeking to destroy the one man who had ripped away the only peace he had left. The man who had taken his mother away from him. His father had fought back, though the stale drink on his breath had slowed his reflexes. Auron had barely escaped with his life. The knife had slipped, slicing down his face in one swift movement. To this day, he still couldn't see out of his left eye.
Toroc's death had been long and drawn out.
Auron hadn't known how to kill a man quickly. He'd never handled a blade before. So when the blow was struck, Auron had been too young and too lost to strike again and give his father a quick passing. So he had lay there and bled to death on the kitchen floor.
It had been three days until someone had discovered them.
Auron had been sitting beside his mother, never once letting go of his hand. They had tried to prise him away, but he wouldn't let go. His hold on her hand had only loosened when a summoner was called, and the particles of his mother's soul drifted between his fingertips, floating away to the Farplane, and to peace.
From then on, Auron had become empty. From the moment he had learnt to pick up a sword, to the day he died, bleeding to death on the mountains of Gagazet, just like his father had.
"Auron?"
He didn't look up when he heard the Al Bhed girl call his name.
"Auron, say something."
She seemed to have quietened down. She even sounded a little worried. Perhaps he had been thinking a little too long.
He reached for the hip flask at his side and took a long swig. It wouldn't help him, he knew that much. But the memories of a dead man were just as painful as the memories of a living one.
"We go through Gagazet." he replied, looking up sharply at Rikku before turning on his heel. "Just as we always do."