AN: I know that this fic would be reviewed by barely any of you authors, but I just needed to change the events because I just can't watch them die over and over again...Stupid me and my obsessions.
anyway, feel free to review if you want.
Words in italic are Riki's dream
Disclaimer: I own nothing that has to do with Ai no Kusabi. I own only this story
--
His mysterious eyes, those lips that never curve into the smile, that hair that falls into his eyes, his muscular body…
It was forbidden from the beginning. Mongrels and Blondies never make a good mixture.
He was aware of the fact. The name of his best friend, the person he was considering his brother, was blemished because of that.
Call it bad luck that Riki had dreamt about their death and had warned Iason.
Now Iason had nothing. He had lost his penthouse, his position, his everything.
Jupiter didn't want him to tamper with Iason's mind. Instead, it ordered Iason to go and live in the Slums with the Mongrel and never come back.
And despite the punishment Iason had gone through, Raoul was still dreaming of one special Mongrel, beautiful Mongrel, whose eyes were haunting him wherever he went. Because he was the head of the Syndicate now instead of Iason and that Mongrel was the head of the Black Market. He became Katze's boss. And Katze became his crush.
--
He hugs me. And I stare at him for a very long time, until I close my eyes, waiting for my death. It is sad, yet I feel happy. It is the end, yet it is somehow the beginning.
The fire is all around us. We'll die soon. We'll disappear. We'll be together in eternity. I wish I understood my feelings earlier. Now it is too late.
He closes his eyes. We're dying. I'm so sorry…
He woke up in sweat, jumping from the bed. His breathing was fast and uneven, his body covered in sweat.
His muffled scream woke the Blondie.
"Riki?" he asked, looking for his lover in the darkness.
Riki said nothing. He was standing in the middle of the room, disorientated.
"My cigs…" he whispered, reaching for the pack on the nightstand. He lit one of them, sitting nervously on the bed.
"That dream again" Iason stated. Riki said nothing. He just took a deep drag. He was resting his elbows on his knees, with his head lowered. The heart was beating like crazy, as he was trying to calm himself.
Yes, it was that dream again. The dream about their death.
"You should have left me in time." he finally spoke, with the hoarse voice. "You should have left the things untouched. I should have died from that gang's hands. You should have never interfered…Just look at you now, Iason Mink, just a scum from the Slums!" Riki snorted, "Just because of the Mongrel. Why?" he turned to look at his lover.
Iason chose the silence.
Why? Because he was head over heels for the boy. It didn't matter anymore, the origin, the hair color, nothing. He fell in love with his soul. With his body. With his insolence.
It didn't matter anymore, the comfort, the power…It meant nothing to him. He was in love and that was enough.
"Let's sleep, Riki." he said and took the cigarette from Riki, crushing it into the ashtray.
It pissed the boy off, the way Iason dared to crush his cigarette.
"You're not my master anymore. I'm above you now." he muttered and lied down, next to him.
The warmth of Iason's body was something so amazing. He wished he could wake up with it every morning, forever.
But his tongue was tied in the knot. He couldn't admit he loved the man. Not ever.
Iason hugged him from behind, kissing the back of his neck.
"What those dreams mean?" he whispered.
"Nothin' I presume. Why would you care anyway?"
"Riki…I'm trying to fit in this life of yours. I'm suppressing my wrath because of you. So you could return the favor by being more polite to me." he said flatly.
"Yeah, whatever." Riki said and turned to face his love.
'Gods, you're beautiful!' he thought.
He ran his fingers through Iason's long blonde hair, showing his affection. Then he placed a soft kiss on his lips.
"It's not worth our concern, Iason. Now let's back to sleep." he whispered and turned his back towards the Blondie again.
--
Raoul was sitting in his office, observing the boy that was standing with his head obediently lowered.
"I'm taking you only because Iason recommended you. I believe his judgment. You'll be my personal courier. You will deliver to Katze everything I give you and you will deliver me everything he gives you." he said to the boy. He stood up from his chair to take a better look at the boy. "You understand the responsibility of this job. The connection between the head of the Syndicate and the Black Market mustn't be discovered. So that's your role." Raoul finished and pointed to the door with his eyes.
"Now go to the warehouse where Katze is at the moment and bring those recommends to him." he handed him the pile of papers.
Daryl bowed, took the papers and left in the biggest silence.
--
It was one hot, terrible day at the warehouse. One cargo was lost somewhere in the solar system far away from the Amoi, on its way to Earth.
Katze was beside himself of rage, yet his face showed nothing. He was just finishing his smoke, shaking his head in discontent.
"You morons!" he shouted at the screen, "Find that cargo or I'll make sure to turn you into Pets! And you wouldn't like to become ones!" he yelled.
He crushed the unfinished cigarette into the ashtray. "Fuck" he whispered and leaned in his seat. "Incompetent morons!"
A sudden cough made him open his eyes and turn his chair around to face the source of the cough.
"What do you want?" he asked as he was stabbing Daryl with his amber eyes.
The boy surprisingly blushed.
"Ehm…You may remember me…I used to be Iason Mink's Furniture…"
"Ah, yeah, you're the one who tried to release that brat, Riki." Katze remembered. "And Iason obviously has a habit to spare the lives of his Furniture."
Daryl, knowing very well Katze's origins, just nodded.
"Here are recommends from Master Raoul. The secret will remain untouched." he said and handed the papers to Katze.
Black gloved hand took them. Katze was examining the papers carefully.
"Do you have a place to live?" he asked after he gave back the documents to their owner.
"Yes, I do have a small apartment in Ceres."
Katze shook his head.
"I'll give you one of my apartments in Midas. I'll sell your old apartment. We share the profit. Is that clear?"
"Yes, Mr. Katze, but…Why do you bother with those stupid things?"
"Because your job requires you to be close to both me and Mr. Am" replied Katze, looking at boy indifferently. "I'm just following orders from above." he said and then snapped his fingers.
One guy ran straight away.
"Yes, Mr. Katze?"
"Give the cell phone to this boy. And remember his name-Daryl. He'll hang here for a very long time."
"Yes, sir. Please follow me, Mr. Daryl" said the man politely.
Daryl bowed to Katze and followed the man.
There was something strange about the auburn haired dealer-something dangerous, mysterious and incredibly sexy. Daryl was shivering at the simple thought of Katze.
The man was his god. He had been observing him secretly when he had been the employee of Iason. He knew every their affair on the Black Market. He knew everything about his idol. And this time, he had a chance to prove his worth to the man of his wet dreams.
--
'Another brat to take care of' thought Katze as he was entering the car. He was tired of everything. At first it was good-the adrenalin rush, the feeling of danger, everything. He had power in his hands, yet it wasn't enough.
He was craving for something else. He was craving for security, warmth, love. He was craving for love of Iason Mink and he knew he'd never get it. And he was ok with it. Or at least he thought so.
The train of his thoughts was roughly interrupted by beep of a video communication unit.
He knew straight away who that was. Raoul, of course.
Seeing his tired face, Raoul asked:
"Had a tough day?"
"Yes, Mr. Am" replied Katze flatly.
"So, what to you thing about the boy…Daryl, I think?"
"He'll do." his laconic replies were making Raoul slightly irritated.
"What do you say; you come over here to discuss some issues on the Black Market. We can have some drink, as well." he said suggestively. Even though he knew that it would be wrong, it would lead to some certain forbidden things, he had nothing to lose if he asked.
"I thought that we employed Daryl to interact between the two of us. We must maintain this secret association the secret."
"I'm aware of that" he said and broke the connection. Katze has defeated him one more time. Every time he tried to have Katze at his place somehow, the dealer would make up the perfect excuse not to show up.
As much as Raoul was infuriated with that, he was impressed as well. Katze was a genius. He was capable of many things.
Trying not to follow Iason's steps, Raoul never used force to get what he wanted. Or, in this case, who he wanted.
--
As I'm dragging Guy out of the Dana Bahn, I can feel his eyes on my back. He's looking at me gently, caressing my back. His eyes are full of silent 'I'm sorry for everything' and I know he never wanted the things turn out like this. He's watching me and I know that there is sorrow in his eyes, the silent acknowledgement that I'm leaving him for good, with my former partner. He never regrets he had run there to save me. He had told me: "Let's go, Riki" although he had known Guy had castrated me. He wanted me despite I was different.
I can still feel his eyes on my back and I know the meaning in them although I don't see them. He's watching me as I leave for good and he doesn't regret he sacrificed his legs to save me. He loves me, and I can feel his pain. He closes his eyes to prevent the tears.
Riki woke up in sweat again, screaming. Iason jumps after him, grabbing him, holding him tightly.
"You never tell me what you dream is." he whispers, kissing the top of his lover's head.
"It…doesn't matter."
"You wake up in sweat almost every night, for a year now. It matters. I want to help you."
Riki looked up at him. He untangled himself from the blankets and he sat in Iason's lap, still looking at him. His eyes were sad and desperate.
"I…I still dream our death."
"That encounter in Dana Bahn?"
Riki nodded.
"I know Guy is up to something, Iason. I can feel it."
Iason pressed him harder against his chest.
"I'll have my men arrest him."
"I don't want him to suffer."
"I see." Iason sighed.
"It's not like that! He was my best friend first, and then all the rest. First of all, I respect him." Riki found himself justifying, to his own mortification.
Iason chuckled mentally.
But deep inside he was concerned.
"Should I pay for the doctor? Maybe he could help you."
"You have no power now. You live with me like a damn mongrel." Riki snorted.
"I don't mind. It's nice when the public eyes aren't staring at you."
"Yeah, right. And one day, you're gonna blame me for Jupiter made you live with me and leave your place as the head of Tanagura Syndicate."
Iason looked at him seriously.
"You know me for years and you dare to say that." he stated indifferently.
"I know you well enough to know that you're one Blondie that is hard to be understood. Your behavior is unpredictable."
Iason just blinked at this statement, pulling Riki closer, placing a small peck on his lips.
"You really know nothing about me."
It really didn't matter. He sacrificed till the end and he didn't mind. It was worth his every sacrifice. He loved Riki, after all.
Riki smiled.
"Tell me your dreams."
Riki's eyes were wet. He was still shaken, shivering in Iason's embrace.
"I…can't. It's too painful." The mongrel barely whispered.
"Riki…"
Iason kissed him once more, undressing him slowly.
"Help me, Iason…" Riki cried out.
The night was beautiful.
"You…you beat him up, and then…the explosion…you…you tried to save both of us and then…you…" Riki was whispering in Iason's ear as the Blondie was kissing his neck.
"Yes, tell me…" he murmured.
"Both of your legs…yanno, Iason…"
Yes, Iason knew all of that. The same old dream over and over again.
"Yes, Riki?" he stopped kissing him and he looked into the mongrel's eyes.
"And I feel your gaze on my back and I know that I'll die with you, in your embrace. And as I die, I wish I had been smarter. I wish I told you I…" Riki stopped, knowing he would sound pathetic.
Iason knew what Riki wanted to say and he knew that the mongrel would never let himself say something like that. That he loved his Blondie master. That he adored him to heavens, maybe even more.
"Yes…Riki…"
But he needed to hear it, out loud.
"Doesn't matter…" Riki looked aside, "Doesn't matter now."
Iason smiled a barely noticeable smile and he lifted Riki's chin to meet with those dark eyes of his.
Riki looked at him, trying to hide his emotions. He was still shivering.
"Since we're still alive, you don't need to feel regrets of any kind. Because those mistakes are only in your dreams. You can prevent them here, in reality." the Blondie's voice was calm and he was caressing Riki's back in order to make him stop shivering.
It was the big pressure for the black haired man, to dream every night of their death, their love that was not meant to be.
"What do you want me to do?"
"Say them, Riki, if you really feel them." Iason whispered. There was something awkward in the tone of his voice. It was awkward what Iason had said, in the first place.
Riki blinked several times.
To him, it seemed that the whole world would shatter if he said those three words. He was afraid that he would get used to tell them more often and then eventually, those words and his emotions would lose their meaning.
It was better that way, unspoken love, in his dirty apartment in Ceres. It was better that way.
"If I say them, would you say them as well? And mean them?"
"It depends on if we mean the same thing." Iason said.
"I'm not ready to say anything." Riki shook his head. Iason gently smiled, again. There was something in his eyes that was screaming 'love'. He kissed his mongrel once again, gently, without a trace of passion.
Yet the passion could be felt.
It was all around them, in the air, in the every fiber of their sheets, clothes, bodies.
Riki was kissing back, playing with the Blondie's long hair he admired so much.
Something was filling his lungs; some strange feeling that he was afraid to admit it existed.
When they pulled apart, Riki seriously looked at him.
"We need to do something about Guy. He tried to kill you once. He won't do it again."
"Riki." Iason ran his long elegant fingers through the black hair of his lover, "Why do you care if I get killed?"
"Because of the words I can't say out loud." Riki smiled mysteriously. "I won't let it slip. It took me too much to understand, in a harder way, and I won't let it be wasted. That's all you need to know."
Iason gently placed Riki on his back. His beautiful long hair was spread all over the bed, as he was kissing the mongrel's chest, trailing with his tongue down his body.
Riki closed his eyes, lying there peacefully; enjoying everything Iason was doing him.
--
--
--
Katze was strong enough to handle almost everything. He couldn't deny it was flattering that the other Blondie was hitting on him. Raoul was very beautiful. Every Blondie was beautiful in a unique way.
Raoul was a good leader and he was very kind towards the dealer. He was almost like Iason. But there was a difference.
During the time Iason had been a leader, he and Katze had formed something more than the superior-inferior relationship. It had looked more like the friendship. And to Katze, it had been perfectly fine.
Iason had been always there to get him out of trouble. They had been protecting each other and Katze had been talking to him like they were equal.
But Iason could have never been his in the way he actually wanted. Somehow, he had had to be satisfied with the things he had been getting from the Blondie.
It was not because Katze was castrate and it wasn't because he had a scar on his cheek. He knew that Iason wasn't shallow.
It was because Iason had never looked at anyone that way until he had met Riki.
The one stupid mongrel had taken his heart for good.
Katze knew better than to hate his employee for that. He was the one to hook them up.
It was somehow of Iason's sadism, the way he was making Katze drive him to Riki's apartment and made him wait for him in the car, while he was making love to the mongrel.
And Katze never understood how come Riki never appreciated all the things Iason was doing for him. He despised Riki for that. How come he had never loved the privilege to sleep with the Blondie, to be cherished by his love?
Katze would give everything for only one kiss, not to mention his heart.
Riki was lucky, he was not.
The dealer never wasted time on thinking how it would look like if he was Riki. He never wasted time on thinking what were they doing that particular moment.
He loved Iason and all that mattered to him was for the Blondie to be happy. He was doing everything to make him happy. He was putting up with this 'Riki shit' even though it was hurting him.
And Iason knew all of that. Even Katze never told him or showed him with any gesture, their eyes were conversing.
He simply knew. His IQ was over 300 and it was natural for him to know. He kept being sadistic towards the man that was the most loyal to him. Although he was a long forgotten Blondie and the first Blondie from the Slums, he was still sadistic when it came to Katze.
But still, Iason respected him and loved him in a friendly way. He considered Katze his second best friend, right after Raoul.
And Katze was aware of that.
His relations with Raoul were, on the other side, completely professional. No midnight chitchatting, no drinks together, nothing of that kind.
Katze was behaving with respect, and the cold distance. He knew that Raoul wanted to bed him, but he had enough freedom to deny him. And he knew he was safe behind Tanagura laws for Raoul would never break them. He could only dream of it.
It was nice to know that someone that was of Iason's kind didn't mind he has such defects. It was nice to know that Raoul liked him in a sexual, not just intellectual way.
But still, no matter how beautiful Raoul was, how smart and pleasant he was, Katze couldn't give in.
Every Raoul's offer was implicit. But Katze knew. Every fool would know what the Blondie wanted.
--
He offered the young man the place on one of his couches. It was dark and only the light of the computer monitor was illuminating the room.
The brunette sat on one of the couches, enjoying their commodity. Katze was in one bad neighborhood, but his apartment was one of the best.
Katze sat opposite him, putting one envelope on the coffee table.
"This is your first assignment." he said flatly. "Bring this report to Raoul and wait until he gives you new orders."
"You mean, I'm gonna sleep over at his penthouse?"
"No. I mean to wait until he gives you something that you need to bring me. It should take only a few minutes." he said calmly, but from the inside he was screaming.
'Another incompetent moron' he thought.
Daryl nodded his head.
"Is that all, sir?" he asked, afraid to look at dealer. He knew he had embarrassed himself by asking something so ridiculous.
"Cig?" Katze offered the boy as he was pulling out one for himself.
"No, sir, I don't smoke. But thanks anyway." Daryl nervously smiled. Deep down, he wanted to find the reason to stay a little more there, near his boss. But he knew that Katze would tell him to leave and he was too confused to make up something to stay a little longer.
As if something could happen between them anyways. It was the same irony that both Daryl and Katze shared. They were both near the ones they were falling for, yet their beloved ones seemed to be so far.
There were three things that were on Daryl's way: Katze seemed to be asexual, according to him; Daryl was too shy; he respected Katze.
"Then that would be all, Daryl." Katze said, standing up. Daryl did the same.
If only they could shake hands. It would be enough to feel his skin beneath his fingers. Only that.
But Katze just returned to his console, leaving Daryl to get out by himself.
--
And I can see in his eyes that he loved the man. Maybe he loved him even more than I would ever love him. For he was so mad when I told him that Iason was still inside.
"And you just left him there?" he said accusingly.
I know what he must have been thinking then. He must have been thinking of what he would do if he was me. He would return to him. He would be loyal until the end. He had been loyal from the beginning, unlike me.
So I decided to do what he would do. I decided to fix my mistake in a last minute. I took the Black Moon he had offered me.
I'm going to be loyal for the first time in my life. I'm gonna die with the man I love. Katze loves him much more than me.
Maybe he deserves to be with him, to sleep with him (somehow), to die with him.
Life was never fair. It screwed him up; it screwed up Iason and me.
So I'm heading there, not only because of me. Not because I owe Iason. I'm going there because of Katze as well. Because I know that he would be the happiest if Iason dies happy, no matter he's not the source of Iason's happiness.
I'm going to die with the man I love, in the most beautiful death of all. I'm going to die in his embrace.
But, in the last minutes of my life I will remember that the true hero is Katze. He was the one to help us to be together, sacrificing his own happiness. He was the best friend to both me and Iason, because he had never tried to separate us. Yup, he is my total hero.
I can see Iason's face from this spot. He's surprised to see me. He underestimated me. He thought I would leave him. But how could I?
I'm walking forward, ready to give in, once and for all; to submit to the eternity with the man whose love I never learned to appreciate.
Riki's body was in a hard spasm when he woke up. He covered his mouth to suppress a scream.
Beside him, the bed was empty.
His eyes widened. Iason wasn't in bed.
He slowly got up, wanting to hug the Blondie, to feel his warmth.
The last dream was terrifying. He was dreaming of Katze.
--
TBC…..?